Just a silly bit of fluff.  Ranma 1/2 characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi
and a few others.


Martial Artist of the Week
M A Davis / Miko


       "Martial Arts Cooking?"

       Ranma scratched his head.  He took a good long walk
around the concept, mentally speaking, but it looked odd from
every angle.

"I've done martial arts dining," he said after a moment.  "There
was also that martial arts home delivery contest.  That was
unusual.  And we've certainly had our share of cooking contests
lately...."

       "Don't forget that martial arts tea ceremony," Nabiki said.

       "Yeah," Ranma replied, "that too!"

       "And then  there's Ukyo," Nabiki said.  "She does
okonomiyaki martial arts."

       "But martial arts cooking?" Ranma said.  "That's a new one
on me."

       "It's an ancient art handed down from generation to
generation," the stranger said.  "I am the current master, and have
never been defeated."

       "Except once," Nabiki said.

       "Except once," the stranger agreed.  "That one defeat is a
stain upon my reputation, and I have come to wash it away."

       Ranma looked at the challenger dubiously.  He was a short,
fat, foreigner, with a round face, a bushy black moustache and
bushy black eyebrows.  He wore a long-sleeved white shirt,
buttoned down the front, and black slacks, with a large white
apron tied about his waist and a tall "chef's hat" perched upon his
head.

       "My name," the man said, "is Chef Hans.  I come seeking
revenge."

       "Tell me something I don't know," Ranma said, cracking his
knuckles.

       "Just another day at the Tendo Dojo," Nabiki said.  "You
should make him take a number, Ranma."  She paused to sip her
tea.  A light breeze blew across the flagstones, stirring a few
unraked leaves.  Somewhere in the distance there was the tinkle
of a wind chime, and the ploink of a koi failing to levitate above
the pond.

       The front door opened with a swish.

       "What are you guys up to?" Akane asked as she stepped into
the courtyard.  "Ranma, who's this?  Another martial artist who's
life you ruined?"

       "Apparently," Nabiki said.  She took a sip of her tea.  "Make
it quick, Ranma, we don't want to be here all night."

       "Ever since my defeat five years ago," the chef said, "my life
has been a living hell...."

       "Yeah, yeah, spare me the details," Ranma said, stretching.
"I've heard it all before.  Exactly how did I make your life a
living hell?  Could you remind me?  I don't exactly remember...."

       "It was no man that ruined my life," Chef Hans said.  "It was
a woman -- a young girl."

       Nabiki dumped the rest of her iced tea onto Ranma's head.
Ranma growled as the transformation overtook him -- now her.
"A girl with red hair, perhaps?" Nabiki asked sweetly.

       The man's eyes grew wide, but he shook his head.  "No, not
red hair," he said.  "She had long, brown hair.  Her last name was
Tendo...."

       As one, Ranma and Nabiki turned to look at Akane.  She
blinked her eyes in confusion.

       "Akane?" Ranma asked.

       "No," Nabiki said, "it couldn't be."

       Akane frowned.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

       The door opened again, and another girl stepped out of the
house.

"Oh my!" Kasumi said.  Her eyes went wide, and her hand went
to her mouth.  "It's Chef Hans!"

       "Sis?" Akane said.  "You know this man?"

       Chef Hans smiled grimly.

       "Kasumi Tendo," he growled.  "Or should I say, 'The Betty
Crocker of Furinkan High'?  At last, we meet again, only this
time, victory will be mine!  MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

       He held up a large baster and an even larger ladle, and
assumed a defensive crouch.

       "Kasumi?" Ranma asked in confusion.

       "Just stay back, Ranma," Kasumi said, rolling up her sleeves.
"This one's all mine."  Producing a large wooden mixing spoon
and holding it before her like a sword, she said, "So, what's it
going to be this time, Hans?  French?  Chinese?  Italian?"

       "I was thinking," the chef said, "that this time, we could try
some Cajun...."



FINI