C&C Below.  Snippage throughout.

[...]

I wrote "Taming" for myself, but I wrote "Centaur" for the people who
wanted more, and especially for June, whose writing has influenced mine
from the beginning. Thanks, everyone!

Oho!  He bows into peer pressure.
This information could come in quite handy!  ;)

Thanks also go to Dave Roeder, prereader par excellence.

I think there's a mutual support group, here.  :)

C&C, positive or negative, public or private, gratefully accepted.

I'm jumping onto the bandwagon after every else has had their say...
That's what I get for taking a long vacation!  Fortunately there's
no such thing as C&C that's "late."  ^_^

Centaur

a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seifertv@csus.edu)

Okay.  My only real complaint about the story is right here:  the
title.  "Centaur"?  It sounds like an alternate reality fic where
Ranma fell into the spring of drowned centaur.  Or maybe spring of
drowned horse, and then tired to cure himself in spring of drowned
man...

Anyway, aside from the horse connection, I can't see why you picked
this title.  It's not very suggestive of the content.

[...]

Chapter 1: The Lion and the Jackals

[...]

"mmmgrblfm...." Ranma shifted a little, but showed every indication of
going right on sleeping. Akane bit her lip. She didn't have a bucket of
water handy, but it was beginning to look like one would be necessary.
She smiled suddenly, leaned down, and planted a kiss on Ranma's lips.

Ranma's eyes shot open, rolled wildly, then steadied.

I feel like I've read this scene before -- Akane unable to wake the
soundly sleeping Ranma with loud words or shaking, but with a kiss.
(Or was that a whisper in his ear?)

His arms arose
from under the quilt like the tentacles of some subterranean monster
bent on succulent girl-flesh for breakfast and closed around Akane.

On the other hand, I've certainly never seen this analogy before!  ^_^;

"Eeep! Let go, we have to get ready for school!" she cried, struggling.

Struggling only entices the creature...

"Hey, you kissed me," Ranma said, grinning. "My turn." His arms
tightened, but Akane broke free, rolled away, and scrambled to her
feet.

Someone has a double standard...  :P

[...]

"Gimme a break," Ranma snorted. "You were crawlin' all over me for the
last couple of days, and now you're all of a sudden shy-like?"

Who's been crawling over whom?  :j

[...]

Nabiki watched Soun's mustache begin to quiver as the violent sounds
echoed down from upstairs. "Oh, Nabiki," he sobbed, "they're still
fighting! I'd hoped, after they were so nice to each other when we were
all talking last night, that they were over this!"

Translation:  He'd hoped their excess energy had found another outlet.
^_^

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Give it a rest, Father," she said derisively.

suggest:  Give it a rest, Daddy,
(Doesn't Nabiki tend to use the diminutive form when talking to other
people?)

[...]

"Too slow!" Ranma taunted, his voice echoing out of the tiled bathroom.
Akane slammed the door behind them. "Woop!" Crash! "Nyaaah! Hey, what--
!" Splash! "Hey, no fair!" Ranma's female voice yelled. "Wait! No! Get
awaaay... wahaha!"

The female tentacle monster is more deadly than the male.  ^_^;

Relative silence descended. Soun stared at Nabiki, tears forgotten.
Nabiki stared back. "Perhaps I'd better go stop them from hurting each
other," Soun began tentatively.

"...Or my bathroom."

Nabiki reached out an arm to stop him. "Don't, Father. It's too
dangerous. Besides, the only one who's likely to get hurt is Ranma."

"Why, Nabiki! He's your brother now! You owe him some concern!"

"Yeah, right. If Ranma got hit by a truck, I'd worry about how badly
the truck was damaged."

Soun answered, "My point, exactly!  Think about the bathroom!"

[...]

"I was being nice!" "She was being nice!" they said simultaneously. "If
the human hammer here wasn't being nice," Ranma continued, "I'd be out
in the garden." She gestured with her chopsticks at the intervening
shoji screen and continued eating.

"Human hammer?"  Was that a mallet reference, or a swimming reference?  :j

Suggest splitting the first line into it's own sentence.
Otherwise you've got two speakers in this paragraph.

[...]

"Oh, I thought you could use a little more time in bed," Kasumi said.

Gee, she's been saying "not until you're married" for a long time.
I wonder what her opinion is about what married couples should do?  ^_^;

[...]

