Normally, Heaven was not a place with a lot of downtime. Being the
place where all good and holy things inevtiably arrive and depart from, it
tended to be a busy place, a true city that never slept.
	Kasumi's reign changed this just *slightly*. After all, people
always tended to be so much nicer and more polite when they were
well-rested, even if politeness and niceness were part of their
fundamental makeup and were essentially unavoidable fragments of said
personality. It didn't pay to take chances. However, it meant less work
for the angels and sub-deities, so Siesta Hour in Heaven was a suggestion
met with acceptance, if not enthusiasm.  GOod may require eternal
vigilance, after all, but a quick nap was always acceptable in the right
circumstances.
	However, there's always a few people who just can't take naps.
Kasumi, being an understanding Creator, recognized this and had a spa put
in. For relaxation purposes, anyhow.
	It was in said New Heaven Health and Raquet that Urd and Xelloss
were enjoying a small game of squash, to pass the time. They weren't
sleepers, after all. The ball was moving fast and furious as the goddess
and the demon priest gave themselves a good workout, even if their bodies
were entirely mass defiances of quantum physics which didn't need
exercise. Convention is, after all, an irresistable force.
	"So, how is it being stuck on administrative duty for this *huff*
second tournament?" Urd queried, rebounding a ball into the court's far
wall.
	"Oh, it's much more fun than you'd think," her opponent replied,
teleporting to meet the ball and give it a healthy return whack.
"Absolutely fascinating to watch all the players run about on the
chessboard, don't you think?"
	Urd feh'ed, continuing the volley. "I still don't know what
possessed Kasumi to start all this nonsense anyway. Unless she..." Urd
paused, giving Xel time to bank a perfect shot back at her. "Naaah. Kasumi
wouldn't do that. She's too...NICE." The tanned goddess gave the ball
another backhand and hmmed. "Which reminds me. What did you need that file
for, anyhow?"
	Xelloss grinned, and winked. "Sore wa...himitsu desu."
	Of course, that was when Urd grabbed her racket and swung
mightily, sending Xel flying into the distance. Taglines always bothered
her.

			<---->

	Meanwhile, elsewhere in this wide, wide multiverse, Sakura
Kasugano was upset. Her surroundings indicated this quite well, actually,
considering that they more or less resembled Hanoi, circa Miss Saigon.
What was once the proud Spirit of Shotokan training dojo and waffle house
(tm) had been beaten to a bloody (or, rather, wooden) pulp by the mighty
fists of a woman scorned. For a dark god.
	People seemed to think that she was in love with Ryu-sensei. This
wasn't true. Sure, he was cute and all, but Sakura admired Ryu for what he
was: a competent and respected fighter, something she admired and wanted
to be. The schoolgirl may have questionable taste in battle garb, but she
wasn't exactly stupid: Sakura was aware that the only spouse Ryu would
ever have would be the fight.
	Then there was David.
	The first one of these tournaments had been a revelation for
Sakura. She had learned a lot about herself, about Shotokan, about some
very screwed-up celestial politics, and about the meaning of "fight",
mainly because she'd had the meaning of fight driven into her skull at
slightly-greater-than-sublight speeds by Akuma's 'murderous intent'. It
was David who risked everything to get that darkness out of her, even if
it meant his life. Granted, as with most things he did, David screwed up
and the resulting carnage in Heaven's medical district made a most
interesting explosion sound when subjected to large amoutns of nuclear
explosives. But it was the thought that counted.
	And now the God of Destruction himself, the much and deservedly
maligned Orochi, had him in an iron, special-effects-esque grip. As much
as she hated to admit it, it was time to pay back the favor.
	Granted, HOW to do so was a factor of consideration. The Orochi
was an arrogant, posing braggart, but he was an arrogant, posing braggart
with a great deal of power and some considerable if remarkably unreliable
backup. As long as he had his flunkies, including the overbreasted Naga
the Black Serpent, she probably wouldn't stand a chance. How the heck was
she supposed to take down someone who was trading enegry blasts with Son
Goku, for crying out loud?
	And cry out loud she did, as out of sheer frustration Sakura leapt
at the last remaining piece of gym equipment - an innocent punching bag -
and went absolutely berserk, attacking it with a furious combination of
punches, kicks, ki blasts, boots to the head, and various other weapons of
Shotokan ass-whuppin'. With each hit, she yelled the name of her hated
foe, psyching herself up...but soon her adrenaline became 99% blood again
and she slumped into the sagging remains of the bag, muttering.
	There was a knock at the door.
	"Come in," Sakura mumbled.
	The dojo's once-proud, now-dented door creaked open to reveal a
shock of red hair, followed by a flat-chested sorceress grinning from ear
to ear. She clasped her hands together and smiled innocently.
	"Did I hear you say something about Orochi?"

