I need c&c... as much as I can get... I have several other chapters 
written but they need to be edited. More stories can be found at the page 
listed below. c&c on those too...


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platypus3333
platypus3333@yahoo.com
http://members.tripod.com/Platypus3333/
This story makes no sense. But I like it. So there.

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Parallel Worlds: The Cosmic Joke
Shinji was sitting in class when something very important occurred to him. 
He turned to Asuka. She was sleeping. Summoning up courage for once in his 
life, he poked her shoulder.
	"Mmph? Oh, yes, that�s very nice�yes�get the whipped cream�" Shinji had a 
very large sweat-drop on the side of his head. He slowly turned around, 
eerily aroused. And then she cracked an eye open. This was followed quickly 
by the other eye.
	* Whack *
	As Shinji nursed his own eye on the ground, Asuka kissed her fist. She 
loved that thing. Now fully satisfied and awake, she turned to Shinji.
	"Yes?"
	"I was just wondering�"
	Asuka�s heart beat quicker. �Has that idiot finally realized? Is he finally 
going to ask me out?� She decided to be nice for once. She leaned over. 
"Yeeees?"
	"�If�"
	Asuka was about to have a heart attack.
	"�You�"
	�Yes! Finally! After all these hints, he finally gets it! This is a good 
day!�
	"�If you knew what the Eva�s are made of?"
	Asuka had a strange sinking feeling in her stomach. She felt extremely bad. 
There were only two things that could cheer her up at this moment.
	* Whack *
	That was one of them. She leaned back and smiled happily. In front of her, 
Shinji nursed his other eye. He couldn�t see a damned thing. He got up and 
walked toward what he thought was the door. It was not the door. He tripped 
and fell on Rei. The class watched him stumble around. Rei stared at him. 
She became annoyed, or at least as annoyed as she got. Meaning, she tilted 
her head. �Pilot Ikari has a tendency to trip and fall over me in a 
convenient position. Why is this?� She then noticed he was still sprawled 
over her. �Is the usual reaction for such a situation to stammer and 
apologize?� She did not know, and instead of thinking more made a request 
that he get off.
	"Um, yeah� sorry." He still couldn�t see worth a damn. "I really didn�t 
mean to do that� not that I didn�t enjoy that, mind you�" He could hear 
something hissing. �Maybe the class pet got loose again� yeah, that�s it!�
	* Whack *
	"Why did you do that? I didn�t do anything to you, this time!"
	"You just fell on me, Pilot Ikari. This seemed to be an appropriate 
reaction."
	Shinji was really nervous now. He thought that he had just heard Rei admit 
to hitting him. This was not a good thing. This meant he was insane. �Damn 
it, this cannot be good. Although insanity would solve a lot of problems in 
my life� Although Rei did hit me once� a while back�And she WAS pretty 
emotional that time �� He simply decided to pass out. This would solve his 
problems very nicely. �I never did find out what Eva�s are made of��
	In the meantime, as Shinji fell clutching his groin, and the male 
population of the class backed off from an innocent looking Rei, Asuka 
decided to become the focus of attention once more. She took out her need on 
the nearest boy, who was, unfortunately, Touji. While, usually not needing a 
reason, she had a perfectly legitimate one that applied to everyone. 
Everyone male, at least. "PERVERT!" She screamed this at the top of her 
lungs, and then decided to just start beating on Touji. "TAKING ADVANTAGE OF 
THE SITUATION TO LOOK UP MY SKIRT!" She walked over him, foot conveniently 
landing right below the waist. Touji�s eyes bugged out. Hikari wept silently 
at the thought of Touji losing his manhood before she could get to him. 
Shinji woke up soon after this, his sleep disturbed by the high-pitched 
squealing of Touji.
Cho watched, morbidly fascinated as Touji twitched. Asuka had been 
considerably more friendly toward her fellow pilots since the paint fight, 
and he had defended her as such. No one had believed him until Asuka started 
to force them to. While contradicting his point, they DID claim to believe 
him now. Regardless of this fact, he was still deathly afraid of the German 
girl. At least Asuka was beating on Touji and not him� This was the plus 
side. He sighed, at peace with the world. And then Asuka turned on him.
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??!"
	"OhShit."
	Fortunately, 5 cellular phones decided to ring at this time. Cho sighed a 
breath of relief, and then gasped as Asuka kicked him on the way out. He 
limped out into the hall, followed by Touji and Shinji. Rei and Asuka walked 
on ahead, not looking at each other. Misato, with a new and bigger car, was 
waiting. It was Asuka�s turn to sit in front today. He thanked God (not the 
one whose minions he killed) for small blessings. He squeezed in next to 
Rei, and then Shinji and Touji crunched in. The stupid, chivalrous side of 
Cho had decided to prevent Rei from being crushed. Unfortunately, this means 
Shinji had to bend his leg at an unnatural angle. Cho squeaked in pain. 
Asuka, happy at not being touched by perverts, hummed to herself. Misato 
decided to ignore the fact that sixty percent of her pilots were injured. 
She had learned long ago that no questions asked would be best when dealing 
with the pilots. Or just Asuka. She sighed. Ritsuko would not be pleased�

