"C'mon you lazy excuse for a student!" Ranma said through a mouthful of potato chips. "Is that the best you can do?"

Akane grunted under the weight of the sofa that Ranma was lying on as she completed her third circuit of the block. "I've taken twelve seconds off my time!" she complained.

"And it's still not good enough! <burp>"

"*You* try this with these damn metal weights attached to *your* ankles!"

"I *did* do it - I was only eight years old, and in half the time, carrying Oyaji, through a swamp, *And* being chased by wolves!"

"Pity they didn't catch you." she commented snidely.

"They did. Maybe later I'll show you my scars. Now *run*! You have seven more laps before breakfast!"

<'Show you my scars' - I've heard *that* one before!> With a huff, she resumed her run.

"YAAAAAHHHH!!" Genma cried, flying toward his seated son.

Ranma flipped up into the air and came down in crane position on the armrest. Genma twisted around and came down on the cushions. "How dare you steal the good laying-down seat?" Genma barked around a mouthful of potato chips.

"Ugh!" Akane grunted under the suddenly-doubled weight, desperately staggering trying to keep her balance.

"Hey I'm using that to train my student!" Ranma snapped.

"Not doing it right, boy! Where's the swamp?"

"She's *my* student, Oyaji! The swamp comes later!"

"You tell him, sensei!" Akane cheered. <Oh god, I'm cheering *for* him! I'm losing it!>

"And there aren't any wolves!" Genma protested.

"Yeek!" Akane yeeked. <He was *serious*??>

"Wolves are hard to get in Tokyo!" Ranma argued. "The rats are incentive enough!"

"Yeah!" said Akane. "Wait a sec ... what rats?"

"Oh I almost forgot. Look over your shoulder."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"


Nabiki watched as Akane zipped past the front gate carrying the sofa from the den, with what looked like Genma and Ranma fighting on it. She was running like someone had tied rats to her hair or something.

Nabiki couldn't help but smile. She loved her little sister, but the little princess was spoiled. Seeing her around a guy who didn't let her get away with acting like a brat did Nabiki no end of good.

Akane passed by the front gate again. <Damn she's fast.> Nabiki thought. <Still screaming, too.> Nabiki turned back to her book, tuning out her sister's screams.

Ranma was right ... it *did* begin to sound like the buzzing of mosquitoes after a while.


After the tenth lap, Ranma undid the rats and let Akane rest. She glared at the bane of her existence.

"What was the point of *that*!?!" she demanded. "Getting your fun?!?"

"Nope." Ranma answered calmly. "Enhanced endurance training. You noticed that you were running full-tilt the whole way? Not getting tired or slowing down?"

"I ... yeah." she gasped. "But I'm exhausted now."

"Your adrenal response kicked in." Ranma explained. "Ancient Cappadocian swordsmen could fight for days at peak performance, not even sleeping, until they simply died from exhaustion, never showing any weakening.

"When your training is advanced enough, you'll be able to summon that response at will. You'll be able to fight at peak efficiency without tiring for hours at a stretch, putting off exhaustion and slowing down until *you* decide it's safe."

Akane thought of this. "Wow." she commented. <It almost makes sense.>

"Now boy," Genma said, "time for *your* training!"

"Wha- YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" <SPLASH!!> 

"You're DEAD, Oyaji!!" Ranma-chan cried, leaping to the attack.

For the first time, Akane watched her despised sensei work out with his father. The graceful leaps, the swift flurry of blows, the instinctive speed of blocks and parries ... too tired to deceive herself, she had to admit that they were both magnificent.

It would make her eventual defeat of Ranma that much sweeter. She could see it now ...

<RANMA lay on the ground, AKANE'S foot on his head, his limbs all twisted at unnatural angles.>
<AKANE: Well, 'sensei'?>
<RANMA: *groan* I admit defeat. You're the better martial artist, Akane-san.>
<AKANE: Anything else?>
<RANMA: I'm sorry I called you a cute frilly little girl. You're an macho tomboy after all ->

Akane snapped out of her daydream. <How the hells have I gotten to the point where I'd *want* to be called a tomboy?> she wondered. <It's all Ranma-youma's fault! His torture is affecting my brain! I've got to take control!>

Akane stumbled to her feet and staggered inside.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ranma-chan and Genma-panda walked in, wet and tired. Kasumi smiled as she poured the warm water over them. She'd quickly found the optimum temperature of water to change them back without pain or injury.

"Arigato, Kasumi-san."

"Quite all right, Ranma-kun. Oh, you have a letter from Ryoga Hibiki." she said, handing him the note.

"From Ryoga?" Ranma said curiously. He opened it and found it was a 'hatashi-jo' - a letter of challenge.

