The Accidental Goddess

A Ranma 1/2 - Aa! Megami-sama FanFiction
By
D.F. Roeder

Based on the story idea, "New Life 1/2", by G. E. Jordan, Jr., and
used with his kind permission. Thanks for your ongoing interest in
this project.


--- First Posting Acknowledgments ---
Kudos for pre-reading and all-around help go to Vince Seifert,
Eternal Lost Lurker, T.H. Tiger, and Chris Rowley. Cheers, guys!

Special thanks and deep bows to Vince Seifert for our ongoing
discussions and his expertise in matters manga, Japanese language
and culture, the art of fiction, general good sense, and other
innumerable areas. My work would be far poorer without him.

Many thanks to all who responded to Chapter 1. Of those, I would
like to specially mention The Major for his mountain of story
ideas and Valandar the Red for Mythology 101.


--- Revised Posting Acknowledgments ---
Thanks go to Douglas MacDougall for his superior C&C efforts and
for providing (unintentional or otherwise :) some of the
additional gags that made their way into the revised chapter 2.

Multiple thanks go, as usual, to Vince Seifert. Let me count the
ways... :)


--- Disclaimers ---
Disclaimers: Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the property
of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogagukan, and Kitty (Japan), and Viz
Communications (USA). Aa! Megami-sama and the characters therein
are the property of Fujishima Kosuke (Japan) and Dark Horse Comics
and Studio Proteus (USA). No compensation has been or will be
received for the composition of this work - it is for free
entertainment purposes only.

C&C very welcome. Respond to FFML or privately to
dfroeder@flash.net.

Glossary of possibly unfamiliar Japanese words at the end.

<thoughts>

____________________

Chapter Two - Tender Hugs and Kisses
____________________


In the changing room of the Tendo home, the surface of the long
mirror on the wall began to ripple. The head of a young
brown-haired woman leaned out from the substance of the mirror and
looked around. Satisfied that no one would see, Belldandy, Norn
Goddess of the Present, stepped out of the glass and the mirror
returned to normal.

She straightened her housedress and turned to check her hair, but
the sound of yelling upstairs drew her attention. She stepped to
the door, slid it open, and stuck her head out into the hall.
Seeing no one, she walked to the stairway and climbed to the
second floor.

There, Belldandy saw two women standing in a doorway to a bedroom
and two men standing behind them. There was a commotion in the
room, and she heard a girl yell "Pervert!" and something about a
sister. The two women in the hall fainted, and the men turned and
started running for the stairs. They stopped when they saw the
stranger in the house, blinked once, and then rushed past her down
the stairs.

Belldandy still had her hand raised and her mouth open for a
greeting, but she was left blinking, her clothes rustling in the
breeze of the men's passing. <Okay...> She put her arm down and
walked up to the two unconscious women. She laid a hand on each
and determined that they were not harmed. Stepping into the room,
she saw the new goddess randomly flitting around the ceiling and
mumbling to herself, her eyes staring but not seeing. A mortal
girl was hopping around on the foot of one leg while holding the
knee of the other.

"Konnichiwa," Belldandy began and bowed. Both occupants stopped
and looked at her blankly. "I'm here to... oh, dear." The other
two had resumed their own activities in the middle of Belldandy's
introduction. <For once, I could use Urd. Where is she?!>

Nabiki's computer monitor began to glow blindingly, and again,
everyone stopped what they were doing to look. In a compression of
geometry that crossed the eyes and hurt the brain, a pair of
shapely, bronze-skinned legs began to exit the screen. They were
followed by the start of a dress and then hips. Hands grasped the
upper housing of the monitor, and the rest of the woman slid out.
The new arrival placed her feet on the chair at the desk and
pushed against it to raise herself to a sitting position.

Sadly, the chair had rollers, and Urd, Norn Goddess of the Past,
found herself hanging in midair a split-second before landing
painfully on her bottom.

"ITAAAI!" Urd rubbed the back of her head where it had clipped the
edge of the desk. Belldandy put her hand over her mouth to cover a
giggle, but Urd noticed.

"What are you laughing at?" she groused.

Belldandy pressed her lips together and waved her hands while
shaking her head. Urd gave her the evil eye as she stood and
rubbed her butt. "Oof! That smarts."

Both goddesses looked at the mortal girl, Tendo Akane, as she
joined the other women in unconsciousness on the floor. The new
goddess, Saotome Ranma, begin flying in a tight circle, like a toy
airplane on a string, and screaming, "They're heeere! They're
comin' to get me! Aaaaah! I don't wanna go! Aaaa-- UMPH!!"

Urd had reached up and snagged Ranma's ankle on a close pass,
causing Ranma's angular momentum to transfer itself downward and
pivot on Urd's shoulder joint. Kami-Ranma was now planted
face-first into the floor, arms and legs crooked and first and
fourth fingers of the hands extended.

"Uh... sorry 'bout that," Urd said. "Oh, well." She let go of
Ranma's leg, and it fell to the floor with a soft but heavy thump.

Belldandy walked over and tsked to herself as she looked Ranma
over. "Did you have trouble finding the house?" she asked her
sister. "I was beginning to worry."

"No..." Urd began, but stopped and grimaced. Using her strongest
healing spell, Urd built a weak and sputtering golden glow on the
palms of her hands. She reached back and placed them on her
derriere. "Aaah! That's the ticket." She gave a final rub and
said, "The phone rang just as you went through the mirror. It was
Kamisama. I have a name," she gestured at Ranma, "to go with the
body, and a couple of other details."

"Oh?" Belldandy began to gently turn Ranma over, but gravity took
over half-way and Ranma flopped onto her back. "Gomeeen,"
Belldandy warbled at the unconscious redhead.

Urd snickered. "Yeah. Her name's Saotome Ranko. Skuld'll be along
shortly with the full skinny."

"Hmmm." Belldandy straightened Ranma's features back into
something close to normal. "What's her area?"

Urd guffawed. "You won't BELIEVE this! Her Area of Influence is
Sex."

Belldandy blink-blinked while Urd continued to laugh. Smiling
weakly, Belldandy looked up at her sister with a mixture of hope
and fear. "Dearest Oneesama, I really, um, don't feel that... um,
let me see. I think, my dear, dear Oneesama, that perhaps you
should be the one to..."

"Relax, Bell," Urd smirked. "You can turn off the sugar-drip. I've
already been railroaded into it by you-know-who." Urd sighed.
"Looks like my bad habits are finally catching up with me."
<Besides,> Urd thought as she examined the lush figure of her
future student, <this could be interesting.>

"Urd," Belldandy admonished, "I know that look. Be careful! She's
Class One, and she is NOT wearing any limiters." She brushed aside
Ranma's red hair to show the bare rise of an ear.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Urd said, dismissing the warning with a
wave.

Belldandy shook her head. "Help me tend to the rest."


The two goddesses soon had Kasumi, Nodoka, Nabiki, and Akane back
on their feet. Ranma was still unconscious, and Akane rushed over
to check on her. She lifted Ranma's head and shoulders up and
shook her. Ranma moaned and weakly clutched at Akane.

"Ohhh... Nabiki..." Ranma gasped. Akane dropped her to the floor.

"Cheating pervert!" <You're MY fiance!> she thought but wouldn't
say aloud. She brought her mallet back to give her iinazuke a good
wallop, but her hammer was effortlessly stopped a few inches from
Ranma's face by Urd's hand, glowing a vibrant green.

Urd gave Akane a measured glare. "No, no, kitten. You don't go
hittin' one of us."

Akane returned the look. "Who the HELL are you to tell me what to
do?!"

Urd winced at the mention of that other place. "Urd, Goddess of
the Past, Class 2, Category 2, Limited, at your service." She
finished with a slight bow.

Akane snorted. "Yeah, RIIIGHT. Now, if you'll KINDLY get out of
the..."

Urd levitated three feet up. "You were saying?" she smirked.

Akane jumped back. Trembling, she raised her mallet in one hand
and made a fist with the other. <This time, *I'll* save *you*,
Ranma!> "C'mon! You don't scare me!"

Urd cocked an eyebrow at Akane and then at Belldandy. Belldandy
sighed, then reached over and touched Akane on the back of the
head.

"Sleep," Belldandy whispered. Akane's eyes rolled back up into her
head, and she crumpled to the floor.

"Aggressive little thing, ain't she," Urd remarked as she floated
back to the ground.

