Just to let you know, don't expect part 12 until Thursday. I'm off for the
next two days and probably won't have time to write. ^^;; (I'll be busy
with my Duo pics... ^^;;)

Ok, just a couple things. I'm really nervous about what y'all are going to
think about this part. This one took me nearly six hours to write, even
though it's a great deal shorter than the other parts, I think. It was just
hard for me to write, for multiple reasons. I really want to hear some
stark, honest, perhaps even un-tactful responses to this, just because I'm
not certain if it...you know...works with the story. I have my reasons for
everything that occurs, but all the same...I'm just nervous!!!!!! *wrings
hands*

*runs away*

*hides*

--
Katsu "O-ka-ne" no Miko
"Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehen
kann man uns am Himmel sehen
wir haben Angst und sind allein...
Gott weiss ich wil kein Engel sein..." (~Ramms+ein~)



Warning: The characters belong to who they belong to and not me. Don't
sue me, I'm not worth your time. Special thanks to Laurell K. Hamilton
for writing the Anita Blake novels.

Addtional warning: Characters acting wildly OOC. You have been warned.

Additional Additional warning: Alternate reality fic. Events that have
happened or will happen in this reality not necessarily connected to what
happened in the real series in any way. Don't wave the time line at me, I
am beyond it now. A HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Additional Additional Additional warning: Extreme supernatural action.
Supernatural abilities are as defined by me in the shadow world, where
this takes place.

Additional Additional Additional Additional Warning: Story contains Yaoi,
Bad language, violence, and pretty much everything deemed as
"unwholesome" by Focus on the Family. (My Arch Nemesis...) If you are
easily offended, do not read. Also, extra warning is attached to this due
to the "YUCK!" factor during some scenes.



Acherontia Atropos Part 11


As the cold water hissed down on me, deadening my arms and back, I
whispered �I can�t do this� to the uncaring room before I put my face in my
hands and cried.

It's hard to describe or understand what I was thinking at that time. The
only reason I can remember anything is because while my main self was
cowering in the shower and whimpering like a lost three year old, there was
a small portion that was divorced completely from what was going on, a tiny
part of myself that was merely watching, not caring about what was
happening in the slightest. I've always found that part of myself
disturbing; it's the part of me that lets me kill people and be able to
sleep afterwards, or blow up buildings and not think about how many people
died. It wasn't so much even a part of me as a refuge, somewhere that I
could retreat to when I couldn't handle what was happening. It was white,
neutral blankness that was the essence of nothing.

I didn't want to know what had happened to me. I wanted to erase the last
fifteen minutes of my life. My friends...no, I guess they weren't my
friends any more...had touched me, in ways that I never wanted anyone but
perhaps Heero to touch me.

And I had enjoyed it. God forgive me, on some deep, primal level, I had
been aroused by it, and my body had reacted.

I was drowning in my own self-loathing. I felt dirty, and it wasn't dirt
that the stinging spray of the shower could wash away. I wanted to hide
away where no one would ever be able to see me, so that no one would ever
be able to see how dirty I was. I wanted to rake my fingernails along my
arms to try to scrape the imaginary filth off, only I couldn't seem to make
my hands unclench or get my arms to move. The part of myself that still had
any control retreated from everything, withdrawing into the blank, white
place that normally disturbed me.

I don't know how long I sat underneath the freezing spray of the shower. It
could have been a minute, it could have been an hour or any length of time
in between the two. At first, the cold water had made my skin sting, given
me pain that I could hold on to the world with, that I could cling to
because it belonged to me and it wasn't tainted by the touch of monsters.
All too soon, however, I was numb, and all I could do was shiver. I was
actually shaking so hard that I was having a tough time breathing; my teeth
were chattering loudly, and every now and then, my body jerked and I hit
the back of my head against the shower wall. My uniform had long since
soaked through completely. It was clinging to my body like a second skin of
ice, providing no protection from the freezing water. The cold wasn't just
purely physical, though. It reached down through my soul until I was afraid
that I would never be able to be warm again.

