-----Original Message-----
From: George P. Masologites <guilds@mail.serve.com>
To: ffml@fanfic.com <ffml@fanfic.com>
Date: 11 September 1999 02:52
Subject: [FFML] [Ranma][Fanfic][Draft] Late for the Sky

Hiya, don't know if any of you guys remember me, but this is the second
draft of a fanfic I've been laboring pretty hard on for awhile now.  It's
also the first fic I've released since my leaving a year ago.  I'm still
awaiting response from two of my prereaders, but I thought I'd go ahead and
put it out on the FFML for anyone to make a comment on.

Well, that's what this li'l ol' ml is for! ^_^

   "Where do you think you're going?"
   "Just follow me."
   Kuonji Ukyou scowled darkly, running soundlessly along on the metal

Isn't scowling dark anyway? IMO only, but "darkly" seems a 
bit redundant there.

   And damn his father.  Damn her own father for making that accursed
promise.  And damn herself for ever showing affection for the cold,
heartless Ranma that she had now realized that he was.  

I've heard Ranma be called many things, but "cold" and "heartless" 
aren't two of them. Ukyo's really worked herself up into a lather 
over this whole thing, eh?

   Inside the Ucchan, things were proceeding as usual.  Ukyou was cleaning
the okonomiyaki grill carefully, her spatulas neatly arrayed, hanging from
a nearby wall, right underneath a framed picture of her hometown, Kyoto.
Her assistant, Konatsu, was cleaning the dark wooden floors with a broom
and dustpan, meticulously checking to make sure not a speck of dirt
remained.  He whistled as he worked, but she did not.  Hers was a solemn
countenance, her attactive, well-formed features betraying no hint of
whatever emotion lurked under the surface.  Her dark brown eyes, handsomely
shaped, had a slight wistful shine in them, and, perhaps, just a trace of
bitterness lying in their depths.

"attractive"
And, perhaps it's just me, but "handsomely shaped" seems to 
be going over the top a little, and the sentence works well without it.   

   She smiled slightly at him.  She had a beautiful smile.  "No problem."  

The narrator's intruding again. Who's point-of-view is the
"beautiful smile" from?

   "Would you like something to eat?"  She asked, pity for him rising to

I think that should be a lower-case "s" in "she", despite the "?".

   "Kumon Ryuu."  He glanced in her direction, his eyes showing no
interest.  "Yours?"

Ahhh, it all becomes clearer now.

   "Kuonji Ukyou."  The name seemed familiar, somehow, but she couldn't
remember where she'd heard it before.  "You don't look so good."

Maybe "His name seemed familiar" because, for a second, 
I thought she was talking about her own name!

   He nodded.  "Just a wanderer."  Ukyou was about to say something, but
his eyes unfocused and he leaned back, talking softly, almost to himself.
"Just a wanderer.  But I used to be a warrior."  His voice carried a bitter
edge.  "After my father died, he made me swear that I would find the

I haven't read the Kumon Ryu manga yet, but *after* his 
father died, he made him swear? How? Did the father 
come back as a ghost or something? ('Scuse my ignorance)

   His eyes remained closed, and Ukyou wondered briefly if he'd fallen
asleep.  She coughed slightly.  "Your father...he's dead, then?"

Well, Ukyo, considering that Ryu had said his father died, 
I'm guessing that he's dead. ^_^

And you know what?  He was a good man.  He was a fool and a liar, but his
heart was in the right place.  He didn't deserve to die.  Probably for the

<whistles innocently> Wonder who he could possibly be talking
about?

how could Ranma want to marry a girl like Akane? - and she had thought to
use them on him, but when she had arrived...rational thoughts had flitted
out of her mind as the scene had unfolded before her.  Ranma and Akane had
been together, and Akane had looked so beautiful in her wedding dress, and
it had almost looked like...like Ranma had _wanted_ to go through with the
wedding, that he was there by choice, that he and Akane...they had....

What? So that's why he was running away from Akane,
while shouting at her for not telling him about the 
nannichuan and calling her "stupid" (or something similar)?

asked herself bitterly.  -What would have happened at that wedding if I
hadn't shown up?  If Shampoo and Tatewaki and Kodachi and Happousai hadn't

For a start, Ryoga, Mousse (perhaps), Genma and Ranma 
would have been squabbling over the nannichuan casket. Also,
Akane would've still been unhappy with Ranma denying that 
he had said he loved her... but I guess Ukyo might not have 
known about that, since she was concentrating on Ranma.

   He cut her off.  His voice was forceful, powerful.  "It would be an ill
thing if I were here when Saotome Ranma returns.  I apologize for being
rude...but I must go.  Good-bye, Kuonji Ukyou."
   "But Ranma..."  She sighed; he had already gone out the door.  He
wouldn't be able to hear her.  "...doesn't live here," she finished,

Interfering old misunderstanding, always gettin' in the 
way... <grumbles away to self>

   Somehow, she knew that she would never see him again.

Aww. And just as I'd been convinced that the 
pairing could work.... 