Kasumi nodded and Nodoka spoke: "You have no idea." The Saotome
matriarch shook her head slowly and then fixed Urd with a stern
gaze. "I assume you have something to do with this?" She pointed
at Ranma, who was again moaning her way back to reality.

Belldandy answered for her sister. "Not exactly. We do know what
has happened, basically, but we should wait for our other sister
for the full story. Perhaps we should all go down and have a nice
cup of tea?"

The women nodded, and Urd helped Ranma to her feet. Ranma noticed
someone still lying on the floor. "Akane!" Ranma stumbled over and
knelt next to the unconscious girl, shaking her lightly. Urd
raised an eyebrow at Ranma's concern.

"She's okay," Urd said. "She's taking a little nap. She'll wake up
shortly."

Ranma looked at Urd suspiciously. "Who are YOU?"

Urd sighed. "Urd, goddess, second class. I'm your trainer."

"God-dess...?"

"Hai."

Ranma shook her head. "Whatever. Won't be the first time."
<Saffron!> she thought to herself. <Better be careful, here.>
Keeping one eye on Urd, Ranma lifted Akane up and placed her on
Nabiki's bed. She gently pulled the blanket up and tucked it
around his sleeping iinazuke. A soft smile had settled on Ranma's
face, and Urd's other eyebrow went up.

Once Ranma had finished tending to Akane, she and Urd walked into
the hall and saw Belldandy waiting for them at the top of the
stairs. The three of them descended, Urd still lending Ranma a
token hand to steady her. When they reached the bottom, they saw
an oversized panda bear with a steaming kettle in its paw patting
a crying man on the shoulder and growling in sympathy.

Belldandy and Urd looked at each other and then back at the bear.
The bear noticed them and poured the kettle over its head.

"Hello, I'm Saotome Ge--"

"GET BACK!! DEMON!!!" Urd screamed. She let go of Ranma and formed
a ball of mana energy between her hands. The energy flew towards
Genma and exploded on contact, throwing him through the side of
the house and into the stone wall surrounding the compound. He
hung there for a moment, first and fourth fingers of each hand
extended, and then slowly peeled away and fell face down onto the
ground. A nice impression of Genma's stout body was left in the
rock.

Urd blink-blinked. "Why didn't he disintegrate? That should've
sent him straight to Niflheim."

Belldandy daintily stepped through the destroyed wall, walked to
the body, and placed her hand on it. Her hand glowed briefly. "He
didn't disintegrate because he's human."

"Eh?!" Urd walked over and kicked him a couple of times. "Yeah...
okay."

"Urd! You shouldn't kick him after blasting him," Belldandy
chided. She clucked over the fallen Genma, providing a little
healing energy here and there.

Genma slowly opened his eyes, sat up, and looked up at the two
women over him. "Wh-where's the truck?" he asked. Urd snickered.

"I must apologize for my sister. She's a little trigger happy."
Belldandy glared at Urd and then bowed. "Hello, I'm Belldandy, and
this is my sister, Urd. Urd, help me get the gentleman up."

The Norns supported the wobbly Genma and walked him back through
the hole in the house. Soun was still crying, although his wails
were now focusing on the notion that the house was about to fall
down. "WAAAH! I'm really just *sob* so, SO glad you came to stay
with us *sob* Genma..." he wailed.

The women of the household, minus Akane and including Ranma, were
standing around the foot of the stairway gawking at the spectacle,
but Belldandy shooed everyone into the tearoom. Making an educated
guess based on apparel, Belldandy coaxed Kasumi into the kitchen
to help make tea. Belldandy was puzzled when Kasumi set an
additional kettle to heat without preparing any tea for it, but
she shrugged it off.

By the time Soun's crying had wound down and Genma had more or
less recovered, the tea was ready. Everyone relaxed from the sense
of normality provided by the serving of refreshments.

Soun sat at the head of the table, and Nodoka was seated at the
other end. Genma sat next to Soun on one side along with Kasumi
and Nabiki. The three goddesses sat on the other side, Urd and
Belldandy on either side of Ranma. When everyone had been served,
Belldandy spoke up.

"I assume that Saotome Ranko, here, is a member of the family?"
she asked.

"Ranma," Nodoka said curtly. Akane appeared in the doorway and,
watching Urd and Belldandy warily, shuffled in to sit at the
corner between Nodoka and a still dazed Nabiki.

"Ano..." Belldandy was confused. "Ranma, did you say? Then who is
Ranko?"

"Ranko doesn't really exist," Kasumi chimed in. "That's the name
Ranma sometimes goes by when he is, er, in girl form."

"He's a crossdresser?!" Urd exclaimed.

The Tendos and Saotomes face-faulted. As she rose, Akane noticed
that the skirt of Ranma's goddess outfit had fallen over Ranma's
head, revealing very form-fitting panties of shiny metallic green.
Akane began to feel a little warm. She then noticed that Nabiki
had taken a look as well and was blushing furiously as she stared.
Flustered and embarrassed, Akane rounded on Ranma. "You PERVERT!!"
She started to rise.

"Akane! Calm yourself," Nodoka said. "There's more to this than
just my son being manly... or something."

Akane settled back into her seat, but everyone could tell she was
seething. Ranma was hunched over and trying to hide in place.
Seeing this, Urd's legendary short fuse began burning.

"Right. Fine. What-EVER. Now is Ranko a crossdresser or not?"

"Ranma," Genma helpfully supplied. Urd shot him a glare that had
him cowering.

"Dearest, you're not helping," Nodoka scolded. "My SON has a
little problem, thanks to his father. Whenever he is splashed with
cold water he turns into a girl, which can be reversed with the
application of hot water. It's called a..."

"...Jusenkyo curse," Urd finished for her.

"Ah! You know of it, then."

"Mmmm. You usually don't run into many this far from the source,
but I see you each have one. I didn't put it together right away.
Sorry about the blast, panda-man," Urd said. Genma was annoyed at
the nickname.

"Actually," he began haughtily, "there are several who..."

"So," Urd interrupted, looking at Ranma while Genma glared, "your
name is really Ranma, ne?"

Ranma nodded without raising her head. Urd put her hand under
Ranma's chin and turned Ranma's head up and towards herself. Urd
smiled at her. "Welcome to the family, kiddo."

Ranma managed a genuine smile. "Arigatou," she whispered hoarsely.

----------

A pair of cool, brown eyes sat in a classically Northern European
face that would've been considered beautiful, were it not for the
two slanted lines on her forehead that looked like gashes. Curly
dark-blonde hair blew around her face, and her well-formed figure
was encased in a black leather cheongsam that softly squeaked when
she shifted her position. The outfit was not comfortable for
perching in a cherry-blossom tree.

She snorted as a man was blown through the wall of the house
belonging to the cherry-blossom tree. <Way to go, Urd.> Her amused
expression faltered as the bane of her existence daintily stepped
out through the hole. <Belldandy!> The goodness radiating from her
was almost physically painful. The tree-borne watcher sucked in
air, but relaxed when Urd, white hair blowing in the breeze,
followed Belldandy out. Urd's presence alleviated the pain
somewhat.

Mara, Demon Class One, grinned as Urd kicked the man after having
fried him with a force ball. <Still the same old Urd,> Mara mused.
She scowled as Belldandy cajoled her sister into helping the stout
man up and into the house. <Goodie two-shoes! I curse you to
everlasting...> "Ara?"

Mara's spiritual senses went on alert as she felt a strong
supernatural presence approach. Her gaze followed the path of the
presence, but it was quite invisible. Mara relaxed as she realized
it had cast its own cloaking spell and wouldn't reveal her
position by taxing her own spiritual camouflage. She could
perceive its aura, but the goody-goody Norns would be effectively
blocked. Couldn't have them catching on to her presence TOO
quickly.

The presence resolved itself into a man of beautiful features
sitting on the same large branch as Mara. Slight of build, with
long black hair and a mildly aquiline nose, he could've passed for
a bishonen idol singer, were it not for the hard glint in his eyes
and the look of disdain on his face. His demon markings consisted
of two slashes, but slanted more to the horizontal than Mara's.

"It's been a long time," Mara commented. "And what should I call
you in this age?"

"Hello, Mara. Looking good, as always." The new arrival smirked as
Mara absently twirled a lock of curly hair around her finger in
response to the compliment. "Since we're in Japan, Retsujouki-sama
will do."

