Helloooo!

I thought that your fanfic was playful and heartfelt,
true to the spirit of Pokemon. I wish Pikachu had been
in it though, he's such a cute little guy! But I guess
it's just a "Start" as you say.

It would be a good idea to split things up into more
paragraphs, preferably with a blank line in between.
For example:


   "I have the strongest Pokemon team!" said Lance confidently.

   "I must say your Pokemon are exceptionally strong," replied
Dr. Oaks.

   Lance had been training his Pokemon from a very early age,
and was the most powerful trainer in the Pokemon League...


See how it's easier to read that way? Note that
quotations start new paragraphs (good rule of thumb).

There are a few other things that might require a bit of
work, but the above would be a good start.

It seems you got a bit tired near the end, I'd suggest you
try to write really short stories at first and then make
sequels to those, each a bit longer than the previous one
(if necessary -- there is _nothing_ wrong with short stories).

On a scale of 0 to 10 Pokeballs it's a solid 7 ^_^

Pika-chuuu!
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