Brian Payne wrote:

Well, this one has been revised a bit since it was posted
over a year ago.
Writing sharpened up, a couple of scenes with changed
dialogue. Hope you
enjoy it.

Actually, I did, which surprised me in a fashion.

We aim to please. ^_^

Usually, I don't
care too much for fics like this,

I think Bob Barnes dubbed the genre 'Conspiracy Fics' (That makes this an
official, 'Blame it on Bob Barnes Production,' btw.)

but this one was both serious enough and
funny enough (in some respects) that it seemed more than somewhat

plausible.

Good work.

Thank you. Like most fics of this kind, you can poke holes in it easily
enough. One has to suspend at least a little disbelief to enjoy it.

Note: the C&C was inserted as I read the fic, but I added some parts
after I'd finished.

Pretty much the way I usually do mine as well.

Needless to say, this was inspired by 'The Masks We Must Wear' by Bob
Barnes and 'Tangled Web' by Gary Kleppe, as well as the other
spin-off's
that were done.

Never read 'em... now I think I'll have to. :)

Barnes was the first to come up with this sort of thing, I believe. Gary's
is on his page, not sure of Barnes has a page or not.

Standard disclaimer:
I disclaim I own any of these characters. They belong to the Goddess
Takahashi and whomever she sold the rights to.

[THIS ONE IS HEAVY IN THE LIME, ALMOST A LEMON, BUT NOT THAT
DESCRIPTIVE.]

<snort>  Yer walkin' the line here, buddy... ;)

I've gotten that response several times before. I'm debating whether or
not to give it a lemon tag. I know it's close, but I think it's just short
of going over the line, and the lemon parts aren't the 'purpose' of the
fic. They are there just to add flavor and be reasonable extensions of the
scenes they are in.

once more and
Mousse was going to be beaten within an inch of his life by
Akane, just
like the other times he grabbed her. It was odd how his
survival instincts
hadn't kicked in yet.

They're being overridden by his hormones. ;)

Heh. True.

A second sigh escaped her lips as she recalled events from no
more than
two hours ago...

Eww... well, it ain't the worst flashback tag I've seen, but I do
think you make too much use of this throughout the fic.  I don't know if
it's possible for some, but you might want to think of a better way to

say

this.
Personally, I'd avoid using flashbacks altogether, but hey - your
fic. :)

I don't think summerizing the events of the flashbacks in the present
would work, it would lack feeling. And I need to give the background
information to make sense. I could probably change them with x's or
something to make the shift to them more distinctive.

ingredients on
the counter next to the stove.

"Shampoo, what are you doing?"

"I make ramen for Ranma," she sighed dreamily.

Shamps used a personal pronoun?  Whoa....

Whoops! That was a mistake on my part, should have been 'Shampoo'. Strike
one.

Shampoo nodded enthusiastically. "Shampoo make Ranma admit he loves
Shampoo this time and airen and Shampoo can get married."

<scratches head>  Waitaminute... one second it's "I" and the next
it's "Shampoo"?  Confusion....

See above

with her own
great granddaughter. "Shampoo, those magic potions do nothing
but backfire
and alienate Ranma from you and even if it does work it'll only be
temporary. Once it wears off he'll dislike you even more.
Don't use them."

I think I like this Cologne more than the standard cliche 'conniving
crone from Hell' that she is usually portrayed as.

Thanks. I don't go much for that particular characterization myself, as
you might have guessed.

"Ranma always happy to see Shampoo," Shampoo said, as though confused
about what her great grandmother was talking about. "Ranma shout out
enthusiastically when Shampoo grab him."

I _REALLY_ had to bite my tongue here... oh, this could have been SO
easy... :)

It is, isn't it? :)

<snip>

For the briefest of moment, Cologne considered throwing Shampoo to the
wall. However, she regained her temper and decided to switch tactics
instead. "Would you please start using personal pronouns?
You've been in
this country for nearly a year and you still haven't improved your
language skills since the first few months. How long can it
take to learn
saying I, me, he, she, and words like that?"