Nabiki peered over his shoulder, reading the note. "He's very vindictive, Ranma-kun. It's not normal. What does he think you did?"

Ranma shook his head. "I can't figure it out."

Nabiki looked at the note. "Ranma, according to this, you were supposed to fight him yesterday."

Ranma nodded. "It's okay. He has no sense of direction, so he's probably still out in the wilderness somewhere. I'll give him until Friday."

Kasumi's eyes expanded in shock. "OH DEAR!!" she exclaimed.

Ranma and Nabiki and the two fathers turned to the door and saw ... Akane.

With her long mass of hair - now severed - in her left hand, scissors in her right, and a maniacal grin on her face.

"Hee-hee-hee! You can't do anything now, can you, Ranma-youma!?! No more giving me silly hairstyles or tying rats in my hair or making mud-castles on my head - BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

Nabiki got behind Ranma. "Oh god she's finally lost it!"

"Don't worry." Ranma reassured Nabiki. "It's just exhaustion - did something like it during my enhanced endurance training. Something about fatigue poisoning. She'll be alright with a nap and a hot meal."

"But she has to go to school!" Kasumi protested.

"We'll tell them Akane had a training accident, and she'll be in late." Nabiki said. "It's even true, if you think about it."

"Well, then, you two go to school, and I'll take care of Akane-chan." Kasumi said with a smile. "And I'll try to do something with her hair." <What's left of it.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

Ranma walked on the fence, with Nabiki on the street alongside. She was engrossed in a book.

"Wha'cha readin', Nabiki?" he asked, curious.

"A book on folk magic," she said. "I figure if we're going to have some people with curses around, I might as well study up on magic."

"Oh. Makes sense." he said. "Anything about removing curses in there?"

"Afraid not. This just talks about various folk magic traditions." Nabiki looked thoughtful. "I wonder if Tofu-sensei has any *real* books?"

"Be careful with that stuff, Nabiki." Ranma said. "Magic can be dangerous - and once you get some on you, you get more whether you want it or not. Believe me, I know."

"Yeah, you are the expert." she acknowledged. "What other magic do you have besides the Jusenkyo curse?"

He turned toward Nabiki. "Who told you about that?" he asked, alarmed.

"You did. You said you knew that once you get magic, more is attracted. You said it like you had experience."

He looked around sheepishly, then hopped down besides her. "My own big mouth. Promise you won't tell?"

"You know *me*, Ranma-kun." Nabiki said, all innocent. <Of course, if he *did* know me, he wouldn't turn his back on me ... better not think of that.>

"Well ... okay." he said. Then he undid his braid.

Nabiki watched with astonishment as his hair *GREW*, visibly getting longer. For a brief second Ranma allowed it to grow, then quickly tightened the string he had in the braid, making it stop. It was now almost down to his waist.

As he deftly re-braided it, Nabiki just stammered. "H-how?"

"Just after Jusenkyo, I accidentally got a hold of some Dragon-Hair soup." he explained. "I was starved, and ate it before I knew what it was. It's a magical baldness cure. On girls it does nothing, so it doesn't affect me in girl form. On bald guys, it gives them hair. On a guy with all his hair ... well, you saw."

"Wow." Nabiki commented.

"If I let it grow, I'd eventually 'grow out' every bit of hair I ever could, and be as bald as Oyaji. Of course, I'd be crushed to death by my own hair first." He pulled out a pair of scissors. "D'you mind?"

"Oh Sure." With a quick snip, Nabiki cut Ranma's pigtail to its original length.

"Only the Dragon Hair I use to tie it with keeps it from growing." he explained.

"Wait a second." Nabiki said. "That string is the hair of a *dragon*? A real *dragon*?"

"Yeah - a shin lung, I think." he commented. "One of the chin hairs. Why?"

"Of course." she said, mostly to herself. "Magic springs that turn people into pandas and girls, spells that make hair grow ... why not dragons?"

"Is something wrong?" he said.

"Oh nothing much," she said. "It's just sinking in that everything I ever knew is entirely wrong."

"Oh." Ranma said. Since he felt like that on a regular basis, he didn't think it was too odd.


As they approached the school, Ranma and Nabiki noticed Kuno standing near the front door. Ranma smiled. "Hey, Kuno! Waitin' for Akane?"

Kuno looked snotty as possible (which was very) and gazed levelly at Ranma. "Greetings, Saotome." he said. 

"Gonna try to get Akane again?" he asked casually.

"Of course. Do you seek to stop me?" He raised his bokuto to the ready position.

"Of course not. As her sensei, I encourage my students to seek out challenges. But one thing - Remember how mad she got when she figured out you had been holding back?"