			<----->

	At the same time, backstage...
	Andy Bogard smiled, tightening laces and doing some simple
stretches and katas to get himself warmed up. It'd been a good long while
since he'd had the chance to whup some tail in this tournament; if he
didn't get some exercise soon, he might fall out of shape.
	Mai, on the other hand, was aaaah'ing as she sipped a remarkably
*pink* beverage, reclining on the green room couch with slices of cucumber
over her eyes. Andy saw this as he stood up, then sweatdropped and shook
his head. "Could I possibly convince you to take this seriously, Mai?"
	The kunoichi raised an eyebrow, removing the veggies from her eyes
and sitting up. "Aw, c'mon, Andy. It's just some kid, right? How much
damage can he do?" She stood up, stretching, and afforded any onlookers a
casual fanservice that was safely backstage, lest Hiroshi see it an need
to be reincarnated for what would certainly be the fifteenth time in the
past month alone.
	Andy shook his head, looking serious. "A true warrior takes any
challenge seriously, Mai. Even if it is a little kid and his electric
rat." There was a long pause, before even the serious-minded younger
Bogard cracked a smile. "It *IS* kind of funny, isn't it?"
	Mai nodded vigorously, giggling (or jiggling? You make the call).
"Of course! Andy, a true warrior knows when to let go, too. Let's go out
and have some fun, okay?"
	There was a knock at the door. "You have a visitor, Mr. Bogard,"
it said.
	"Come in," Andy replied automatically, then BLINKED as the door
opened, admitting a tall man dressed in casual clothes, with a dark red
cap.
	"Hey there, little brother," Terry Bogard said with a smile,
tossing off a wave. "Hey there, Mai."
	"Terry!" the pair of fighters said in unison, blinking. Andy
recovered first. "I didn't think you were into this kind of tournament.
What are you doing here?"
	"Eh," Terry replied, waving a hand dismissively. "I was just
travelling, you know? And I saw you two on TV, so I thought I'd pop by and
see how you were doing."
	There was a pregnant pause, before Terry held up a video tape
clearly marked "ULTRA PRESENTS: DOMINATRIX HILITES". "Do I wanna know what
that lady with the whip was thinking?"
	Andy sighed and bowed his head. "It's best not to ask."

			*****


                                 LIVE!
                           FROM THE ULTRADOME!
                          THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
                         IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
                          SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
                            AND IMPROFANFIC!
                            IT'S TIME FOR...

               {    M A G I C A L  C R O S S O V E R    }
               {  F I G H T I N G  F E D E R A T I O N  }
               {             .-----------.              }
               {             | U-L-T-R-A |              }
               {             `-----------'              }
               { http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic }

                  Episode 16: That Old Black Serpent
                Written by Todd Harper (lina@inverse.org)
                 Impro begun by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

