Subject: [ffml] [fanfic] [battle athletes] Restless Dreams
From: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
Date: 8/1/1999, 2:09 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Restless Dreams

By: Dreiser

	I've always dreamt of being like her.

	Of being like my mother.

	There was an ease about her, a comforting sense of perfection 
in how she moved. It was like she magically knew where she and life 
along with her was going.

	My mother was a goddess.

	Not literally, of course. But she was in a figurative sense. In 
these modern times sports have become our religion and in this religion 
of ours my mother was amongst the blessed.

	Blessed in body and spirit, she possessed the strength to 
become a champion. Not a champion but the champion. She is and 
always will be known as the premiere female athlete.

	While I will always be known as her daughter.

	Akari Kanzaki.

	Tomoe Midou's daughter.

	It will always be that way. Her name followed shortly after 
mine or mine shortly followed after hers. Sometimes it hurts to realize 
that but I push the hurt away.

	I should be proud to be her daughter. To be the daughter of 
the premiere female athlete. The daughter of a champion. The daughter 
of Tomoe Midou.

	I should be and I am.

	But sometimes...

	Sometimes I wish that it would all just go away. All the 
speculation, all the attention that her name lends me. I wish that I was 
like Kris or Tanya. They're coming from an existence that's void of 
expectations and pressure.

	They might have expectations and they might have pressure 
but they place it on themselves. For me it's different. It's been placed 
on me by others because of who I am.

	I'm Tomoe Midou's daughter and they expect things of me. 
They expect to see her come alive in me and that will never happen. 
I'm not my mother and I never will be.

	Why can't they accept that?

	Even Kris does it.

	She might not realize it but she does. When we first met she 
called my mother her inspiration and when I told her who I was... I 
saw that light in her eyes.

	That damned light of expectation.

	I love Kris and she loves me. I know that, I really do. But 
sometimes... sometimes I find myself wondering.

	Why does she really want to be with me?

	Is it because she wants to be with Akari Kanzaki or is it 
because she wants to be with Tomoe Midou's daughter?

	It's a cruel thought. I know that and I wish that it would leave. 
But instead it lurks in my mind to this day.

	This day... the day that I gain my mother's title. The universally 
known title of the Cosmos Beauty.

	I have the title and that means I've achieved my dream. I'm like 
my mother. I'm like Tomoe Midou.

	And that should make me happy. That should fill the emptiness 
that her death has placed in me.

	Shouldn't it?

-End-

The character of Akari Kanzaki is from the excellent series Battle 
Athletes. I honestly don't know why I wrote this fic. I was listening to 
the song Steaming by Sarah McLachlan and I wanted to write a fic to 
go along with it when suddenly this idea just sprang into my mind. 
Some of the lyrics from the song are provided below.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780 

Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm

"Lying awake in these restless dreams, life is never what it seems."
-Sarah McLachlan-