"Yes." he sighed. "Oh the power of her righteous fury!" he said in a low voice, a strange smile on his face.

<Oh crap,> Ranma thought. <He's one of those freaks who likes being hit. Could be trouble.> "Well, you *did* insult both her skill as a martial artist *and* her family, since she is the heir to the Tendo-ryu."

"I but sought to avoid harming her -"

"Doesn't matter. She's a martial artist. You should respect her and her abilities - and fight to the best of your ability. She'd understand if she was injured in a challenge - but she *won't* understand a challenger who insults her skill."

"Yes." Kuno agreed, nodding. "You are quite correct. Then I shall make amends to the fair Akane - by defeating her in honorable combat, and then by dating with her!"

"That's the spirit!" Ranma said. "Good luck, pal!"

Nabiki got out a megaphone. "ATTENTION ALL YOU HENTAIS!! DUE TO A SMALL ACCIDENT, MY SISTER AKANE WILL BE LATE ARRIVING!"

A disappointed 'Aw!' came from the assembled Horde o' Hentais.

"HOWEVER, YOU CAN ATTACK AS USUAL WHEN SHE ARRIVES AT LUNCHTIME!"

"Yaaay!" cheered the Horde o' Hentais.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane walked calmly up to the school. She was still embarrassed by the little episode she had this morning, but Tofu-sensei had said it was a reaction to lack of sleep and adjusting to her new training regimen.

<Which all means that Ranma drove me crazy! I *will* get him! I *will* be avenged on him! I *will* go medieval on his ass and smear him into a thin watery paste!>

As Akane vowed vengeance upon her sensei yet again, she almost didn't notice the assembled hentais, the Cricket Team in the lead.

Almost.

A backhand blow knocked the cricket bat away, and with her other hand she grabbed her assailant by the waistband and heaved him off his feet. Charging forward with a bloody scream, she used the cricketer as a battering ram, plowing through the middle of the Horde.

She slammed through the Cricket Team and the Dance Club, then bounded off the Sumo Team, their arms locked together, forming a solid human wall. (A really *ugly* one, too.)

Taking her battering ram, she hurled it at their faces, then dived between the legs of the Sumo Captain, using her elbow to inflict a very unfair injury upon him as she passed.

As the Sumo Captain collapsed to the ground, he dragged the rest of the sumo team with him. Grabbing the sumo on the end by the ankles, she swung him in great arcs, bludgeoning several boys with each sweep, finishing off the rest of her challengers in a matter of seconds.

Dropping her weapon to the ground, she put up a hand and caught the rose, crushing it in her hand.

"Truly a boorish lot." quoth Kuno. "Thinking that by such tactics that common louts could capture the radiance of heaven." He looked at Akane's hair. "Truly, your new 
hairstyle, though mannishly short, doth highlight the perfection of thy features."

"Yeah, yeah," Akane said. "Let's get it over with."

<THWACK!!><THWACK!!><THWACK!!><THWACK!!>

"ITE!!" Akane cried. <He ... hit me! And it *hurt*, too!>

"I have learned the error of my ways, fair Akane! Now I see that only a true example of my great might and skill will persuade thee! HAVE AT THEE!!"

Only one thing crossed Akane's mind before the attack began in earnest:

<Kuso.>

 * * * * * * * * * *

"Hey, Ranma!" Daisuke yelled, jogging through the hall to catch up with Ranma.

"Yo, man!" Ranma greeted.

"Hey, Ranma, can you do me a favor?"

"What kind of favor?"

"I was wondering if you could talk to Nabiki about giving me an extension on my loan?"

Ranma looked curious. "Shouldn't you talk to Nabiki about that?"

"Well, I figured you'd have a better chance to convince her - you *are* her boyfriend and all-"

"What?" Ranma couldn't look more surprised if Daisuke had sprouted an extra head. "Who told you I'm Nabiki's boyfriend??"

The boys failed at this point to notice Nabiki approaching.

Daisuke looked confused. "Well, everyone knows it. You two walk around holding hands and whispering together -"

"Look, Daisuke." Ranma stated. "I'm not *anyone's* boyfriend! Got that! Nabiki and I are just friends!"

"Uh - ohayo, Nabiki-san."

Ranma turned around and saw Nabiki standing behind them.

<Chikuso!> Nabiki thought. <Blew it wide open, didn't you, punk? Oh well, just have to use the contingency plan.>

"B-but Ranma - I thought that you - that we - WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" And she ran away, hands over her face.

"What happened?" Ranma asked.

A girl who had been watching smacked him on the head. "Insensitive blockhead! She was in love with you and you broke her heart!"

