This came from scanning another fic ("Andrew" by "Grimbo"),
analyzing everything i didn't like about it (which was
mainly all the cliches from dozens of similar stories), then
deciding that it was easier just to write a completely
divergent tale as opposed to writing C&C for it...
    disclaimers at end
------------------------

Terrible Tragic Story by Gregg, metroanime@mindspring.com

--------------------------

 Jay woke up and realized immediately that there were
several things wrong with this picture. Just to start:
       a)  his last memory had been walking home from an
anime showing.
       b) he was in a chair near the dressing rooms of some
women's boutique.
       c)  he was pretty sure that the malevolent glowing
eyes from ceiling level were at least slightly confused.


       "Hahaha," a woman's voice chuckled, though with a
slightly unsure sound to the laugh. "Now we've got you!
You'll pay for knocking those dresses down and saying 'the
staff will pick them up, after all, that's what they pay
them for' - yes, you'll pay." Again the woman's voice went
into mocking laughter.

        Jay cleared his throat. "Uhm, excuse me, but would
it be too much to ask if you mentioned exactly what you're
talking about?"

        There was a brief moment of silence, then those
glowing eyes narrowed. "Ah, trying to play dumb, I see.
Remember last week when you were here with your girlfriend?"

        "Never been here before. Don't have a girlfriend."

        The malevolent glowing eyes shut off as if a switch
had been thrown. The woman's voice continued, however.
"ANGELIQUE!"

        "I'm sorry, Mistress Hazel, but they look pretty
similar!" This voice sounded as if it were from a much
younger and less confident girl.

         "Oy!" The woman's voice said that as if all the
weight of the world were on her shoulders.

         "And I'm sure he's just as bad, after all, he's a
guy."

         Jay cleared his throat again. "Excuse me, but do
you mind terribly if I leave while you two argue this out?"
Being around crazy people who had access to drug darts and
holographic projectors (?) was not something he wanted to
contemplate.

        "No, you can't leave! I've got this evening's
entertainment mapped out, and I'm not going to let my
apprentice's *incompetence* spoil things!" The woman's tone
was full of nastiness.

        "Well, if you want some entertainment, I'll just
drop by a few videocassettes of a wonderful little series I
was just watching. Let me go on home and fetch them." Jay
nodded as if this were the most reasonable thing in the
world.

        "Uhm, mistress," came the young voice again. "Isn't
he supposed to be raging at us and requiring a demonstration
of magic, where you respond by inflicting the first
transformation upon him?"

        Jay frowned. Either they were really nuts, the
hologram had been a display of magic, or he was in a
nightmare. Didn't make enough internal sense to be a
nightmare, and that young girl's voice was just plain
annoying. That left a strong possibility that he was dealing
with two psychotics who thought they were evil sorceresses.

       "I am NOT psychotic!" The older woman's voice sounded
quite vexed.

       Jay concluded they were probably good guessers,
though living in a haunted house once had been sufficiently
paradigm-stretching that he was willing to concede the
possibility that these *were* evil sorceresses. Or one evil
witch and a somewhat ditzy apprentice.

      "You've got that right," mumbled the older woman's
voice.

      "Okay." Jay concluded that nightmare or evil witches,
treating this seriously would probably be best. "What sort
of 'entertainment' did you have in mind? My singing voice is
hardly what you'd consider star quality."

      "No, you are now to experience the Curse Of
Gendermorphic Clothing!" The little girl's voice broke off
into what was supposed to be mad laughter. "Are you scared
yet?"

      Jay sighed and shook his head, then started counting
off points on his fingers. "Waitaminute. First off, I'm not
the guy you wanted, so what's the point of some revenge?
Second, you're mad about someone *accidently* knocking
clothes down when you say you've got the power level to
rearrange matter down to the genetic level? Third, I don't
see the correlation between the punishment and the crime.
Why turn a guy into a girl because he's lazy or maybe was
having a bad day or something? I know if I'm having a
migraine, I'd apologize to the store clerk but probably
wouldn't physically be able to pick up or straighten up
clothing. How do you know that the guy you wanted didn't
have a reason for it besides being some lazy slob?"

     "Oh, shut up," came Hazel's voice again. "I'm an evil
witch. THAT'S my motivation."

     "An evil witch who runs a store named the Q-T
Boutique?"

     "AHA!" Angelique verbally pounced on the opening. "And
how do you know the name of the store if you've never been
here before?"

     Jay pointed at a nearby sign with the "Q-T Boutique"
logo proclaiming a "half off sale."

     "Oh," Angelique sounded disappointed. She was
interrupted a moment later by a meaty thwack. "HEY!"

     "I swear they just don't make witches like they used
to," Hazel's voice had returned to weary.

     "MTV generation," suggested Jay helpfully.

     "No doubt. Well, on with the show. Every item of
clothing in this store bears an enchantment. If it manages
to get near you, it will flow onto your body, replacing the
appropriate item (if any) and then alter the body part it is
covering to a female configuration." Hazel tried to gloat
but was obviously not having nearly the fun time she was
hoping for. "If you make it outside with anything unaltered,
I'll change you back. Fail, and you become our slave!"

     "Double what I said about the punishment bearing no
relation to the crime," said Jay with a sigh. "And I suppose
some 'terrible tragic story' will befall me if I fail to
participate in this game?"

