Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE SEVENTEEN: Return Of The Spam.
SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where
the shadow of Kiryuu Touga is seen inside. Touga is playing with a
Nintendo Pocket (tm). The Sunlit Garden plays faintly in the
background.
TOUGA: (Enraptured by game.) Damn! How on Earth did I end up
with Jigglypuff as my only Pokemon? This isn't fair!
SCENE: The Fencing Club. Arisugawa Juri stand in front of it
arguing with several construction workers. From inside the club we
can hear the theme song to Xena playing. The Sunlit Garden plays
faintly in the background.
JURI: (Waves her hands around.) I'm telling you that I run this
school! Touga is trapped in that damn elevator and that means I'm
the one in charge! And as the one in charge I'm telling you to tear
down this damn wall so I can get my fat fencing team out of there!
WORKER #31: (Scratches his head.) I dunno...
JURI: (Erupts.) JUST DO IT!!
FENCER #900: (From inside the club.) Nike!
JURI: (Whirls around.) Shut up, you overweight slobs!
(As Juri and her fencers trade insults the construction workers gather
in a group.)
WORKER #31: (Scratches his head.) What should we do?
WORKER #29: (Shrugs.) She's paying us so I say that we tear the
wall down. What's the big deal? This school's loaded.
WORKER #112: (Nods.) Yeah, and I hear that she's a lesbian. I
don't wanna get on any anime lesbian's bad side.
WORKER #31: (Looks alarmed.) Don't they have powers?
WORKER #467: (Gives a solemn nod.) Yeah, they do. I also hear
that now they even have a union and political party. It's all a part of
their ultimate plan for world domination.
(All the construction workers shiver and turn to Juri who gives them
her patented Ice Queen look and at this they shiver again.)
WORKER #31: (Nods rapidly.) Let's tear the wall down.
SCENE: A very long line at some Fre... err... Japanese movie
theater. The figures of Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko are seen
with Saionji Kyouichi standing in line. The Sunlit Garden faintly plays
in the background.
A-KO: (Blinks.) Whoah.
B-KO: (Looks at A-ko.) What?
A-KO: (Points ahead.) We have an audience again.
B-KO: (Looks ahead.) Hey, you're right. Damn! Where the hell
have all of you people been?
SAIONJI: I think it was us and not them who was gone.
B-KO: (Scowls.) No it wasn't! We were here all the time waiting in
line to see our movie. Which is taking an awfully long time to be
released by the way.
SAIONJI: (Reasons.) But while we were here no one was reading of
our actions because they were not being scribed.
A-KO: (Puzzles.) Scribed?
B-KO: (Snickers.) Nice Kuno imitation there.
SAIONJI: (Frowns.) Silence, infidel. I meant to say that none of our
actions were written down.
B-KO: (Scowls again.) That's the stupid author's fault.
SAIONJI: (Nods.) Indeed. We should punish her for denying the
readers our marvelous presence. They must have been in tears for
weeks from not being able to read of our adventures or lack thereof.
But how to best punish her?
B-KO: (Muses.) Poison her beer supply?
SAIONJI: (Shakes his head.) Too easy.
B-KO: (Muses.) Poison her twinkie supply?
SAIONJI: (Looks at B-ko.) You have a one track mind don't you?
B-KO: (Scowls yet again.) I like the idea of poisoning her.
A-KO: (Sighs.) You guys! We shouldn't poison her at all! Why don't
we just come up with a creepy moral for this week's episode and
leave it at that?
SAIONJI: (Smirks.) Very well. The moral for this week's episode is
that all fanfic writers should release their stories at both a frequent
and reliable pace.
B-KO: (Interrupts.) Or we'll poison you!
SAIONJI: (Stares at B-ko.) You're a truly sick person.
(B-ko scowls once more as the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I shall continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Touga still be
trapped in the elevator?! Can he get another Pokemon other than
Jigglypuff?! Will the fat fencing team finally be freed from their club
prison?! And is the author of this dinky parody going to be
poisoned?!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/index2.html
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
"A sarcastic bitch is like a Barbra Streisand CD: It yields
unpleasantness for all within hearing range."
-Lao Ma from the UberXena story I've Been To Pocatello, But I've
Never Been To Me by Vivian Darkbloom-
KOZUE: (Looks up.) I can relate to that entirely well.
SHIORI: (Smirks.) Not as well as me.
KOZUE: (Scowls.) I'm the bitchiest one in this show.
SHIORI: (Eyes narrow.) I don't think so, bitch.
KOZUE: (Starts to get angry but smirks.) That's what I thought.
SHIORI: (Blinks and realizes her mistake.) Shimatta.
KOZUE: (Tosses her hair over her shoulder.) See you little fool? I
told you that I'm the bitchiest one of all!
SHIORI: (Mutters lowly.) Tell that to Touga...