(This is my first post, so hopefully it's up to snuff. You can e-mail
me directly if you want. - Kosagi-kun)
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INTRODUCTION: For those who've not seen her show, Judge Judy is a TV
judge who tries civil cases on FOX. She's sharp, quick-witted and
maybe a touch cranky. She's also the Designated Adult who tells her
cases exactly where they stand in life. So ... what if she had to deal
with Toon Town Tokyo?
Judge Judy Toontown Tokyo / Slayers NEXT - PART 1 of 2
A Fanfic Xover by Kosagi
e-mail: legion@erinet.com
URL: http://members.tripod.com/Anarchy_Acre/Home.html
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VOICE OVER: Judge Judy ... This is her Courtroom - And she can keep it
- The Cases are Unreal, The People are even less so, the rulings ...
are the only sane thing on this show.
(Scenes of Judge Judy holding forth, rotating into the image of a
courthouse.)
VOICE OVER: Today on Judge Judy...
JUDGE JUDY: (Glares off camera) Do I look like I have STUPID written
on my forehead? (Gestures at her forehead with finger, as the word
'STUPID' slowly appears.)
ZELGADIS: (Sweatdrop) Well, now that you mention it
XELLOS: /^-^\
(Switch to Rina glaring at Xellos and preparing a Dragon Slave.)
RINA: Darkness from twilight, crimson from blood that flows...
VOICE OVER: And now... Judge Judy.
(Switch to courtroom door.)
VOICE OVER: Today's Plaintiff: Zelgadis Greywars.
(Zelgadis enters the room, cloak covering his head and a sword at his
side. Burt takes the sword and gestures for him to take his place. He
is accompanied by Rina, Gourry, Amelia and Martina.)
VOICE OVER.: Mr. Greywars claims the defendant -- Xelloss Metallium --
consistently interfered with his efforts to retrieve a copy of the
Claire Bible, thus preventing him from finding a cure for the
disfiguring skin disease with which he's afflicted. He's suing the
defendant for expenses, health care, and pain and suffering.
(Xelloss enters, smiles all around. He waves at Zelgadis, who glares
at him.)
VOICE OVER: Xelloss Metallium doesn't deny that he interfered with
Zelgadis' quest but says that he was under orders and that the Claire
Bible doesn't have a cure anyway. He claims he owes the defendant
nothing.
(Pan from defendant to plaintiff; Xelloss hasn't lost his smile and
Zelgadis has a cloud of blue lines hanging over him.)
VOICE OVER: And now Judge Judy.
(Switch to Judge Judy entering the courtroom. She takes a look at her
current case and raises a brow, then takes her seat.)
Burt: Everyone come to order. The parties have been sworn in Judge...
well the plaintiffs have... (glances at Xellos, then looks back at the
audience) You may be seated. (The audience sits.)
JUDGE JUDY: (Looks at Xelloss) Burt tells me you refuse to swear in?
Is this true?
XELLOS: (Smiles) Ma'am, I'm a Mazoku. Are you trying to kill me?
JUDGE JUDY: (Eyes narrow.) Ma Zoku?
XELLOS: Or Mazo Ku. Take your pick.
AUTHOR: Ma-Zoku- Demon People, Mazo Ku=Masochist Pain (Thanks to
Harukami San for this information. Heh.)
JUDGE JUDY: (Considers this. Eyes light up.) Which Master?
XELLOS: (Surprised expression) Er... Juu Ou Sama...
JUDGE JUDY: (Pleased.) Good! Swear by her, then!
XELLOS: (sweat drop) Oh, very well. (Burt goes over, carrying a book
bound in what might be human skin -- gingerly -- and Xelloss swears
in. Smoke roils around him and he's briefly zorched. When smoke clears
he looks rather like someone who's just had a night of it.) Thank you
Juu Ou Sama.
JUU OU SAMA: (From out of nowhere) You're welcome Xel-chan. Good luck.
I think you'll need it.
JUDGE JUDY: (turns to look at Zelgadis) Now, you, young man. Take off
that hood.
ZELGADIS: (Embarrassed.) I'd... rather not, ma'am.
JUDGE JUDY: (Considers this) Are you _that_ disfigured?
AMELIA: Oh he's not that bad looking, once you get used to the
rocks...
ZELGADIS: (Glares at Amelia) Thanks a lot.
JUDGE JUDY: And who are you, young lady?