Ranma was shocked. <She WHAT?? I thought she was just trying to be nice- and she was holding my hand a lot - and - >

He sprinted after Nabiki. "Nabiki! Wait!"

By the front doors, Nabiki stopped. <I hope I judged his reaction to tears well. Gotta make it look good.> "WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"Nabiki!" Ranma cried out.

"I thought you *liked* me! I thought you *cared*!! How could you?!? WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"I - I didn't know! I'm sorry!"

"How could you treat me like that? You meanie!"

Ranma, at this moment, felt like the biggest heel in the world. <Nabiki's a friend! She's been so nice since I got here - and I made her cry. Saotome, you're the world's biggest baka.>

"Nabiki?"

"What?" she sniffed. <Reeling him in ...>

"Don't cry. I didn't know I was your boyfriend. I was so wrapped up in training Akane, I didn't see you - but you're a nice person - and you *are* really cute - and I wouldn't  mind - I mean, I -"

"Apology accepted." And she hugged him. 

Ranma still wasn't sure what had just happened. "Uh, Nabiki? Does this mean I'm your boyfriend?"

"Yup." <Gawd, wotta sucker.>

"And you're my girlfriend?"

"Yeah." <Say, this hugging thing feels really nice - focus, girl.>

"What does that *mean*, really?"

Coming from anyone else, Nabiki would have considered that a deep philosophical question. But she knew that with Ranma, raised for all practical intents and purposes with no female contact, it meant exactly that. He was totally ignorant.

"I'll explain it tonight when we're alone." she said coyly.

"Oh. Okay." said the naive Saotome.

Nabiki smiled. She'd already experienced a forty percent increase in revenue since his arrival - selling pictures of hi (male and female) to various parties, biographies of him to various girls (and certain guys), even some kickbacks from the coaches who were expecting him to try out for the school gymnastics and karate teams. 

She figured she could cement control over this asset and have a bit of fun, too. After tonight, he'd be hers.

So why did she have this sudden hollow feeling in her stomach? 

 * * * * * * * * * *

Akane blocked the bokuto again and again, sending shooting pains through her forearms. All her previous tactics that had worked against Kuno were useless. He really had been holding back. A *lot*! And her alleged sensei hadn't taught her one new move or technique!

Akane found herself giving ground before Kuno. Panic struck her. <If he wins ... he'll try to take me on a date!!> The nausea this thought induced made her stomach churn. Combined with her physical state and the exertion she had been undergoing ...

<BLEAURGH!!!>

Kuno stared down in shock at the vile, rancid, hideous stain on his clothes. "EEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!" he commented.

Akane took advantage of his shock and delivered a piledriver that, while weaker than normal, still sent Kuno to dreamland.

"That, Kuno-sempai," Akane commented to the carcass, "is why it's called 'Anything-Goes'." Picking up Kuno's bokuto, she unsteadily rose to her feet and sought out her sensei.

Easy enough to find - there he was, walking out the front door, holding hands with her sister.

"SAOTOME!!" she cried, raising the bokuto. 

"Hi, Akane." he said casually. "How'd the fight with Kuno go?"

"Nabiki! Get away from him so I can kill him!" Akane barked.

"What? Did you lose?" Nabiki asked.

"No, I won - but only because I barfed on him!"

Nabiki's eyes got big in surprise, then a highly-amused grin covered her face. "I have *got* to see this! I wonder if Kikuko got it on the tape?"

As Nabiki trotted off, Akane began swinging.

And swinging. And swinging. And swinging. And swinging.

And for some reason, never connected.

"Hey, I like the way Kasumi fixed your hair. Really cute." he remarked.

"Sit still so I can kill you!"

Ranma suddenly twisted and was inside her guard, then was tickling her.

She tried to keep control, then couldn't help it. She dropped the weapon, then started doubling over and laughing.

"Stop!!" she shrieked. "StopitStopitStopitStopit!!"

"Okay." he said. As he stopped, he nudged her slightly, causing her to fall. She windmilled her arms, but lost her balance and fell on her butt.

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Later that day)

Ryoga stumbled through the diabolically clever maze (a  straight alleyway), finally accidentally locating the entrance and stumbling into the street.

He noticed a boy nearby wearing the Furinken School uniform. Grabbing the boy, he asked, "Where's Furinken High School?"

"Hey, you're that nut that tried to beat up Saotome the other day!", the not-bright boy stated.

"Yeah, and this time he won't escape me!" Then Ryoga figured out that this boy had just called him a nut. "HEY!!"

"And when he won, I lost five hundred yen!" the boy complained. "Not to mention he's made the life of the woman I love a living hell! I want revenge!"

