% Christian Rivera wrote:

send the Earth reeling out of its orbit that
it could be felt.  Places far north from the impact-site such as North
America, northern China and Arctica

% Arctica? Perhaps. 'the Arctic'

 were
in no present dangers,

% danger

save the coastal areas, which were in danger

% Two 'danger's close together. I'd change the second to 'which were
threatened by massive...


  The people living below and along the equator, however , were not so
lucky. Monstrous tidal waves which could
swallow and drown entire island-countries spelled out their situation
very clearly: THEY WERE GOING TO DIE.

% Hmm. I'd not capitalize that. It does emphasize the statement, but it
seems to out of place.

  On a remote country on the southern hemisphere, one such scenario was
taking place.A family stood on a hill,
looking out at the face of death embodied by a kilometer-high wall of
water.

% They could use the Queen of Millenia right about now (Congrats if you
know which anime I am referring to)

  " Well, its

% it's

  " It's sort of good to die like this.",

this,"

 the mother said comfortingly
to her son. She offered a tearful smile and
said, " At least we'll all be going to Heaven together."

% The husband shifted uncomfortably next to her. "Dear,' he said, 'I'm
afraid there's something I have to tell you. Before we met, I was a
lawyer."

% "All, right. All but one of us are going to Heaven, ' she corrected.

  They all stood on the hill, hand in hand, facing the wave that now
looked as high as three kilometers instead of
one.They heard the deafening roar of its passage as it made it's

% its

way
towards them, engulfing the city and it's

% its

  Those were the last words of the fourteen year-old boy before the
wave crashed against them, tearing his hands
from his mother and brother, carrying him in it's

% its

****

  The students' reaction was quite predictable. Shinji glanced around
the classroom and found out that his
classmates have

had

 found other diverting ways of passing time than
listening to their teacher's narrative. Touji was
currently imitating his pose a

% from a

while ago, while Kensuke was busily
typing something in his notebook, probably some
data on some antique military plane or warship.

% Probably.

 Rei was looking out of
the window, as usual, while Asuka was
staring stupidly at her lap.* Probably still deeply hurt by her
failure to sync with her Eva*, Shinji thought.
* Behaved that way ever since the last battle with an angel*, he added.

% Ah, now we know the timeframe

  The sudden toll of the bell broke him out of his reverie

% I don't picture school bells as 'tolling' really.


  " Hey, Shinji,", Touji began, sitting at an empty desk to his right.
Even though chosen as the fourth child and
designated pilot to the late Eva - 03, and the incident that followed,
he hardly changed." heard

% "Heard

  " I was hoping it was true and get some confirmation from you.",
Kensuke said mournfully." If it was then I could
ask Misato-san if she would agree to make me the new pilot for Eva -
02 !"

% Heh. Not likely. Nice try, though.

  " Don't worry,", Shinji reassured Kensuke." Dr. Akagi told me that
she has everything under control.She said that
the probable reason why Eva - 04 exploded was that the S2 engine
wasn't calibrated properly, which would cause
power malfunction when activating the unit. Eva -01 took the S2 engine
naturally by devouring it, thereby
lessening the probability of a power malfunction to a minimum." Shinji
still can't imagine what the Eva did
to the Angel during that time. All he gets

% got

after his month-long stay
on Eva -01's entry plug are these

% were (I'd drop 'these')

  She remembered promising herself that she would be strong, that she
would never lose another person again. She
remembered willing herself to grow-up faster, so that she could live
alone, so that she would not depend on anyone
anymore. She remembered the hard training she had undergone before
being able to sync with her Eva, and the
enormous satisfaction that all that hard work paid off. She remembered
vowing to herself to be the best Eva pilot
in the world, so that she won't have to be rescued by some other
amateur pilot.

% Pretty good summation of her drive and motives. Nice job.

and her Eva were one; that what she wanted to do was done gracefully
and flawlessly by the Eva. She marveled at
how they moved as one, acted as one, flowed as one. She defeated
Angels using only her wits and her skills, and ,
of course, her co-pilots' unnecessary help.

% I dunno about that. She might have thought she was the one that was most
responsible for the victory, but I don't think she's so delusional as to
think Rei and Shinji were useless or unecessary.


  Rei Ayanami, the First Child and designated pilot for Eva - 00,
leaned forward, laid her elbow on her desk, and
stared out of the window towards the morning sky, like she always did.
She never found a particular reason why she
does

% did
% You keep switching to present tence every now and then. Watch out for
it.


  "Friends", was a word Rei couldn�t understand. She can't

% couldn't

see the
reason why people need

% needed.


  Fuyutsuki knew that what he said was true, but still resented the
thought of being manipulated.* I find it hard to
trust you anymore, Ikari.*, Fuyutsuki thought to himself.*

% More a fool if Fuytsuki does tust him


% Interesting beginning. It flowed well, and aside from the tense change
thing, grammatically appeared fine. Nice work

D.B. Sommer