The Accidental Goddess

Previous chapters may be found at:
http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder

Woohoo, homepage!  It's too bad that "The Prank That Wasn't"
is on indefinite hiatus, though.  :(

The reasons for that are many and various. I'll talk to you about
it in a separate message.

congregated in a clearing and chased each other around,

practicing for

more serious pursuits in the seasons to come.

Ahem.  :j

Thank you, thank you. As pitiful as it was, someone got it! :)

The iron gates began to rattle in their stanchions as a wind

picked up,

but the motion confined itself to passing through the iron

bars, coming

from nowhere and going nowhere. The velocity increased, and the

path of

the gale bent around and back through the latticework, creating

a small

cyclone. The wind's strength continued to build, and debris and

leaf

litter were picked up and added to the yellow and dark gray

smoke that

had begun to color the growing maelstrom.

suggest:  As the wind's strength continued to build, debris,

leaves, and

litter were picked up.
(What's leaf litter?)

A mass of shed and dying or dead leaves. It's a term I'm used to
hearing, but perhaps others aren't.

The gyrating and turbulent sphere of darkling smoke and wind

moved away

from the fence and positioned itself just inside the gates. Its
intensity increased momentarily before exploding outward in

streaks of

yellow and dark gray interspersed with dead and dying leaves

and twigs.

Well, I had to look up darkling, to see if it is a real word, and

it is!

"being or taking place in the dark."  It sounds like plain old

"dark

smoke" might be more appropriate.

Hmmm. My mental definition was somewhat different, but I'm game.

In the fury's place, a woman stood. She tossed her curly

dark-blonde

hair off of her shoulders with the backs of both hands and

surveyed her

surroundings. Satisfied, she laughed softly to herself in a

rough and

husky voice. A large hand mirror appeared in her hand, conjured

forth

to check the set of her clothing and to survey any damage to

her

appearance caused by her violent mode of travel.

suggest:  backs of her hands
(Is it necessary to say both?)

Point.

Happy that the larger portion of her face and hair had escaped
unscathed, she examined her apparel. The green silk blouse

still hung

well from her shoulders, and she pulled some hair from inside

the

collar, straightening the collar as she did so. She smoothed

down her

tight, gray leather mini and bent around to check the fitting

around

her rump -- she wanted that to be very *noticeable*.

suggest:  fitting around her butt
(Actually, I suspect Mara would use the term @ss, but I don't

know

if you want that language.  "Rump" sounds more like a cut of meat
then a body part, though.)

*laughter* Excellent point, although one musn't discount the
possibility of future "meatier" endeavours. :)

She primped her hair one final time before dispelling the

mirror, and

Mara, Class I Demon, cocked her hands on her hips and smiled a

feral

smile, teeth flashing in the grey light. She looked up the

paved

entrance to the mansion.

suggest:  and smiled ferally
(It's a word I tell you!  Ignore the dictionary!)

I like that better, too. Besides, English is fluid enough that I
don't think old Daniel's gonna crawl out of his grave and berate
us for our usage. :)

Twin stars of black power appeared in her hands, and with a

mighty

yell, she bathed the branch in searing power. The tree limb

burned

black for about 20 seconds before falling off its host tree.

Mara

opened her mouth, intending to let loose an evil cackle, when a

shaft

of light from a break in the canopy caught and flashed on a

second

vertical wire attached to the limb. With her mouth still open,

Mara

grimly considered the perpetrator of these crimes against

demonkind.

<What kind of sick bastard double wires a booby tra-->

I can tell it's true love.  ;)=

I have no doubt that she can relate. ~_^

In her underworld quarters, Demon Class I Mara slammed down her

third

whisky neat. <Tomorrow... yeah, that's it! I'll go see him

tomorrow.>

She shakily reached out for the bottle to pour herself a

fourth.

Aw.  [pout]  And I so wanted to see them together!

And you will :), but perhaps not like you'd expect. :j

"You call that *trainin'*, Pops?!" a resonant and slightly

husky female

voice called.

Hmm.  Resonant and husky are not words I'd use to describe

girl-type

Ranma's voice.  :)  (Not so sure about goddess-type Ranma.)

Let me think on that. I guess it depends on whether you're
thinking of the American or Japanese voice actress. The American
version is more cartoony, to my mind.

"Why, you, I'll have you know I--" *CLANG* "URK!!" *SPLASH* A

severely

dented washtub fell to the ground.

Um... Where did that come from?  ^_^;

Where it always comes from. Stuff-space. :P Seriously, problem?
Really? In the anime, they seemed to find it often enough. (Eeek!
I made an "anime" reference. Shoot me! Now!!)

In the guest room of the Tendou home, a white-haired woman

cracked her

eyes open and muttered, "What the... Don't they ever give it a

rest?

