[Switch here. I'm using the [sF] for something I could not personally
have done - songfics. Enjoy!]
You Needed Me
A Gundam W songfic
by Nikholas "Katana" F. Toledo
Greetings from the "Kissing Author"! This combination 1+2 and 3+4
fanfic was inspired by Boyzone's revival of the very nice and sweet love
song, both the lyrics and the music video, which literally "frames" all
sorts of human relationships. I just got my copy of the album where this
song comes from, so now you know where I got this.
This is dedicated to the following people: Mori, Kalven, Allen,
Alex, Sandy and Amaya (the members of the Bad Poets' Society), Yumeko,
and especially Osmalic, who has been so kind as to host the rest of my
Gundam Wing work on her website. Sorry Wufei isn't here, sa uulitin na
lang okay?
I hope you enjoy this, and you can send me your comments and
criticisms. No flames, though, I don't have any fireproof suits handy.
Copyrights go to all the right people, and please don't sue me if there's
something you don't like in it, I'm just a poor incoming college froshie!
~ end notes ~
I cried a tear - you wiped it dry
I was confused - you cleared my mind
I sold my soul - you bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow, you needed me
There is no place for tears in a mercenary's rough-and-tumble life,
the screwed-up and merciless existence to which my eyes were first
opened. Emotions were excess baggage that served only to detract from
the thirst for blood; the existence of the soul was denied in favor of
the killing instinct. I was taught early on to associate myself with
shadows and the lowest fringes of society, to be nothing more than a
ruthless killing machine. I didn't even have a name to speak of, an
anonymous soldier of fortune with a heart that was shrouded in deepest
darkness.
You came into my shiftless life like a shooting star, a priceless
gift from the heavens for this undeserving drifter, and with the same
quickness turned my life around, led me to the path of redemption. The
simple things you said and did were enough to make me realize the error
of my ways, and you lent me your life that I might rebuild mine.
One would think that someone as innocently powerful as you were ---
and remain still --- would need nothing more in this world, and certainly
I had nothing to give you in return but myself. Yet you entrusted
yourself to this nameless shadow, placed your heart in my bloodstained
hands, asked me to hold you close....
Now my place is beside the one who needs me there. My heart and my
life are yours, Quatre. And as you need me, so I need you, and I thank
you for your trust and your love.
~ * ~
You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me... you needed me
The last thing I remembered was the vow I swore on my father's
death, sealed in my sister's blood: I would have my revenge, I would
exact the price of my father's life from those who stole it, and I would
stop at nothing to see that I was completely repaid for my troubles. I
would use the most powerful systems at my command, I would pull in all
the favors my father and family had ever been owed, I would by myself put
a final and irrevocable end to this madness called war.
In so doing, this treacherous madness consumed me as well; I lost
my old life and came close --- too close, by far --- to taking yours as
well. You struck a bargain with the capricious fates, wishing for
nothing but that my eyes would be opened once more, and almost paid for
it with your own blood.
The pact was true, your desire was honored and I came to life once
again. The long days and nights of mourning and then searching for you
enkindled in me a new hope: I could pick up the pieces of my past and
start all over from the beginning. You meant so much to me that I could
only start afresh if you were there. I could only live again if I could
live my life with you.
And you still call me "angel", though my hands are weak and
frail... I don't deserve this, Trowa. I don't deserve you either, but you
have given me the will to reach for the stars again, and I pray someday I
shall become truly worthy of your love.
~ * ~
And I can't believe it's you
I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave - why should I leave, I'd be a fool
'Cause I finally found someone who really cares
How many times have we saved each other's lives, you asked me
suddenly, right out of the blue. I can't lie, to tell you the truth I
have absolutely no idea, we've been through these things too fucking many
times to count, and I'm not too sure I'd want to remember all of them,
anyway.
One time does come to mind, though. I should have died out there
in space after we split up, should have taken those bastards along for
the ride, but you had other plans for me. My self-destruct malfunctioned
because you rifled my parts, because I got both of our gundams shot up,
because you were so hell-bent on completing --- or was it ending? ---
your mission. So I was alive enough in that prison cell for you to ask
me if I wanted you to kill me, and I said no, because you cared enough to
come back for me. My missions were different from yours and you weren't
supposed to care any less if I completed them or not. You even went
undercover using my name! But you still risked your life to break me
out, and I've been in your debt ever since.
In my youth --- what little youth I had, anyway --- the first thing
I ever learned was to pay off my debts as soon as I could and as best as
I was capable of doing. I still owe a lot of people a lot of things, and
the interest has been piling way up since forever, but they don't matter
to me as much as the one debt that I will spend the rest of my life
paying. And willingly, I might add.
Now that I owe you my very existence, well, what else can I give
you but all of me? 'Course, you should have something better, someone
who's your equal and can love you more, but you chose me, and I'll always
love you for that. Count on it, Heero, you won't regret needing me.
~ * ~
You held my hand when it was cold
When I was lost, you took me home
You gave me hope when I was at the end
And turned my lies back into truth again
You even called me friend
"I have been lost all of my life." That was what I told the little
girl in my arms, the innocent child who spent her dying breath asking me
if I was lost. She died at my hand for no other reason except that she
was in my line of fire, and her question became an accusation, an
indictment of all of the things I had ever done wrong in my life.
I have never had anyone or anything to call my own. My gundam was
only a loan from the people behind Operation Meteor, and Dr. J was merely
a teacher whom I was duty-bound to surpass. My past is nothing but a
blur, and most of it lies. I wasn't even allowed to hope, hope of
finding a better way and maybe, just maybe breaking free of this perfect
prison.
At least you had someone to call you son, someone to call you
little brother, someone to call you comrade. When you tell me about
Father Maxwell and Sister Helen and Solo, I always feel envy and this
aching longing that comes from out of nowhere, stark contrast against the
loneliness of so many years. Now you know why I always wanted to look
death in the eyes....
You call yourself death, and you call yourself my friend, the same
thing you call me. You gave me all of your love... you have become the
reason that I live, the one thing that I will ask for in this life. Duo,
you have let me call you mine, and now that I need you, so am I yours.
~ the end ~
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Attar, Llewe and Katana @ http://nikholas-f-toledo-zu.webjump.com/ NEW!
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