Nabiki had a slightly shellshocked look. "Yup. It's going to be like
this every morning. The sooner I move out, the better." She shook her
head disgustedly. "Lovebirds."

sp:  shell-shocked

Soun gaped at her. "What? But, but the insults, the hitting, the
yelling...."

Thank you, Dr. Frink.
(Simpsons reference.)

[...]

Akane ignored the crack; it was essentially true. "Ranma, remember we
can't let them know we're married to each other. They think we're
married to two guys. No PDAs, all right?"

"'PDAs'?"

Personal Digital Assistants, duh!

"It figures you wouldn't know that. Public Displays of Affection.
Hugging, kissing, holding hands...."

"...Insults, hitting, yelling..."

Ranma sighed and looked away. "Sure. It'll be just like before."

"I know it'll be hard," Akane said sympathetically. "It's easier for me
when you're a girl, but I want you to know... there'll still be times
when I want to hug or kiss you, but I won't. Not because I don't want
to, but because we have a secret to keep." Ranma nodded, still looking
away. "Best friends isn't so bad, is it?"

Fanfic General's Warning:  keeping secrets is the leading cause of
wacky hijinks and tragic misunderstandings...

[...]

The locker room didn't appear to have changed at all in the four days
they'd been gone, but Akane opened her locker with caution anyway;
their friends were just about as odd as their enemies, and she was
expecting anything from a burst of sleep-gas to a sudden explosion of
spring-loaded rubber snakes. Nothing happened. She sighed in relief,
relaxed, and started unbuttoning her tunic.

suggest:  unbuttoning her blouse
or:  her shirt
("Tunic" suggests Greek clothing to me.)

Ranma was less wary; fortunately her locker hadn't been tampered with
either. Kodachi came around the end of the row of lockers while Ranma
was changing and walked up to her. She spoke to Ranma without
acknowledging Akane's presence in any way. "Ranma-sama, I wish to speak
with you in private, if you would."

punc:  tampered with, either.

[...]

Akane glared at her. "You 'handle' her and I'll pound you flat. She
tries anything funny with drugs or hot water and I'll pound HER flat."

So if she doesn't use drugs or hot water...?  ^o^

[...]

Kodachi's face looked as though she were concealing distress, but her
posture was as proud and provocative as ever. "I understand that your
wedding to-- to that Tendo person was forced to a conclusion despite my
objections," she began. "Never fear, Ranma-sama. I am prepared to do
all in my power to ensure that your divorce is as swift and painless as
possible."

She's so kind to be helping Ranma, so!  ;_;

[...]

"Eeeee!" Kodachi recoiled, hands to her cheeks, and stared at Ranma in
horror. She controlled herself after a moment and hung a wan smile on
her lips, but she was looking rather desperate around the eyes. "Ah,
well, it's not what I had hoped for, but I suppose I can bring myself
to play the role of the other woman. I'll be waiting with open arms for
you to seek affection outside this loveless marriage. After all, how
long can it be before you grow tired of a girl like that?"

suggest:  role of the 'other woman'.

Ranma's restraint shattered. "Kodachi, you IDIOT! Don't you GET it
yet?! I married A-- I married for love! Not honor, not promises! I
don't love you! I'll NEVER love you the way you want!" Her shout echoed
in the gymnasium, and she suddenly noticed that all the other girls had
stopped what they were doing and were staring up at the two of them.

Kodachi paled and put her hand to her mouth. "No..." she whispered.
Suddenly her eyes flashed. "No!" she declared. "It cannot be true! It
cannot be that you love-- that person! You always denied it!"

Oops.  Kodachi missed her opportunity to deny a rumor before it started.

[...]

Kodachi paid no attention. "I would have been HAPPY to inflict as much
pain upon you as you desired, darling!" She produced a large mallet and
wound up. Ranma, stunned by her enthusiastic leap to an erroneous
conclusion, didn't have a chance. WHACK!

[sniffle]  Kodachi is willing to be a sadist to satisfy Ranma's
masochistic streak.  How selfless of her!

[...]

"Ranma-sama! Give me a chance! I can be just as cruel to you as your
ill-chosen mate! Feel the full impact of my love for you!"

Heh.  :)

[...]

"I beat you at the wedding, Kodachi," Akane snarled. "I can do it again
any time you're dumb enough to try me." She ripped the mallet out of
Kodachi's grip, flipped it into the air, and caught it by the handle.
Something a little like a grin but much nastier crossed her face as she
hefted it. "Not bad."

No no no!  You don't need another mallet.
Nabiki gave you a perfectly good riding crop!

[...]