Yelling, shouting..." Urd, Norn and Goddess of the Past,

humphed and

rolled over, pulling the blanket over her head. She drifted

back into a

half-doze, and her thoughts ran freely through the events of

the

previous evening.

I believe all the rooms of the Tendo house are already filled up:
http://www.dougmacd.net/ranma/house.html

Point, but I didn't feel it would've served the story much to tell
who bunked with who(m?), especially since everyone else (except
possibly Akane) is already up when the scene starts. It's good
info for the purpose of keeping mental track of where everyone is,
but otherwise...

Although, since Happosai seems to have found himself banished to
another "-helm" for the time being, I'm sure they'd be happy to
put her there.

Ewwww!

It'll be interesting to see what happens when he gets back, of
course.  ;)

Roast Happi is probably tough and stringy. Don't look for it in
your supermarket anytime soon.

The Kunou boy had only just laid eyes on the tableau of Akane

and his

"pig-tailed goddess" apparently making out, with everyone

watching,

when Akane had burst out of the clinch, leaving Ranma's nude

female

form open to momentary scrutiny. As Kunou's nose began to leak

blood,

Akane, glowing blue from a jealous rage, had booted Kunou into

a high

arc over Nerima Ward.

Akane:  *Apparently* making out?  [raises eyebrow]
Ranma:  Well, I *am* naked.
Akane:  So?
Ranma:  And you *are* all over me...
Akane:  [stops [glomping and smooching]
Ranma:  Not that that's a Bad Thing...

I could run with this, but there are children in the audience. :P

cap:  ward.
(I think.)

Probably.

Further, Akane's rage had seemed to have exorcised kami-Ranma's

little

shot of "love me" juice, and Akane had stood there for several

moments,

a distant expression gradually settling on her face. With her

eyes and

thoughts turned inward, Akane had slowly made her way up the

stairs and

into her room; she didn't come back down for what remained of

the

evening.

What?  No anger or embarrassment?  Hmmm...

I think by that point, given all that she's done under
kami-Ranma's influence, anger or embarrassment would just be
superfluous. However, I think she slipped right into depressed,
having taken out her anger on Kunou. Besides, Ranma is not doing
really great at that moment, and Akane doesn't usually kick Ranma
when he or she is down. Well, the manga Akane doesn't.

Urd sat up, the last vestige of sleep shaken from her mind.

<What

the... That sounded awfully familiar.> The window in the

guestroom

opened onto blue sky, so, uneasy, she willed her blue goddess

robe on

and left. After making her way to the backyard, she saw a

charred and

smoking Genma and Ranma lying about three meters apart. Midway

between

them, a sparkling message plaque was etched into the soil. <Oh,

boy...

I guess I should've expected this sooner or later.> Urd stepped

up and

began to silently read the missive from on high.

Is there writing in the soil, or a plaque?  If the latter...

Nabiki:  MINE!!!
Ranma:  Geez, what's with you?
Nabiki:  Just think!  The ultimate collector's item!  Signed by
   Kami-sama himself!  [drool]  I'll make a mint selling it to
   some church!

Or she could rent it out. Say, a million en per month? She'll let
you touch it for 5,000 and give you a slip of paper in return.
Tendou Nabiki - The Pardoner's Tale. Stones are being pushed up
from the floor of Westminster Abbey. :P

Kasumi blushed slightly and said, with a sparkle in her eye,

"Well, we

certainly wouldn't want the Tendou family to be on the bad side

of the

kami. Ne, Ranma-sama?"

As voiced by Hayashibara Megami.  ;)

:j

Kasumi laughed and relieved Ranma of the empty cup. "Any time,

oh

heavenly one." Continuing to lightly laugh at their banter,

Kasumi

strolled back into the house to continue with the preparation

of

breakfast, and Ranma couldn't help but smile at the eldest

Tendou

daughter's humor. She gasped, then relaxed. <Why didn't Kasumi

get some

of what Akane had? Maybe I didn't have any left or somethin'.

But if

that's the case, Akane shouldn't of gotten zapped either.>

*SIGH* <All

this is makin' my head hurt.> Ranma then spied Urd studying

ground zero

of that strange lightning strike, so she pulled herself up and

walked

over, sparing the still unconscious Genma a redeye and a

wagging

tongue.

suggest:  <Why didn't Kasumi get love-zapped like Akane?>
or:  <Why didn't Kasumi get any love-me juice like Akane?>
(Provide a little context for what Akane "had".)

Okay.

"A message from Kamisama." Urd looked up to see Ranma several

yards

away and staring wildly at the plaque. "Relax, Ranma. It's just

writing

in the dirt. The only fireworks were the ones that toasted you

and the

panda-man." Ranma still radiated reluctance.

suggest:  Kami-sama.
(You use the hyphenated form when Kasumi banters to Ranma, and I

think

it's a little clearer that it's a highly honorific form of god,

rather

than just a name.)