     "Huh? 'Terrible tragic story'? Oh, a reference to those
weird cartoon thingies I saw in your mind during the
transport process. Yes, I'll take your IDs, increase your
sex drive, turn you into a bimbo and drop you in the
nastiest area of town. What do you think about that, Mister
Wiseguy!"

     "More tasteless than evil. Lacks symmetry."

     "Well, you're innocent. This would be a virgin
sacrifice, or at least virginity sacrificed, isn't that
symmetrical enough?" Hazel was sounding annoyed.

     Jay sighed again and stood up so that he could survey
the store. It was a fairly sizable boutique, at least as
well as he could tell never having been in one before. More
like the size of one floor of an anchor store in a mall than
the little places he'd passed by before. "So when does it
start?"

    "Now," said Hazel's voice and immediately started the
contents of a lingerie table heading towards her latest
victim.

    Said victim ducked, rolled and started running.

    "Haha," Anglique laughed. A truly annoying sound. "He's
so frightened he's running the wrong way!"

    Jay went to the door that led to the backroom, twisted
the knob, and discovered it was locked.

   "Fool, did you think that I'd leave such an obvious..."
Hazel's voice trailed off.

   Jay struck three times, two punches and a kick. Then he
passed through the now open doorway.

   "Uhm, Mistress Hazel? He's not *supposed* to do that , is
he?"

  "All right," the witch Hazel's voice was subdued. "Maybe
he's one of those rare males that isn't completely
incompetent. But that trick won't work twice!"

  Jay looked around the receiving area. Dirty, tools and
boxes scattered everywhere, water cooler, timeclock, records
desk, and a mannequin in the doorway behind him now. The big
rolling door was locked, a standard combination lock. The
only other unblocked door was a firedoor. Jay threw a few
unopened boxes on the mannequin before it could slide any
closer, then considered his options.

  "See, all men are... what the blazes are you doing?"

  Filling the cup with water, Jay smirked and threw it at
the fuse box, shielding his eyes at the same time. Water
hitting the open fuse box had the usual effect. Fat sparks,
a small fire, and the power being immediately cut.

   Having memorized the position of the firedoor, now
unlocked due to the power being cut, Jay was outside in a
flash.

   "NOT SO FAST!" The glowing eyes reappeared, this time in
a wall of flame that cut off further egress. "This is *not*
how you play the game!"

   Jay smiled, swung over the railing into the trailer pit,
then sprinted past the fiery walkway out into the parking
lot behind the building. "Well, goodbye, arrivederci, hasta
banana, hope our paths don't cross again!"

   "NOT SO FAST!" Hazel threw out a paralysis spell that
tripped the fleeing boy up by freezing his legs. Momentum
slammed him into the asphalt. "Damn you! I had to expend
even more power to stop the fire or I would have had water
damage to my stock! You aren't getting away that easy!"

   "But he got away," said Angelique's puzzled voice.

   "Dear. We're EVIL, remember?" Hazel's comment was
punctuated by another slap.

   "Oh yeah! Teehee."

   "Still, when I scanned you during the transport, I got a
clear image of what you consider an ideal girlfriend. Some
meek little Japanese domestic named Kasumi, wasn't it? Well,
I'll just turn you INTO your ideal girl."

    Both witches engaged in maniacal villain laughter
(mainly at the thought that someone ELSE could do all the
menial grunt work that was beneath their station) while the
redhaired girl with a petite figure picked herself up off
the ground and started murmurring in a quiet voice.

   "Yes, go ahead, plead for mercy! Pray to your God to come
save you! It won't help!" Hazel continued to chuckle.

    "Darkness beyond twilight,
      Crimson beyond blood that flows,
      Buried in the stream of time,
      That's where your power grows."

     "That's odd," the witch Hazel broke off her gloating to
remark. "That isn't the pathetic little housewife I saw in
your mind earlier. She actually had a figure..."

     "I pledge myself to conquer,
       those who before me stand,
       with the gift of power,
       in my unworthy hand."

      Angelique sounded puzzled. "Is she grovelling? And why
did that guy's ideal girl have such tiny breasts?"

      Reddish brown eyes swept the area, and "Jay" focussed
on an area where time and space seemed to distort slightly.

      "Let the fools who stand before me,
        be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"

      "Huh?" Hazel and Angelique sounded baffled. "What kind
of plea for mercy is that?"

       "DRAGON SLAVE!" The little redhaired girl threw her
hands forward. The energy bolt twisted in a manner similar
to a drillbit as it left the formerly male hands of the
witches' victim.

        The magical equivelant of a tactical nuke drilled
into the subspace pocket and exploded.

        Blowing on her fingers as if they were a smoking
pistol, Jay (Lina  Inverse) smirked at the two steaming
corpses. "What, you wouldn't think that my 'ideal
girlfriend' would be different when I'm being attacked by
evil witches? Get real."

======================

tm and copyrights are from "Slayers" & "Ranma 1/2"

Kasumi Tendo tm R.Takahashi "Ranma 1/2"
Lina Inverse tm Software Sculptors "Slayers"


thanks for reading.
gregg

-----------------------------------------
web: http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com/
mail: metroanime@mindspring.com
"Shampoo going to have nervous breakdown.
Shampoo has worked for it. Shampoo deserve it.
Shampoo going to get busy on that right now."
          -The Bet: Lovestruck
thanks for reading.gregg-san