AMELIA: (Obviously excited to be here) I'm Amelia wil Tesla Sailune,
Princess of Sailune.
JUDGE JUDY: Well, Princess, until you're called, you can sit down and
be quiet. (While Amelia, embarassedly, goes back to her seat, Judge
Judy turns back to look at Zel.) Show me your face. I'll decide if
it's that bad.
(Camera shot of Zel from behind as he raises the hood enough to show
his features to the Judge.)
JUDGE JUDY: I've seen worse. C-Ko, for example.
(Entire Slayers Cast, including Xelloss, face faults.)
JUDGE JUDY: Take off the hood, young man.
ZELGADIS: (Unwillingly complies. Various audience members swoon.) You
see?
JUDGE JUDY: (Glances into the audience and notes certain fan-girls
raising signs with Zelgadis' name on them.) I don't think they're
fainting for the reason you think. (Sighs.) In any case, let's get it
on and get it... no, wait, that's Mills' line. (Looks off at the
camera.) Sorry dear.
AUTHOR: Judge Mills Lane, another TV Judge and the ref in the infamous
Tyson fight.
JUDGE JUDY: (Looks back at Zelgadis.) Now, let me see if I understand
your case. You say that you've been searching for a cure and believe
it to be available in something called the Claire Bible?
ZELGADIS: (Nods.) That's right. It's a holy book written by the Water
Dragon, Aqua. I'd been searching for a copy and _he_ (glares at
Xelloss) keeps interfering. He told us where one copy was, then, just
as I got my hands on it, he burned it up. Then he kept leading us on
wild goose chases -- deliberately getting us into the most
embarrassing positions possible.
JUDGE JUDY: So you say in your statement. Tell me something, Zelgadis.
Why is it, after this man... er... demon... has proved himself
untrustworthy, do you continue to let him lead you into trouble?
ZELGADIS: [sweat drops.)
XELLOS: Self-destructive tendencies? Masochism? He's secretly in love
with me? (A glare from Judge Judy shuts him up, but does nothing to
wipe the smile off.)
JUDGE JUDY: If I need your help I'll ask for it. (Looks back at
Zelgadis.) Well?
ZELGADIS: It's just that... I'm sort of desperate. He knows it and
keeps tempting me to follow... (Zelgadis' voice dies off.)
JUDGE JUDY: [Eyes narrow] Do I look like I have STUPID written on my
forehead? (Gestures at her forehead with finger, as the word 'STUPID'
slowly appears.)
(Switch to Zelgadis.)
ZELGADIS: (Sweatdrop) Well, now that you mention it...
XELLOS: /^-^\
(Judge Judy pauses, reaches into her desk and comes up with a mirror.
Examining her forehead she holds her hand out to Burt.)
JUDGE JUDY: [Deadly calm] A handkerchief please, Burt.
(Burt gives the Judge a handkerchief and she wipes the word off. She
looks at Xelloss.)
XELLOS: Well, you _did_ ask.
JUDGE JUDY: Don't!! play games with me, young man. Any more of this
nonsense and you're out of here.
XELLOS: Hai hai. (Still smiling)
JUDGE JUDY: (Turns to Burt and hands him the hankie) Burt -- take care
of that irritating smile for me.
BURT: Yes ma'am. (Burt walks over to Xelloss and uses the handkerchief
to literally wipe the smile off his face.)
XELLOS: (Distressed voice) Yare yare.
ZELGADIS: You see, ma'am?
JUDGE JUDY: (Looks at Zelgadis) Oh, I believe you when you say he
likes to play with your mind. What I'm trying to understand is why you
keep letting him.
(Shot of Xellos using a marker to redraw his face.)
RINA: He's clever. He always has a plausible excuse. And he's never
really _lied_ to us, after all.
XELLOS: (Having restored his smile.) Not to mention they're gullible.
RINA: (Eyes narrow as she turns to look at Xelloss) Darkness from
twilight, crimson from blood that flows...
JUDGE JUDY: [Deep breath] Balance of mercy and law, Justice beyond
humanity. I pledge myself to the Law and Order that keeps all things
together. Let my power and thine become one that those who defy us be
controlled. LEGAL BOOK! (She throws something at Rina.)
(A large, incredibly heavy, book strikes Rina mid-forehead, knocking
her over and out.)
XELLOS: Kowaii-desu. (Eyes actually open.)
Continued in PART 2
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Fiction is a lie with which to tell the truth.
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