Well, this one has been revised a bit since it was posted 
over a year ago.
Writing sharpened up, a couple of scenes with changed 
dialogue. Hope you
enjoy it.

	Actually, I did, which surprised me in a fashion.  Usually, I don't
care too much for fics like this, but this one was both serious enough and
funny enough (in some respects) that it seemed more than somewhat plausible.
Good work.

	Note: the C&C was inserted as I read the fic, but I added some parts
after I'd finished.

The Veils Placed Over Others' Eyes


By D.B. Sommer
Any and all C+C appreciated
You can contact me at sommer@3rdm.net

Needless to say, this was inspired by 'The Masks We Must Wear' by Bob
Barnes and 'Tangled Web' by Gary Kleppe, as well as the other 
spin-off's
that were done.

	Never read 'em... now I think I'll have to. :)

Standard disclaimer:
I disclaim I own any of these characters. They belong to the Goddess
Takahashi and whomever she sold the rights to.

[THIS ONE IS HEAVY IN THE LIME, ALMOST A LEMON, BUT NOT THAT 
DESCRIPTIVE.]

	<snort>  Yer walkin' the line here, buddy... ;)




<snip>

On the roof of one of another nearby building, Cologne sighed. Another
typical day in Nerima. Her great-granddaughter screwed up 
once more and
Mousse was going to be beaten within an inch of his life by 
Akane, just
like the other times he grabbed her. It was odd how his 
survival instincts
hadn't kicked in yet.

	They're being overridden by his hormones. ;)

Mousse really needed a new prescription. His vision was getting worse,
even with his glasses. In the last couple of months he had 
abducted Nabiki
twice, Ukyou three times, Ryouga once, and Akane a whopping 
seven times in
his efforts to snare Ranma. The poor fool never even came close to his
actual target anymore.

A second sigh escaped her lips as she recalled events from no 
more than
two hours ago...

	Eww... well, it ain't the worst flashback tag I've seen, but I do
think you make too much use of this throughout the fic.  I don't know if
it's possible for some, but you might want to think of a better way to say
this.
	Personally, I'd avoid using flashbacks altogether, but hey - your
fic. :)


 

Cologne entered the kitchen to see Shampoo humming to herself 
as she made
a batch of ramen. Taking a chance, Cologne looked over the 
ingredients on
the counter next to the stove.

"Shampoo, what are you doing?"

"I make ramen for Ranma," she sighed dreamily.

	Shamps used a personal pronoun?  Whoa....

The elder picked up a bottle next to the stove. "You're using 
mind-control
mushrooms again."

Shampoo nodded enthusiastically. "Shampoo make Ranma admit he loves
Shampoo this time and airen and Shampoo can get married."

	<scratches head>  Waitaminute... one second it's "I" and the next
it's "Shampoo"?  Confusion....

Cologne took a deep breath to calm herself. If she could 
maintain a stoic
face and emotionless voice with the council, she could do it 
with her own
great granddaughter. "Shampoo, those magic potions do nothing 
but backfire
and alienate Ranma from you and even if it does work it'll only be
temporary. Once it wears off he'll dislike you even more. 
Don't use them."

	I think I like this Cologne more than the standard cliche 'conniving
crone from Hell' that she is usually portrayed as.

Shampoo shook her head. "It work this time. And once Ranma 
admit feelings
to himself, Ranma admit them to everyone else. And then 
Shampoo can hug
him and he kiss Sham-"

Cologne cut off the fantasy that was starting to take root as 
her temper
really started to fray. This was the same conversation she had with
Shampoo more than a dozen times. "He won't admit he loves you until he
actually does. You have to change the way you act around him or you're
never going to win his heart. It's like when you embrace him. 
You know how
much he hates it, so why do you keep doing it?"

"Ranma always happy to see Shampoo," Shampoo said, as though confused
about what her great grandmother was talking about. "Ranma shout out
enthusiastically when Shampoo grab him."

	I _REALLY_ had to bite my tongue here... oh, this could have been SO
easy... :)



<snip>

For the briefest of moment, Cologne considered throwing Shampoo to the
wall. However, she regained her temper and decided to switch tactics
instead. "Would you please start using personal pronouns? 
You've been in
this country for nearly a year and you still haven't improved your
language skills since the first few months. How long can it 
take to learn
saying I, me, he, she, and words like that?"

	My sentiments exactly!



<snip>

The elder took a deep breath. "It's not that hard once you master the
basics. Even Mousse speaks the tongue fluently and you're a 
lot smarter
than him."

	That is debatable.  But not on the list!

Cologne was beginning to wonder about that. Early on Shampoo 
had seemed
very bright and attentive, it was one of the reason she was happy to
choose Shampoo as her successor and the future leader of the 
tribe, but in
the last three years that normally bright attentiveness had 
been replaced
by an almost vacuous distance. The purple-haired girl began acting
irrationally and had difficulty learning new things. At first 
Cologne was
afraid Shampoo had been struck in the head and was brain 
damaged, but a
careful examination that was physical, magical, and involved using chi
discovered nothing out of sorts. Whatever had changed Shampoo 
was a part
of her. She still could learn things, but it seemed to take 
her forever,
and she just couldn't seem to figure out how to handle Ranma.

	Hmm... geez.  You've just made my head hurt... Valley Girl Shampoo!

	God, that was an awful pun, too...


 
<snip>

reluctant to use it. The alternative was a way to boost Shampoo's
intelligence so she could become smarter and realize how she should go
about winning Ranma and start taking her role as the next village
matriarch more seriously. The problem with the method was 
that it would
take close to four months and might leave her a little... 
unbalanced. Just
a tad, really. But sometimes you had to break a few eggs to 
get the job
done.