Point.

"Yeah, maybe! But it's from, from Kamisama!" Ranma began to

shift

around, looking in all directions. "Awww, Man! This kinda stuff

always

gets me into trouble!"

Urd:  This kind of stuff?  You get magical plaques very often?
Ranma:  Do magical pickle recipes count?
Kirin:  You can't imagine my happiness when you were associated
   with the Norn gods and not the Seven Lucky Gods!  To be

forced

   into your company...
Benten:  And to have to change our names to the Eight Lucky Gods!
Ebiten:  Yeah, that's not a very lucky number at all!

I bow in the presence of a master. I am without rejoinder. :)

The only thing Ranma could come up with in reply was, "4:00

PM... They

have clocks in *Heaven*?!"

Heavenly Standard Time?  :)

It's always 3.14 hours ahead.

[...]

A figure slid back down the outside of the wall surrounding the

Tendou

compound, scraping his hands a little on the stones' rough

surface.

suggest:  tiles'
or:  stone tiles'
(The walls appear to be covered with a peaked roofing tile.)

Very good. Thanks!

Crouching, he blew on his hands to cool the burn. Looking both

ways

down the narrow alley, he muttered to himself. "Damn goddesses,
hovering around all the time. I'll never get the prize at this

rate."

"The prize"?  Would that be Ranma-sama?

Or a certain something she possesses and has yet to give up? :)

Retsujouki climbed to his feet and walked down the passage,

strolling

nonchalantly into the mix of pedestrians on the sidewalk. He

kept his

hands jammed into his pockets, not to hide the scrapes but to

keep the

tremors from being visible. Something about this new goddess

was

getting to him.

suggest:  not only to hide... but also to
(He strikes me as the narcissistic type.)

And you are correct, Sir!   Will change.

<What fire! What beauty! What spirit!! Oh, how sweet her nectar

must

be!> His trembling momentarily increased.

This is sounding like banter out of Garden on Eva...  ^_^;

Not being terribly familiar with that series, I'll take your word
for it. ^_^;;;;

<I need a plan.> However, nothing immediately occurred to him,

not with

the Norns on guard. On his fourteenth circuit of the block,

Resujouki's

frustration finally got the better of him, and he recklessly

scaled the

wall behind the dojo. <I've got to get into those panties!!>

There's a big collection in Happosai's room...

Wrong flavors.

suggest:  nothing occurred to him -- not with

Gray area time. I'm not balking, but why?

[...]

"WOO-HOOOO!!! HAAAAHAHAHAAAA!!! Pretty LADIES!!! Well... some

of you,

anyway, but I still cherish you all!! HOTCHAAAAA!!!"

If it's got breasts, he can ignore the occasional tail, hoof,

horn or

wing.

"But it don't mean a thing, if it ain't got that schwing." Ba-dum!

The little girl joined the flying, running, and slithering

horde as it

chased a giddy Master Happousai across the reaches of Niflheim.

I can picture it now:  demonesses, impettes, and succubi,

wielding

infernal mallets and chasing down Happi...  "Niflball!"

It's the latest craze for the underworld jet set. Too bad Happi
won't be able to collect any marketing royalties.

Nodoka smiled at Kasumi and Ranma sharing a joke after her son,

er,

daughter finished her coffee. Nodoka shook her head. <Poor

Ranma. I've

never seen anyone attract so much trouble and strangeness.>

Nodoka

<...To say nothing of finacees.>

Ba-dum! no. 2

returned to stirring the miso as Kasumi, still chuckling,

walked back

into the kitchen.

"How is she?" Nodoka asked.

"She's... Ranma. Tough and strong."

Kasumi:  Fortunately, Akane's tenderizing him.
Akane:  Ranma no baka!  [wham!]

Ranma: Uncute!
Akane: *WHAM!*
Ranma: Tom...
Akane: *WHAM!*
Ranma: ...booiyeee...
Akane: *WHAM!* Hmmm. A-1, please.

All right, that was sick. Gomen nasai! (sorta)

Nodoka smiled at the soup in front of her. "Yes, she *has* done

well,

hasn't she?" Her smile faded away, replaced by a little sadness

as her

shoulders drooped fractionally. In response, Kasumi spoke with

concern.

Genma:  Why yes, she has done well.  And WHO'S to thank for that?

Now my hackles just went up. "Akane? Tenderize the panda."

Kasumi frowned. <*Old* woman, my fanny.> She quietly determined

to

somehow turn Ranma's situation into a way to shorten the

distance

between mother and child.

I don't claim to know Japanese, but doesn't oba-sama basically

mean

"old lady"?  'Cause that's what Kasumi just called her.

Possibly. Let me check on that.

