C&A Productions Presents

     Yet another ripoff of something Alan Harnum thought up


         RANMA 1/2 FOR PEOPLE WITH SHORT ATTENTION SPANS


                 By Chris McNeil and Aaron Peori


Blade: As we've complained about on untold forums until
everybody was heartily sick of listening to us talk, we have
long felt
that the biggest problem with Ranma fanfiction is that
almost
nobody takes the time to research the original series before
writing.

Epsilon: The information -is- out there, but many people
don't feel like taking the time to find it, saying it's only
fanfic anyway.

Blade: These people will be the first up against the wall
when Judgement Day comes.

Epsilon: But because we're such nice guys, we decided to
create an accessible, easy to read guide for the newbie
Ranma
reader.

Blade: At some point in the distant future, that is.  Until
we do that, however, we have distilled the 38-volume manga
down
into nine pages of essential facts.

Epsilon: Read.  Learn.  Be Grateful.

Blade: And remember, everything in this synopsis is 100%
factually correct!

Epsilon: From a certain point of view.

Blade: Right.  So, now, in order, here are the stories in
the Ranma manga...


         Ranma 1/2 For People With Short Attention Spans

             Based on the manga by Rumiko Takahashi


Ranma Arrives: Ranma arrives.  Surprising, huh?  "You're a
pervert!" said Akane, inadvertently setting her fanfic
characterisation for all time.

Ranma Goes To School: Kunou is a moron, so Ranma beats him
up. "Ouch," said Kunou.

Tofu Loves Kasumi: See title.

Ryouga Appears: Ryouga shows great promise as a barber.

Ryouga's Dark secret: Ryouga has a dark secret.  Wow.  Cool.
"Bwee," said P-chan.

Kodachi Appears: Ranma looks good in a leotard.  Kodachi
laughs. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" laughed Kodachi, proving
our
point.

The Golden Pair: Ryouga beats up Ranma.  Blade and Epsilon
cheer. "Yay!" said Blade and Epsilon.

Shampoo: Takahashi has revenge.  "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
wailed Blade and Epsilon.

Ranma's weakness: Ranma fails to become a cat-girl, but
tries really hard.

Mousse: Weirdo fails to kill Ranma.  Nobody is surprised.

Phoenix Pill: Cologne is an annoying old bat.  "No she
isn't!" said Alan Harnum.

Bakusai Ten Ketsu: Ryouga beats up Ranma again.  Ranma runs
away. "No bias here," said Blade and Epsilon.

Martial Arts Tea Ceremony: Ranma fights a monkey.  Hilarity
ensues.

Martial Arts Takeout Race: Kunou is still stupid, so Ranma
beats him up again.  And feeds him soggy noodles for good
measure.

Happousai Arrives: Happousai annoys Ranma, thus starting a
trend.

Fake Nannichuan: Dojo Destroyer fails to be an impressive
villain.  "I don't even get to star in my own story," he
complained.

Ranma And Juliet: It's better than the Leonardo Di Caprio
version.  "And I'm sexier, too," said Ranma.
"Than the one who played Romeo, or the one who played
Juliet?" asked Tarou.

Japanese Nannichuan: Ranma finds possible cure, but doesn't
get it.  "Hey," said Ryouga, "-I- found it...but I didn't
get it
either."
"You normally don't, pig-boy," said Tarou.

Kodachi's cookies: "Hey," said Ranma, "he doesn't show up
for another ninety-eight issues!"
"Deal with it, fem-boy."
"What about -my- story?" said Kodachi.
Oh.  Kodachi makes cookies.  Hilarity ensues.

Ukyou Arrives: Blade is ecstatic for weeks.  "What a
jackass," said Ukyou.

Ryouga and Akane's Date: Ryouga and Akane are happy until
Ranma interferes.

Love Pills: "I want new writers for this thing," complained
Ranma. "Get in line," said Shampoo.

Tsubasa: Ukyou gets another story.  Fanfic writers blow it
all out of proportion.

Ryouga and Yoiko: Shirokuro is barely mentioned.  "Woof,"
the dog whose name is not Checkers said.

Happoudaikarin: See "Happousai Arrives".

Magic Mushrooms: Akane passionately hugs Ryouga.

Super Soba: Akane becomes too much of a tomboy for her own
good. "Told ya so," gloated Ranma.

Principal Returns: Principal tries to emulate American
educational system, with predictable results.