"Heh. LORD 'Demon of Lust'? My, my." She gave him an appraising
stare. "I was expecting some oglers, but you surprise me,
Retsu-chan."

Retsujouki quirked an eyebrow at the demoness. "If you must,
Retsuji will do." Mara smiled in petty victory as he continued. "I
happened to be in the main office when the event occurred.
However, I suspect the entire population of both outer planes felt
that one."

"True..." Their attention was drawn to the crowd assembling around
the tearoom table, visible through the open sliding doors. Ranma,
in goddess attire, plopped down on a cushion, her back to the
watchers and her long rope of braided red hair coiling behind her
on the tatami mat.

"That her?" Retsuji asked.

"Must be."

"I assume you're here because of the Norns."

He was answered by silence, as Urd chose that moment to come into
view and sat to one side of Ranma.

"Ah, yes. Urd." Retsuji's eyes began to glow slightly. Mara glared
at him, insulted.

"Belldandy," she sniffed, "is also here. Haven't seen the runt."

It was Mara's turn to be given silence. However, Mara was nothing
if not proactive. She slugged Retsuji on the arm.

"I'm talkin' to you!" she whispered fiercely. Feeling slighted,
Retsuji glared at Mara. Before he could respond, however, the
sound of swiftly moving water rose from the koi pond. A deepening
whirlpool was forming in the center, and frightened koi could be
seen gathering in the corners. Retsuji opened his mouth to speak,
but Mara shushed him.

"Quiet! It's the runt. Be still!" she softly commanded as the
center of the whirlpool began to glow.

----------

Urd smiled at her. "Welcome to the family, kiddo."

Ranma managed a genuine smile. "Arigatou," she whispered hoarsely.
Her smile faltered as she continued, "Now, whoever you are, just
get with turnin' me back to my old self, ne?"

"Errr... well..." Urd temporized. She was saved by a commotion in
the backyard. Water from the koi pond began sloshing over the rim,
and a golden glow began to rise from the center.

"Very good," Belldandy declared. "Skuld's here."

The Tendo household gawked as the glow receded and a young girl of
about thirteen years ascended from the water, long jet-black hair
swirling on the rising mist. Her skin was pale, like her middle
sister's, and she also had the unusual trio of markings on her
forehead and cheeks, although hers were deep blue open triangles
with rounded corners, the forehead marking more egg-shaped. The
flared skirt of her red-trimmed white overcoat billowed as she
levitated over to dry ground. The red and bare-metal head of a
hammer strapped to her back poked through the moving hair. She
landed and bounced once, flexing her knees a little, and looked
directly into the open tearoom.

Skuld, Norn Goddess of the Future, began to step in the direction
of the house but paused after the first footfall. Looking around,
she squinted her eyes to see what it was that had tickled the back
of her mind. She briefly considered pulling out her scanning
goggles, but the sudden tapping of Urd's hand on the table caught
her attention. Skuld stalked toward the tearoom.

"It's about time, squirt," Urd jibed as Skuld entered.

Skuld gave her sister a haughty look. "Since I'm tired, YOU get to
do the honors!" She reached into a hidden pocket of her overcoat
and pulled out an object, which she immediately threw at Urd. Urd
deftly caught the object, a bracelet, and beamed when she
recognized it. Unhappy with the reaction she got, Skuld huffed and
turned to her other sister.

"Now that we're all here," Belldandy spoke to the group, "perhaps
we can get to the bottom of what's happened and figure out what's
to be done. Please sit here, Skuld." The youngest Norn plopped
down between Belldandy and Nodoka, as far away from Urd as
possible on that side of the table.

Urd's fascination with the bracelet hadn't gone unnoticed. "Whatta
ya got, there?" Ranma asked.

"Perhaps the only good thing made by my baby sister," Urd
exclaimed.

"Grrr." Skuld was ready to jump up and give Urd a thorough verbal
beating, but a look from Belldandy barely managed to keep her
seated.

Urd snorted and held up the shiny silver bracelet so everyone
could see the futuristic circuit designs engraved on the surface,
a continuous surface by virtue of a half twist in the band.

"This," she said gleefully, "is a remote data link AND terminal.
The latest in divine-tech." Urd looked around, as proud as if it
had been 'her' invention. The blank looks on the mortal faces
surprised then irritated her. With a scowl she shoved the bracelet
onto her left arm. The bracelet immediately generated a silvery
white aura, through which the brilliant rainbow hues of the
circuits shone like stars.

"TERMINAL!" The humans and Ranma jumped as two gray translucent
panels appeared in the air, one vertical and the other almost flat
and slanted towards Urd. Their composition had to be guessed at;
some thought of smoke, others thought of a light that had no
shine, and Genma didn't bother. Urd tapped a few keys, and the
vertical panel moved away in a slow upright spin. The panel
enlarged to roughly one meter by one-and-one-half meters while
rotating to rest flat against the uncluttered wall behind Soun.
Urd motioned for him to turn.

Ranma watched in awe as, even to her trained eye, Urd's hands
ceased to be visible past the wrists. A dull, droning buzz arose
from the super-rapid and mechanically precise tapping of
fingertips on the flat panel. <Forget the Amaguriken,> Ranma
thought. <Gimme THAT! Chikushou! I wonder if she can fight.>
Everyone else was busy watching pages of data scroll down fast
enough to be a solid blur. After about 15 seconds of watching the
screen and typing without looking, Urd abruptly stopped.

"Okay, Ranko's file has been downloaded," Urd explained.

"Ranma," Genma corrected. Urd glared at him a little harder than
before.

"Dearest!" Nodoka chided. Genma huffed and turned back to the
screen.

"ANY-way," Urd returned her attention to the matter at hand. "Here
we go."

"File subject: Saotome Ranko." Urd spared Genma a withering
glance. "Sex: female--"

"Ah... no," Ranma interrupted, putting a finger into the air.
"Kasumi?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh! Right. Here you are, Ranma-chan."

Ranma grimaced at the suffix, but took the kettle in good grace--

"Ah...!" Urd tried to interrupt.

--and poured it over her head. "Aaaah! That's better. I really...
hate..." Ranma's scream threatened to shatter all the teacups on
the table. Everyone's eye's bulged. Ranma frantically dumped the
remaining contents onto her head, shaking the kettle even after it
was empty. Akane lowered her head in shock.

"No, no, NOOOOO!!" The water draining off of her face hid Ranma's
tears, as she sat holding the kettle up for several seconds. She
dropped the kettle and put her head in her hands, trying very hard
not to sob.

Urd patted her on the back. "I was afraid of this."

Ranma whipped her head up in shock. "WHAT?!"

With a small smile, Urd put her finger on Ranma's lips. "Tut, tut.
Let Mistress Urd do her thing." Skuld rolled her eyes at the
'Mistress'.

Urd mumbled a few phrases while placing her hands on Ranma's
shoulder and head. Urd concentrated for about 15 seconds and then
looked up. "Okay. As I thought, the Jusenkyo magic is still there,
but it's sort of been pushed to the side. Magic is rarely gotten
rid of; it's usually displaced or transferred. In your case, it
was... compartmentalized, I guess is as a good a word as any.
Boxed up, for short."

Ranma wiped her face and sniffled. "So why am I a *girl*, then?"

Urd tapped a few keys on the terminal, and a line on the screen
expanded in size a little and became highlighted. "Because *that*
says you are."

Everyone's head swung to the wall. Ranma blinked in confusion.

Urd sighed. "Because you were entered into the system as 'female',
female you are and will be. That is now your normal gender."

Everyone mortal face-faulted. Ranma became a statue: seeing
nothing, hearing nothing, acknowledging nothing.

Urd spoke again. "However-- URK!"

Everyone rose to see that the statue had cracked, and Ranma had
suddenly grabbed handfuls of the front of Urd's robes and was
shaking her. "HOWEVER WHAT?!?!"

Skuld pulled out her hammer, pushed the button on the handle, and
bonked Ranma on the head with the now much longer device. Ranma
fell over in a daze. As the handle retracted, Akane stared at the
futuristic mallet with no small amount of envy.

"Ahem!" Urd straightened her robes. One side had fallen down her
arm when Ranma had let go, exposing her shoulder and the generous
swell of a breast. Soun and Genma found themselves with the
beginnings of a nosebleed. Once properly re-attired, Urd leveled a
smoky gaze at both men that had their nosebleeds going full force.
Nodoka fumed, but held her tongue.