The rumble of an approaching motorcycle and the sound of it

stopping in

front of the compound interrupted everyone's thoughts. Urd

stepped into

the house. <Good. Bell's here.>

Funny, I more picture *Urd* as a Hell's Angel.  ;)

You lost me.

Morisato Keiichi pulled his old motorcycle to the curb in front

of the

home Belldandy indicated. Belldandy rode in the sidecar, having

given a

constant stream of directions to him on the way. Keiichi just

shook his

head and thanked... well, someone that he hadn't gotten them

lost. He

moved around to the sidecar and helped Belldandy to her feet.

He spared

a second or two to admire how stylish she looked in her riding

cloak

and hat.

Unfortunately, she was so busy getting directions from the

spirits,

that she forgot to set up a low-level barrier to keep the bugs

away...

Sounds like a good place for a spit take.

"I'm going to have to break you of that embarrassment one of

these

days, you know."

Awfully forward of Bell, isn't that?

After having read the "Life Sugoroku Game" chapter and seeing
Bell's actions at the end, this doesn't seem particularly OOC to
me.

Feeling a sudden urge, Belldandy moved up and brushed her lips

lightly

against his. She moved back, leaving an even more flustered

Keiichi

staring. He was turning ruby-red... but enjoying it. A round of
clapping from the gate intruded into the moment.

A sudden urge?  Are goddesses affected by "love me" juice?  8)

Kami-sama:  So you're the one that's caused us all the trouble...
Ranma:  Ranma Saotome.  Sorry 'bout this...
Kami-sama:  Don't worry; you're [zap]  The most delectable
   creature in all of My creation.  I must have you!!!
Ranma:  eep!

It does beg the question, then, of whether Kami-sama is
susceptible to a LEO punt or not.

"Woooo! Go, girl!" Urd hooted. "Now, if we could just get that

to move

a little farther along--"

Genma, Soun, and Nabiki:  ...Then don't interrupt them while they
   are in the middle of it!
Ranma:  Pot.
Akane:  Kettle.
Ranma and Akane:  Black.

*Why* am *I* writing humor?! Jeez, the story's yours, man... :P

"Ohayou gozaimasu, Belldandy-san." Kasumi rose from her bow and

smiled

at Keiichi. "I don't believe we've been introduced."

Would Belldandy rate a -sama?

Kasumi does know what she is, and K is nothing if not proper.

"Can't I have *nothin'* my own?!" Ranma yelled. "You don't even

LIKE

coffee, but there you are, stealin' my cup! ARGH!!" She leapt

out of

the hole and at the man. The man had managed to gain his feet,

and the

two fighters went at it, tooth and nail.

suggest:  *nothin'* of my own?!
or :  *nothing'* for myself?!

I wanted it to suggest rough speech habits.

"EVERYTHING is training, lazy boy! NO! Lazy GIRL!!" Kicks

lashed out,

defenses were probed, and the battle raged around to the back

of the

house. Curious and a little stunned, the irregular onlookers

followed.

Genma:  Foolish Goddess! Think with your gut, not with your
preternatural heavenly senses!

Ranma: But I can't help it, Pops!

*ZAP!*

Genma: That's all right. Don't cry. Let Poppa hold you close, oh,
so very close... ERK!!! *THUMP!*

Akane: RAAANNNNMAAAAA!!! Why didn't you chase your father off?!
You just HAD to let him grope you!

Ranma: GAH!! It's not my fault!! Really, this time!!!

This is going nowhere... :)

suggest:  the visitors followed.
("irregular onlookers" sounds awkward.  Does Urd still count a

visitor?)

Okay and no.

Once in the backyard proper, Ranma finally managed to sweep

Genma's

feet and, in a defiance of gravity common for a Saotome, tossed

her

father into the koi pond. To Keiichi's lasting amazement and

the

goddesses' secret delight, a gigantic panda rose from the

water, a koi

caught and flopping in the arm of the bear's gi. The fish fell

out of

the clothing when the bear pawed a large amount of water out of

the

pond and onto Ranma. As Ranma stood there, the water began to

rise as

steam from her body.

suggest:  in a defiance of gravity common for Saotomes
(Heavenly or otherwise...)

Nice.

"You... you... you made me skin my knuckles," she whispered,

which

became a shout. "HE'll think I'm some stupid TOMBOY or

somethin'.

And lo, the Angel of Death arrived...
Akane:  Is there something WRONG with being a tomboy?

Actually, each of the goddesses *do* have angels, right...?  8)

Oooo! Let's not go there... just yet. :j

Panda-chan's eyes opened to dinner-plate size. "Oh, crap--" he

signed

just as he was engulfed in a scorching ball of pain.

Genma is a shining example of education in Japan's society.  Why,
even as he's about to be roasted, he take the time to *write

down*

his thoughts!  How literate!