"I dunno," Ranma groaned. "She surprised me. Or maybe I got a weakness
for girls with big mallets--"

That certainly sounds like a (um) "euphemism"...  ^_^;

"WHAT?!" The mallet twitched.

One of those living mallets?

[...]

Ranma swallowed hard, but not for the usual reason.

So he *is* a masochist.  Or at least has a mallet fetish...

Yuriko poked her head out the trapdoor access to the roof of the St.
Hebereke's gymnasium and saw Kodachi, standing on the roof some
distance away clad in a cloak that rippled in the wind. She made sure
the headband that secured her dark-brown hair behind her ears was
firmly in place and emerged from the trapdoor, wishing she was wearing
more than a leotard. "Captain?" she said when she reached Kodachi, who
continued to gaze out over the school grounds as though surveying her
domain.

punc: distance away, clad in a cloak

"Did you observe those insolent girls?" Kodachi mused without turning,
as though speaking to herself. "Indeed, it is a sorry pass to which I
have come, to tolerate such behavior as that."

If this was Takewaki talking, I'd suggest she say
"it is a sorry pass wither I have come."  ;)

[...]

Akane ran past her and into the house. Ranma gaped. "Hey! I won
already!" She staggered after Akane, breathing heavily. As soon as she
was inside, she was hit with a hug that rivaled Shampoo's best glomps.
"Wah!" She recovered from her surprise, dropped her bag, and hugged
Akane back.

Okay.  I know it's supposed to be WAFFy, but the imagery...
Two girls glomping each other, panting heavily?  ^_^;  Did
Dave suggest you add this?

[...]

"I-- you-- argh!" Akane stopped and took a deep breath. "Well,
sometimes I feel like it, and sometimes I don't, and sometimes it's
just not the right place or time!"

"Yeah? How the hell am I supposed to know?!"

Rule number six:  The man never knows.

[...]

"Come and get me, you whelp!" Happosai jeered, waving the bra at Ranma.
Ranma went and got him. Wham! Happosai's counter left Ranma plastered
upside-down to the wall of the changing room, but kept the old man
occupied long enough for Akane to unleash a vicious snap kick. Happosai
caromed off the wall for his second lump and ran into Akane's fist for
the third. "Ow..." he whimpered, dragging himself along the floor. "How
can you mistreat your poor old master so, Akane-chan?"

The Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Martial Arts Masters will hear
of this!

[...]

"My violent tomboy wife beats me," Ranma complained sotto voce as he
followed Akane out, but his lips were twitching.

Uh...  I'd better not comment.  ^_^;  [zen-like state]

[...]

Ranma nodded reluctantly. "I guess so... but I'm not lookin' forward to
it." He moved out clear of the wall and began one of his kata. Akane
watched him moving, admiring his strength and speed, then noticed that
Kasumi was watching him too. She was shifting slightly, as though
following along with Ranma's movements, but her expression was fond...
and perhaps a little yearning. Akane felt the twinge again.

Must not kill sister...  Must not give into urges...

"Yeah, you've been the talk of the town." Ukyo's gaze flicked over his
hands. "Not wearin' a ring? You ashamed of her, or just cheap?"

Ow.  :j

[...]

"Konatsu, take the grill, hey?" Ukyo came out from behind the grill as
Konatsu took her place. She walked up to Akane and embraced her
stiffly. "Congratulations, Akane."

Hmm.  This is the second or third time I've seen you end a quote with
"hey?"  I'm used to "'kay?" and "eh?" but I'm not familiar with this
form.

[...]

"Great. C'mon upstairs. Not you," she added to Ranma when he moved to
follow them.

Good idea.  No witnesses this way!  ;)

[...]

Konatsu didn't pretend not to understand. "Ukyo-sama is... unhappy and
angry, but otherwise well. Er, may I serve you, or do you wish to wait
for Akane-sama?"

The double negative is a little awkward.  How about "didn't pretend to
misunderstand," or simply, "knew what Ranma really wanted to know."
Then again, those don't look too much better...  :/

[...]

Ukyo suddenly looked very tired. "Dunno. Morbid curiosity, I guess.
Humor me, okay?"

Akane rose and made a fist.  "Are you calling my love life dead?!?"

[...]

"There's Konatsu...."

"He's not my type," Ukyo said dryly.

Cross-dressers aren't her type?  :)
That's too bad, what with the way she attracts them.

[...]

"Could be," Akane said evenly. "If you really need to know, challenge
me and we'll find out... between friends."