"Me too!!" Ryoga agreed. "Now where's the school?"

"School's over today - won't be open until Monday." He smiled slyly. "But I can take you to where he lives."

"Lead the way, pal!" Ryoga agreed.

"Right this way. Oh, I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi."

"Ryoga Hibiki. Glad to meetcha."

 * * * * * * * * * *

(Later that night)

Ranma went through the videotape with Akane, pointing out the flaws in her technique, making her fume. Her whole family watching, with her father and Uncle Genma laughing at the part where she ralfed on Kuno, wasn't helping her ego, either.

"And a fat lot of good your 'training' was, O Mighty Sensei!" she growled.

"Oh yes it was." Ranma insisted.

"How??"

"Kuno went all out, but he hardly penetrated your defense." Ranma explained. "When I arrived, your defense was pathetic. That initial strike would have penetrated your defense back then. If he had gone full-tilt from the first time he met you, you'd be 'Mrs Akane Kuno' already."

The thought made Akane shudder. 

"By the way, that 'Anything-Goes Breakfast-Exposure Defense' was a good improvisation -"

"Gee, thanks." Akane sarcasmed.

"- but I don't think it'll work a second time." he continued. "I think you're ready to learn the Ja Jinku no Apache."

[Author's Note: I don't speak Japanese, so let me know if I botched it.]

Akane couldn't remember any maneuver of that name. "What is the Apache's Lively Dance of the Snake?"

"That's the defense maneuver I use - the one you can't hit."

Akane's eyes got wide. <At last! I'm getting something useful out of this baka!> "Okay! Let's go to the dojo -"

"Tomorrow, teishi. I have to get the ... teaching aids first."

"But-" <Calm, Akane, calm. Use him, learn his techniques, and then crush him like a bug.> "Hei, sensei." She thought about it. "What's an 'Apache'?"

"A tribe of the American Ainu." Ranma explained. "I learned the technique from an ancient red-skinned man in the Nevada-ken of America when I was about eleven."

Nabiki looked at Ranma sideways. "You studied martial arts in *America*?"

Ranma shrugged. "America, Canada, Korea, China, Vietnam, Russia, Mexico, wherever Oyaji found a new technique."

"Hmph." Akane said, unsuccessfully hiding her envy at someone who got hauled over half the planet learning martial arts.

Nabiki snuggled close. "You've *got* to tell us about it, Ranma-kun."

Ranma flushed at the attention Nabiki was giving him. Akane, however, was nauseated.

"Oh yes, Ranma-kun," Akane squealed in imitation of Nabiki, "Babble on like an idiot while my hormones rot my brain, you manly man you!"

"Akane!" chided Kasumi. "You should be happy that your sister finally has a boyfriend, not jealous!"

"I am not jealous of Nabiki and that creep!" she protested.

"So you're over that crush you had on me?" Ranma asked.

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean ... AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" Akane clenched her fists in frustration.

"Personally, I'm glad that Nabiki has a boyfriend." Kasumi said cheerfully. "Not to mention glad that Daddy was wrong about her being a lesbian."

Nabiki glared death at her father, who tried to look innocent.

"I'll deal with *you* later." Nabiki promised her father, making him cringe. "Right now, I want time alone with my boyfriend."

"But-" Ranma said nervously.

"Talk later. Come." Nabiki insisted, hauling Ranma to the porch.

"Hmph." Akane commented.

The two fathers looked at each other and smiled.

 * * * * * * * * * *

"At last" Ryoga crowed, "We've found it!"

"We would have been here hours ago if you hadn't gotten us lost!" Gosunkugi protested.

"Hey! It's not easy to find this place, y'know!"

"It's less than half a kilometer from the school! In a straight line! You can see the clock tower!"

Ryoga shrugged it off. "That doesn't matter now. Ranma is *here*! I'll avenge my honor and free your girlfriend at a single stroke!"

"She's not exactly my -" Gosunkugi began, but a scenario entered his mind ...

<AKANE answers her front door, to find GOSUNKUGI standing there with an urn in his hand.>
<AKANE (blushing and fluttering her eyelashes): Why Hikaru-kun! Whatever are *you* doing here?>
<GOSUNKUGI: I helped get rid of Ranma! You can live in peace! Here's his body! (He hands AKANE the urn)>
<AKANE: I love you, Hikaru-kun!>
<AKANE and GOSUNKUGI kiss.>

"What are you waiting for!?!" Gosunkugi protested. "Go get him! Sic 'im!! Charge!!"

Ryoga unholstered his combat umbrella and charged into the Tendo yard ... and promptly got lost.

--------------------
To Be Continued