Chapter 3: Back Up Dates

	Kodachi returned home defeated.  "That chinese hussy must be
hiding him from me," she thought.  But the fact remained, there was less
than a day until the junior prom, even though it wasn't her school's
junior prom, and she needed a date.  She could get her hands on Ranma
there.  Going to an all girl school, she didn't exactly meet alot of other
men besides Ranma, if any.
	"Um, mistress Kodachi," Sasuke begins to say as he greets her at
the door.  "I have heard of your current delima, and I would like to offer
my assistance in any way possible."
	"And how can an overgrown rat like you be of any assistance to
me?" shot back Kodachi.
	"Well, mistress, if you really needed a date, um, I suppose I
could free up my busy schedule and go with...," muttered Sasuke before
Kodachi had wrapped her ribbon around him and slammed him through a wall.
	"You think I would be seen in public... with YOU!" she screamed.
"I am not quite so despereate yet!"
	"You try to help someone...," whimpered Sasuke from the outside
fountain.
	Kodachi grabbed the yellow pages, and opened it up.  Her finger
started scanning page after page until she let out a "viola," and picked
up the phone and dialed a number.
	"Hello, and welcome to Psycho to Psycho dating services, where we
gurantee that at some point in your date, innocent civillians will be hurt
or your money back!" a happy voice prated.  "This is operator Belladonna,
are you looking for a male or female companion to wreck havoc with?"
	"I would like the best man you have to offer," demanded Kodachi.
	"Well, that is a subjective term.  Let's start with a
questionarre, shall we?  First question, are you looking for a civillized
lunatic or a slobbering one?"
	"Civillized."
	"Do you prefer manical laughter or without it?"
	"Aaaaahahahahaaaaaahahaha."
	"I'll take that as a yes.  Everyone says that."
	After a few necessary questions regarding her name, sex, and
weapon of choice, the operator said "We'll be computing your perfect match
first thing tomorrow, and you'll have your dream man in no more than a
week!  Thank you for using Psycho to Psycho Dating Services, your bill
will be in the mail shortly...,"
	"A WEEK!" shouted Kodachi.  "Listen you telephone pander, I need a
date by tomorrow!"
	"I'm sorry ma'am, but we simply cannot possib...,"
	"Do you have children?"
	"Um, no I don't."
	"Would you ever like to have any?" threatened Kodachi.
	"You know, I think I do have the perfect match for you.  I've been
saving this one for someone special just like you, I'll contact him and
he'll call you before the end of this day," the operator timidely replied.
	"Your promptness shall be appreciated my dear," Kodachi said as
she hung up.
	"Oh yeah, have I got the perfect date for you my dearie.  I've
been saving him for a girl who deserved an idiot like him," the operator
laughed to herself.

	"Why would I go with you?  I'm taking Shampoo to the junior prom,"
Mousse said impatiently as he prepared to continue his search for her.
Before he took a step, he found himself flattened under Ukyou's spatula
again.
	"Listen duck boy!  Shampoo ain't going with you cause she's going
with Ranma.  Ranma ain't going with me because of Shampoo.  Do you see our
mutual problem here?" barked Ukyou.
	"How will going with you to the prom help me and Shampoo?" he
groaned from under the spatula.
	"Listen honey, neither of us is all too happy with Ranma and
Shampoo going together to anything, least of all the junior prom.  And we
both know Shampoo is going to try something with Ranma...,"
	With a surge of strength, Mousse unpinned himself and got right
into Ukyou's face.  "Shampoo would never do that!  I'd be more worried
about Ranma trying something," shouted back an infuriated Mousse.
	"Calm down!" screamed Ukyou as she slammed her spatula on top of
his head again.
	"Sorry," whimpered Mousse as he crumpled to the ground once more.
	"Now, it doens't matter if it's Ranma chasing Shampoo or Shampoo
chasing Ranma, either way, we got to make sure nothing happens between
them.  And since you can't go to the junior prom stag..."  She pauseed as
she raises her spatula off Mousse's flattened head.  "...we should go with
each other."
	Mousse rubbed his aching head.  "So..., we're going with each
other only because we want to keep an eye on my dear Shampoo and that
devil Ranma."
	"Exactly, expect you switch the dear and devil parts around."
	"So..., there's no secret passion that you have for me that you've
tried to deny, but decided to let it flow out for a night of ecstacy?"
	Mousse was beginning to get tired of being mashed by Ukyou's
spatula.
	"It's purely business, got it?" snapped Ukyou.
	Mousse nodded his head slowly.  At least he thought he was.  He
couldn't really feel his neck too well right now.

