On Sat, 17 Jul 1999, Rhea Seraph wrote:

I'm not satisfied with this, even after tearing up three complete drafts.
I'm really not satisfied with my own handling of Nodoka, who seems to be
wandering all over the place.  Comments please. (Beg grovel whine beg)

Okay.  See end.

	Nodoka woke up when something struck her in the face.  It was
Genma, flailing about.   A little bit of observation showed he was
apparently 'eating in his sleep'.

Heh.  Though I'm confused how this meshes with the earlier dream sequence
he was having.  Unless the dream persona conjured up a huge feast for him
'for tea'.

Ranma-chan munched on it while she tried to remember how got there.

Now, did you mean how she got there, or how it(okonomiyaki) got there.

	Nabiki frowned.  "We can't allow that.  Especially not after I
spent so much time bribing and blackmailing them.  They   might let

							  ^^
extra 2 spaces.

	This has got to be a dream, Ranma-chan thought.  It has to be.

	When the giant Ghost-cat ate the sun, her hope was confirmed.

Ha!

Daddy and Mr. Saotome would fight tooth and nail.

May I make a guess?

Tendo Soun:  Nae'blis

The nice soft bed back in Cairhien was no longer so
comforting; it was too big and felt empty.  She felt empty.  I need some
loving, she thought, then laughed at herself.

This would be a wonderful line, if I were not confused as to why a bed
many miles away should be comforting to Akane.  If she were actually -at-
Cairhien sleeping alone, that would be a different issue, but as it is...

	She finally drifted off to sleep, thrashing wildly;

While Akane generally does thrash while sleeping, to say she does so while
-drifting- off to sleep seems little odd.  Not that it's implausible,
considering it's Akane, but perhaps this line could be written
differently?

exploration.  Falling out of bed a few times hadn't helped either.  

Heh.

	"Mrr?"

Ranma's going into Neko-ken?

	Ukyou sighed.  "He's dead."

	"�"

	 ^
Weird character code here.

Hmm...so I'm not the only person who does the manga ellipses pause,
instead of describing it.  Nice to know.

Instead, she simply shivered with a mixture
of desire, disgust, and terror.  "U�U�U�"  

				    ^^^^^^
More weird codes.  In fact, they're everywhere.

	Ukyou twitched visibly, and Ranma-chan felt a jumble of emotions
through their bond.  One of them was a burst of desire.  He does want me,
she thought.  

With all this innuendo flying around, I half expect to see the Parallel
Lives inverse Lemon soon.

	Cuts to the chase, Nodoka thought.  Here comes World War III.

Considering her own stake in this, she's awfully calm.  While I've never
seen the anime concerning Nodoka, I've heard that she's properly
characterized as an obsessive person.  And this is something that would
certainly interfere with her plans of family honor.

	"WHAT?"  Soun bellowed.  "You are marrying Ranma and THAT IS
THAT!!!"  The Giant Demon Head came out to play.

*Zot*

As Akane lowered her hand, a maid entered the tent and began dragging out
the black and crispy Soun.

At least, that's what I -thought- should have happened if Akane's that
annoyed. And it would have shut them up about the whole witchcraft
business. 

	"You're engaged to Akane, and that's final!"  Genma bellowed,
striding over to him and Ukyou.  "Go back to your shop, you hick!" he
shouted at her.

	She shrugged.  "Go back to the zoo, panda boy."

	"Panda boy?" Nodoka asked.

	"I am not a Panda boy!"  Genma shouted.

	"You're a Panda man," Ranma said, laughing a little.

	"Exactly!"  He paused.  "That's not what I meant!"

Heh.

	"She'll use word magic on us!" Genma said.

	"Word magic?"  Alyssa asked, confused.

Ha!

	Tenobia sat and watched the young man practice.  While he had
swiftly demonstrated he had only the intelligence of a pea, and he still
couldn't explain where he had come from, he was one of the best swordsman
she had ever seen.

Funny, I'd have thought with his archaic modes of speech, Kuno'd fit right
in with the picture of an eccentric nobleman.  And think!  When he
babbles about evil sorcerers, he could be right!  When he talks about his
noble lineage, he could also be taken as right!

job that she had to demand he kill himself.  But the reality dwarfed her
imaginings.

imagination.

	"Not unless you want to be eating panda okonomiyaki some time
soon," Ranma replied.  "Look, there just ain't no way I'm gonna be
marrying Akane, whether or not I want to.  About the only way would be if
we all became Aiel or something, which ain't happening.

Though one has to wonder.  They could all probably kick the Aiel's asses,
with the exception of Rand since he could just blast them.  What exactly
would hinder them from adoption by a clan?

	"Well, if it wasn't for your desire to be Aes Sedai, I could
clearly say you've met the standard of manliness, even if you lack the
desire to peep."

"But I look at myself all the time!  Honest!"

And I think he and Mr. Tendo have had bad nightmares about it." 

"But some strange lady comes by and turns them into dreams of gluttony, so
it's okay."

	"You cannot touch me, for my heart is pure," Soun said
righteously.

	"Oh, so my heart ISN'T PURE?"  Akane shouted.  "If you weren't my
father, I'd knock you into orbit!"

Okay, I change my mind.

Tendo Soun:	Not Nae'blis, just Kiddie of the Light.

	Nodoka could not condone a group marriage, but it seemed as if
nothing else could solve this.

You come back to this a little too often for me to just think it's an
offhand comment...

	"Ranma is far more a man than his father, even with his curse!
He's brave and loyal and keeps his promises!"  Well, sometimes, she
thought.  He does sort of wiggle at times, but�

Oh, yes.  You used the word wiggle every time you've described Ranma's
maneuverings to the promises.  Couldn't you find a synonym, and change it
once or twice?

	"You promised you'd make sure Ranma and Akane got married!"  Genma
shouted.

Ah.  So it -might- have been a skilled Compulsion after all...

	She had had enough.  "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KIDNAP HER!  AND
MURDER ME!  I HAVE HAD MORE THAN I CAN STAND!"  Fear was gone.  Despair
was gone.  Anger ruled.  "DIE!"  

She shouldn't be able to channel, then.  I thought women couldn't channel
unless calm and concentrating (Nynaeve being the exception)

"Perhaps I
should have compelled him, but this way produces longer lasting results.
Compelled people become stupid and make mistakes."

But earlier, you stated that Ryouga couldn't fight againt a Compellation,
implying that he -was- Compelled.

he said.  "I should be the one knealing; you're a king and I'm only a
lord."

kneeling

	They began to fight as best they could, while the Aiel stood and
watched and took bets on who would win.  It was the most fun they'd had
all day.

Heh.


Addressing your concerns on Nodoka:

Again, I have not seen the anime, so I don't know this info first hand.
But if she is obsessed with honor and the marrage as much as I have been
told, then she is taking the foul up much too calmly.  Having her see the
'light of reason' is perfectly fine, but she should at least be initially
more angry than she is protrayed.


-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...