   -Shut up, shut up, _shut up_!-  She scowled deeply, sitting at the
table, brooding in the faint lamplight.  She sighed, shaking her head
ruefully.  -Man, I'm pathetic.  I'm sitting in a dark room by myself
arguing with myself.-

*sigh* Know the feeling....

when she had finally chased Genma down that day in Nerima.  Okonomiyaki
spatulas made terrible weapons for use in actual combat, and if Genma had

Would Ukyo really say that about the weapons she's grown up using? 

   "Saotome Genma," she growled, cracking her knuckles, her face dark.
The man and his worthless oath had stolen the best years of her life from

Perhaps "That man and his worthless oath"?

   Of course.  A marriage vow between Ranma and Akane, Ranma and Shampoo,
Ranma and Kodachi.  -So promises _do_ still have a hold on me, then...-

Since when was there a marriage vow between Ranma and Kodachi?

anyone tried to pry into his thoughts.  And more cunning.  It was not an
evil cunning, but...there is was all the same, and he had changed.

Suggest: "but there it was"

   "He loves me," she told the darkness around her fiercely, spinning on
her heel and heading for the back room where she slept.
   But her voice quavered at the last, and when the 'me' came out, it
sounded almost like 'Akane.'

I like this last bit. :)

                                              2
                                        Drifting Alone

   -Well,- she thought glumly.  -_That_ was an anticlima...-
   She stared.  "Eek."

Suggest: "Eek!"

   Ryouga climbed out of the sink.  Naked.

Whoa, mama..... <whistles> Hey, cutie!

   The bathroom was silent for a moment.
   Then the women screamed.
   So did he.

Fun scene. ^_^

mind, and when the wind picked up, a small stream of flurries tailed from
her long ponytail.

I don't know why, but I really like that description. I can just 
see it vividly in my mind.

would forgive her, of course; his happy-go-lucky nature rarely let him hold
a grudge against anyone, let alone his childhood friend.  Then she would

<nods> True. Ranma's pretty easy-going, in general.

invite him over to the restaurant, treat him to a free okonomiyaki, as she
always did, and he would compliment her on it.  Like he always did.  Then

She always did? When has she? 
He always did? When, exactly?

   But for all that, Ukyou didn't think that much had changed between the
two of them.  Ranma was more polite and Akane was nicer, but they still
hardly got along, and they fought...well, they fought too much.  Not as
much as before, it seemed like, but they still were always in some argument
or another, Akane accusing him of some perceived insult, Ranma protesting
and calling her uncute, Akane storming away...

And, of course, this is all from Ukyo's purely objective point-of-view. ^_^

   But she scarcely noticed the taste or the warmth of the coffee.  Her
mind wasn't in the coffee shop, it was outside in the wonderfully cold
breeze, talking cheerily with the pigtailed martial artist that loved her.
When he turned his eyes to her, they softened, and he laughed at some joke
she had made.  Some meaningless joke, but it made him smile, smile at her,
and that was all that mattered.
   -Smile at me, Ran-chan.  Smile at me like you smile at Akane...-

Awwww.... :)

                                               3
                                          What I Loved

   Ranma nodded.  "A wedding.  A, uh..."  He turned to look at her, his
eyes unreadable.  "Another wedding.  Pop and Mister Tendou...they're
planning to try and force me an' Akane to marry again."

But didn't Soun say that he was putting off another wedding
until they could get all their affairs in order, at the end of the 
manga?

   He didn't respond to that, and the two sat there, staring into each
other's eyes, his blue-gray and hers dark brown, emotionless.  They
remained silent for the better part of five minutes, the soft chatter of
the other customers the only sound in their ears.  -I'm losing him...-  She
thought slowly, sadly.  -Akane's already won, hasn't she?  There should be
something, something that I should be feeling right now.  I'm losing him,
losing Ranma, and I can't feel a thing...-
   No, that wasn't right.
   -I've lost him.-  The thought went through her head like a thunderbolt,
but she didn't laugh, didn't cry, didn't feel a thing.

*sniffle*

   Ranma averted his gaze.  "Ucchan, I...but...you don't
understand...I..."  He was babbling.  "You're my best friend,

She is? But he's never treated her like one.

   "I, uh..."  He glanced towards the door, stood up.  "I gotta be gettin'
back to the dojo now.  Akane said she wanted to practice or somethin'..."
   -Akane.  Of course.  Always Akane...-  But she nodded, fighting down
her bitterness with a barely perceptible grimace.

That's more like the Ucchan we all know. Nice to see she 
hasn't turned into some sort of angel figure, I was beginning
to fear that.

   She felt at peace for the first time in years.

Yay, good for Ukyo! ^_^

Author's notes:

Well, it seems like every Ukyou fan has to write at least _one_
introspective Ukyou-centered story.  I guess this is mine, and here's
hoping you didn't find it _too_ much like a rerun. ^_^

You're a fan of Ukyo's? I'm so surprised. <grin>
I found this a sympathetic (though it was, at time, in danger 
of being too sympathetic and turning Ukyo into some sort 
of saint), well-thought out, enjoyable portrayal of Ukyo's
character. The hard work you've done shows. :)
I can't really say anything for Konatsu or Ryu's 
characterisations, since I don't know them too well.

-- George/Hunter Kid
Monday, 6 September 1999

~Kayu-chan

"You never really understand a person until you consider
things from his point of view... until you climb into his skin 
and walk around in it."
~Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird