Just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone.  Comments are welcome.
Warning, the title has nothing to do with the story.

Disclaimer: Ranma and all of the other characters used in this story are
owned by Rumiko Takahashi.  They're not mine, honest.

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     "You'll never learn to cook.  Face it, you're just a violent
tomboy," Ranma said.  There was no doubt in his mind that a little pain
would be preferable to eating Akane's latest creation.  Ranma winced in
anticipation, but the expected blow never came.

     "You really think I'm violent?  Ukyo and Shampoo hit you too."
Akane was clearly angry and visibly restraining herself.

     "Not nearly as often."

     "They would if you insulted them the way you do me." Akane
retorted.

     "Wanna bet?"

     "Sure!  If either of them hit you after you insult them, you have
to eat my cooking for a week."

     Ranma was starting to get a bad feeling about this, but he couldn't
back down.  "But if they don't, you can't cook anything for a month."

     "Deal."  Akane stuck out her hand and Ranma had no choice but to
take it.

==================

     Ranma stood outside of Ucchan's and prepared himself.  After some
negotiation, it had been decided that he would go alone and Akane would
inspect him for bruising after he got back.  She hadn't wanted to trust
him, but her presence would complicate things to much.  Forcing himself
onward, Ranma opened the door and stepped inside.

     "Hi, Ucchan!"

     "Hi, Ranchan.  Sit right down.  I'll have your usual ready in a
second."

     Ranma nervously took a seat near the door and waited for Ukyo.
Somehow this was harder than he'd thought it would be.  He didn't have
to wait long before his okonomiyaki arrived, but he was to nervous to do
more than pick at it.  The fact that Ukyo seemed equally nervous and was
hovering over him didn't help.  "Is there something you want, Ucchan?"

     "I was sort of wondering if you'd like to go to the school dance
with me."

     Ranma winced internally, he didn't know how he could have forgotten
about the dance.  Pop and Mr. Tendo had been bugging him about it for
weeks.  Still, this was the perfect opportunity.  "What makes you thing
I'd want to go with an uncute tomboy like you?"

     "Oh Ranchan, you do love me."  Ranma's eyes shot wide open as Ukyo
swept him into a reasonable imitation of  one of Shampoo's glomphs.

     "WHAT?" Ranma bellowed, wriggling free of Ukyo's grip.

     "My therapist was right after all."

     "Therapist?"  Ranma was starting to feel like someone had tied him
to a boulder and thrown him into the deep end of the pool.

     "Yep.  He said that you just insult people because you're
uncomfortable showing affection."  Ukyo paused to compose herself and
then continued.  "He specializes in gender disorders and wants to talk
to you.  I think it might be a good idea."

     "Hey, I'm not crazy."

     "You think that I am?" Ukyo growled dangerously.  When Ranma left
the restaurant moments later, he had the phone number of the
psychiatrist in his hand and an invitation to attend Ukyo's next
session.

==================

     Ranma entered the Nekohanten with somewhat greater confidence.
Spying Shampoo waiting on tables, he decided to get it over with and
made his way towards her.

     "Ranma come to date Shampoo?"

     Ranma swallowed his nervousness and spoke, "I'd never date a macho
chick like you."

     Shampoo stood frozen as Ranma waited for her response and then
abruptly turned away.  "Mousse, come here."

     Ranma didn't have time to consider Shampoo's actions, since Mousse
appeared with a speed that was startling even to him.  "Shampoo, my
love, what do you desire?"

     "Stupid Mousse, stop talking to tree and give Shampoo glasses."
Shampoo slammed the long haired Chinese boy into the wall and placed his
glasses on Ranma's head.  "There.  Better yes?"

     "I don't need glasses," Ranma protested, as the world around him
dissolved into a blur of colors..

     "Don't worry.  Shampoo love Ranma even if he blind like stupid duck
boy.  Talk later.  Shampoo busy now."

     Ranma shrugged as he watched a purple blur that he assumed was
Shampoo move off.  Turning, he fumbled with the door for a moment before
opening it.  Stepping outside Ranma was surprised by the soft blur of
shapes that surrounded him.  He wondered if that was how things looked
to Mousse without his glasses.

     Spotting a familiar seeming figure moving towards him, Ranma
smirked.  Akane had followed him after all.  "Even with these glasses
you're still uncute."

     "You aren't exactly my type either."  Ranma blinked, that wasn't
Akane's voice in fact...

     Ranma took Mousse's glasses off and confirmed his suspicions.
"Ryoga.  I thought you were Akane."

     "Are you saying that I look like a girl?" Ryoga challenged angrily.

     "No.  I just had Mousse's glasses on you see and..."

     "Then you were insulting Akane.  Prepare to die, Ranma!"

==================

     "I told you it was Ryoga," Ranma protested.

     "Sure it was.  Do you really expect me to believe that you called
Ryoga uncute by mistake.  Now start eating."  With a triumphant smile
Akane pushed a bowl of some unidentified glop into Ranma's hands.

     "I believe you, Ranma.  You look like someone dropped a house on
you.  Definitely Ryoga's style."

     "Thanks, Nabiki."  The support of the middle Tendo daughter both
surprised and heartened him.

     "Of course, I never thought you were that way."

     "What way?"  Something about Nabiki's gaze was reminding Ranma
uncomfortably of cats.

     "Well, there's only one reason that you'd notice how a guy looks.
I don't blame you, even if you won't admit it Ryoga is pretty cute."

     As Soun Tendo's crying shifted from #112 (my daughter is poisoning
her fiance) to #435 (my daughter's fiance is gay), Ranma glumly stirred
his meal.  It was starting to look like Ukyo had the right idea.  He
wondered how long the waiting list for a psychiatrist was.

End.