"As I was about to say," Urd continued, as if she hadn't noticed
sending the fathers into orbit, "just because the magic is boxed
away doesn't me it can't be let out."

Ranma had been jolted out of her daze and was now sitting in her
place, smiling sweetly at Urd. Urd cocked an eyebrow.

"HOWEVER," Urd held her hands palm-out in front of her to prevent
a repeat performance by Ranma, "that will require a spell you're
nowhere near ready to learn, yet, so get used to it, Ranma-*chan*.
You'll be female-only for a while." Assured that Ranma wasn't
going to grab her again, Urd settled back and finished the
arranging of her outfit.

Ranma sat there for a while, not sure what to say and staring into
her lap.

"It's not like you haven't had to do this before, Ranma," Akane
said.

Ranma looked up, ready to shoot her mouth off, but the concern
missing in Akane's voice was clear in her eyes, and for once,
Ranma didn't feed the cycle of insults. She nodded at Akane.

"That'll be fine, then!" Genma said for the benefit of Soun, who
was beginning to leak around the eyes... severely. "Won't spoil
anything, will it, Tendo?" Soun nodded up and down furiously,
spraying salt water over the table. The goddesses looked at the
fathers strangely, and then with distaste at the flying tears.

Ranma bored her gaze into her father, very annoyed at the poor
reason for their concern, but it was to little avail.

Urd finally shrugged and turned back to the terminal.

"Errr, where were we?"

"Start over," Belldandy suggested.

"Right. File Subject: Saotome Ranko. Sex: Female. Area of
Influence: Goddess of Sex--"

The group face-faulted... again. Ranma shot up from her seat.

"WHAT?!?!" Ranma was glorious in her outrage. "I'm a martial
artist, damn it! If I'm gonna be the goddess (oh, help me) of
anything, it's gonna be THAT!"

"Sorry," Urd said, "but it's entered into the system."

Ranma fumed for a second, then rounded on the middle Tendo.
"Thanks a LOT, Nabiki!"

Still a little woozy from earlier activities, Nabiki jumped. "Huh?
Whaaaaat did I do?"

"Grrr."

"Ranko-, er, Ranma-chan, please." Nodoka desperately wanted this
conversation to get on track. <If one more person interrupts...>
She absently patted her ever-present silk-wrapped bundle.

Urd looked at Nabiki. "Are you the one who did this?"

Being straightforwardly asked for information put Nabiki on firm
ground and temporarily overrode the effects of Ranma's earlier
touch. She held out her hand and said reflexively, "That
information will cost you 1,000 yen." Urd blink-blinked, unsure
how to respond, but Ranma spoiled it for Nabiki.

"Of course, she did it! Some gag site, 'oneechan'!" Ranma spat,
but Nabiki, hearing Ranma's voice, descended back into
bedazzlement and gazed longingly at Ranma. Ranma sat back with
wide eyes and presented warding gestures.

Nodoka puzzled this out and said to her daughter, "Are you saying
Nabiki-chan turned you into a... whatever you are?" Ranma slumped
and nodded. "How could she possibly be able to do such a thing?"
Nodoka asked Urd.

Urd scrolled the screen back up and translated. "It says here
someone accessed a backdoor into the system. She *shouldn't* have
been able to, but somehow the request for system access got
through. The why and how is being investigated, I'm sure. Now..."
Urd scrolled back to where she'd previously been.

"Grrr." Ranma was back to being mad.

"Ahem! Moving right along, Area of Influence: Goddess of Sex..."

"Grrr."

"...Ahem! Class: I. Category: I. Unlimited. How the he-heck that
happened is beyond... er, gomen. Age: seventeen." Urd droned on
through the rest of the details, pausing after one when
interrupted: "Divine Weapon: Katana..."

"Aaah! Sugoi!!" Nodoka cheered. "I'm very proud of you, Ranko-,
er, Ranma-chan. You will begin training immediately." Both Genma
and Ranma winced, although for different reasons.

Ranma wearily nodded her assent to her mother. "As long as it
doesn't involve a legendary mystical training ground," she sighed.
Nodoka suddenly began fidgeting, looking very nervous. Urd looked
back and forth between the two, then shrugged.

"Last item. Associated Deity or Deities: The Norns." Urd turned to
Ranma. "How did you figure on us, anyway?"

"Well... there's that little red blinking line that says you're
the Cupid of Love, and Nabiki said it was close enough."

"WHAT?!?!?! What was that?!" Skuld was instantly in Urd's face,
mallet armed and ready. Across the table, Akane's mallet envy rose
again, and she resolved to speak to Skuld about a possible
replacement for herself at the first opportunity.

Nodoka was becoming increasingly annoyed at yet another delay, as
Skuld confronted Ranma. "WHAT did it say, again?!"

"Uh..." Ranma began to twitch. "I-It said, um, 'Also', um, um,
'the Goddess of Love.' Th-there was a da-dash and her name after
it. And... and... and somethin' else, but I forgot. O-okay? Ne?"
For some reason the mallet made the young goddess seem much...
bigger. The kanji for "pain" floated in front of Ranma's eyes.

"Can we get on with this?" Nodoka muttered.

Ranma had ceased to exist for Skuld after she got the information
she wanted. Skuld rounded on Urd again.

"YOU tried to pin this on ME back home, but it's all 'cause of
YOU, you, you... I don't know what!" Skuld took to pacing back and
forth in front of the opening to the backyard and mumbling to
herself, while Belldandy watched with a tired expression. <Will
either of them ever grow up?> she thought and sighed.

Nodoka put her face in her twitching hands. <I honor my ancestors.
I pay my respects. Why does this happen to ME?>

A knocking at the front door finally got loud enough to be heard
over the bickering goddesses. Seeing that no one else was inclined
to greet their guest, Soun rose and stepped out of the room. A
second later Nodoka snapped, slamming her palms on the table and
then standing and unwrapping the silk around her katana in one
smooth motion.

Everyone froze. Urd and Skuld gave the Saotome matriarch a
surprised look, not quite believing the implied threat of the
sword.

"Enough!! I don't CARE whose fault it is! What I DO care about is
someone finally telling me what is going on and what's to be done
about it!" Flushed and breathing heavily, she glared at the
goddesses opposite her.

Urd and Skuld meekly took their seats, as did Nodoka after a
moment. Urd returned her attention to her terminal.

"Uhhh... where were we? Oh, yes. Affiliated Deity or Deities: The
Nor..."

"Hello, everyone!" cried a harried Dr. Tofu, following Soun into
the tearoom. Nodoka's twitching worsened. "Sorry I took so long.
Ran into that--"

"AAACK!" Ranma shot up out of her seat, intending to walk towards
the good doctor, but floated through the air instead, still
without any idea of how to stop.

"--Kuno boy. Can he ever go onnnn..." Tofu had taken note of
Ranma's lack of contact with the ground.

Ranma then heard Kasumi pipe up. "Why, hello, doctor," she said
sweetly as hearts danced in her eyes.

Tofu turned at the sound of Kasumi's voice. He spotted her and, in
the split-second before lucidity left, also noticed those same
hearts.

"KA-KA-KASUMI!! HAHAHA!! Fancy meeting you here!"

Knowing the result and in a panic, Ranma turned at approximately a
half meter from Tofu and scrabbled at air. Too late.

"Oh! Ranma! Akane must've hit you pretty hard if you haven't
reached the ground, yet. HAHAHA!" Akane was suitably embarrassed
for one second. "Let me fix that for you!" Tofu snagged one of
Ranma's flailing cloth-covered feet.

"Aaaaah! Ha-ha-hanase!!!
     *SNAP* *PA-POP*
"ChiGAU YO!!"
     *GRIIINNNND*
"IIITAAAIII!!!"
     *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK*
"...itetetetete..."
     *SCRUNCH*
"YAAAH!!"
     *GRIND-POP*
"...yameteyameteyamete..."
     *POPPOPPOPPOP*
"WAAAHAHAHAHAAAA...URK!!!"
     *SNAAAAAAAP*
<...ofukuro...>

Ranma had been reshaped into a rough disc, and her appendages
pointed in the directions of the compass; arms at North and East
and legs at South and West. Her face sat in the center of the
disc, framed in the round by variously misaligned body parts. Her
breasts and cleavage were pushed up a la Wonderbra, and her chin
rested on the fleshy shelf. She began to make a slow circuit of
the room at eye level as her limbs twitched occasionally and a
strangulated baby-doll voice ticked off three-second intervals.

