Righto. Let's try this again (actually, #3, now). Hopefully it'll
work out. I suppose I'll have to find an alternate method for sending out
fics, since cuting and pasting doesn't work well, and attachements have
suddenly proven unreliable.
Here's the C&C I tried to send out yesterday....
****
Hi!>
Well, as a break from writing (heh, like I've been doing much of
-that- lately), decided to do a quick little bit of C&Cing. I don't know
if the authors are actually on the FFML, or even if these stories passed
through here recently; since I still don't have an IP, I'm subscribed to
the list but forced to keep the vacation flag up. I snagged these stories
off of DejaNews.>
Only looking at two stories, here: You're Clothes are Ready, Ukyo
Kuonji, by defwood, and Smile, by Angus MacSpon. Ah, heck, and I'll throw
in a couple of comments about the latest chapter of Relentless,which I
grabbed from its webpage.>
I was quite pleased to stumble across these two stories, grabbing
them, as it were, pretty much by random off of DejaNews. Both proved a
nice, welcome change from a lot of what I've been writing and reading
lately: relatively short, fairly lighthearted, and thoroughly entertaining.
Smile is somewhat more comedic than YcaR,UK, but both strike me as fairly
similar stories, and both seem to me to remain very faithful to the
original (which, in these days of epics and angst, seems to be becoming an
all-too rare thing.)
You're Clothes. . . .>
Shorter pieces tend to be harder to C&C, it seems, simply because
there's less material to look at, but it strikes me that this shouldn't be
true,especially when, delivered through condensed and well-scripted prose
and matched with clever subtlety, a lot nevertheless is made to happen.
Clothes is, plotwise, fairly simple: Ukyou goes to a party, P-Chan seems to
mess things, Ryoga feels guilty, messes up, misunderstanding happens, and
everything is resolved. . . with an ending I'll comment on later.
What's nice in the story are little touches that add depth, or
realism, to the incidents of the above summary. Little glances aside:
noticing that the dress really made no difference to Ukyou's enjoyment (in
fact, probably would have hindered it,) the exchange between Ranma and
Ryoga,Ranma's reaction at the idea that could've brought the dress to the
drycleaners. Short, but perfect snippets of character that raise the entire
fic above the mass of otherwise ordinary stories dealing with similar
subjects (ie, throwing Ukyou and Ryoga together.)
The comedy, though fairly understated, is well handled as well:
Ryoga getting lost, Ukyou waiting for Ranma to come to her, the
confrontation. It also helps keep the story lighthearted, necessary since
it does throw in a few 'real-life' concerns: (ie, the idea that P-Chan
could actually get squashed by the truck, a slightly discordant element
which, necessary to the plot, is dealt with quickly. Takahashi-style, I'm
sure a car rolling over the pig would do nothing more than flatten him, a
la Coyote.)
The only criticism I have, really, is with the ending: the wonderful
scene where everyone just giggles at the absurdity of Ryoga's attempt,
their laugh empty of viciousness, seemed a natural ending point. Following
up with the conversation between Ryoga and Ukyou felt a bit forced. . .
making it clear that the true purpose of this fic was to throw the two of
them together, but without the subtlety that graced the earlier part of the
fic.
It'd be annoying, except for the beautiful metonym ending the piece:
Ukyou's dress with Ryoga's bandana. It'd be a pity to lose that.
Smile
Sadly, I have less to say about this piece: it was even shorter, and
was far more straightforward of a comedy -- and comedy, unfortunately, is
probably the hardest thing to comment on other than to say, 'yeah, it was
funny' (and yet ironicaly, one of the hardest genres to write well, in my
opinion.) So, though I doubt the actual intelligence of the two fathers to
come up with such a sophisticated plan (I trust the bartender had a lot to
do with it -- those wily, shady dispensers of dubious wisdom and drink,) I
have to admire the application of it -- though I still wonder at the
likelihood
of it working. Somehow, it seems another recipe for disaster: curse
aside,I can easily see the Tendo family falling into in-fighting, and
considering Ranma's emotional weakness, quickly falling into indecision
between the three.
Pointless criticisms, though. The story was enjoyable, and brought a
smile to my lips, while being (again - though considering other works I've
read by this author, that's not surprising) very well written and faithful
to the characters themselves -- I especially enjoyed Genma and his (to
himself) cleverness.
No sequel to the story is needed, of course (do we really need
anymore alternate history stories?), but it'd be interesting to see where
this could go.
Later!
Mike Noakes