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!

He did it for the continuity of the continuity.

Urd had been laughing since the fight started, and she was now

rolling

on the grass, beating the turf with one fist and howling.

Belldandy and

Keiichi stood there blinking. Ranma lazily sauntered up and

cocked her

hands on her shapely hips. "Ranma one, pandas nothin'," she

declared.

Urd barked another series of laughs and then managed to sit up

and wipe

the tears from her eyes. A small grin had also cracked

Belldandy's and

Keiichi's faces.

Belldandy is kind to everyone, even her enemies.  I'd think she'd

try

to help poor Mister Panda!

Hmmm. Actually, you're not the first voice of dissent on this. I
think I had better look at that particular moment again.

"You were a guy?!" Keiichi blurted. Ranma nodded without

looking up.

"No way! I mean, you're so... so..."

"'So' what?" Ranma asked in a dangerous tone of voice, which

Keiichi

failed to recognize.

"Well... so KAWAII!"

I would have said "stacked"...

And you would've been in orbit...

"HEY!" Ranma sat up straight and unconsciously thrust her chest

out a

little. Urd mimicked her, and they had a ten-second bust

battle. Urd

broke the competition with another comment.

...Broke the competition when she realized that, for the second

time,

she had lost a bust battle to guy.  ("Miss Keiichi")

Someone else suggested incorporating that into the scene. I have a
hard time with it because I haven't read that particular bit, and
I can't see the scene in my head. If I do incorporate it, it'll
have to wait until my back-ordered DarkHorse volumes get in. GAH!
I just can't see it, right now. Thanks for the suggestion, though.
I *will* keep it in mind.

"Just remember one very important thing, Ranma-chan." The

warmth and

moisture entering her ear made Ranma shiver in a

not-so-unpleasant

fashion. "NEVER underestimate the power that body of yours can

have

over men AND women. I certainly don't." Urd leaned back, giving

Ranma a

smoky look.

...complimented by the smoke coming out of Ranma's ears.

Too wet in there.

"If you weren't so in love with Akane-chan, I might... well,

you get

the idea." Urd could barely keeping from giggling as she turned

up the

heat of her gaze. Ranma was the bird before the snake.

suggest:  the mouse before the cat.
(Snakes aren't an issue for most birds.  And putting Urd in the

role

of cat is so appropriate!)

You're an excellent salesman! :)

"GAH! I don't remember doin' anything like THAT! I didn't do

nothin',

did I?!" Ranma was fast approaching meltdown, trying to

remember

anything *she* had done. She could only remember Akane being

all over

her, not the other way around!

Talk about a wasted opportunity!

*Sigh* He *is* a tad dense in some areas.

"Ara?" <What? I'm not allergic to... Ah ha! Ranma-sama must be

thinking

of me!> "Oh, Darling Ranma! Your Kodachi is thinking of you,

too! OOOO-

HO-HO-HO-HOOOOOO!!" For no *apparent* reason, Kunou Kodachi

began

bounding around the greenhouse, black rose petals rising in a

storm.

If Urd's laugh made Kodachi sneeze, would Kodachi's laugh make

Urd sneeze?

I can sense some sort of natural limiting mechanism at work,

here...

It's a problem of diminishing returns.

"Ha-ha-haaaa-chooooo!!" She rubbed her nose against her sleeve.

Real classy, Ranma, before seeing Kami-sama.

Old habits...

Genma abruptly held a blackened sign in front of Keiichi's

face. "So,

son. Do any martial arts?" The question also piqued Soun's

interest.

Keiichi looked back and forth between the panda and the man,

both of

them radiating physical confidence. "Uhhh..." he began weakly.

Soun:  Do you want to?
Panda-Sign:  The best way to learn is through PRACTICE!
   [sounds of cracking knuckles]
Keiichi:  eep!

And the poor boy hasn't been seen since. There's a suspicious
rumor floating around that he was lost in Northern China, being
chased by a panda and a tall man with a big head and fangs.

With extra hands, the meal was ready in record time. Genma had

cleaned

his panda form and was limbering up the digits of his paws for

the

thrice-daily unrestricted food training with his daughter, but

Nodoka's

glare changed his mind; it was a supreme effort, but he

managed. Ranma,

still inwardly searching, walked in and took in the spread.

Inwardly searching for what?

For what she might've done with Akane the evening before.

Ranma thought about it for a second and then rose to her feet.

With

determination she climbed the stairs and knocked on Akane's

door. When

it became apparent that no answer was coming, Ranma opened the

door,

incidentally shattering the lock, and strode in. The people

waiting

downstairs heard a brief argument rise and fall and a couple of
*thumps*. Shortly, sporting two lumps on her head, a serious

Ranma

plodded down the stairs with a rumpled Akane in tow.

I think there should be more to this.  We are never really told

what

Akane's post-juice mood was, or her reaction to Ranma's comment
(assuming it was her window that shut).

Wait for it...

Furthermore, I don't recall how Ranma would know if Akane was in

a

bad mood and "doesn't want to be around him."  In either case,

I'd

like to see some words out of Akane, not just some bumps on

Ranma.

If Akane gave him lumps, it seems reasonable that she would be in
a bad mood. Besides, no one hears what was said upstairs. Ranma
only gives you an idea of it from his comment.

Nodoka was wringing her napkin into shreads. "You *are* coming

back...

RIGHT?!"

Heh.  :)

10 years. She's not going to lose him/her, now! :)

Keiichi chuckled. "Is it anything like how she decorated *my*

room,

that one time?" he asked.

"Worse," Belldandy said.

Again, I'm finding Belldandy somewhat out of character.  Didn't

she think

that Urd's redecoration of Keiichi's room "darling"?  I seem to

recall him

explaining that it was made to look like a love hotel...

How about this:

Keiichi chuckled. "Is it anything like how she decorated *my*
room, that one time?" he asked.

"Yes! Even more so," Belldandy enthused.

"Oh." A *very* large sweatdrop appeared to one side of Keiichi's
face.


(On second thought, Belldandy should've said, "Hai! Even more
so...")
~_^

"Biiii-daaaa!" Urd wagged her tongue at Keiichi and showed the

inside

of her eyelid.

"Sensei," Ranma prodded, "about the trip?"

"...Sensei, you show ALMOST as much maturity as my old man."

Reflections without.

<Martial stuff?> Panda-chan thought, as his mind began an all

too

familiar slide down a logical slippery slope. <Martial ARTS

stuff?!

SCROLLS?!?!> His ears were now thrumming, his mouth opened in a

rictus,

teeth showing, and his eyes glazed over, thinking of all the

marvelous

things that could find their way into a pocket or two.

A rictus connotes a grimace to me.  It sounds painful.

If you think of a panda pulling it's lips apart and showing its
teeth in a manner that's not threatening, rictus looks pretty
good. I am open, however, to suggestions.

Soun sat back with a contented sigh. "Ladies, you have outdone
yourselves. That was a magnificent breakfast." The mountain had

been

reduced to a plain.

Or indeed, a barren wasteland...

Right! :)

"Why do I have the feelin' ya already got somethin' in mind?"

Ranma

felt vindicated when Kasumi allowed that oft hidden glint of
intelligence to shine in her eyes.

sp:  oft-hidden
(I think.)

You're right. Changed.

"Well, I was thinking. What is it that you and your mother have

in

common, now? Hmmm?" Kasumi kept her eyes locked with Ranma's.

"Half my genes?"

Ba-dum! no. 3

He stopped short when he spied a strange man crawling over the

stone

compound wall. Using an unrestricted concealment technique, he

made

himself part of the scenery - insofar as a black and white

panda could,

that is.

He pulled out a sign:  "Why couldn't we be in the manga?"

"Because I think in technicolor, darn it!!"

"You dream in black and whi--"

"WHAP!*

Panda-chan narrowed his eyes and flipped the sign around.

"Already got

rid of one lecher." Flip. "Don't need another."

*WHAP!* *WHAP-WHAP!!*

Retsujouki, Lord Demon of Lust, fell to the ground unconscious,

lumps

for horns. Panda-chan picked his victim up and held him out at

arm's

length, positioning him just so.

*BOOT!!*

That ungrateful family doesn't realize what Genma does for them!

Too twue, Madeline.

"Wait a minute... PEORTH?!?!"

Um...  Doesn't she work for a *rival* office?  ^_^;;;

Seriously, are there separate switchboards for the two offices? I
don't know. Tell me, Doug-san.

"Quit calling me *Urd-chan*!"

"Whatever you say, Urdie."

Revised ending of "One Grew Over the Kuno's Nest":
Kasumi:  Bye bye, Urdie!

(ahem)

*FACE-FAULT!*  "Ohhh, my achin' head..."

(Just so long as she doesn't lay an egg.) Ba-dum!

"Peorth, what are you doing on the switchboard? Class I's don't

man

phones."

sp:  Is
suggest:  Class one goddesses
(Technically, you only use an apostrophe for contractions,
never for plurals.)

Agreed.

"That's it! Your doing time on *menial* stuff!!

OH-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!!"

sp:  you're

Author sheepishly bows his head for perpetrating such infantile
gramaticl erors.

"Um, Kamisama's called me and her to a meeting this afternoon,

and she

wants to bring her mother along."

This sentence is a little awkward.  While grammatically correct,

the

"me and her" sounds odd after the verb, and "she" could be Ranma

or

Kami-sama...  (Kami-sama is implied, being the previous subject.)