"eep... eep... eep..."

The Norns had turned a startling shade of pea-green as they
watched Ranma being twisted into an anatomically impossible
configuration. The remaining spectators were simply resigned to
let the incident run its course.

<That mortal can do that to one of us?!> Urd was not pleased and a
trifle afraid. <He'll bear some watching.>

"HAHAHA! Well, I was glad to be of help! HAHA! Must be going now!
Time for Betty-chan's high colonic!" Tofu cavorted out of the room
and through the front door. "Woo-hoooo! Hee-heeee!"

Nodoka turned to Kasumi as Ranma floated past behind them. "Child,
as glad as I am that your doctor friend found his way back to
Nerima, you are REALLY going to have to make a move and calm him
down."

Kasumi turned questioning eyes to Nodoka. "Why, whatever do you
mean?"

Nodoka face-faulted. "You and I," she grumbled as she returned to
an upright position, "are going to have a long talk about this,
later." Kasumi winced. Nodoka addressed the room as Ranma passed
behind the fathers.

"Who usually undoes this kind of damage?"

The collective cast looked at various points on the walls and
squinched their fingertips up and down.

"I'll see what I can do," Belldandy finally offered. She rose and
snatched a passing appendage. She dithered a moment, trying to
decide where to place her hands in the tangle of flesh. She
finally took hold of the nearest arm and leg and began an
incantation.

     "Retrace and spin the thread of memory.
     Let not your body forget
     The beauty of its form.
     Cast off your twisted limbs,
     Those who cherish your beauty
     Await its return!"

A silvery glow encompassed Ranma and her body unfolded in a second
series of snaps, pops, and grinds. Ranma's mouth opened in a
silent yell and tears ran from her eyes. Hands flew to mouths
among the spectators, desperately trying to keep their tea down.
When Ranma had returned to normal, Belldandy released her, but the
redhead had passed out from exhaustion and now floated across the
table to land in Akane's lap. Ranma cuddled up and whimpered.

<Aha!> Urd thought.

Akane looked around in a mild panic, but Urd speared her with a
look. "Well?" A little put upon, Akane hesitantly gathered the
sleeping goddess up in her strong arms and felt a jolt of
something pass into her body. A battle raged across Akane's face,
little sweat drops appearing all over, but the internal fight
against kami-Ranma's influence was over quickly. Akane clutched
Ranma tightly to her, and with a blissful smile, rocked her back
and forth. Ranma smiled and sighed, snuggling up even closer.

"There's going to be a lot of little things to learn as the family
of a new goddess," Urd lectured. "One of the things is *that*. In
spite of your somewhat, ah, adversarial relationship, Akane-chan,
Ranko must love you very much to put herself in your care while
resting. It's no small matter for a goddess."

Akane's bliss increased to the point that her aura manifested in
the pink spectrum. The other women, save a jealous and scowling
Nabiki, had hearts in their eyes, and the fathers had pulled out
victory fans and were dancing a jig, repeating the same phrase in
a sing-song chant, "The schools are gonna join, the schools are
gonna join..."

The goddesses readily understood the women's reactions, but the
fathers confused them. "Ano..." Belldandy began, "are we missing
something, here?"

Nodoka beamed while she explained. "There is an honor pact between
the Saotome and Tendo families that there will be a union between
the children to join and strengthen the Saotome and Tendo Schools
of Musabetsu Kakutou. As martial artists, Ranma and Akane were
chosen to fulfill this obligation. It's wonderful to see it
working out so well. It's been a... difficult courtship," Nodoka
sighed wearily. "In all likelihood, it will remain difficult, but
it seems family honor will be upheld." With a sigh of relief, she
laid her katana against the table edge.

Nabiki huffed loud enough to break through Akane's warm and fuzzy
daze. She looked at Nabiki, clutched Ranma tightly to her bosom,
and her aura flared blue over the pink. "Mine!"

The remaining family laughed, but the goddesses had blanched and
were trading looks. Skuld and Belldandy focused on Urd, who
grimaced, then nodded.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but..." Everyone froze and
stared at Urd. Urd swallowed once and hesitantly continued. "Um,
well, you see, there's a stipulation for mortal ascension, in the
unlikely event that it occurs. Heh. All, heh heh, all mortal
obligations, vows, bonds, and the like are rendered null and void,
including, HAHAHA, arranged marriages."

"WHAAAT!!!" Urd drew back and presented warding gestures as she
suddenly found herself hemmed in by four angry faces, Akane,
amazingly, being the fourth. Ranma had been dumped on the table
and sat up blinking. Soun's demon head appeared, tongue coiling
around large fangs.

"RANMA WILL MARRY MY DAUGHTER!!!"

Urd squawked and automatically shot a sizable bolt of mana energy
at Soun's chi manifestation. A large hole appeared in the center
of the forehead, and the demon head's eyes crossed before it
popped out of existence. Soun stood there with a surprised look on
his face.

"Look," Urd snapped after recovering, "we still don't know if
she'll even stay a goddess. Kami-sama may repeal it any moment."

"Not happenin'," Skuld stated flatly. She'd been quiet for the
majority of the discussion due to weariness and a desire to let
her sisters handle the tricky stuff. Now, however, she was the
center of attention.

"Ummm, what I mean is, it wasn't allowed. Deleting her godhead,
that is."

Urd's eyes widened and Belldandy leaned in to speak. "Who came
forward?"

Skuld hummed and dithered. "Well, as you know, Oneesama, but
everyone else doesn't, on the rare occasion of mortal ascension,
there's always an undo option." She shifted her attention to the
rest. "In fact, unless someone important says otherwise, we'll
typically undo it and disallow the wish. Even though a wish wasn't
involved in this case, the option was still available. As no one
had come forward, we were about to undo the godhead, but Kami-sama
spoke and said no."

Urd and Belldandy sat back and considered the implications. The
Tendos and Saotomes looked on in confusion.

"HE actually was the one to come forward?" Urd asked
incredulously.

"Hai!" Skuld chirped.

"Why?" Urd asked.

Skuld rolled her eyes and managed to look thoroughly put upon.
"You *know* how Kami-sama is. Capital-F Fate this; capital-D
Destiny that. In other words, HE talked a lot and said very
little. She *will* be busted to Surface World Trainee during her
training (welcome to the club, kid), but she'll go right back to
One, One, Unlimited when she's finished. So sayeth the Lord."
<That'll get Urd's goat,> Skuld smirked to herself.

Belldandy looked at Ranma with some concern, while Urd steamed.

"Well, Ranko," Belldandy said...

"Ranma," Genma corrected. Urd snarled and vented some of her
frustration by popping Genma with a small mana bolt. Genma's
soiled bandanna flew straight up off of his bald head.

"...um, Ranma," Belldandy continued. "I guess you're the new Class
One Goddess of, erm, Sex."

Ranma quailed and then shot into the air to hover over the table
again, arms out and appealing to every known kami. "I CAN'T be the
Goddess of Sex! I ain't even DONE it!!"

The group face-fault was heard round the world.

----------

Mara and Retsuji almost fell out of the cherry-blossom tree
themselves when Ranma made her declaration of virginity. By
hanging onto nearby small limbs, they kept themselves on their
perches and were soon back in their original positions. Mara
checked the set of her leather cheongsam and then looked at
Retsuji. The lust demon's eyes were glued to the movement of
Ranma's ample features underneath her clothing.

"A Goddess of Sex?! Well... I guess it's a good thing, overall.
Think you can take her?" Mara inquired.

"Eh?!" Retsuji shook his concentration loose and smoothed back his
hair. "What do *you* think? There's not a woman alive who can
resist me when I exert my full charm."

Mara softly raspberried him. "Right. Whatever. Just one thing,
though."

"Hmmm?" Retsuji had resumed his redhead studies.

"She's not *just* a woman, anymore."

Retsuji turned back to Mara with a smirk. "Not a problem. She's
too new, and considering her field... Well, just think of it as a
done deal. I *know* women."

Mara studied the neophyte deity. A warning itch began in the back
of her mind. "I don't know, Retsu-chan. Something tells me there's
a lot more to this than what's on the surface." Mara rested her
chin in one of her palms. "I wonder who her opposite is..." She
straightened and looked hard at her companion.