	Hmm... so was Kodachi the experimental subject for the development
of this technique? :)



 
<snip>

Cologne went to her room and undid the magic seals on her 
chest.

	<snicker>  You know, the way that's worded... :)


	Cologne went to her room and undid the magic seals on her chest.
	Out in the kitchen, over the bubbling of the pot and the crash of
various kitchen utensils, a crunching sound caught Shampoos attention.
Curious, she followed it back to her great-grandmothers room.
	"Great-grandmother?" she said, knocking.
	"Mmmrmphf," was the muffled reply.
	Slightly alarmed now, Shampoo produced one of her bonbori and
wrenched open the door, then fell back in amazement as Cologne came through
the door... and through the door... and through the door...
	"G-great-grandmother?" Shampoo whispered, fear constricting her
throat.  An exasperated sigh was the reply.
	"Stop staring and help me get them back into my bra, child."



	Sorry, it just popped into my head... :)


<snip whole Nabiki/Ukyou love scene - more on THAT farther down>

"I told you," Ukyou reminded her. "I'm hungry. Now I'm going to eat."

Ukyou lunged forward and began doing exactly that. Nabiki 
allowed her mind
to go back to how this all had began before her thoughts could be
interrupted...

	Again wit de flashbacks... oy vey. ;)

	Okay, while I'm all for odd matchups, this one threw me.  Ukyou and
Nabiki?

	And yet, it could work... barely. :)  But there was some stuff that
bugged me.  Why is Nabsie being so passive?  I mean, she doesn't have to be
Ms. Badass, but still... she's almost meek during this, and that's just not
her style.
	And I find it hard to swallow that Ukyou could be THAT good an
actress... actor... whatever.  She's fooling EVERYBODY into thinking that
she loves Ranma?  Somehow I don't think so... I mean, sure, Nerimans seem to
have permanent blind spots most of the time, but this is still a bit hard to
take.  Cologne, at least, should have SOME idea that something odd is going
on.  What about Ukyou's assistant (can't remember his name right now)?
Would he have a clue?  I mean, he only works there, right? :P


<snip>

The two fathers hoped the next opponent would be the one to 
get Ranma and
Akane to admit their love. They were starting to run out of potential
candidates.

	You know, this is almost TOO plausible....


<snip> 

Kasumi expression changed from amused to serious. "Now, now, 
doctor. Do
you see anyone else in the room?"

Dr. Tofu pointed to a skeleton on his left.

"That's Betty-chan, doctor."

Tofu looked down at the ground in shame. "I'm sorry, mistress."

	<blink blink>  Aw, man... I should have seen THIS coming. :)


<snip>

"I'm feeling very affectionate today. I think we should use 
the gag. After
all, we wouldn't want people to know exactly why your glasses fog up."

"Yes, mistress."

Kasumi grinned once more with a smile identical to her mother's.

	AIIEEEE!!!  Ok, that's it.  Hell's investing in central heating,
pigs are bombing people like pigeons, monkeys are zooming out of places they
shouldn't have been in the first place, and I think I just felt the Earth
stop spinning.
	_Kasumi_ AND her mom... are (or were) doms?  Oh, that is probably
the most frightening thing I've read all week... barring the Ranma/Cologne
lemon spamfic, of course.
	Where do you GET this stuff? :)

Ryouga looked to the skies above. He was lost again, just 
like he wanted
to be. He had left Akari's farm a few days ago, and truly did 
not want to
return. Akari really was a sweet girl, but it would never 
work out between
the two of them. It wasn't just the pig fetish she had, which 
really and
truly disgusted him, it was the other thing that had become 
obvious to him
in recent weeks. It was the truth he had finally admitted to 
himself.

	This is leading somewhere I probably won't like, isn't it?

He
tried denying it for years by pretending to be something he 
wasn't, but
each time he failed miserably. He just didn't have the 
strength to deny
what he was, no matter how wrong others said it was.

He now accepted why he hadn't try to do anything with the very willing
Akari. He recognized why he passed out at the sight of nude 
or near nude
women. He now accepted the real reason he claimed he wanted Akane yet
never made any real passes at her. He understood why he made such
painfully obvious blunders around her and refused to speak 
his heart to
her. He knew why he continued sleeping with her as P-chan, 
knowing all the
while she would eventually learn the truth and hate him. It 
wasn't because
he wanted Akane's attention. No. He had now accepted the real 
reason he
sought out Ranma for so many years.

	I'm getting a very bad feeling about this...

Anger over bread? Hardly. Standing him up for their match 
that Ryouga was
late for? That was a major part of it, but not for the stated reasons
everyone thought. It all came down to one thing. The hanging out with
Akane and provoking Ranma. The constant attacks on Ranma. The 
four years
on the road searching for him. All of them were for one 
thing. All of them
were desperate attempts at gaining Ranma's attention. And why 
did he want
Ranma's attention?

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, RANMA SAOTOME!!!" he shouted to no one 
in particular.

	I knew it!  I knew I had the right answer!  Waitaminute...

	NooooOoO!!!



<snip for comments>

	I'm going to skip a lot of this, because frankly, I'm running out of
comments. :)

	Actually, I'm not, but I _am_ running out of time.  So I'll only be
touching briefly on the rest of the fic. :)

"Let's run away together."

	Famous last words! :)



<snip the rest - mostly>

	I like what you've done, really.  It works, it flows, and it's fun.
But MAN do you come up with some TWISTED stuff! :)


<snip rest>

	That bit about the Kunous was a hoot!  Great work!


Overall:
	
	Good job.  I find myself hoping there's more to come.

	Brian Payne
	sofaspud@ior.com
	brianp@nhspokane.com
	http://www.ior.com/~sofaspud