--- Jack Staik <jstaik1043@earthlink.net> wrote:

Ranma 1/2: Who Will Crack First?

<...> 

"Hello." Kasumi said to the assembled persons. "You
may be wondering why
I called you here today."

"I thought you had some news about Ranma-honey."
Ukyo said.

"Yes! Where is Airen? Shampoo not see him for almost
a week!"

"Baka probably found some even sleazier bimbo."
Akane pouted.

I'm not sure if pouting is the right emotion for this
particular comment. Maybe a little anger? If Ranma was
gone for a week and she might have suspected him going
off to some sleazy bimbo, wouldn't there be some
attempt to find his whereabouts, probably from Nabiki
(so she can punish him, of course)? How did Ranma
manage to disappear without Nabiki knowing what was
going on in the first place?

"Obviously one of these base trollops thought to
interfere with my epic
romance with Ranma-sama." Kodachi said haughtily.
"But they shall not
succeed - will they Harvey?" she addressed the
invisible rabbit who'd
taken to hanging out with her.

Like it was said earlier, she isn't hallucinatory, and
unless future references are made about or to
'Harvey', you might want to just take this out.
Although, it might make for a nice bit of (OOC) comedy
if this rabbit was her companion ^_^.

"Quiet, Please." Kasumi asked, in a sweet tone that
was instantly obeyed
(It's a Kasumi thing). "You'll be pleased to know
that the surgery was
successful, and that two days ago, the doctors took
Ranma off the
'critical' list and moved him out of the Intensive
Care Unit."

I really think someone other than Kasumi would
probably know about this. One of the fiancees would
have picked up on the fact that Kasumi was the only
person who received this information. Though initial
shock might cause them to overlook this, I think at
least _one_ of them will realize this in the future.
Most likely Kodachi, who doesn't seem to really follow
this contract thing.

"WHAT??" "Airen in hospital?" "Who did it??" "Oh
Ranma-"

Kasumi raised her hand. "None of you will discover
what hospital, so
there will be no bothering him until he has healed
and is ready to
return home."

I can understand Ranma not telling his suitors, but
why wouldn't he tell anyone else?

Akane was pale and nervous looking. "O-oneechan? Why
was he in the
hospital? What did he need surgery for?"

"Well," Kasumi explained, "the classic form of
seppuku causes injuries
that cause the intestines to fall out of -"

"SEPPUKU?!?" several voices barked in astonishment.

"- the body cavity." she continued. "The surgery
necessary to save a
person in that situation is extremely risky. It's a
miracle he still
lives."

Why does he still live? He usually tries to excel in
everything he does, and IMO, this counts. If he really
wanted to kill himself, I sincerely doubt there would
be much of anything to stop him. There isn't really
any information given on why his suicide attempt isn't
given. It's negative thinking, but still...=)

"Why?" Ukyo asked in a quiet voice.

"Which one of these bitches almost chased my darling
to his grave?!?"
Kodachi snarled.

Why is Kodachi invited? Did Ranma actually consider
her as one of his fiancees? I'd think he'd want to
keep her as far away from his as possible. As far as I
know, he sees her as unstable, and I doubt he'd give
her a chance to get him while his guard was down. If
Nabiki went through this, she would probably know that
Kodachi wouldn't follow this contract, which could
lead to a lot of bad things. Considering the fact that
she knows Ranma's condition and his recent suicide
attempt, she wouldn't place him in such a dangerous
situation.

"This is a mistake -it's a mistake -" Akane babbled.

"QUIET!!" Kasumi barked. "Ranma's suicide note made

Kasumi barked?

it quite clear - all
seventy-four pages of it. What it boils down to is
that *all* of you
forced Ranma into a position where he could see no
other way out."

Not even the Saotome Secret Technique? Running away is
also an option... Why kill yourself when you can do
thus? Running away and suicide _are_ basically the
same thing, after all, the way I see it.

<...>
 

"Ranma wouldn't do that!" Akane siad. "His ego gets
stroked too much by
having all these bimbos around."

Previous remarks have been made about this, so I'll
just move on...

"So much that he would kill himself to get away from
them?" Kasumi
asked.

Akane blushed and was silent.

Well...depending on where this is on the series, he
kinda went out of his way to keep one of his fiancees,
putting himself through great physical harm because of
it (Reversal Jewel thingy.)
 

Kasumi picked up the contract. "Rule one: No
speaking of romantic topics
around Ranma. No mention of engagements, dates,
weddings, boy- or
girlfriends, fiancees, or spouses."

"But I'm his *fiancee!!*" Ukyo protested.

You should probably make 'I'm' 'I am', and put the
emphasis on 'am' if you want to stress this statement.

"Not unless you sign this contract - and abide by
the rules." Kasumi
replied. "And that is Rule One - No mention of
fiancees. Ever."