Retsuji smiled and inclined his head. "At your service."

Mara opened her mouth to voice her surprise, but the entire tree
in which they were perched suddenly swayed as several beings
hopped up into its branches. Mara and Retsuji looked around in a
mild panic. Several incubi and succubi had appeared and were
perched in various places, peering into the Tendo residence. The
low-power auras of the sex fiends had been buried in the spiritual
background noise of this strange part of Tokyo, and the two
higher-level demons hadn't sensed their approach. Instinctively,
Mara extended her cloaking spell, trying to cover the new
arrivals. She felt the load lighten as Retsuji extended his own
spell. Mara gave him a grateful look, and Retsuji nodded.

Turning, Mara hissed at the nearest newcomer, an incubus with
several interesting protrusions on its body and grotesquely
oversized anatomy.

"You guys've got a lot of balls congregating like this!"

The incubus smirked. "Ya got that right, sister."

Mara blinked and then realized what she'd said. She scowled. "What
in the Seven Sins are you doing here?"

"Someone shouted 'Goddess of Sex'," the incubus snickered, echoed
by its companions of both sexes, "and we all just had to see for
ourselves. Ne! Which one is it?" The heads and upper bodies of the
dozen or so sex fiends swayed snake-like as they studied the
various women in the house. The cherry-blossom tree began to move
with them as their swaying became synchronized. Fortunately,
everyone in the house was too distracted to notice.

"Disgusting creatures," Retsuji muttered, and Mara nodded in
agreement. Mara had no intentions of sharing anything with these
low-order mischief-makers and was intensely annoyed at having her
scrutiny of the Norns gate-crashed by so many unconnected parties.
Another concern was the size of the dual cloaking spell. All one
of the Norns had to do was look steadily at the tree, and they
would notice not the demonic presences but the large hole in the
spiritual background noise. If they didn't notice the tree moving
first, that is. The jig would be up, then. Holding onto the
branches as the tree leaned to one side and then the other, Mara
briefly wondered if she was capable of being motion sick.

----------

People were becoming tired of the repetitive face-planting that
the day had brought. All wearily rose to glare at the buoyant
Ranma as she looked to the heavens for deliverance. All, that is,
except Urd. Urd regained her feet and quickly grabbed the redhead
in a bone-crushing hug.

"ACK!!" Ranma's arms fanned.

Urd looked heavenward herself as she squeezed the already
much-abused goddess. "Oh, thank you, Kami-sama! This is a dream
come true!" Urd suddenly squeezed harder, mashing Ranma's face
into her cleavage. "Fresh and untouched! Ready for my instruction!
OOOH-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!" Ranma went purple as blood began to leak
from her nose, Akane's and Nabiki's blood began to boil in
jealousy, and one or two people wondered where Kodachi was hiding.

"Oneesan..."

Urd looked down at Belldandy. "Yes?" she warbled. Belldandy
pointed at Urd's chest. A faint red stain was spreading on Urd's
clothing from the sides of Ranma's multicolored head. "Oh... Well,
maybe we can start this some other time." Urd let go, and Ranma
zipped away, hacking and sputtering.

Ranma swooped and hid behind Akane. She peeked over Akane's
shoulder at the white-haired goddess. "Are you all tryin' to KILL
me or somethin'?! Akane! Ya gotta SAVE me!!" Ranma screeched.

Akane was jolted out of her smoldering anger and spun to look at
Ranma. "YOU'RE asking ME for help?!"

"Uhhh..."

Akane leapt from her seat and tackled her fiancee. "Oh, Ranma! You
don't know how much this means to me!"

"ACK!" Ranma found herself caught in yet another bone-crushing
hug, face mashed into yet another woman's cleavage, and had
nowhere to go... except up... several feet. Surprised, Akane let
go and instinctively flipped and landed on the table, clipping
Nabiki's tea and soaking the scowling girl. Ranma jetted to an
upper corner of the room and wedged herself in as tightly as she
could, glaring down at her family and guests. Akane stood in the
middle of the table and watched Ranma with a hurt expression.

Not having been predisposed towards liaisons with Ranma in the
first place, the hot tea turned out to be just the thing to break
the tenuous hold of Ranma's influence and shock Nabiki out of her
bedazzled state. She groaned and slapped her hand to her forehead.
<WHAT have I been THINKING?! Jeez, I was about to boff Ranma, and
he's not even a guy! Well, she is a guy, but she's Akane's guy! I
mean, he's Akane's guy! Aspirin... must have aspirin...> Nabiki
stood and wandered out of the room and upstairs, mumbling to
herself about weird magnets.

----------

Mara was still hanging on, but she was turning interesting shades
of blue and green. About a dozen more sex fiends had turned up,
and the cherry-blossom tree was beginning to creak as it swayed.

Demons and fiends alike jumped when a small figure crashed into
the foliage. The figure filtered painfully down through the
branches and ended up slung over the same branch on which Mara and
Retsuji were sitting. Four or five of the sex fiends gathered
behind Mara and Retsuji to see who'd joined their party. The rest
went back to swaying.

The figure appeared to be an ancient, shrunken, and wrinkled man.
He wore dark clothing and had a bandana wrapped around his head
and tied under his nose. His face had been flattened in, and two
shiny metal objects, <Spatulas?> Mara wondered, were embedded in
his rump. The man groaned, "My... sweet... Ukyou...." He reached
around and plucked the offending items from his butt, wearily
moving to a sitting position.

At that precise moment, Happousai realized he wasn't alone. He
slowly turned his head and looked at Mara and Retsuji, seeing even
more eyes watching from behind them. Happi blinked and then looked
*really* hard, eyes bulging from their sockets.

Mara blinked also, and discovered the old man had vanished. She
also became aware at that point that something was crawling around
inside her cheongsam. She bit off a scream and started beating her
clothing with her fists, butt-hopping along the tree limb. At
several points in her tour du derriere, she nearly fell out of the
swaying tree. Retsuji just watched, fascinated by the display.

A bright glowing line appeared down the front of Mara's dress, and
she stopped flagellating herself and quickly analyzed it. <CHI?!>
The glow faded, and a wrinkled, round head pushed up through the
cut. Happousai and Mara stared at each other for a couple of
heartbeats, then Happi intensely whispered one drawn-out word,
"Hoootchaaaaaa..."

Mara was livid. Swirls of black energy phased into existence
around the demoness as she slowly her hands up to either side of
the evil martial arts master. Happi just grinned evilly.

"A challenge! I LIKE a challenge! Do your worst, Toots!"

Mara snarled and went to grab her attacker with hands burning
black, but with his inhuman speed, Happi was already standing
several feet away on the tree limb. Mara smiled and returned her
steadying hold on the nearby branches. Happi wondered what was
going on, when he felt something coming up behind. He took out his
pipe, turned around, and easily tossed a rather large incubus high
up into air. The incubus, not quite in tune with the physical laws
of the mortal plane, kept going up and up and disappeared with a
dark twinkle.

"Hmmm, interesting," Happi commented. He turned back to Mara, who
was now standing, her hands curled into claws. Happi adopted the
signature ready stance of his martial arts school, and Mara
tensed.

"Don't leave me, Ranma-chan!"

The combatants dropped out of their stances and looked into the
yard to see the new goddess being chased around the compound by an
amorous mortal. The tree lurched as it changed direction in its
oscillation, and Mara was back to hanging on for dear life. Due to
his training, Happousai was unfazed by the shifting surface. His
eyes were very busy bulging from viewing Ranma's transformed
appearance.

----------

Ranma had been creeping along the join of the ceiling and the
wall, heading hopefully for the open door to the backyard.
Everyone turned as Urd's monitor began beeping. Everyone turned
back at Ranma's cry. With a look of utter panic, she was fanning
her arms and bicycling her legs. She abruptly fell straight onto
the fathers' shogi board. Tiles flew everywhere and the board was
smashed.

"No more flying for you, Missy. You've just been busted to Surface
World Trainee," Urd smirked.

Belldandy had more practical matters on her mind. <Whew! That
takes care of the limiter earcuff problem... for now.>

Soun and Genma had dinner-plate eyes for a second, and then Soun
burst into tears. In a flash, Genma was up and in Ranma's pained
face.