	Akane was walking home from school, with Ryoga walking closely
behind her.  He was holding onto her hand tightly; there was no way he was
going to risk getting lost again now.
	"Ryoga, do you have a tux?" asked Akane.
	"A tux?  Do I need one?  Because if I need one, don't worry, I'll
get one right now," he said as he prepared to run off somewhere.  
	Akane quickly grabbed him by the arm.  "I don't think it's such a
good idea for you to run off by yourself.  Remember?"
	"Oh yeah, hehehe," he laughed nervously as Akane continued leading
him.  He still couldn't believe what was happening.  Akane had asked him
to her junior prom!  Not Ranma, but him!  All of a sudden, he realized
something.  "Uh, Akane, what's the junior prom?"
	Akane looked back at him in disbelief.  Ryoga was getting nervous.
"Maybe I shouldn't have said that.  Oh no, now she thinks I'm an idiot!
She'll dump me for sure now!  I got to think of something fast, tell her I
was kidding, yeah, of course I know what the junior prom is, I'll tell her
that," he thought frantically.
	His heart lightened when Akane smiled at him.  "I guess you don't
know too much about school stuff traveling around as much as you do.  It's
just some stupid dance that's been blown out of proportion.  Don't worry,
this is the first prom I've ever been to too.  I guess you can say we're
both a little wet behind the years when it comes to this."
	Ryoga was feeling so high he thought he was on crack.  Maybe that
was what this was?  It was too good to be true!  He had to be dreaming or
on some mind altering drug!  As Ryoga thought about this more, the more he
began to think it really wasn't true.
	Akane felt Ryoga tear his arm away from her sharply.  She turned
around to witness Ryoga pounding his head against a brick wall.
	"Not this again," she muttered to herself.
	As Ryoga was pounding his head into the wall and telling himself,
"Stupid, stupid Ryoga!  This doesn't hurt!  How could I believe Akane
would go anywhere with me," he noticed a large shadow descending upon him.
	With a loud SPLAT, Akane had smashed Ryoga's head with her mallet.
As she picked her mallet back up, Ryoga was flat on the ground, with stars
in his eyes and a foot long bump protruding from the top of his head.
	Akane gently picked Ryoga off the floor by his arms.  "There, see,
that did hurt, right Ryoga?" she warmly said as she brushed him off.  
	"Thank you Akane," Ryoga deleriously driveled.

	Ranma felt something land behind him on the chain linked fence,
and quickly leaped forward as he twisted around to face the interloper.
"Oh, it's you," he dryly said.
	"Shampoo has told me the good news.  Does this mean you've finally
accepted the marriage to my great grand daughter?" asked Cologne.
	"Look, it's just a stupid dance, alright you old ghoul.  Don't
blow this thing out of proportion.  I'm not marrying anybody anytime
soon," Ranma said as he turned his back to her and prepared to continue
walking home.
	As soon as Ranma turned around, Cologne was in front of him again.
	"This is much more than a simple dance my dear son in law.  This
is your junior prom!  You only get to live through this once, or maybe
twice, actually, you might end up going back to it more times than you'd
think.  Why I still remember my first prom, I was the girl all the guys
asked..."
	"They had proms back in the 1600's?" wondered Ranma.  "Look, do
you have a point ghoul, because if not, I'm going home," he snapped as he
lept off the fence.
	Cologne was before him again before he had even landed.
	"Yes, I do have a point.  This is Shampoo's first, and probably
only prom she'll ever go to.  You have no idea what this mean's to her.
If you plan on giving her the cold shoulder tomorrow night because you're
regretting your hasty actions, think again," scolded Cologne.  Cologne
turned around and let out a hard sigh.  "I know what happened between you
and Akane today, but you had better honor your obligation to Shampoo
tomorrow or else I'll...,"
	"You'll what," Ranma got out right before his face was pressed
against the chain link fence by Cologne's cane.  "Alright, I get the
point," Ranma yelled as he peeled his face off.  "First of all, there was
nothing between me and Akane!  Second, I do have some class.  Don't worry,
I'm going with Shampoo tomorrow but don't expect anything to come out of
it," Ranma snapped.
	"Fine then.  I'll be expecting you to pick up Shampoo tomorrow at
five," she ordered to him before she disappeared.
	"Dumb old ghoul," muttered Ranma as he rubbed his still sore face.
"Not like she can hurt me or anything.  I guess I can go home now.
Hopefully, Kodachi had stopped looking for me by now," he thought.