Kasumi looked at the silent foursome. She continued.
"Rule Two: No
Gifts, no presents, no discounts," She looked at
Ukyo and Shampoo. "And
definitely no free meals."

Akane chuckled.

This is a pretty serious situation, and I think Akane
would honor that. Maybe she could give triumphant
gazes towards them?

<...>
 

"He said that no-one could possibly cook *that* bad
unless they were
*trying* to commit murder." Kasumi finished. "Ranma
believes that your
cooking was a way of showing your hatred of him."

Hehe.

Akane whimpered. The rest chuckled.

Again, you might want to change the chuckling thing.
Whimpering for Akane seems wrong, seeing how this is
just an insult made on Ranma's part.

"Rule Four: No Sex! Of any sort - including veiled
references,

Awww...=/

flirtation, or actual physical contact. Ranma-kun
was most insistent
about that one."

"Why? He need a break from being a pervert?" Akane
snickered.

Kasumi glared at her baby sister, causing Akane to
recoil. "Akane Tendo,

Akane's her sister, and even with her acting, I doubt
Kasumi would be this stern. Of course, Kasumi seems
rather off throughout this...

your fiance is in the hospital recovering from a
*suicide attempt*!! And
all you can do is insult him?!? You make me
*ashamed* to be your sister!
I'm seriously tempted to ask Otosan to move the
engagement to me - just
to protect poor Ranma from *you*!!"

Err...Akane's done a lot of worse things, to Ranma
especially, and this reaction has never come from
Kasumi before. Or anyone from that matter.

<...> 

"No you didn't." Kasumi interrupted. "Rule Five: No

Sweet, _polite_, kind Kasumi interrupted?

<...>
 

"And administering drugs, potions, and using magic
qualifies as
'violence'. As does yelling."

And the other fiancees were approaching their
maximums for
embarrassment, too.

Ukyou is near-innocent here (;). That is, if you don't
count the yelling, which seems to be taking things a
little far.

"Rule Six: No Dates! In the past, all of you have
become jealous or even
violent about Ranma even talking to another girl,
while at least two of
you have had actual dates. If you insist on being
Ranma's fiancee, no
dating other boys! And flirting with other boys
qualifies." Again,
Kasumi looked at Akane. "That includes your flirting
with Kuno."

"I do *NOT* flirt with Kuno!!" she protested.

"Then why do you accept his 'date challenges'?"
Kasumi said. "If you
were really serious about not wanting him, all you
would have had to do
was go on the school loudspeaker and announce that
you would *never*
date anyone who attacked you. Kuno's pronouncement
would never have held
water with your clearly-stated opposition. Even Kuno
would have had to
back down."

I sincerely doubt that.

Akane looked shocked. She had never considered that.

The other fiancees chuckled.

More chuckling...

"Rest assured, Ranma will abide by Rules Four, Five,
and Six himself."
Kasumi stated. 

They were all becoming very good at looking ashamed.
The thought that
they drove Ranma to suicide was bad enough, but
*celibacy*?

Hehe.

"Rule Seven: No attacking each other!! That should
be self-explanatory.

"Should any of you violate these rules, you will be
permanently removed
from consideration as Ranma's fiancee. This state of
affairs will
continue until either only one is left, or Ranma
proposes marriage to
someone - not necessarily one of you." Kasumi
concluded.

What if everyone except Kodachi falls mysteriously
ill. If there is no proof that she did it, Ranma is
stuck with her?

"But - this not fair!" Shampoo protested. "Nice Girl
not serious!"

Yes. Actually she is, which is why I don't understand
her in this fic.

"Ranma was - and is - expected to fulfil a contract
made with his mother
when he was only four." Kasumi explained. "An
immoral contract that was
unenforcable, and *evil* in its requirements - but a
contract that Ranma
will voluntarily honor. Are you saying you don't
love him enough to do
this? That you lack the honor? Just say so, and you

Wow...Kasumi is passionate too. Why doesn't she just
marry him? =)

<...> 

Kodachi watched from the rooftops. She was still
incensed that they
expected *her* to follow their Plebian rules! But
she learned early on
that coming after Ranma meant dealing with all three
of her rivals. Best
to bide her time.

...with her sarcastic but entertainingly horny bunny
companion, Harvey. Reminds me of Unhappily Ever
After...

<...> 

"Well, I was thinking I'd better get home." Akane
begged off. <Dammit
Ranma, please please get a sex drive soon!! I'm
gonna explode!!> "Maybe
next time."

Oh my goodness...an oversexed Akane...Sounds like fun
^_^

"Sure! Sound like fun!" Shampoo agreed. <Whee! A new

Even Shampoo agrees!

<...>

"On second thought, why not? Might be fun."

Akane's all for it too ;)

<...>

Kodachi smiled. She could read it in their faces -
the feelings at war
within them. Their hearts tugging them in their own
directions. Which
one would crack first?

I actually enjoyed this, though it needs work. Hope it
will be continued.


===
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L.A.
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