"BOY!! How could you do this to your poor father?!" He put his
fists up to his head and clenched his eyes shut as tears squeezed
out in a small river. "The Saotome Anything Goes Special Shogi
Tile Descending Sneak Attack Ascension technique will never be
perfected! It was the last and most devastating techni-- OOF!!"

A raging and recovered Ranma had kicked her father into the koi
pond. Ranma was huffing and her chest heaved. Akane puddled to the
table and watched in a trance as Ranma's breasts went up and down,
up and down. Sensing something odd, Ranma turned her eyeballs to
the side and observed Akane's stare. She slowly turned her head
and the rest of her still heaving body around. Akane's head had
begun to bob like a toy dog's in the back window of a moving car.

"Uh... Akane? What's..." With a jerk Ranma realized what Akane was
entranced with.

"GAAAH! HENTAI!!" Ranma crossed her arms over her breasts. "AKANE
NO BAKA!" she shot before spinning on her heel and stalking out
into the backyard.

Akane's face fell. "Ranma?" she warbled. "Ranma-CHAN?!" Akane
leapt to her feet, scattering tea things all over the room, and
hurried after her iinazuke. "Don't LEAVE me, Ranma-chan!"

Ranma turned around and saw Akane barreling towards her, arms
outstretched. "YAHHH!" Ranma took off, and a merry chase all
around the Tendo compound ensued. Sadly, Ranma's goddess apparel
wasn't designed for running. Her foot kept getting tangled in the
hem, and she frequently ate dirt. At those times Akane would catch
up and glomp the redhead, inadvertently (or perhaps advertently)
putting her hands in places that threatened to make Ranma collapse
from sensory overload.

The chase-fall-down-glomp-get-loose-chase routine lasted about
five minutes. At the end, Akane was very close to honestly
catching up when Ranma tripped again. Akane plowed into Ranma, and
they both slammed into the cherry-blossom tree.

The tree had been on the return arc of its sway as Ranma and Akane
approached, and the assorted demons and fiends had been leaning in
the same direction to maintain their balance. When goddess and
martial artist hit the trunk, the tree abruptly lurched in the
opposite direction. That left two demons and approximately twenty
incubi and succubi treading air. Happousai had managed to keep his
footing. Had they been listening for it, they would've heard a
blonde demoness speak.

"Oh, shit..."

What fell from *that* tree was *not* Kami-sama's little green
apples.

The sex fiends fell into a biting, gnashing, and snarling heap.
One incubus got his foot caught in the crotch of a limb and hung
upside down, protrusions and what-have-you waving in greeting.
Mara and Retsuji, being wiser and far more experienced, recognized
a lost cause and bolted out of the Tendo compound in opposite
directions.

As Ranma and Akane shook off the daze from impact and started
moving around, they found themselves the uncomfortable center of
attention. Hungry eyes caressed their forms, and the sex fiends
began to advance. Akane clutched at Ranma, and Ranma brought them
to their feet. A low, silky chanting began in the distance as
Ranma and Akane adopted ready stances. Acting on some herding
signal, all of the sex fiends leapt at the two at once. While they
weren't terribly hurt by it, the fiends weren't expecting to be
slammed, punched, punted, and smashed. The pace was furious as the
fiends simply got up and came at them, again and again. The
occasional lucky grab was swiftly reducing Akane's clothing to
shreds; Ranma's goddess attire seemed to be made of sterner stuff.
A voice shouted from the house.

"Ranma! Akane! You've got to get outta there!" Skuld shouted. The
chanting abruptly rose in volume. Ranma gritted her teeth.

"Sure. No problem. Sheesh, what a time to get busted from flying."
While Ranma dealt with a particularly difficult adversary, she
noted out of the corner of her eye that the remainder of Akane's
clothing had been torn away, and Akane was sobbing as she fought.
<Oh, Akane! I'd give you my clothes if I could...> "Eh?!" Ranma's
clothes burst into flying pieces of white energy that swirled away
to surround Akane. The wisps coalesced into an outfit similar to
what it'd been before, but the cut of the garment allowed for more
protection.

"Arigatou, Ranma!" Akane yelled. Ranma fairly glowed until she
realized that she was the nude one, now, and the bulk of the
attacks had shifted to her. <Oh, boy.> Ranma's aura began to
manifest into the visible spectrum; she knew this was going to
have to end soon or she and Akane could expect the worst. She was
taken aback, as much as the situation allowed, by the whitish gold
color of her aura; she'd been expecting yellow. She shrugged and
allowed it to continue to build.

With a pair of roundhouse kicks, Ranma and Akane managed to clear
the immediate attackers enough to allow Ranma to set for a chi
attack as her aura reached full intensity. <A straight Moko
Takabisha won't work. They're too spread out. Time to improvise,
Saotome-style!> Ranma put her fists together and thrust them over
her head. She concentrated her aura in a pattern around them.

"Akane! Grab hold of me an' hold on tight!" Akane enthusiastically
obliged.

"MOKO TAKABISHA REVISED: FLAMING FAN!!"

Instead of the expected ball or beam of yellow chi energy, a fat
arc of whitish gold power spread out at roughly 180 degrees from
Ranma's fists, angling down and hitting their attackers. The
resulting huge explosion left crispy sex fiends littered in a wide
and flat semicircular trench, pulverized soil raining down and
half-burying them. The tinkle of shattered glass echoed from the
surrounding houses. The goddesses stumbled in their chanting as
their eyes grew large. <No troubles accessing mana, but we'll
definitely have to teach her some subtlety,> Urd thought.

Happousai had contented himself with watching his heirs to the
Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu fight off the crazed horde, assessing their
skills and tactics. He beamed with pride at Ranma's powerful 'chi'
blast, although something about it bothered him. His musings
abruptly took a back seat when Ranma's clothes disappeared and
reappeared on Akane. Happi wasn't terribly interested in how
that'd been done; he only had eyes for Ranma's completely nude and
*very* female form.

Ranma puffed and looked at her handiwork, but she jumped when she
felt a familiar and unwelcome pressure on her bosom. She looked
down at a grinning Happousai.

"Oh, Ranma-chan! You've finally come round to my way of thinking.
I'm... so..."

Ranma felt the now familiar jolt of love-me juice leave her and
pass into her worst nightmare.

"Oh, Kamisama. No," she muttered.

Happi's pupils had expanded to engulf the whites of his eyes,
highlights sparkling in response to a new feeling in his heart and
loins.

"I LOVE YOU RANMA-CHAN!!!!" Happi screamed as loud as he could.
Ranma closed her eyes and screamed, beating on the wrinkled growth
attached to her breasts. Rescue came from the side as Akane
malleted Happi into the ground and shouted one word.

"MINE!!!"

Ranma blinked. "Er, thanks, Akane." Akane's smile lit up the
night, but her gaze turned smoky as she looked Ranma up and down.
<Oh, boy,> Ranma thought. A distant whistling caught her
attention, and she looked up to see a twinkle appear and grow
rapidly larger.

Happi was angry, and hot chi was rising from his form in waves.
"How DARE you come between me and my Ranma-chan! You're going to
pay--"

*WHUMP!!!*

Ranma, Akane, and the stirring sex fiends blinked. The large
incubus Happi had sent into the stratosphere earlier had returned
to almost its exact point of departure, burying itself and
Happousai six feet down.

Ranma and Akane jumped as streamers of gold energy began to rise
from the ground. "Ranma!! GET OUT OF THERE!! NOW!!!" Skuld
screamed.

Ranma grunted and embraced Akane. Pausing only to blast a sucubus
that'd gotten a little too close, she cleared the trench with a
leap and landed behind the chanting goddesses, but she stood only
a moment before collapsing. Akane bent down in concern, and Kasumi
and Nodoka hurried over, but before they could speak, the
goddesses ended their chanting with a heavenly command.

"Begone! Begone!! BEGONE!!!"

The density of the streamers of energy rising from the ground
around the cherry-blossom tree suddenly increased, and a solid
glow came into being. The sex fiends began to waver, their
substance thinning until they simply winked out one by one.

Happousai floated up out of the hole he'd been pile-driven into
and looked around, blinking. He spied the goddesses still standing
with their arms raised. "Sweeeeeeetoooooo..." He then vanished,
his voice trailing away into a distant echo.

With the departure of Happousai, silence reigned in the yard as
the glow quickly faded away. The Norns slumped; Urd bent over and
put her hands on her knees to catch her breath.