A small but genuine smile crept onto Ukyo's lips. "Huh. I might do that
sometime, just for fun."

Never underestimate the cathartic value of beating someone over the
head with a stupidly big spatula.

[...]

Toshi's jaw dropped. "Oh, man. What a show-- ow!" The girl had slugged
him. Ranma thought wistfully of Akane for a moment.

He's a masochist.  I'm telling you!  Or maybe Akane's behavioral
training from _Taming_ has taken an unexpected turn!  ^_^;

[...]

"It's not a joke," the girl told Toshi severely. She glared at Ranma.
"We figured they were all boy-hungry enough to go along with it, but if
they don't know, you're just a peeping pervert, Saotome."

"You think so?  Could you tell my mom?"

[...]

"Or what?" Chieko said defiantly. "Or you'll beat me up? Saotome Ranma,
big bad martial artist, beats up defenseless girls?"

With Ranma's array of talents, he can make someone be quiet without
harming them at all.  There's a certain sleep shiatsu spot on the
back of the neck...

[...]

The tense moment was broken by the sound of descending footsteps.
"Ranma, let's go home," Akane said as she came down the stairs. Ranma
wheeled and strode out of the shop, not looking at anyone. Akane stared
after him. "Ranma? What on earth--?" She glanced at the shopful of
customers, who were desperately trying to appear innocent, or at least
casual. She looked puzzled for a moment, then ran after Ranma.

sp:  shop full

[...]

"Ranma, if you don't tell me, so help me, I'll beat on YOU!"

"Go right ahead."

Masochist!  Masochist!

"Hmph. Masochist. Tell me and I'll give you a kiss?"

The stick didn't work.  Let's try honey?

"Heh. I can get that anyway."

"Well-- If you don't tell me, I'll tickle you!"

Honey didn't work either?  Let's try the stick, again...

[...]

"They said I liked bein' a girl. That you liked me bein' a girl.
That... that we did it while we were both girls."

There was a moment of frozen silence, then-- Crash! Akane pulled her
fist out of an innocent wall. "We're going back there, and you're going
to show me who said that," she snarled.

I think the comment -- left unstated by Ranma -- that Akane likes
Ranma *because* he's a girl is much more likely to have her fly off
the handle.

I can see why you didn't leave it in (Ranma's "Besides, it's true"
remark wouldn't work), but maybe we can see Ranma's conscious
decision not to mention that last tidbit, lest it put his wife
into a killing mood.

[...]

Ranma's jaw muscles flexed. "Make your test." *Sorry, Akane... it was
good while it lasted.* She racked her brain for a way out of the trap,
a miracle that would turn the hot water into cold before it touched
her--

And then her two years were up.  ^_^;

suggest:  Ranma's jaw muscles flexed.  "Do it."
(They already made the test, right?  They want to perform it.)

[...]

Ranma stood before the assembly, quite wet, obviously female, and
clearly furious. "Are you done? May I go now?"

I'll have more comments below, but for now, I wonder about the "clearly
furious" part.  Ranma is using the soul of ice; he should have control
over his emotions.  Being mad -- fighting spirit -- is what's supposed
to give off hot chi.

I would assume he'd respond emotionlessly.  "Are you satisfied?"

Making a backwards reference to the frozen glass at Ucchan's, I had
assumed it wasn't from Ranma, but a representation of the chilly
foreboding everyone was feeling after the "comment."  The glass was
just the closet victim.  ^_^

[...]

Ranma took the kettle. "Nah. She's just chattin' with some of the gals
from school. 'Scuse." She headed for the bathroom. Kasumi tilted her
head, considered for a moment, then went up to her room.

If he's going to the bathroom anyway, why doesn't he just use the hot
water faucet there?

[...]

"I thought you'd never ask." Kasumi let a note of doubt creep into her
voice. "You're not going to be as hard on me as you were on that poor
post, are you?"

"Nah," Ranma said sheepishly, coming up the steps.

"...Humans are more resilient than posts."

He took up a
position in the middle of the dojo floor and waited impatiently for
Kasumi to finish a quick warmup. When Kasumi stood before him in a
closed defensive stance, he nodded to her and began.

sp:  warm-up

[...]

"Well... gaah. I can't tell ya. I'll have to show ya." Ranma dropped
into a stance again, one Kasumi recognized as Akane's, but exaggerated
somewhat. He moved in and engaged her, with linear, precise, powerful
punches and kicks in combinations that flared and vanished. Kasumi had
trouble coping with Ranma's attacks, in the same way that she had
trouble coping with Akane when they sparred; she kept trying to find
harmony in their give and take, and it always eluded her.