My sentiments exactly!

Well, I explained why she hasn't (sort of ^_^)

<snip>

The elder took a deep breath. "It's not that hard once you master the
basics. Even Mousse speaks the tongue fluently and you're a
lot smarter
than him."

That is debatable.  But not on the list!

Heh. Yep. That's an auto-tempban right there.

discovered nothing out of sorts. Whatever had changed Shampoo

was a part
of her. She still could learn things, but it seemed to take
her forever,
and she just couldn't seem to figure out how to handle Ranma.

Hmm... geez.  You've just made my head hurt... Valley Girl Shampoo!

God, that was an awful pun, too...

True. Who do you think you are, Gary Kleppe? ^_^

that it would

take close to four months and might leave her a little...
unbalanced. Just
a tad, really. But sometimes you had to break a few eggs to
get the job
done.

Hmm... so was Kodachi the experimental subject for the development
of this technique? :)

Nah. She had the Principal for her father, that was enough to make her the
way she is today.

<snip>

Cologne went to her room and undid the magic seals on her
chest.

<snicker>  You know, the way that's worded... :)

* URK* You're right. And especially with this coming so close off the
heels of 'Riding the Wild Horse'.

Cologne went to her room and undid the magic seals on her chest.
Out in the kitchen, over the bubbling of the pot and the crash of
various kitchen utensils, a crunching sound caught Shampoos attention.
Curious, she followed it back to her great-grandmothers room.
"Great-grandmother?" she said, knocking.
"Mmmrmphf," was the muffled reply.
Slightly alarmed now, Shampoo produced one of her bonbori and
wrenched open the door, then fell back in amazement as Cologne came

through

the door... and through the door... and through the door...
"G-great-grandmother?" Shampoo whispered, fear constricting her
throat.  An exasperated sigh was the reply.
"Stop staring and help me get them back into my bra, child."

Yes. I think we can offcially rule you as being an evil person as well.

Sorry, it just popped into my head... :)

Lucky for you I did look over 'Riding...' and have since been desensitized
to this sort of thing.

<snip whole Nabiki/Ukyou love scene - more on THAT farther down>

Okay.

"I told you," Ukyou reminded her. "I'm hungry. Now I'm going to eat."

Ukyou lunged forward and began doing exactly that. Nabiki
allowed her mind
to go back to how this all had began before her thoughts could be
interrupted...

Again wit de flashbacks... oy vey. ;)

Okay, while I'm all for odd matchups, this one threw me.  Ukyou and
Nabiki?

I don't recall seeing it too often, myself. I'm sure it's been done
somewhere though.

And yet, it could work... barely. :)  But there was some stuff that
bugged me.  Why is Nabsie being so passive?  I mean, she doesn't have to

be

Ms. Badass, but still... she's almost meek during this, and that's just

not

her style.

Genuine love, perhaps? Makes you behave very oddly. I know, having fallen
victim to it several times. OTOH, maybe she's playing around with Ukyou
and just wants half of what Ukyou gets when she inherits the resteraunts.
I deliberately left it a little vague.

And I find it hard to swallow that Ukyou could be THAT good an
actress... actor... whatever.
She's fooling EVERYBODY into thinking that
she loves Ranma?  Somehow I don't think so... I mean, sure, Nerimans seem

to

have permanent blind spots most of the time, but this is still a bit hard

to

take.

Oh, I don't think acting like a love-struck fool is all that hard.
Besides, she only has to act the part when she's around the others, which
isn't all that often when you think about it. Since she goes to school
with Ranma and Akane, they would be the hardest to fool. But even then
those two are more concerned about each other than Ukyou. And wouldn't be
paying constant attention to her.

 Cologne, at least, should have SOME idea that something odd is going
on.

Not necessarily. She doesn't have that much contact with Ukyou, especially
in one on one situations. Usually if they are around one another something
more important, and involving Ranma, is going on. And as long as Ukyou
acts out a part others expect of her, then it's easy for them to overlook
any descrepencies that might slip out in her performance. Now it is also
easy to believe that Cologne would see through such an act as well. Like I
said, if you look real closely, you can poke holes in this easily.