The monsters under the bed were real, and they could look just like my
classmates.

I couldn't do this.

The first thing I really heard, other than the continued hissing and
splashing of the shower, was someone knocking on the bathroom door. By that
time, I was too cold to move, too cold to think. Too cold to care.

The knocking came again, a little louder. "Duo?" Quatre's voice was muffled
by the wood of the door. "Are you ok?"

Any other time, I would have laughed at the question, because it was just
too stupid. Of course I wasn't ok.

I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be ok again.

I guess my lack of response worried Quatre, because he knocked on the door
again, even more loudly. "Duo, can you hear me?" The knob rattled. "Please
open the door." Even if I had felt like it, I don't think I could have
gotten up; I was too cold. I couldn't feel any more, which was almost
comforting. The knob rattled again, and the door creaked as Quatre pushed
against it experimentally, seeing if he could get it to give even a little.
"Duo!" Quatre yelled. "Say something!" Idly, I wondered why he sounded so
upset. Maybe he thought I was trying to kill myself again. I half wished
that I could speak and tell him that I wasn't going to and that he should
know me better than that, but I couldn't make my voice work right; I was
shivering too hard. I'd promised Wufei that I wouldn't ever try again, no
matter what. Quatre didn't have to be worried.

I just needed to get away for a little while. That was all.

Something was happening beyond the bathroom door. I could hear Quatre's
voice, saying something loudly. I couldn't quite hear what he said over the
sound of the shower, but I could tell that he was excited, and very upset.
After a moment, he fell silent, and then someone pounded on the door, hard.
It was Heero. "Duo, open the damn door." He sounded very angry, but there
was something else in his voice, something that I couldn't really
understand. Not in Heero's voice. In anyone else's voice, I would have said
it was fear. But Heero Yuy doesn't feel fear.

I tried to answer, because no matter how upset I am, I still don't want
Heero to be angry with me. And he sounded extremely angry. Nothing would
come out of my mouth though, other than soft gulping sounds that would be
impossible to hear through the door. There was another pause, another
excited discussion, and then something slammed into the door once, then
again, harder. With a tortured, loud crack, the lock broke and the door was
flung inwards, slamming solidly into the wall and staying there. The
doorknob had probably imbedded itself in the wall. I wanted to wince; that
would be a bitch to fix.

Heero was through the doorway and into the bathroom before the door had
even hit the wall. He ran heavily into the edge of the sink and grunted. I
guess that he was the one that broke the door down, and he applied a little
too much force to the problem in his typical fashion. He turned and fixed
me with the most intense, angry glare I've ever seen from him. I wanted to
cower away, too apologize. His eyes flicked down for a moment. I think he
was checking the water that was running down the drain for any traces of
blood. Maybe Quatre really did think that I would try to slit my wrists
again.

"Duo?" Heero said. He moved forward, and Quatre managed to squeeze into the
bathroom after him.

I managed to lift my head and tried to look at Heero. My hair was
completely soaked, and it hung in front of my eyes in a ragged, dripping
curtain. I could dimly feel water running down my face in continuous
streams. I wasn't sure how much of it was from the shower, and how much of
it was tears. I couldn't stop shaking.

His eyes never leaving my face, Heero reached over me and turned the shower
off with a viscious jerk of his wrist. I heard the caulking around the
handle crack.

"Duo, are you alright?" Quatre asked, his tone frantic.

I couldn't answer.

Heero didn't seem to know quite what to do. For a long moment, he just
looked at me, like he would swallow me with his eyes. A hard chill hit me,
and my entire body convulsed, jerking my head back to crack against the
tiled shower wall. Until now, I hadn't really felt the cold; I had just
felt numb. Now the air hit me like a solid, icy wall.

