Allyn Yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com> wrote:

         Pawn of Darkness, Daughter of Corruption


Chapter 1

I only have time for some quick comments on this; hopefully, someone
else will do the detailed editing.

Some funny moments in this one, but frankly, I like humor fics to be a
bit more coherent. The main point seems to be satirizing "Corruption of
Akane" fics, and if you'd stuck with an "Evil minions attempt to seduce
Akane onto the Dark Side but get caught up in normal Nerima wackiness
and end up as the butt of jokes" plot, it would've been great. But much
of this doesn't seem to fit in with that  -- most notably the thing with
Kuno at the end, which I'm still trying to figure out the point of.

Just my 2 yen here, do with it as you will....