What about Ukyou's assistant (can't remember his name right now)?
Would he have a clue?  I mean, he only works there, right? :P

Konatsu. True. But he owes Ukyou for his job, and he's so passive that
even if he learned the truth, he probably wouldn't say anything. It's his
Ukyou-sama's life, and she can live it the way that she wants to.

<snip>

The two fathers hoped the next opponent would be the one to
get Ranma and
Akane to admit their love. They were starting to run out of potential
candidates.

You know, this is almost TOO plausible....

Yeah. One of the conspiracies that keeps the characters horribly IC.

<snip>

Kasumi expression changed from amused to serious. "Now, now,
doctor. Do
you see anyone else in the room?"

Dr. Tofu pointed to a skeleton on his left.

"That's Betty-chan, doctor."

Tofu looked down at the ground in shame. "I'm sorry, mistress."

<blink blink>  Aw, man... I should have seen THIS coming. :)

Only if you are as twisted and as evil as me.

<snip>

"I'm feeling very affectionate today. I think we should use
the gag. After
all, we wouldn't want people to know exactly why your glasses fog up."

"Yes, mistress."

Kasumi grinned once more with a smile identical to her mother's.

AIIEEEE!!!

Ah, so it had the desired effect. ^_^

Ok, that's it.  Hell's investing in central heating,
pigs are bombing people like pigeons, monkeys are zooming out of places

they

shouldn't have been in the first place, and I think I just felt the Earth
stop spinning.
_Kasumi_ AND her mom... are (or were) doms?  Oh, that is probably
the most frightening thing I've read all week... barring the

Ranma/Cologne

lemon spamfic, of course.
Where do you GET this stuff? :)

Well, it was the best reasoning I could think of as to why Kasumi would be
a dominatrix. She does take after her mother, after all. ^_^

work out between
the two of them. It wasn't just the pig fetish she had, which
really and
truly disgusted him, it was the other thing that had become
obvious to him
in recent weeks. It was the truth he had finally admitted to
himself.

This is leading somewhere I probably won't like, isn't it?

Yaoi? Could be.

while she would eventually learn the truth and hate him. It
wasn't because
he wanted Akane's attention. No. He had now accepted the real
reason he
sought out Ranma for so many years.

I'm getting a very bad feeling about this...

It gets better. ^_^

on the road searching for him. All of them were for one
thing. All of them
were desperate attempts at gaining Ranma's attention. And why
did he want
Ranma's attention?

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, RANMA SAOTOME!!!" he shouted to no one
in particular.

I knew it!  I knew I had the right answer!  Waitaminute...

NooooOoO!!!

Heh.

<snip for comments>

I'm going to skip a lot of this, because frankly, I'm running out of
comments. :)

Actually, I'm not, but I _am_ running out of time.  So I'll only be
touching briefly on the rest of the fic. :)

Aww. I liked how they were coming along too. You could have waited another
day and finished the comments. I wouldn't have minded and if they were
anything like the earlier ones, they would have been well worth the wait.
Good commentary is always worth the wait. Always.

"Let's run away together."

Famous last words! :)

Indeed.

<snip the rest - mostly>

I like what you've done, really.  It works, it flows, and it's fun.
But MAN do you come up with some TWISTED stuff! :)

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it. And yes, it is twisted.
<Insert evil snickering.>

<snip rest>

That bit about the Kunous was a hoot!  Great work!

Thanks. That was mostly put in just for the humourous effect, or course,
rather than the 'serious' nature of the other parts of story. Maybe I
should have made it an omake or something, ne?

Overall:

Good job.  I find myself hoping there's more to come.

No plans for it at the present. But you never know.


Thanks a lot for the comments. If you get the time, I'd like to hear the
rest of what you had to say about it. Privately or publically, it doesn't
make a difference to me. As I said before, good commentary is always nice
to receive.

D.B. Sommer