At 08:03 PM 7/30/99 -0400, you wrote:

C&C Below.  Snippage throughout.

Punctuation notes are greatly appreciated and trimmed...

This Chapter of THE CLAN contains all sorts of innuendoes, suggestive
language, sexual imagery, nudity and actual SEXUAL CONTENT.

..Some of which are also included in my C&C.

face. There was a hunger as well. It threatened to eat him alive. In a
way, he guessed, that was what he had just volunteered for.

And if he weren't presently a babbling idiot, he might realize that
being eaten alive could be construed as a Bad Thing...

~Bad things....~

	"Kasumi doesn't want to get blood all over her nice dress!" Betty
called in from the hallway.

Uh, is there an explanation why Tofu is hearing Betty talk?  ^_^;
I didn't read an reason presented in this or the previous part.

The good doctor is completely Kasumi nuts at this point. Doesn't he usually
talk to Betty when he's this far gone?

'Betty' is playing his 'id' at this point. I thought it was cute, so I left
it in. 

	Did she *want* Tofuu to... to.. touch her body?

The story has a [lemon] tag, so I'm guessing yes.  ;)

You are correct, sir!

Tofu's showing a remarkable degree of insight, given his condition.

Although I'm not sure I like his response.  "I'm a horrible person
because of the way a man and a woman...?"  It doesn't flow for me.
Perhaps he could say, "Or are you worried about..."

	"Don't back down now, Tofuu-sensei!" Betty encouraged him.

Betty:  You're the greatest, Wash-- (I mean), Tofuu!

I may have to give our good doctor more time to come to his senses.

	Resolutely, Tofuu nodded and took Kasumi's chin in one hand.
Calmly, he stared into her eyes. They began to glow slightly as he
gazed into them.

Is that a literal glow?  [adjusts collar nervously]

Ayup.

	"Or this..." he continued, wrapping his arms completely around
her. He cradled her head against his shoulder, feeling the wetness on
her face seep through the cotton of his gi.

suggest:  through the cotton of his shirt.
(Gis are pretty darned thick...)

They are, aren't they? I hadn't considered that...

"If sinning feels this good, let be a sinner."
That's probably how Happosai started, too.  ;)

And Ataru Moroboshi and Futana Shimeru and Noboyuki Masaki and...

Kasumi's learning a lot about morality right now. Let's see where her
lessons take her.

I just worry about the blood-draining aspects.  ^_^;

So does Kasumi.

	Ryouga nodded excitedly. He knew what was coming, and it made him
miserable with anticipation.

Miserable with anticipation?  :)  That boy just does not know when
to let go and accept happiness.

Nope. ^_^ 

I'm a rat-bastard for letting him do it to himself, too.

Ryouga and Nabiki seem to be pretty much in character, considering
the lemon aspect.  I don't know if it was intentional or not, but
I got the imagery of a pig rooting its snout through slop.  ^_^;

You got that. Yes, my intent was to make the 'pleasuring' as un-romantic as
possible. Ryouga and Nabs have got a lot to work out. Step 1. is figuring
out exactly why they're together in the first place.

	Ryouga's head fell over, his unseeing eyes staring lifelessly up
at her and his jaw hanging loosely open. His skin was pale white, and
growing cold.

Ooh!  What you DID!  :)=

Bad Nabiki!

where she had fed earlier.

Interesting trivia:  I have a friend training the same sort of thing
that Ryoga did.  No, not blowing up rocks; getting beaten.  After
enough training, you stop bruising.

Hmmm... The bruises are supposed to be side-effects of the healing puncture
wound the vampire leaves. Do you think the bruises would still diminish in
the same way?

	After what they had shared, the feeding seemed almost an
afterthought.

Isn't it the feeding that *makes* her horny? 

Yes.

Seems to me
she should have drunk first, then boinked the good doctor.

This was intentional. Kasumi has made 'feeding' part of making love,
instead of plain ol' sex being a part of the feeding.

Like I said. Kasumi is exploring some new moral ground here...

Heh.  Caringly doesn't appear to be a word.  When I tried to get
suggestions from MS Word for alternate spellings, the top of the
list was: "carnally"  ;)

Me too, oddly enough. 1972 Webster's unabridged has it, tho...

	A ray of moonlight fell across her eye. After several minutes of
groggy dreaming, she opened her eyes. Between the parted curtains, the
clouds streamed past the window as quickly as if it were storming.

That damned ray of moonlight seems to be waking up quite a few of
the sisters.  :)

Actually, I don't know if you want to make it a unifying part of the
story.  Have an introductory paragraph about the size of the moon and
the brilliance of its glow, and use it as a communal thread between
the scenes.

Actually, the 'rushing' moonlight is supposed to be a common, clue giving
theme. I may expand it a little bit. Thanks for the note.

Excuse me...  [steps aside and laughs maniacally]

[composes face]  Yay!  Akane's back!

She's here to stay!

	"No, please no, Ranma..." Akane covered her mouth, feeling her
fangs pushing into the skin of her palms.

