The Elite Four Start
Note:  This is how the Elite Four was formed.This is my first Fanfic so
don�t judge it too harshly.

Nah, 'round here we like to roast you on the first try. Especially when the
fic's terrible. Helps weed out the suckers...

" I have the strongest Pokemon team." said Lance confidently. " I must
say your Pokemon are exceptionably strong." said Dr. Oaks. Lance had
been training his Pokemon from a very early age, now after all that
training he was the most powerful trainer in the Pokemon League. "

1. Change paragraphs when you change speakers. You shouldn't have two
people speaking in the same paragraph except under unusual circumstances.

2. It's Professor Oak, not Dr. Oaks.

Dr.Oaks, I want to create a team of four Pokemon trainers, they must

3. Don't include a space between an open quote mark and the beginning of
the quote.

have all 30 badges and a team of at least 5 Pokemon above L.55. This

Errrr...30 badges? What the frag? Where are you getting this number from?

team will be the most powerful team ever!" cried Lance. " That seems
like a good idea after all only three other people beside you have all
30 badges." Dr.Oaks said. "Do you have anyone else in mind, Lance?"
"No one else but the best." Lance said with a faint smile. "Then good
luck Lance, their is nothing else I can help you on. But here take this
Dragonair I know dragons are your favourite type of Pokemon." Dr.Oak
said as he handed Dragonair to Lance. "Thanks Dr.Oaks, I will be back
soon."

4. Run-on sentences are a bad thing.

5. Punctuation is a good thing.

6. Paragraphs are a good thing.

7. It's Professor Oak.

a second, yes he remembered now, Ash Catchum. Dr.Oaks told him about

Ketchum. It's spelled Ketchum.

Gary and Ash and how they were good friends and that Ash seemed like a
talented Pokemon trainer.To Lance it seemed that Gary hated Ash. Lance

Ash and Gary good friends? Since when!?

Aerodactyl came out."Aero Aerod tyl"{ Where are we going Lance?}

Okay, this pretty much proves you're basing this off the game, since in the
anime, the first time anyone had seen an Aerodactyl in ages was when Ash
and Team Rocket accidentally woke one up in the cave under Grandpa Canyon.

"We are looking for the three people who have all 30 badges."Lance
replied. " Aer Ae Aerodac" {Looking for a new challenge?}

And I still wanna know where this 30 badges shit came from.

"Great let�s go! Aerodactyl Fly!"  As they headed to Lavender Town
(which is where the Pokemon Tower is) Lance remembered when he was

Yes, just in case you missed it, or don't know anything about Pokemon,
which would give you little reason to make it past the first three lines of
this, Pokemon Tower is in Lavender Town. Thanks, newbie author, we would
never have figured this out if you hadn't told us.

younger. He remember his parents had died when he was little. The first
Pokemon he had was a Dratini, cute and playful by now it was a fully
grown Dragonite with a powerful Hyper Beam. Lance had liked dratini he
captured two other Dratinis, they were not Dragonites yet but were very
powerful Dragonairs. In one of his travels he traded one of his

PUNCTUATION!!! You need commas and periods and sentences and things!

"Aero tyl rod" { We are here.} Aerodactyl said as he landed next to the

That has to be some of the most constipated Poke-speak I've ever seen in a
fanfic.

Lance congratulated himself for his great ideas as he made his way
towards Agatha�s house and knocked on the door. No one answered.
"Strange, Agatha!" Lance called into the air, he pushed the door and it

Errr...anyone besides me think there's something seriously wrong with that
particular utterance?

Lance picked it up for a closer look,strange there was someone else in
this pictured. Lance leaned forward to see.  When he finally recognised
the person he dropped it in shock,a tear rolled down his cheek as he
bend down to pick it up.He shacked his head to try and get the image
out of his head.After a few minuites he relaxed and went on wandering.

You could do with a spellchecker. And a few grammar lessons. And some
punctuation.


<snip the rest>

I'm sorry, I can't read any further. This is an affront to fanfiction, and
an affront to Pokemon. You need serious work on you grammar and spelling
before you try to write anything else. This crap is virtually
incomprehensible.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
What kind of Pokemon are you?
How do you do the things you do?
Share with me your secrets deep inside...
What kind of Pokemon are you?
Are you loyal through and through?
And do you have a heart that's true?
What kind of Pokemon are you?

The Eternal Lost Lurker
(The Pokemon under the skirt of the girl...)
lurkerdrome@megami.net

"Pokemon, getto daze!"