****************************************

	They rode in silence, a silence pierced only by Asuka�s annoying humming. 
No one had the spine to tell her to stop, except Rei, and Rei didn�t bother.
	Asuka kept humming. She did not hum because she liked humming, or even just 
the song, but she knew it annoyed everyone. �And Rei doesn�t even care.� 
Life was good. She grinned and kept humming, even louder now.
	"Please stop that." Asuka thought it was Touji, but they both knew he was 
out of reach.
	* Whack *
	"Ow, why did you do that? I�m not even the one that told you to shut up 
this time�" Cho nursed his nose, which had already been broken once years 
before. �Damn, that hurts. But I�m not going to tell her that. I�m too 
scared.�

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	The rest of the trip was, thankfully, uneventful. However, once they got to 
NERV, they suited up and prepared to fight. This was the same angel that 
Pen-Pen had threw up on 5 days ago, in what was almost certainly one the 
stupidest fights ever seen or read. It had recovered after a brief bathing 
period and was now advancing on Tokyo-3 again. Why 5 Eva�s would be used to 
kill 1 angel was beyond them. Asuka claimed that she could do it by herself. 
Cho just figured that he needed to be battle tested. Rei thought happy 
thoughts. Shinji just twitched. "The Eva�s bring only pain," he had muttered 
when walking down the hall to the cages. Asuka had hit him. That, in his 
mind, proved his point.
	Cho climbed into his plug, and was then inserted into his jet-black Eva. He 
closed his eyes and concentrated as he synched with the machine. He was 
interrupted when Misato opened a communication�s link.
"This angel is special in that it is slightly nervous when against Eva�s. 
This will provide you with a great advantage when fighting it. Cho, since 
you�re the newest, you lead."
	"WHAAAT?" Misato ignored Asuka�s complaints and hit the "Mute" button on 
her console.
	"Why is it nervous?" Cho asked.
	"Well, last time it was fought, Pen-Pen threw up on it�"
	"In which Eva??!"
	"Unit 01."
	Shinji stared at the screen. "So that�s why it smells funny� I don�t think 
my mom likes that�"
	"Sorry, Yui." The Eva, independent of Shinji�s control, nodded.
	"Ok! Go!" She nodded to a technician, and the Eva�s were released onto the 
surface.

****************************************

	Asuka grumbled under her brief. "Stupid baka hentai taking my position�" 
She ignored the fact that Shinji usually led. She moved ahead into the 
shadows.
	"OW! What the hell!" Cho�s angry voice eChoed through the link.
	"Sorry, but it�s not my fault that your baka Eva is jet black�" Asuka 
grinned. �Serves him right.�
	Cho was about to say something highly inappropriate when he saw the angel. 
�Damn, that�s a big one��
The angel saw the group and turned from its former task of demolishing 
random buildings.
Asuka smiled. "You�re not doing anything. Nervous?"
"No." Cho�s Eva opened its mouth and roared in defiance.
�What the hell is he doing?!� Touji thought. �Only Shinji does that!�
The angel responded with a similar roar and broke off into a dead run toward 
Eva 04. Cho calmly took out a gun and shot it in the chest. The angel was so 
surprised that inertia carried it several more yards before it fell and 
realized that it was dead. It had a big hole where its core used to be. 
After several seconds, it exploded in a cloud of dust. Cho put away his gun 
and turned around to head back in. Meanwhile, the other pilots stared at 
where the angel used to be. Shinji shrugged and followed Cho back in. 
Everybody left except Asuka, who still gaped at the spot.
"Asuka? You�re wasting energy. Asuka?" Misato�s voice rang through the link. 
Finally, Asuka grumpily turned and marched in, tripping over a truck halfway 
in.

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	Meanwhile, in that place angels go to when they die, the 4th angel turned 
to the recently demised one. "Good move, idiot-boy."
The angel just shrugged and avoided the 4th�s gaze. He turned red as all the 
other angels glared at him too.

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	Cho was eating lunch with the others. Asuka was eerily quiet. Everybody 
couldn�t stop twitching as a result. She, however, looked surprisingly 
thoughtful. Finally, she spoke. "What in hell made you think of THAT, baka?" 
Cho froze. She smiled what she thought was a reassuring smile. In reality, 
her teeth were bared, and she looked like the predator that had just reached 
its prey. Cho played it safe.
	"I just tried the easiest way to kill it." He glanced to see if she had 
bought it. She hadn�t. She glared at him, but then decided to let it go. Cho 
went back to eating.
	"I like pie," he announced, while peering under the crust with his fork. He 
continued to stare in. They all stared at him. Finally, Rei took her fork, 
propped up the crust with her fork, and peered in. She gasped. As she had 
never done that before, the others became interested. Shinji looked and saw 
nothing. Neither did Touji. Or Asuka. They took second looks. They exchanged 
glances, even as Cho and Rei kept peering into the pie. The other three 
sighed, picked up their trays, and left. Three minutes after, Cho looked up 
at Rei.
	"Did you actually see something?"
	"No."
	"Neither did I."
	And that was that. They walked off after the others.


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	"So what ARE Eva's made of?" Shinji asked. He was hit as a response. "Ow. 
What was THAT for?"

	Asuka stuck out her tongue happily. "Because you're a loser."

	"Oh."



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