Tardy for School: Ranma has to clean toilets.  Hilarity
ensues. "I did not!" yelled Ranma.

Magic Soap: Ryouga outsmarts Ranma.  Repeatedly.  "Laying it
on a little thick, ain't ya?" commented Ranma.

Hiryuu Shoten Ha: Shampoo leaves.  "Yay!" said Blade and
Epsilon.

Bakeneko: Unfortunately, she also comes back.

Akane's Swimsuit: Akane tries to swim, but can't.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said the Principal and Ranma, for
different reasons.

Yotarou: Yotarou's mother is a babe.

Ryouga's Mark: Ryouga is invincible.  Hilarity ensues.

Santa Claus's Apprentice: Happousai corrupts youth.

Wishing Sword: Kunou makes wish.  Ranma gets annoyed.

Gambling King: Ukyou gets another story, in which weirdo
outsmarts Ranma.

Dragon's Hair: Dragon hair curse gets cured.  "Get it
through your skulls!" yelled Blade and Epsilon.

Onsen Race: Ryouga and Ukyou beat Ranma.  "But we don't like
each other," they both say.

Picolet Chardin: Ranma is in a metal bustier.  "What a
pervert," said Soun, in his French maid outfit.

Nabiki is Ranma's Fiancee: Nabiki screws up.  Repeatedly. 
"This won't affect how I'm portrayed in fanfic, though," she
gloated.

Panda Ghost: Poor art ruins story.

Pantyhose Tarou: "What are we going to say about this?" said
Epsilon.  Blade babbled for the next fifteen minutes.  "That
should do," Epsilon said.

Watermelon Island: Kunou beats Ranma.  "This is -really-
getting tiresome," said Ranma.

Secret Sauce: Ranma is a jerk.  Blade gloats.  "You could at
least mention me," said Ukyou, and was immediately
gratified.

Happousai Returns: This is getting redundant.

Paper Dolls: Gosunkugi makes a surprise appearance.

Secret Medicine: Happousai and Ranma learn to bond.

Shishi Hokodan: "I think we've about milked the Ryouga beats
up Ranma joke by now," said Epsilon.
"No we haven't," said Blade.
"Yes you have," said Ranma.

Curse of the New Year's Bell: New Years occurs.  "That makes
twice," said Akane. "How come we're not older?" said Ranma.
"Please mention me," said the Bakeneko.

Ranma and Gyouko: Ranma shows interest in older men.

Kodachi's Album: Ranma puts on a puppet show for reasons you
wouldn't expect.

Ranma vs. Genma: Ranma relives childhood fears.

Sakura-mochi no Koi: Proof that Ryouga and Akane are
destined to be.  "I wish to lodge a formal complaint," said
Ranma.

Mariko: Ranma fights to win Kunou's love.  "I'm -serious-,"
threatened Ranma.

Nodoka Arrives: Ranma's mother is a babe too.

Reversal Jewel: Nothing important happens in this story.

Bloomer Ghost: Ranma helps Happousai steal panties.
Ranma pursues legal action.

Pantyhose Tarou Returns: Jyusenkyou guide really screws up.
Blade gibbers in orgasmic ecstacy.

Yohyou: Who?

Ranma/Akane Cooking: Akane demonstrates her learning curve.

Koi Fishing Rod: Ranma falls in love with Ryouga.  Hilarity
ensues.  "I beg to differ," said Ryouga.

Gosunkugi's Battlesuit: Gosunkugi gains weight; loses it
suddenly.

Musk Dynasty: Jokes about breasts are made.  Mysterious
figure defenestrates Akane to prove what a vicious bastard
he is. 
More jokes about breasts are made.  Ryouga gets killed. 
Breast
jokes abound.  Magic teakettle saves day.  "I do not like
breast
jokes," said Herb.

Ms. Hinako: Ranma is accused of being a pedophile.

Ryugenzawa: We forget.

Hinako and Soun: Soun gets accused of being a pedophile too.

Joketsuzoku Glasses: Mousse is a dishonourable loser. 
"Ranma started it," he protested.

Ocean Hellhound: Kunou looks like a freak and spoils our
day.

Cursed Love-destroying Cave: Shampoo does not appear in this
story.  "Yay!" said Blade and Epsilon.

Test Results: Ranma shows unusual interest in schoolwork.

Ryuu Kumon: Dark, brooding, angst-filled martial artist
nearly kills Ranma and threatens his mother.  Hilarity
ensues.

