Overall, in terms of characterization this was one of the best treatments
of this sort of idea that I've seen. I also applaud the decision not to
make it too angsty, and telling the story from a time after Ranma's been
able to adjust to the situation somewhat was a good idea in this regard.

Anand Rao wrote:

and Akari didn't know what to say.  Without a hint of envy, she thought
of the few wrinkles that lined her face.  Wrinkles that the girl in
front of her would never have.

This girl would never change; at least, not physically.

So does this mean that Ranma doesn't age anymore? A bit strange,
considering that most of the curse forms, including his, were shown to
age. Ranma's breasts got bigger in one of the Nodoka stories; and
Pantyhose's curse form started out as a baby.

Also, I should note that Pantyhose was cursed long before the rest of the
gang, without it becoming permanent. Just something you might want to drop
in an explanation for.

"Fine, Ranma. . . just. . . fine."  Akari paused.  "I- I got married a 
couple of years ago."

"Really?  That's great.  I was. . . worried that you wouldn't be able to 
move on."

Considering that you've got Ryoga living right in her house, I dunno if I
can believe that she'd do this. She may well want to, but she knows how
much it'd crush what's left of the guy's spirit to have to watch her with
another man every day. If you decide to change it, it could be a good
argument by which Ranma persuades him to leave -- that Akari won't move on
until he's gone.

"So. . . you. . . you. . .  got a hair cut?" Akari floundered.

Ranma laughed easily and rubbed her bald scalp.  "More like a complete 
shave.  I've been living at a Buddhist temple in China.  This," Ranma
said, patting the top of her head, "pretty much goes with the
lifestyle."

Ranma gets his head completely shaved, and not even a *mention* of da
kahuna? You gettin' two demerits fo' dis one, brudda. :-)

Ranma nodded her head and entered the room as the older woman walked
away.  Pictures, postcards, and souvenir items from all over Japan
adorned the walls and floor of the room.  Only two pieces of furniture
were in the room; 

"The room" is repeated three times here. Suggest cutting the middle one
('adorned the walls and floor' is clear enough) and maybe changing one of
the others.

"I remember that day very clearly," Ranma quietly said.  "It still haunts 
my dreams some nights."

That last line seems a little melodramatic for Ranma.

He quickly reached his house was surprised to find the lights still on

You're missing an 'and,' Anand. :)

The panda shook its head vigorously.  (I haven't done anything but sit
here and eat,)  he wrote on a sign.

He or it? Pick a pronoun and stick to it.

"No, Shampoo," Ranma replied.  The question had become so routine that it 
rarely even phased him anymore.  "Actually, I'm to talk about my Old

fazed, and 'old man' shouldn't be in caps (it's not used as a name).

Ryoga looked up at Ranma and blinked.  "That's right."  Ranma smiled and 
nodded her head firmly.  "I'm not giving up, Ryoga, and you shouldn't 
either."  She sat back down on the bed.  "So, how about it?"

I like this. Even after lots of setbacks, Ranma doesn't give up.

Ryoga stared quietly at his former for several minutes.  Finally, he
hopped up onto Ranma's lap and nodded his head.  Ranma let out a deep
breath and her smile widened.  She picked up of Ryoga and headed for the
bedroom door.  

Take out 'of'

"Hello, Mother."

With those two words, the spell was broken, and a cold mask of anger grew
on Nodoka's face.  "You are no child of mine," she replied.

Glad to see you're not using the fanfic-cliche ever-supportive ideal
mother Nodoka.

"But why?" Nodoka pled.  "She loved you, she would have married you
anyway."

"And I loved her," Ranma snapped.  "But I wanted to be with her as a man.  
Why can't you understand that?"

I liked this, too. For similar reasons to what I said above, I can't see
Akane calling off the marriage because of the curse; even if she doesn't
*want* to marry a full-time female, I don't think she could refuse knowing
what it would do to Ranma. Having him be the one to decline the marriage
is IMO much more believable.

I understand why you left out a lot... I am kinda curious about what
happened to Akane. I suppose it's possible that she married someone else,
though I think more likely she'd have gone back to thinking that all men
are jerks and that she's better off staying single. Of course, there's a
lot of unknown circumstances, so who knows.


Gary