* Illuminations *
* By Freemage *

Whee!  All comments strictly my opinion, and offered in good spirit.

                  * Chapter Twenty-Three   *
                  * Some Assembly Required *

{heh.  Cute.}

     Nabiki noticed that Ranma-chan wasn't going home via LEO

{Call me a stickler for orbital mechanics if you must, but the 'LEO'
doesn't appeal to me; it's hyperbole where a simple parabola will
suffice. :) Suggest instead "via Akane Airways", "via Mallet Express",
"in a ballistic trajectory", "in a high arc", or something like that.}

 quicker than the pig-tailed girl did.  "Akane, you okay?"

{or perhaps} quicker than Ranma herself did.

     Akane looked up, as if from deep thought, and said, "Yes,
 I'm fine Nabiki... and I really want to thank you for covering

fine, Nabiki...

 for us on this."  Ranma-chan nodded her agreement with Akane's
 statement.

     "Oh, believe me--you two owe me, big time.  And I'm going to
 start collecting as soon as we get you home."

     Ranma winced, but Akane just put on a docile smile, and

smile and {?}

 asked, "Is that a promise?"

{heheh.  Wait for it...}

     Her younger sister beamed at her.  "Nope!  You _promised_ to
 wait until we got home to start making us pay you back.  Since
 Ranma and I aren't GOING home...."  She let her voice trail off,
 allowing Nabiki to react to her implication.

{...aaaand the payoff!  Nice.}

     Nabiki stood, stunned, then scowled.  "Oh, no, little
 sister.  Not on your life.  It's pretty obvious that you and our
 resident aquatransexual here can't go off on your own without--"

aquatranssexual  {not in my dictionary, but "transsexual" is.  :) }

    Nabiki turned it over and over in her mind, but she couldn't
 find a likely flaw in that reasoning.  Finally, she slumped her
 shoulders, causing Akane to adopt a triumphant grin.  "Okay,
 little sister, you win.  But one more debacle like this, and I'm
 pulling the plug.  Got it?"

{heh. I admire Nabiki's confidence, I really do. But she's out of her
league.}

    {A charity?!  Somebody's playing games with my head, and I
 REALLY am not in the mood for it....}

{Is she ever?  :) }
 

    Nodoka, head down and hand clutching a scrap of note-paper,
 sat on the couch, her shoulders convulsing with the force of her

{er... couch? I can't recall seeing one in there before... they always
sat on the floor, didn't they?}

 sobs.  Next to her sat Soun, one hand on the distraught woman's
 shoulder, gently murmuring to her something that Nabiki could
 hardly make out.

    "Nabiki, I have some terrible, terrible news.  As you know,
 Ranma and his father have been on a training journey for some
 time now.  We just received a letter, from Ranma in Vietnam,
 informing us that...."  Soun's voice broke, even as Nabiki
 understood what was about to be said.  "I'm afraid Ranma's
 father, my dear, life-long friend, Genma Saotome, died in a
 training accident last week.  He was cremated, according to the
 note, and his ashes should be arriving shortly.

{Aiya. This tactful lie is going to create a terrible strain on everyone
who knows the truth... but probably not, even in sum, as great a strain
as would be put on Nodoka were she to realize it. What a conundrum.}

    "In the meantime, of course, I have invited your Auntie
 Nodoka to stay with us--I'm sure it's what Genma would have
 wanted."

{You sly dog. Do the Japanese have pithy sayings about consoling widows
too?}

    Nabiki sat, not having to fake her shock.  {I don't believe
 it.  He actually came up with a plan that works.  Still, I'll
 have to pin him later tonight and work out some of the finer

pin him down {?}

 details.  Overall, though, this will save her more grief than
 she'll ever know, hopefully.  I'll have to get word to the
 others, though--I'd hate for Ranma to pick the wrong moment to
 confess everything.}

{Bingo.}

   "Ranma, would you stop ogling me like that?  Honestly, you
 haven't stopped staring since we split off from Nabiki."

  {So much for subtlety,} Ranma berated himself mentally.
 {That'll teach you to let your guard down.}

{heh.  Cute.  Of course Ranma only THINKS he's subtle.}

   He paused for a moment, letting the analogy form in his mind
 before continuing.  In order to fight that, you have to look for

"In

 the overall pattern.  Figure out where their center of attack
 is.  Now, the way they've apparently switched their primary
 focus from you to Ranma would mean that it must be someone who
 was close to you before he came, and also close to him after he
 and his father arrived."

{This strikes me as a bit cool and analytical for Ryouga, but I can live
with it.  Of course, it can't be what's REALLY going on... :) }

   Ranma and Akane slipped into the dark rooms of the doctor's
 office.  By unspoken agreement, they immediately went to their
 respective sleeping areas.  Akane watched Ranma leave to the

leave for the {?}

 other room as she lay down on the couch, trying to think of some
 way to break the roadblock they seemed to have hit.