	"Where have I placed it!" thundered Kuno.  "I know a layed it to
rest within my black book!  Least of all to note the fact that I use it
every day to call her, thus I know I placed the book itself beside the
phone in my chambers!" he cried maniacally as he tore apart his room.
It's also important to note it was the only phone number in there.
	"Wait!  I have placed my love's phone number on auto dial!  Yes, I
shall call her now," he shouted as he picked up his phone and pressed auto
dial #1.
	He heard it ring twice before an operator came on the line.  "At
the tone, the time will be 5:32 and 25 seconds, beep!" the machine
recited.
	"NOOOO!  What vile fiend has replaced the phone number with this!"
	"Aaaaaaahahahahaaaaahahaha!" laughed Kodachi from outside his
room.
	"You!  I should have known your perfidiousness was involed.  Why
have you done this!  And where is my black book!" he roared.
	"Oh, are you looking for this black book," she teased as she
pulled it out.
	Kuno lept at her but she jumped out of the way as Kuno slammed
into a wall.
	"Brother dear, I have no concern for your pathetic little
girlfriend.  I just require a small favor...," began Kodachi but Kuno had
grabbed his bokken and charged at her.
	"I shall make no bargains with tho vile temptress!" he angrilly
replied as he swung at her with it, ripping apart the doors to his room.
	"Do not start getting violent with me brother.  You wouldn't want
me to force my own hand," snarled Kodachi.
	"I shall pry that book from your severed hand!" cried Kuno as he
slashed away at her.
	Kodachi flipped backwards, and on her final flip, let loose a hail
of clubs at Kuno.
	"Ha Ha Ha, do you think such a pathetic attack would work,"
bragged Kuno as he blocked each club.
	"You brought this upon yourself!' she bellow as she pulled a ball
bomb out and flung it at Kuno.  Kuno dodged the ball, but the explosion
had him flying right into Kodachi's left foot.
	"Instead of asking nicely, now I'll beat you into submission!" she
screamed as she pulled her ribbon out and wrapped it around Kuno's head.
She then flung him through a pair of door's into Sasuke's room.
	"Are you satiated with my wrath broth... oh my," she remarked as
she looked around Sasuke's room.
	"I am not so easily overwhelm...," Kuno paused as he noticed the
interior of the room as well.
	Plastered along all the walls were hentai pictures of naked woman.
Some of them weren't even real women, but of anime characters!  On a shelf
was a collection of video's titled "The First Whores Club," "The Hunchback
of Nasty Dames," and so on.  Kuno stumbled back in shock and accidently
tripped on something.
	"Ahhh!" he screamed when he realized it was a rubber woman.
	"This... sicko, lives in our house?" startled Kodachi.
	"Poor Sasuke.  It is so sad," cried Kuno.  "Truly, truly sad."
	"Um, brother, let's leave this room if you do not mind so much.
I'm beginning to feel... dirty."
	"For once, we agree on something sister.  Um, let's just keep this
between the two of us, shall we?  I do not think I'd feel comfortable
knowing we knew his.. personal life, or lack of."
	"I no longer feel comfortable period," replied Kodachi.  "Now,
where we're we?"
	"I was about to smite you for your gull!  Return that book to me
now!' bellowed Kuno as he swung his sword down at Kodachi.  She leapt away
to the living room as the floor was smashed to timber.
	Kodachi wrapped her ribbon around the T.V., and smashed it over
Kuno's head, who feel slackly to the ground.
	"Now, will you listen to me brother!  I am going to your junior
prom tomorrow, and all that I request is for you to buy the bids to the
dance for me.  Only students from Furinkan High are allowed to buy the
tickets," she told him.
	"You could have simply asked instead of resorting to stealing my
connection to my love from me," snapped Kuno as he snatched the book out
of Kodachi's hand.
	"Somehow, I do not feel my presence at your junior prom would have
brought you much joy brother dear," retorted Kodachi.
	"Mistress Kuno, there is a phone call for you AHHH!  What happened
to my doors!" screamed Sasuke as he walked into the living room with the
cordless.  "You two didn't... see anything did you?"
	"No, no, not a thing, no, never saw any hentai stuff or trip over
any rubber woman," both Kodachi and Kuno unconvincingly denied.
	"Now give me that," barked Kodachi.  "Hello?"
	"Hello, am I speaking to a Kodachie Kun-o?" asked a shrill voice.
	"Kodachi Kuno you imbecile!" shouted Kodachi into the reciever.
	"Who are you calling an imbecile!  Do you know who you are talking
to woman!  I am Shinanome High's student body president and all around
genius Katsuhiko Jinnai!" he shouted back.
	"Am I supposed to be impressed?  I am the combat rythmic gymnastic
champion at St. Heberiki High, the lovely black rose Kodachi Kuno!
Aaaahahahahaaaahahaha!"
	"Aaahuahuahuahuaaaahuahuahu!" laughed back the voice from the
other line.
	Both of them remained silent for a few moments.  Then they both
exclaimed "Don't tell me you're my date for tomorrow night!"
	"Get off the phone sister, I need to call my blue haired beauty,
the god of the first planet, my lovely Amy Anderson, Sailor Mercury!"
yelled Kuno.

*Author's Notes: Well, I'm not sure how necessary this is, but I'm going
to quickly clarify who Katsuhiko Jinnai is.  He's the main antagonist in
one of the better anime's out there, El Hazard.  He laughes insanely and I
think that's all that really needs to be known.  Well, I guess I'm behind
schedule already and I kind of skipped a week las t week, but two parts
are coming out this week at least, hopefully I can put out some more to
make up for last.  We'll see.  Guess all that's left to add ifor me to
PLEAD for C&C.  I appreciate what I've gotten, but I'd be lying if I said
I wasn't disappointed that I'm getting less mail on this fic than the
first time I put this fic out.  Maybe more people on the FFML had read
this the first time around than I thought, because the RAAC is where I'm
getting the brunt of my C&C.  Well, I don't care where it comes from as
long as I get it!  Okay, till next time when it's off to the mall for
Ranma and Co., I remain...
Shiaw Chi
schi@uci.edu