Rama disengaged and stepped back. "That's Akane, right?" Kasumi nodded.

sp:  Ranma
(Wow.  I wonder how this one slipped by.)

[...]

"Well, you see how it is, then? Akane's like... fire," Ranma said
seriously. "I'm air. You're--"

"Water," Kasumi said, nodding. "You and Akane are fire and air. Akane
and I are fire and water."

Arcane mumbo jumbo approaching.  Ah, the indiscretions of my youth...

I'd agree that Akane is fire -- energy, with no particularly focussed
outlet.  However, I'd call Ranma water.  It's not just the Jusenkyo
curse, but his fluid nature.  If there's a problem, he goes around it.
He finds some way arund any problem.  Like a river, his flow can't be
stopped.

The element air is probing and fluid, like water, but pervasive.
It isn't a force, so much as an encompassing presence.  It can't
be stopped, because there's nothing *to* stop.  Sound like the
more common desciptions of how people can't bring themselves to
attack Kasumi?  ;)

A fight between Ranma and Akane is a fight between water and fire --
about as confrontational as you can get.  Fire will evaporate water,
but water can douse fire.

A fight between Ranma and Kasumi is between two fluids.  Less attack
and counter-attack, so much as direction and redirection.  Water
can't do anything to air, and air can only froth the water.

A fight between Kasumi and Akane would be between fire and air.  What
can happen?  The air gets hot?  With a strong enough flame the air
can't even blow it out -- it only feeds it.

Well, that's enough of that.  Just thought I'd supply another
explanation that would still fit your description.

[...]

Kasumi's answering smile was not vacant at all. "You're welcome, Ranma.
Truly. I've known all along that you appreciated me. You've been so
good for Akane, too. She's so happy now, when before she was... well,
you know how she was, perhaps better than anyone. We all miss Mother
terribly, but Akane was... wounded worst of all, and I've never known
how to heal her. You did. I'm very glad that you joined our family,
Ranma."

Hmm.  I'd say Akane was the *most* well-adjusted, actually.  Nabiki is
obsessed over money, and Kasumi became a stereotypical housewife.
Akane, meanwhile, seems to have normal interests, and normal friends,
even if she's sometimes insecure about her femininity.

[...]

"What, one Tendo girl wasn't enough for you?! You had to try for
another?!" Akane's shock was igniting around the edges.

Gotta Catch 'Em All!  (TM)

"Sister. Brother. Please don't quarrel." Kasumi's pained voice cut
through the developing catastrophe, stopping both Ranma and Akane in
their tracks. "Ranma, I'd like to have a word with my-- with your wife,
if you don't mind." She made a shooing gesture.

suggest:  word with my sis-- with your wife,
(For a second there, I was wondering when Kasumi married Akane!)

[...]

Akane laughed a bit at Kasumi's teasing tone. "I guess so. I'm really
sorry, Kasumi." She came into the dojo, wiping her eyes. "He just keeps
attracting girls, and I was afraid you were the next one."

"...I've seen it in fanfics!  He falls in love with you because you're
so kind and understanding, even though it would be like falling in love
with your mother."  [shudder]

"I told you, he's not my type," Kasumi said. "Besides, I doubt I could
defeat you in savage combat to win his heart." That got a real laugh
out of Akane.

"...I'd have to use poison."

"Wh- What?"

"Oh my, did I say that out loud?

";;;"

[...]

As Akane cleared the eaves, she spotted Ranma right where she thought
he'd be, pacing away from her along the peak of the roof. "Yeah, that's
what I'll say," she heard him mutter. "That was so uncute--" He broke
off and whirled when he heard her feet land behind him. "Eeep!"

suggest:  As Akane jumped over the eaves
(I'm a New England boy, and we call gutters "eaves troughs".  When you
said "clear the eaves", I had a mental image of getting on a ladder,
climbing up the side of the building, and sticking your hand into the
eaves trough, pulling out leaves and muck that have accumulated there.)

While I'm on the subject, how often are people *really* on Tendo roof?
It shows up a lot in fanfics (Ranma's favorite spot to be alone), but
I don't know if I've ever seen in the comics.

[...]

"Well, all right, then. I mean, I'm used to it, but Kasumi? Jeez."

But she was right!  You *were* attracting Kasumi!