Heero grabbed me roughly and hauled me out of the shower, holding me
tightly against him. Quatre quickly got out of his way and he carried me
out into the main room. I tried to giggle; he seemed to be doing that an
awful lot, lately. It was really starting to get ridiculous. All I could do
was let out a soft puff of air, though.

"Baka." Heero said angrily. "He had the cold water on all the way." Quatre
came up beside him, his face pale and pinched with worry. Without preamble,
Heero dumped me on his bed and started to unbutton my shirt. He had a
difficult time with it; my arms were drawn up against my chest, held tight
by my spasming muscles, and the material of the shirt was soaked and didn't
want to give. I was also shaking so hard that he kept losing his grip.
Quatre was pulling off my shoes and my pants, or at least I think so. I
couldn't feel it.

With a growl, Heero gave up and simply popped all the buttons, forcibly
sitting me up so he could pull the completely ruined shirt off of me.
Quatre got my pants off, and then my underwear. Both of them picked me up,
this time, I think because I was shaking too hard to be managed by just one
person, and quickly moved me over to my bed. Their hands were so warm that
they felt like fire against my skin, and I managed a high, shaky whimper.
Heero muttered a really foul word and pulled my blanket up over me. He
pulled the extra blankets from under my bed and piled those on top of me as
well. They didn't feel like they were doing much good.

Heero said another extremely foul word. I couldn't hear what it was,
though, only that the tone of it was angry, and full of something that
sounded suspiciously like worry. My vision was starting to dim again, so I
simply shut my eyes, and I could feel the last few threads of reality
starting to slip through my fingers. I think the thing that frightened me
the most later was that I really didn't care. I just wanted to escape.

I heard Quatre say "He's not going to be able to warm up on his own."

The pressure of the blankets lifted from me for a few short moments, and
two warm bodies slid into the bed, one on either side of me.

Suddenly, all the fear that I thought I had escaped from surged back into
me. I heard Kaori whispering "We're always watching you..." The tiny bit of
uncaring peace that I had been clinging to was torn away. I could feel them
pressing in around me. I couldn't breathe. Oh god...I couldn't breathe...

/No! Don't touch me!/

/No!/

I let out a strangled, terrified sob and tried to curl up into a little
ball, tried to cover my face with my hands so I could hide. Warm, strong
arms wrapped around me and pulled me tightly against someone's bare chest.
I couldn't control my arms well enough to push them away. All I could do
was whimper.

"It's ok, Duo." Quatre said softly by my ear. "It's just me and Heero. It's
ok. We're just trying to warm you up. It's ok. You're safe now. It's ok..."
He kept repeating the same soft words, over and over in a calming litany
that I latched firmly on to. Heero and Quatre were my friends. No, they
were more than my friends. More than family. They wouldn't hurt me. Another
sob tore itself from my throat and I buried my face against Quatre's hot
shoulder and started to cry like I would never stop.

Two warm, calloused hands touched my back tentatively. I stiffened before I
realized that it must be Heero and made myself relax. Heero was touching
me. He wouldn't let anyone hurt me. After a moment, the hands slid around
my waist and Heero was pressed up against my back.

Neither he nor Quatre were wearing more than their underwear, and I wasn't
wearing anything at all, but for that moment, it didn't bother me or make
me feel uncomfortable. I needed the physical contact, I think. This was
clean. It was comfort.

I could feel both of them like steady flames on either side of me. Quatre's
heartbeat was softly echoing in my ears. I could feel Heero's against my
back. I drank of their warmth until I couldn't hold any more, until I
stopped shaking and was able to uncurl myself from the little ball I'd been
in. I fed their warmth into the profound chill that the vampires had put
into me and it slowly receded until it was nothing more than a dull ache,
though it wouldn't disappear entirely.

I don't know how long the two of them just held me like that. It was at
least an hour, maybe longer, I think, before I finally stopped crying and
quieted. Then I was too tired to move. I sniffled loudly, sounding for all
the world like a little kid. Quatre's arms tightened around me for a moment
and I looked up. He looked very tired. "Are you going to be ok now?"