I think I'll go with "me and Sensei," then. Again, don't count out
his rough speech habits.

"No. Not just like that. This will cost her some favors to cut

through

the red tape. Not from YOU, by the Kami, but from the new one.

Put her

on the phone."

I'm sorry, but Peorth saying "by the Kami" to Urd seems just...

wrong.  :)

I'll... take that under advisement.

"Er, that's me."

"Eh?"

"That's I."
(It's grammatically correct!  ;)  The predicate nominative!)

*I* know that, but has anyone told Ranma?

"Well... whatever. You'll have to talk to the higher-ups about

that.

Now, I can fix it so that you can bring your mother, but it

*will* cost

you some favors. One to me and to each person up the line.

Understand?"

"Favors like what?"

"It's not polite to ask."

Kami-kun:  There's this cute goddess, and I really want to sleep
   with her!  Can you give her a shot of "love-me" juice for me?
Ranma:  ...

Don't joke! Heh. Who knows what those assorted (and perhaps,
sordid?) kami will want. Nothing's out of the question, quite yet.
:)

Medusa: I want someone to want me for who I am.

Any other takers?

Peorth considered that for a moment, but she found nothing she

could

reasonably object to. "You're getting smart in your golden

years, Urd-

chan. Deal!"

Yep.  Urd looks young, but she's really getting on in years.
I mean, look at her hair!  It's gone completely gray!

Ba-dum! no.4. zzzzzzz.

:)

Urd slapped her forehead. "Of course, you don't. This is only

your

second day of divinity." She led Ranma into the tearoom and sat

her

down.

punc:  Of course you don't.
(I think.)

Hmmm. I'm not sure. Technically, I think the way I had it is
right, but it sure *looks* wrong. Shall we consult the Oracle?

"VINCE!!!"

:P

"Kasumi?" Urd asked. "Is it okay to use the dojo? I need a big

space

and relative quiet."

Kasumi laughed. "Yes, you can, but I can't guarantee the quiet.

Not

around here."

"...Fortunately, none of the fighting actually occurs in the

dojo."

Ranma: Yup!

Ryouga: DIE!!!!

Kasumi's kitchen is trashed.

Bell: Retrace and Spin...

Kasumi: Ara? Wish I could do that.

Skuld, smacking her forehead: You just HAD to phrase it that way,
didn't you...

HUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

Ranma looked up and watched her for a second before chuckling.

"And I

thought *I* was a bad liar. I see where I get it from."

So Genma's a good liar?  [boggle]

Matter of degree. :j

"Do you like katanas?" Ranma asked, in a serious tone.

Knowing the author, I can't help but think that this is a
euphemism...  "Does your scabbard ever feel... not so fresh?"

GAH!!! I feel impugned... or something. Can I borrow that powder?

Nodoka buried her face in Ranma's bosom and tried to regain

control of

her emotions. Ranma held her, but she found herself distracted

by the

strange 'rightness' of cradling someone like this and the

sensations it

carried with it. She shook her head, and Nodoka looked up

because of

the motion.

His mother's face in his bosom is "right"?  [ogle]

The cradling, you H! <I thought I was bad...>

She took in the scene of mother and daughter before her. It was

very

sweet, but... A familiar smile settled on her face, and the

lines in

her face relaxed. <If that silly gaijin woman can make a

fortune

stuffing babies in flowerpots... There's a market for this
*somewhere*!> She snapped a couple more photos for good

measure.

I'm probably glad I don't get this reference, aren't I?

C'mon! Anne Geddes! Those surreal cards that have babies in
bee-suits, flower-suits, etc., anything-artsy-craftsy suits. The
only thing she hasn't done, I think, is stuff an infant in a
Michelin tire. (I'm really not this crass, folks. I'm just method
acting. Ba-dum!)

Cologne surveyed the four walls and ceiling of her kingdom away

from

home and felt cramped. She blew air out of her nose.

<Three-thousand

years of glorious Amazon history, and I'm running a restaurant

in

another country. Where in all of this did I go wrong...>

Nekohanten menu:
Ramen:  Recipe is the culmination of 2750 years of Amazon

history.

Egg Rolls:  Recipe is the culmination of 2600 years of Amazon

history.

Lo Mein:  Recipe is the culmination of 3000 years of Amazon

history.

Customer: Hey! This yakisoba is stale!

*BONK!*

Shampoo: No complain, or Hiba-chan give you kiss!

Offstage crowd: Of death?!

Shampoo, twiddling her thumbs... really: No, er, just kiss.

Everyone: ...!!!

"Shampoo hate restaurant, hate Japan... Miss village... Want

airen.

Take and go home."

cap:  Airen
(It's being used as Ranma's title.)

Mmm, okay.

"Want go home."

"I know, child, I know. I feel the same."