Ranma's Tears: Ranma blubbers like a baby.  "I'm going to
hunt you down," he said.

Kunou's Phoenix: More impressive phoenix appears later.

Pink and Link: Takahashi blatantly steals anime idea.  "But
we're more interesting, over," they say.

Evil Oni: Ryouga is heartbroken.  Nobody cares.

Kinnosuke: Nabiki outsmarts man who talks compulsively to a
puppet.  "How impressive," said Epsilon.

Ryouga's Spring: Akari engages in masochistic activities
with sumo pig.

Anger Medicine: Genma resembles Dragonball Z character.

Fighting Fish: Fan service.

Kunou's Cherry Tree: Kunou suffers from demonic possession.
Hilarity ensues.

Ranma's Cold: Ranma gets really hot when Nodoka shows up.

Cursed Spatula: Ukyou's friends are too involved in their
work.

Happy and Lucky: Ranma beats up small child for making
pictures of butterflies.  "But he deserved it!" Ranma
protested.

Ryouga's Double Date: Akane shows remarkable resemblance to
giant sumo pig.

Magic umbrella: Nabiki shows remarkable resemblance to
prostitute.  "Ranma-kun, I have the name of a good lawyer,"
she said.

Swimming Classes: Kasumi shows remarkable resemblance to
somebody who isn't in this story.  Ms. Hinako and Akane
engage in
delinquent behaviour.

Magic Noodle: Cologne remains an annoying old bat.  "I'm
pursuing legal action," said Alan Harnum.

Cursed Doll: Akane is of two minds over doing a striptease.

Castaway Classroom: Akane suffers from deja vu.

Pantyhose Tarou and Rouge: Blade suffers epileptic fit. 
Attempts at cooperation between Ranma and Tarou lead
directly to
quest for world domination.

Asuka of the White Lilies: Ranma makes patently untrue
claims.

Battle Dougi: Akane gains power from perverted impulses.

Densuke: Ranma dresses up for sick little boy.

Kasumi Gets Angry: Everybody notices that Kasumi is hot.

Aging Mushrooms: Ranma and Ryouga work up a great deal of
energy together in dark, confined place.  "They're so cute!"
said
Akane.

Kami Mimic: Monster impersonates Shampoo.  Mousse can't tell
difference.

Shinto Shrine: Ranma run afoal of the gods.  "Groan," said
Blade.

Ranma's Coat: Ranma's secret almost gets revealed to his
mother...but doesn't.

Ukyou and Hayato: Ukyou's enemies are also too involved in
their work.

Magic Plant: Tyrannical plant makes Tendo household more
cheerful.

Valentine's Day: Small girl stalks Ranma.

Hinako vs. Principal: Academic disagreement results in
student/teacher bonding.

Bust Battle: Akane's fashion sense leaves much to be
desired.

Akane's Dream: Ukyou also wears metal bustier.  Less people
complain.

Smiling Three-Year Death: Joketsuzoku custom results in
untimely demise.  Hilarity ensues.

Double Ranma: Ranma pursues relationship with boys.  Ryouga
gets confused.

Nabiki's Ticket: Ranma brutalizes Nabiki.  "She made me do
it!" he protested.

Konatsu: Young boy's parents die.  Hilarity ensues.  "I am
also too involved in my work," said Konatsu.

Night at the Fair: Japanese customs translate poorly. 
"We're confused," said Blade and Epsilon.

Jellyfish King: Ranma places second in swimming race with
Akane.

Ryouga and Akari's Date: Ryouga has trouble separating
fantasy and reality.  "I don't mind," said Akari.

Nodoka and Ranma: Nodoka approves of her son's decision to
turn into a woman.

Ukyou's Restaurant: Ranma and Konatsu crossdress to please
Ukyou. "This is your last warning," Ranma said.

The Phoenix Saga: Story about great heat involving a naked
Akane, Shampoo raping Ranma, Ryouga and Akari's
relationship, and
Saffron shooting out white gook while going through puberty.
"You didn't mention Kiima," said a disappointed Alan Harnum.

The Wedding: Unfortunately, the authors were unable to write
this synopsis, having vanished mysteriously one night,
leaving
only behind the following cryptic note:

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
                                                           
-R."


Uh...okay, so this was really weird.  But funny.  Right?
^^;;;

Kudos to anybody who gets all the inane in-jokes...or hell,
if you get HALF the inane in-jokes. ;p

                                   Blade