I tried to laugh, and ended up choking. My voice was thick with phlegm, my
nose felt like it was going to explode, and my throat was very, very sore.
"I don't know." I said honestly. Some people can cry without feeling like
shit when they're done. That's definitely not one of my talents.

"What happened?" Quatre asked.

I clenched my hands into fists until I felt my fingernails bite into my
palms, forcing myself to focus. "Vampires." I said. My voice didn't shake.
Go me. Not that I really had to put up any pretense of strength now,
considering that Quatre's shoulder was slick with my tears. It made me feel
better, though. "They were controlling Kaori and Mika and everyone. I
couldn't even defend myself." I choked and bit back a sob. Maybe I wasn't
as in control as I had thought.

"Shit." Quatre said.

I managed a watery chuckle at that. I don't get to hear Quatre cuss very
often.

Heero's voice was soft and dangerous. "What did they do?"

"Please don't ask." I shook my head. "Please don't make me think about it."
I wondered if I sounded as pathetic to them as I did in my own ears.
Despite my own best efforts, I started shivering again.

Heero's arms tightened around my waist. "Daijoubu." He said simply.

I shook my head. "It's not ok." Despite my best efforts, tears started
running from my eyes and I was crying again. I hate crying. It makes me
feel weak and out of control. Right then, weak and out of control was
pretty much the best description for me. I didn't have to like it though.
"Goddamnit!" I scrubbed at my eyes with a hand.

There was a soft knock on the door, after which it was immediately opened.
The person who had just come in let out a soft, surprised cough. I giggled
thickly through my tears. I could only think of one person that could be.
Wufei. My little laugh held a slightly hysterical edge.

"Come in and shut the door, Wufei." Quatre said. I heard the door shut, so
I guess Wufei did as he was told, for once. "Duo was trying to freeze to
death." Quatre continued. "We had to warm him up."

I giggled again, at the ecchi images that brought to mind. Oh god, this
wasn't good. The way I was going, pretty soon I'd start to laugh, and then
I wouldn't be able to stop, and then Mimura would show up with a strait
jacket and a hand cart to haul me away to the happy place where people
fingerpaint on the walls all day.

Wufei walked quietly up to the bed. I rolled my eyes up so I could see him.
He didn't look shocked, which I had been expecting. "You look like hell,
Duo." He remarked. "And you're being quiet." His voice was taught with
anger, but I knew that it wasn't directed at me. He sat down on the edge of
the bed by my head, and for a brief moment, he reached out and brushed my
half dry hair back with on hand, so that it wasn't hanging in my face any
more.

I was a surprised a little--well, a lot. Wufei is my best friend, but he's
not the touchy-feely type. But just this once, it seemed right. I could
feel warmth radiating from him like I could feel from Heero and Quatre, and
I stopped shivering. The door opened again, and shut. It had to be Trowa.
No one said anything to him, and I felt Heero's arms stiffen. The bed
shifted down a little, as he sat down at the foot.

"Duo." Trowa said softly. "Gomen--"

"It's ok." I sniffled again and resisted the urge to wipe my nose on the
back of my hand. "I needed it. I was scared."

"Aa." was all he said.

Tears wouldn't stop slipping from my eyes. I gave up and rested my head on
Quatre's shoulder again. I wasn't shivering any more, but little tremors
kept running through me. I shut my eyes.

Wufei smoothed my hair back again, and then Quatre tilted my face up. He
kissed me on the forehead. Any other time, it would have been weird.
Instead, it was comforting. "Daijoubu." he said, very quietly.

I could still feel Quatre�s lips pressed against my forehead. I wasn't
afraid any more. More than friends. More than family. We belonged. All of
us.

I let my eyes drift shut. I was so tired, so empty. I had to sleep. I
wasn't afraid.

I knew that they were there and they wouldn't let anyone hurt me.