This strikes me as coming out of nowhere.  They've never

expressed a

problem with working in a restaurant in Japan before.  What's

changed?

*Has* anything changed? It doesn't seem unreasonable for a bout of
homesickness to occur occasionally, does it?

Cologne chuckled. "Yes, yes. That seems to be the general

direction I'm

sensing. By the Ancestors, the poor boy must be marked by the

kami."

That's *as* a kami.  :j

Just look for the brand. They've all got 'em.

"Then child," she gently swatted Shampoo on the rump with her

staff,

"leave us depart and see what trouble has found Son-in-Law,

this time!

Maybe we can help."

suggest:  let us depart

I intentionally used that form as a point of characterization.

*SMACK!* A fourth lump, courtesy of Cologne's gnarled staff,

began its

slow rise.

And They Shall Rise Again!
Mousse:  [whimper]

Poor Mousse.

"DUCK!"

Mousse: Where?!

WHAP!

My old joke for the day...

Ranma stepped up to the door, the floorboards creaking a little

under

her weight, and raised her hand to knock. She held it there for

several

seconds, but eventually lowered it, unused. She sighed and put

her chin

on her chest. After a few moments, she shuffled down the

squeaking

stairs and out to the dojo.

Watch out!  That hand's still loaded!  It could knock at anytime!
(Suggest deleting the "usused" part.)

Heh, fair enough!

The door behind the wooden duck swelled out slightly from a

weight

pressing against the other side.

After all, Ranma broke the lock, so bracing against the door was

the

only way to keep him out!  ;)

...!                   :)

Nodoka leaned over and pecked her daughter on the cheek. "Thank

you. I

believe I might now pass muster." Nodoka tilted her head with a

bemused

expression.

You're just seeing Kami-sama.  No pressure.
What's *is* the dress code to meet Kami-sama, anyway?  Shirt and

tie?

Let me consult my Fodor's.

<Better at Ranma, in spite of your faults.>

[...]

<Okay, okay. Enough already. Besides, why am *I* better at

Ranma?>

suggest:  better for Ranma

I don't know. "For" suggests something I wasn't suggesting in the
foregoing dialogue. Let me look at that again. (Don't rewrite it
underneath this, either.  :P)

"Yea, yeah,"

"Yeah, yeah,"

Skuld mumbled. She put away her device and stood to watch
her sister disappear. <If only,> she thought halfheartedly.

If only what?

She'd disappear... halfheartedly permanently sorta kinda... or is
that kinda sorta?

..Genma's kicking feet hit the destination circle and smeared a

couple

of runes. Urd and Nodoka vanished, the lights flashed once and

went

out, and Genma fell backwards to the floor, unconscious.

He should be thankful that his head wasn't transported to heaven.
(I suspect the rest of his body would soon follow, taking a more
traditional route ;)  Too bad they didn't think to put those

force

fields *beyond* the runes, so they wouldn't be scratched.

It seems all those magical implementations have a very Rube
Goldberg-ish quality about them. Not hard to throw a spanner in
the works, as it were. As for Genma's head, well... who'd want it
separated from the body... or with the body, for that matter?

Without a word, Shampoo leapt to the rooftops and sped towards

the

Tendou compound, as if the hounds of hell were nipping at her

heels.

"The Hounds of Hell Nipping at their Toes."
That's how that Christmas song goes, right?

Er, right, Doug. Whatever you say. *bigsweat*

Akane, however, locked her eyes onto Ranma's. "Make sure you DO

come

back. I wouldn't... I couldn't live with-... out... ARGH!!"

Akane

grabbed Ranma's face and planted a kiss on her lips.

..and groped parts South?

Not yet. Wait till she gets to the part where she starts calling
him Ranma-sama. Remember?

Ba-Dum!! Swish!!

Belldandy's fingers went to the side of her face. "Oh, dear.

You know

what we are."

"...I'm afraid I'll have to kill you, now."
She tilted her head and smiled winningly.

Of course. :) And in perfect form and grace.

"This accident caused, well, hmmm. Let's see, the Personnel

Files in

Yggdrasil were hacked and... No, that's no good."

This is why you shouldn't use the passive voice -- it lets you
hide the person who did the action.  Isn't it more fun to say

that

"Nabiki hacked the Yggdrasil system and turned Ranma in the

Goddess

of Sex"  ;)

Precisely. :)

Well, another fun part!  Although I miss some of the more

outrageous

behavior from Ranma and Akane.  And was hoping for some from

Kuno!  ;_;

My only complaint (if any) would be the portayal of Belldandy.

She

seems rather, well, grounded, and much more aware of some of the
"naughtier" aspects of life than normal.

I'm beginning to be persuaded that such is the case. I'll see what
I can do. :)

Thanks for the excellent C&C! It's always a pleasure to get your
comments.

Ja!
Dave Roeder