[...]

"I didn't change. I tricked 'em. I used cold aura to take the heat out
of the water before it hit me."

Okay.  I'm assuming this is the "soul of ice," used for the Hiryu Shoten
Ha, seeing as I've never heard of a "cold aura" technique.

I had real problems suspending my disbelief for this.  I'm not sure why.
I guess because it sounds like a silly escalation of Ranma's power.  It's
a pet peeve of mine, so my opinion's undoubtedly biased.  (Heh.  Whose
isn't?  ;)

Furthermore, in a character/relationship-driven story like this one,
I'd hope that new techniques wouldn't be necessary.

I thought about it, but I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to
change it.  If Ranma had guessed the nature of Headmistress' request,
*and* had some waterproof soap, he could have done something before
he went there, but short of that...

[...]

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Ranma said proudly. "Anyway, I thought maybe
I'd locked the curse by doin' it, so I had to get home quick to see."

Why would he think he'd locked the curse?  The soul of ice was never
an issue, before.  Did he accidentally use the Heart of Ice?  ^_^

[...]

"Well, you know the saying: the nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
You stick up pretty far, Ranma."

"...and I've got quite a few hammers."  >:)

[...]

"What I don't understand," Akane said, warming to her theme, "is why
you're upset about it. Ranma, you love fights! You're never happier
than when you've just figured out how to defeat someone who gave you
real trouble. This is just another battle. Enjoy it!"

It's not the same thing.  A *physical* fight produces an adrenaline
rush.  The activity (including being hit) can create a euphoric feeling.

Ranma's just an action junkie.  ;)

[...]

"Easy for you to say," Ranma muttered. "If you'd been there, you woulda
just put that gal in her place somehow."

punc:  place, somehow"
(I think.)

"That's another thing. Ranma, you're not alone. I'm your partner,
remember? Besides, this is my fight too. Kodachi's trying to get BOTH
of us kicked out of school. Those idiots in Ucchan's insulted me too...
well, sort of."

Someone should clarify to Akane that calling *Ranma* to the Headmistress
to uncover his curse doesn't count as trying to kick her out of school...

[...]

"So what happened with the gals?" Ranma asked, sitting down on the
veranda outside the main room. "I thought you'd be chattin' with 'em
for a while yet."

suggest:  happened with the girls?
(You're laying on Ranma's sloppy grammar rather thick, but "gals"
suggests a southern drawl to me.  More appropriate for Ukyo.)

[...]

"You mean you were going to drag me over there by my pigtail."

"Wow, Ranma! You're smarter than you look!"

He'd have to be.  ;)

[...]

"I dunno yet. Still workin' on strategy. She's doin' pretty well at
tactics-- hittin' my, uh, our weak points-- so we need to find her weak
points and hit 'em. Long term, though, we need to find out what she
wants and deny it to her. We have to get her attention away from
attacking us and put it on defending herself. We have to go on the
offensive."

suggest:  find out what she wants and keep it from her.

[...]

Akane reached out with her free hand and gripped Ranma's shoulder,
stopping him, then turned to face Ranma and held her hand up between
them. Ranma clasped it. "I'm with you all the way, Ranma," Akane said
in a low, fierce voice, staring up into Ranma's gray eyes. "Now and
forever."

A little WAFFy for my tastes...

Ranma's grip became iron. "They're gonna be sorry they messed with us,"
he breathed, smiling grimly.

Flash! CRACK-BARADABADOOM!

"Jeez. That's embarrassin'," Ranma muttered, rolling his eyes.

MUCH better.  :)

He hasn't been taking lesson from Kuno.  The heavens just respond to
anyone with the same level of self-confidence, resolve, and purity of
intent as Kuno.  ;)



Uh, oh!  This story doesn't look like it bodes well for poor Kodachi!
I like most of the story so far, but the tone seems to be somewhat
dark, or at least moody, with the comments about Akane and Ranma's
lifestyle, and Kodachi's maneuverings.

I'm happier reading about Ranma and Akane dealing with individual
problems, rather then a sense of the world being against them.  Even
that wouldn't be so bad, but it seems to be bringing Mr. Carefree
Ranma down.

Some of your C&C responses suggest that this is a low point, so I'm
hoping it gets better.  I'll have more comments about Kodachi's
portrayal in the C&C for part 2.

Later,


Doug

----
Douglas MacDougall                  "You were nicer when you were evil.
http://www.dougmacd.net/             Cuter, too.  Definitely more sexy!"