   That train of thought tore at her mind, and she lay awake,

{Suggest "lay awake for a long time," since it's evidently long enough
for Ranma to fall asleep and enter a dream state.}

 staring at the ceiling, wishing for some stroke of brilliance.
 Instead, her thoughts were cut off by a loud scream from the
 next room--Ranma's room, and Ranma's scream.  "NOOOO!!! Stay
 away, damn you!"

   Without anything resembling conscious thought, Akane was up
 and across the room in a heartbeat, bursting into the back room
 and dropping immediately into a battle-stance.  And froze at the

{Suggest} She froze {or} And freezing

 sight before her.

   Ranma seemed to be grappling with some shadowy figure.  Except
 that even in the faint and pale light of the moon that the

moon it was clear that {? or something like that?}

 "figure" was only the panda-skin.  A moment later she realized
 that the boy was still asleep, dreaming of some horrific battle.
 "It's no wonder, using _that_ as a blanket," she muttered as she
 approached the thrashing boy carefully.

{Good lord, yes.  Nightmare city.}
 

   The boy calmed immediately at the combined effect of touch and
 voice.  He ceased his struggles, going almost limp.  Akane
 carefully released one wrist and reached out to brush the bangs
 that had fallen across Ranma's eyes back where they belonged. 
 Looking down at him, she made two silent vows:  one, she would
 never, ever, tell him what had just occurred; and two, she
 herself would never forget it.

{Awww... *sniffle*  Nice.}

   She waited awhile, then started to pull away.  Immediately
 Ranma began to stir again, his face growing tense.  Akane
 sighed; there was no other choice.  "Ranma, you silly, wake up!"
 she commanded, loudly, shaking his shoulder.

commanded loudly,

   "Huh?  Oh... ah, no, I can't really remember it."  Akane could
 tell the pigtailed boy was lying, and that hurt, but she decided
 not to press the issue--after all, she doubted she'd be any more
 truthful if their roles had been reversed.

{Akane wasn't this understanding before; I guess she really has made
some progress.}

   "Oh, okay.  Do you think you'll be able to get some sleep,
 now?  We've got to stay sharp if we're going to beat this

sleep now?

   She smiled at Onna-Ranma.  "Well, it's like Nabiki says: It

{Here you use "onna-Ranma" for Ranma's female state; earlier you use
"Ranma-chan". I prefer "onna-Ranma" myself, because it's unambiguous and
leaves "Ranma-chan" available as a diminutive.}

 doesn't matter if we're both girls, right?"

   "Huh?" Ranma replied, intelligently.

replied intelligently.  {Comma muyo!  :) }

   "Ummm... Nabiki?"

   "Yes, Ryouga?"

   "What's that light?"

   "Why, that would be _dawn_, Ryouga."

   "Oh.  Why is it coming up in the south?"

   "It's not, you idiot!"

   "Oh."

{heh. Classic understated Ryouga. He really doesn't need to be wandering
through Newfoundland...}
 

   Nabiki snarled, wondering again about her mental faculties,
 letting herself be led around Tokyo by Ryouga, of all people.

{She's really slipping, isn't she?}

   "Oh, that's easy," he replied. "We were going back to your
 house after he picked me up from the hospital."

   She resisted the urge to throttle the bandannaed boy.  "You
 mean to tell me that this abandoned doctor's office is somewhere
 between those two points?!"

   "Ahhh, yeah, I guess it would be."

{It would be funnier, IMO, for Ryouga to say something like "It is? How
can you tell that?" :) }

   She slipped out of bed, silently, and walked to the bathroom,

{The commas are breeding again. Suggest omitting them or} She silently
slipped out of bed and

   She smiled, softly.  "No, none at all.  I was nervous at
 first, of course, and part of me said I was betraying him; but I
 think... I think part of me has known I wouldn't be seeing him
 again.  In a way, I've been a widow for ten years; I just didn't
 know it.  That's long enough of a mourning period."

{Every time I consider Nodoka, those ten years alone stare me in the
face. What does it say about her that she was able to endure them? How
might they have affected her? "Already a widow" reflects this very well.
Applause.}

   They embraced, and let passion take control again.

{I wonder how long it's going to be before Nodoka starts applying her, er,
idiosyncratic standards of manliness to Soun. I wonder if Akane and Ranma
will be "off the hook" if Soun and Nodoka join the schools by marrying.
I wonder how they'd react to the notion. :)

On a darker note, I wonder how well Ranma will be able to keep the
secret of Genma's true fate.}

                     End Chapter 23

Author's Notes:

Yes!!  Another round of writer's block overcome!!

Special thanks to Lara Bartram, whose single prod once again drove me
to the necessary level of personal terror to complete this thing. 

Uh HUH.

Lara, next time he needs prodding, don't use the cattle prod, eh?  :)

Thanks for writing and sharing!


Vince Seifert    Fanfic Analyst     seifertv@csus.edu
http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
CSUS hired me to build their LANs, not to give away the homeworld.