Overall, in terms of characterization this was one of the best >treatments
of this sort of idea that I've seen.
Thanks, Gary. Given that this wasn't exactly a fluff piece, (at least for
me,) characterization was an important consideration.
I also applaud the decision not to make it too angsty, and telling
I didn't want to even attempt to pull that off.
the story from a time after Ranma's been able to adjust to the >situation
somewhat was a good idea in this regard.
Well, he's accepted that it's his current situation, but he hasn't given up
on a cure. He still stays away from general society though.
Anand Rao wrote:
and Akari didn't know what to say. Without a hint of envy, she >>thought
of the few wrinkles that lined her face. Wrinkles that the >>girl in
front of her would never have.
This girl would never change; at least, not physically.
So does this mean that Ranma doesn't age anymore? A bit strange,
considering that most of the curse forms, including his, were shown >to
age. Ranma's breasts got bigger in one of the Nodoka stories; and
Pantyhose's curse form started out as a baby.
Hmmm... perhaps they stopped aging once the curse became permanent?
^^;
Also, I should note that Pantyhose was cursed long before the rest >of the
gang, without it becoming permanent. Just something you might >want to drop
in an explanation for.
D'oh! I keep forgetting about him. Will probably go with Richard's
suggestion on the multiple animal/multiple curse theory.
"Fine, Ranma. . . just. . . fine." Akari paused. "I- I got >>married a
couple of years ago."
"Really? That's great. I was. . . worried that you wouldn't be >>able to
move on."
Considering that you've got Ryoga living right in her house, I dunno >if I
can believe that she'd do this. She may well want to, but she >knows how
much it'd crush what's left of the guy's spirit to have to >watch her with
another man every day. If you decide to change it, it >could be a good
argument by which Ranma persuades him to leave -- >that Akari won't move on
until he's gone.
I have to think about this one... I didn't think Akari was that deep. ^_^
"So. . . you. . . you. . . got a hair cut?" Akari floundered.
Ranma laughed easily and rubbed her bald scalp. "More like a >>complete
shave. I've been living at a Buddhist temple in China. >>This," Ranma
said, patting the top of her head, "pretty much goes >>with the
lifestyle."
Ranma gets his head completely shaved, and not even a *mention* of da
kahuna? You gettin' two demerits fo' dis one, brudda. :-)
Hey, this *would* have been a perfect opportunity for a principal Kuno
reference!
Ranma nodded her head and entered the room as the older woman walked
away. Pictures, postcards, and souvenir items from all over Japan
adorned the walls and floor of the room. Only two pieces of >>furniture
were in the room;
"The room" is repeated three times here. Suggest cutting the middle >one
('adorned the walls and floor' is clear enough) and maybe >changing one of
the others.
Thanks, will fix!
"I remember that day very clearly," Ranma quietly said. "It still
haunts my dreams some nights."
That last line seems a little melodramatic for Ranma.
Will delete!
He quickly reached his house was surprised to find the lights still >>on
You're missing an 'and,' Anand. :)
Will add!
The panda shook its head vigorously. (I haven't done anything but >>sit
here and eat,) he wrote on a sign.
He or it? Pick a pronoun and stick to it.
Will do!
Ryoga looked up at Ranma and blinked. "That's right." Ranma >>smiled and
nodded her head firmly. "I'm not giving up, Ryoga, and >>you shouldn't
either." She sat back down on the bed. "So, how >>about it?"
I like this. Even after lots of setbacks, Ranma doesn't give up.
I admire that most about his character, he's damn stubborn.
"Hello, Mother."
With those two words, the spell was broken, and a cold mask of >>anger
grew on Nodoka's face. "You are no child of mine," she >>replied.
Glad to see you're not using the fanfic-cliche ever-supportive ideal
mother Nodoka.
I grew out of that a little while back. ^_^ Seriously though, I think
she'd be quite PO'ed at Ranma's decisions.
I understand why you left out a lot... I am kinda curious about what
happened to Akane. I suppose it's possible that she married someone >else,
I didn't extrapolate that because I honestly had no clue what Akane would
do. It's easy to see Kasumi married off somewhere in a blissfully boring
relationship, and I figure Nabs would be divorced a couple times over before
determining that money is the only thing that would provide her with the
unconditional love she desires. As for Akane... she's a lot like Ranma. I
don't see her settling for less than what she truly wants. So, any guy
she'd be interested in would have to out shine Ranma's influence in her
life. Difficult to see that happening.
Gary
Thanks for all you comments, Gary. I appreciate it.
-Anand
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