Okay, maybe I'm a sick bastard, but I like seeing Akane going through
the emotional ringer, here.  Not out of any sense of justice for
betraying Ranma, mind you.  I just like seeing the raw emotion.  >:)

If you are a sick bastard, then I'm in just incredible shape, because this
was my favorite scene to write so far.

	Jerking her out of her reverie, there was a click. To Akane's
ears it resounded through the house like a gunshot.

Could you clarify this as a door opening?

Okay. Actually, it was the Window over the furo. Ranma zips upstairs and
starts unloading his clothes, thinking that every one is asleep. I'll fix it.

I was wondering where the heck Ranma came from, and I
don't think stating that it was a door spoils the surprise.

	Across the hall, she could tell that Nodoka had been making love
to her husband. There was a deep earthy smell coming from the room as
well. Akane wished she knew what it meant.

The readers are curious, as well.  :j

They're supposed to be. This is a reference to certain events in 16a, which
was orignally part of sixteen, but cut, since the whole 20k can be boiled
down to 'Genma and Nodoka get it on and try not to worry about Ranma'.

the brightest, fiery red and the darkest, earthiest green.

Gee, I wonder who that could be?  :)

Hmm... ^_^

More seriously, if he smells like a man and a woman, why didn't
she pick up the porcine nature of Ryoga?

She doesn't already have Ranma smell all over her and in her bed. Give her
a few more days of P-chan not sleeping with her.

	Her wings had spread slightly. She seemed to want to hide inside
them. Out in front, however, held in her hand was the present he had
given her for her birthday.

I'm a little confused here.  What's he looking at?  The wings don't
glint, but neither would Ranma stutter about the figurine.  Could
you clarify this?

I'll fix it. Ranma's getting a highlight off the hair on the wings. It's
the same color as the rest of Akane's hair, so it's got blue-black highlights.

	And the two were embracing.

This happened just a *little* too fast for me.

Hmmm... Maybe Akane's using a little persuasion power on him?

Actually, it may be just a bit fast. I may need to re-time the scene slightly.

This is also good, helping to make their opinions known.
Ranma *wants* to love Akane, but he *can't*.

Heh...

Like I said. This was my favorite scene to write.

	*Take the guilt away,* Nabiki prayed.

[winces]  Not the most promising reason to have sex...

Nope. It ain't, is it? 

The line is hard to read, but it's *supposed* to be hard to read. Let's
have a show of hands of people who despair of Nabiki ever getting it right.

If you're hand is up, then I've done my job as a writer.

	"Should I punish you?" the nameless girl asked. She let the backs
of her nails run down Akane's trembling cheek and onto her neck. "Would
that make him happy? I think that he should like to hear you scream,
don't you?"

Wait, is this part 2 of Centaur?  [shakes head]
I should have finished C&Cing that before starting this...  8)

Heh...

Nameless girl isn't Kodachi, but...

	*WhupCCSSHH*

	Kodachi's ribbon cracked over Akane's naked, helpless body. The shorter
girl trembled in fear, but was unable to cry out. Her mouth was gagged with
a scarf and her hands and feet were tied to the bedframe with soft nylon rope.
	
	She struggled to free herself, but the rope was just too strong for even her.

	"For hurting my Ranma-sama," Kodachi declared. "I will punish you. I think
that Ranma would like to hear you scream. Don't you?"

Ahem...

(I better stop that before I get to like it...)

Okay, this whole scene is disturbing...

Yeah! Great, isn't it?

I only have the English dubs, so I don't know what honorific
Sasuke ueses.  I take it that it's not -sama?

I *beleive* that he uses 'Dono' for both the Kunou Twits *and* Akane on at
least one occasion. I'm fairly sure he uses it for Ranma in 'Ranma vs. The
Phoenix'. I'll have to re-watch and check.

Okay, I really liked this part.  That's probably in large part due
to the Ranma and Akane scene.  Plus, no Nodoka.  :j  This reader
thanks you for keeping that particular scene in it's own side story!
^_^;

*bows*

I look forward to seeing what Ranma "changing the rules" is;  I've been
hoping for it to happen for a while.  I'm also curious about Ukyo, after
her own ravener experience.

Ukyou's been having a hard time. She was beaten rather badly, and suffered
a little bit of head trauma when she fell. We get to see what's been going
through her head in Ch17.

I dunno, I just like reading about people having mental breakdowns.
Does that make me evil?

Well...

(Don't answer that.)

Okay.

I'm a little upset that there was no mention of Akane in the next ep,
(she's gotten so little screen time!) but I do like the fact that
Ranma's thoughts about changing the rules includes Akane.

Ch17 is going to focus on Shampoo, Ukyou, Ranma and Nabiki at Furinken.

Ch18 is going to focus on the same period of time at the dojo. Akane has
been out of the action, but she's probably the second most important
character in the second half of the story.

Looking forward to more.  Have fun writing!

Thanks!
* * *
Chris Jones - guilty@arn.net 
The Ranma 1/2 Gallery - http://cyberwheel.simplenet.com/ranma

It's 1999. Do you know what your children are?