"Bell-chan, this is going to be some assignment," Urd ventured.

"I fear you may be correct, Oneesan." Bell fanned herself with one
hand while wiping perspiration with the other. Skuld just stood
there, breathing heavily and collecting her wits.

"I don't understand why," Urd puffed, "the little man was taken,
too. It should've only affected those from Niflheim."

"Maybe we didn't make the spell specific enough," Belldandy
considered.

"Yeah," Urd said, "maybe not--"

The concerned noises and stomping coming from behind them finally
caught their attention. Genma and Soun were dancing a jig, arms
locked and victory fans out. The goddesses erroneously concluded
that the men were celebrating their victory over the demons, but
true to form, Genma and Soun were only celebrating Happousai's
banishment. The goddesses turned their attention to the concerned
noises.

Ranma lay on the ground, looking very pale and close to
unconsciousness. In that way of hers, Kasumi had found a blanket
to preserve Ranma's modesty, and Ranma had gratefully wrapped
herself up in it before collapsing again.

"Oh, dear." Belldandy rushed ahead of her sisters and knelt down
next to Ranma. "Were you injured?" Belldandy asked.

Ranma shook her head weakly. Belldandy placed a hand on Ranma's
forehead and closed her eyes for a second. "Ah!" She opened her
eyes and looked at Urd. "Oneesan, Ranma-chan has depleted her mana
reserves. Please see what her recharge method is."

"Well, Akane could always put one hand on Ranma's breast," Akane
perked up, "and point the other--"

"Oneesan!"

Urd winced and hastily returned to the tearoom, calling her
terminal back up; it had been shut down when the disturbance in
the backyard began. She scrolled through the file and raised her
eyebrows a little when she found the desired information. She shut
down and returned to the group outside.

"Okay, people. We need some coffee... fast!" Urd commanded.
Everyone blink-blinked.

"I'm very sorry, Urd-sama," Kasumi said, "but no one in the house
except Nabiki drinks coffee that much."

"Yeah, and I always go to the ABCB when I'm in the mood," Nabiki
added.

"Well, someone will have to go and get some!" Urd huffed. "And
dear? Just Urd, ne?" Kasumi nodded.

"If you're that in need of stimulation, we do have some rather
strong tea," Nodoka suggested, slightly irritated.

"Gomen, but it's for Ranma-chan. It's her recharge method. Well...
her primary one, anyway."

Everyone including the remaining Norns looked at Urd in confusion.

"Recharge method...?"

"Primary...?"

Skuld eyed her eldest sister suspiciously. "Primary method?"

Urd looked at Ranma strangely. "It seems our new Goddess of Sex is
just one set of dualities after another. Coffee works for her like
ice-cream does for you and sake for me, but she can also get some
small relief from, uh, well..."

The cast leaned in.

"... heh heh, from, erm, ...tender hugs and kisses?"

Everyone thumped to the ground in a group face-fault. "Great.
Juuust great," Ranma groaned. "'Hiya! I'm feeling a little
peckish. Could you spare a smooch?'"

Kasumi straightened her dress as she stood. "Since we need it so
badly, I'll hurry down to the market before it closes."

"Bell, you feel up to..." Urd began.

"I'm tired, but I'm good for a little longer, yet. Considering all
the 'things' out and about, I'll accompany Tendo-san," Belldandy
offered. Kasumi smiled at the goddess gratefully.

"You honor me, Belldandy-sama." Kasumi bowed.

"Please, just Bell to my friends." Belldandy returned the bow.

"Then, just Kasumi." Another bow, blushing.

Belldandy bowed back. "Of course..."

"ARGH! Just go get the coffee!" Urd pleaded. "And some sake for
me. I'm pooped."

"Ice-cream! Rocky Road, if they have it," Skuld added.

Embarrassed, the two bowing ladies hurried into the house. Kasumi
collected her purse, and in a flurry of skirts, they swooped out
the front door.

Genma looked at Soun. "Tendo?"

"Saotome?"

"Hasn't this whole business been just a little TOO strange, even
for us?"

"Quite. The path of a true martial artist is fraught with peril...
and the bizarre."

"Quite, Tendo." Genma sniffed the air. "Time for a game of shogi."

"Indeed."

The fathers walked into the tearoom and froze. Tears ran in rivers
as they stared at the destroyed shogi board. "How could this
happen to such an innocent thing?" Genma sobbed. He raised a fist
into the air. "You will not go unavenged!"

Nodoka shook her head at the fathers' adolescent behavior, then
returned her attention to her son, er, daughter. "Ranma-chan,
until Kasumi and Belldandy-san return, Akane will help keep your
strength up. Akane-chan?"

"Hai!" Still under kami-Ranma's sway, Akane crawled under the
blanket with Ranma and smothered the redheaded goddess in a
full-body hug any Amazon would've been proud of. "Mine," she
whispered to Ranma. Ranma looked into Akane's eyes and her heart
fluttered. Akane then lightly and repeatedly pecked Ranma on the
cheek, embarrassing the goddess as everyone watched.

Ranma looked at her mother with pleading eyes. "Mommmm!" she
complained, but Nodoka gave her a stern look.

"Whining is not very manly, Ranma."

Ranma sighed as Akane pasted her face with feather-light kisses.
"Great. Juuust great."

____________________


A plaid skirt, pressed white blouse, white stockings, and white
flats were not Mara's favorite ensemble, but she'd shifted out of
her ruined black leather cheongsam in order to blend in somewhat
as she fled from the Tendo compound. The strength of the cloaking
spell and the length of time it'd been held had left her somewhat
drained and in no shape to face the Norns. She wondered what had
become of Retsuji. <Probably scheming to get into the redhead's
panties,> she thought. <How dare he ignore me in favor of Urd and
that new tramp!> She huffed and turned a blind corner.

Mara took one step and ran into the chest of a tall man.
Surprised, she tripped as she stepped back and fell on her rump.
She looked up into a face of noble bearing, and the formal martial
arts attire and the bokken resting across his shoulder lent a
certain mystique to the figure. Mara was speared and her heart
fluttered as his dark, almost black eyes focused on her and the
man bent down to offer his hand.

"My apologies, fair lady. The Blue Thunder was mired in thoughts
of grave importance. But it is only testament to the greatness of
House Kuno and its peerless scion that such beauty be cast before
me. Kuno Tatewaki, age 17, at your service."

Fortunately, Mara didn't register the words so much as the tone
and strength of his voice. She blinked at him and remained
motionless.

"Ah, as I suspected. You are overcome by my magnificence. Please,"
Kuno whipped out a bouquet of a dozen red roses, "take these as a
token of my esteem." Since she made no move to take them, Kuno
placed the roses in Mara's lap. "Now you must forgive me, for I am
about the business of freeing my two worthy loves from the
clutches of a foul sorcerer. Adieu, belle demoiselle." And with
that, Kuno stepped around the still stunned Mara and walked down
the street, snatches of Shakespearean soliloquy drifting on the
air.

<He said I'm beautiful.> Mara looked down and slowly took hold of
the flowers and lifted them to her face. The roses were only
beginning to open, and the sweet scent rose in the warm night air.

Mara smiled dreamily as thoughts of being crushed in the man's
arms slid through her mind. His head would lower menacingly, and
his mouth would part, revealing razor-sharp white teeth. Their
lips would meet, and she would cut her tongue on his canines, the
taste of blood driving their passion higher and higher and...

"Ite!" Mara sucked her thumb where a thorn had punctured it. She
grinned.

"'By the pricking of my thumb, Something *wicked* this way comes.'
Look out, sword boy. You may say no, but the omens say yes, yes,
YES!"

Giggling madly, Mara leapt to her feet and skipped down the
sidewalk, disappearing in a whirlwind of sulfur and brimstone.
____________________

END CHAPTER TWO
____________________

GLOSSARY

Ara(?) - "What?"; "Huh?"; "Oh, my!"

chigau yo - "You got it all wrong",
     or words to that effect.

ecchi - "pervert" or "perverted"

gomen; gomen ne; gomen nasai - "sorry"

hanase - "let me go"

hentai - "pervert" and/or "lecher"

iinazuke - "fiance(e)"

itetetete - the elision of "ite" ("ow")
     being said repeatedly.

[someone] no baka - calling someone a
     "jerk" or "idiot".

ofukuro - "mother"

oneesama - "honored older sister"

yamete - "Stop"