	It was loud. It was bombastic. It was the kind of audience that
made you want to stand up and dance in the stands. It was the kind of
audience that wasn't ashamed to hold up signs reading "CERTAIN VICTORY
RELYING ON NOONE BUT DAN!" and "PIKACHU 3:16 SAYS 'CHU!'".
	In short, it was an Ultra audience, through and through. You
realize what this means.
	"WELCOME, ladies and gentlemen, to yet another action-packed
episode of UUUUUUUULTRAAAAA!" came the very amplified voice of the only
known being to subsist entirely on caffiene and adrenaline, Hiroshi.
"Tonight we've got a TON of great matchups for you! The Poketrainer and
the Electric Mouse take on the Hungry Wolf and the Bouncing Ninja! In a
special rematch, the Battle Angel dukes it out with the Satan of Shotokan,
Shin-Akuma! And in our main event, two forces of ultimate darkness
collide...will Naga the Black Serpent or Dark Schneider emerge
victorious?" he squeaked, entire body tensed in anticipation. The crowd
roared wildly; Hiroshi's enthusiasm was roughly as infectious as the ebola
virus, and only marginally less damaging to the body.
	His partner, Daisuke, was lucky enough to be amplified by the
Haohmaru-2000 sound system the This Old Dojo crew had spent most of the
morning installing; he was therefore almost audible in a stadium roaring
with only slightly more noise than twelve Concordes hitting max velocity
simultaneously. "That's right, Hiroshi. All that and more, tonight on
Ultra." The crowd continued to cheer, despite Daisuke's traditionally
bland tone.
	Hiroshi squirmed a bit in his announcer's chair, mumbling
something about NERV's cloning facilities. Daisuke raised an eyebrow at
this, turning to his co-announcer. "Something still wrong with your ass,
Hiroshi?" he asked innocently, the Haohmaru-2000 still cranked at max
volume.
	Face reddening, the sugarfiend turned to his companion and
counterattacked. "There is nothing wrong with my ass that a little
ULTRAVIOLENCE won't cure...right, people?" Dutifully, he turned his mic to
the audience, which responded by producing a sound wave of applause which
slammed into the sound system like a freight train, sending sparks,
flames, and repair crews everywhere as speakers and sound boards detonated
from sheer overload.
	Daisuke sighed, and turned back to his own mic, eager to get the
evening's events rolling and hopefully get out of the Ultradome before
Hiroshi could perform any other demonstrations of his raw charisma towards
large groups of drooling, violent fans. "And without further ado, let's
get to tonight's Lambda match. Ever since UltraRage, Ash Ketchum's been in
a slump; can he and Pikachu buck up and face down the highly-trained Andy
Bogard and Mai Shiranui?"
	"We're ABOUT to find out!" Hiroshi enthused. "Introducing our
Lambda referee, Touga Kiryuu, to start out tonight's match!"
	The red-haired bishounen referee, decked out in the Ohtori Gakuen
version of a referee outfit (read: normal, but generally decorated like a
British Naval Admiral's dress uniform, but with far less fashion sense).
"In this corner...hailing from Japan, the last practitioners of the lost
Shiranui ninjitsu school...ANDY BOGARD AND MAI SHIRANUI!"
	The Fatal Fury Fighters waved to the cheering crowd as they made
their way up the entrance ramp with little fanfare, trying to keep loose
and stay cool. Mai jumped into the ring first, with Andy waiting just
outside, leaning on the turnbuckle. He scanned the crowd for any sign of
Terry watching, but might as well have been looking for a Republican at a
Greenpeace rally.
	"And in this corner...weighing in at a combined weight of 98
pounds..."
	"PIKA!" pika'ed an offstage, annoyed-sounding voice.
	Touga coughed. "Hailing from Pallet Town...ASH KETCHUM AND
PIKACHU!"
	"Shock the Monkey" blared over the soundsystem as the lights went
dark in the arena, and a spotlight suddenly appeared near the top of one
entrance ramp. Everyone turned, expecting to see the cheerful, youthful
pairing of a determined, happy young man and his lightning lemur.
	What they GOT was a short, yellow, furry figure in sunglasses and
a specially-tailored black silk robe, with "TEAM PIKACHU" embroidered on
the back. A host of MiB's flanked the Pokemon as he sauntered down the
entrance ramp, waving to the hordes of adoring fans with stubby paws, a
pair of dark black Ray-bans resting over his cute little eyes. He jumped
up to the ring and sat down on a stool which was quickly delivered by a
black-garbed flunky, one among many in a throng of bodyguards, personal
trainers, assistants, and other parasites swarming the cutest thing to
ever give off 7,000 volts.
	Pikachu waved to his hordes of adoring fans, apparently revelling
in the attention. There was, of course, something conspicuously missing:
	Ash.
	Touga made his way to the corner to talk to Pikachu, and found his
way blocked by three wireheads with very strict looks of "You're not cool
enough" plastered on their faces. For someone as coolly bishounen, rich,
and domineering as Kiryuu Touga...this simply would not do. Pikachu had
the temerity to look at him with reasonable disdain.
	Hiroshi blinked, grabbing his mic and leaning over the table with
it, trying to get a better look at the ring less than ten feet from his
announcer table. "What's this? Is Pikachu's star status going to his
head?"
	"If he doesn't have a partner, it won't matter," Daisuke responded
flatly. "Without Ash, he can't compete."
	This was echoed by a fuming but still outwardly calm Touga.
"Unless you can produce your partner in the next five minutes, I'm
awarding this match to Andy and Mai!"
	A ripple of shock ran through the crowd, and intakes of breath all
across the arena created what may have been the world's first
human-induced temporary vacuum. "OH MY GOD!" Hiroshi ranted, leaning even
further over the table, mic cord straining. "Unless Pikachu can get Ash
Ketchum back up here to fight, it's going to another loss for Team
Pokemon!"
	Andy and Mai, for their part, were watching this with equal
amounts interest and annoyance. "Anything that cute *has* to be bad on the
inside," Andy muttered to himself, shortly before Mai flattened him with a
giant mallet.
	"Pikachu!" came a shout from the back of the arena at roughly the
same time. The crowd turned as one massive wave of couch potato humanity
to look at the source of the voice: a despondent and defeated-looking Ash
Ketchum, who slumped his way down to the ring and looked forlornly at his
former best friend/weapon, albeit through the tree-trunk legs of
bodyguards. "Pikachu, why won't you talk to me?"
	There was a long, dramatic moment as the voltage vole locked gazes
with his former master, and the air was thick with the tension of an
expected emotional reunion. Awwww's were prepping in the throats of the
crowd...
	...When Pikachu flipped Ash the middle paw. "Pika!" he squeaked,
turning to the side. (Translation: "Have your people call my people,
scum.") The awwwww's had to escape somehow; they ended up in a mishmash of
emotional, single-syllable exhalations from most of the crowd. Those with
little breath control or the indecisive were carted off to medical, unable
to breathe.
	Unable to wait any longer, Referee Kiryuu brought up his hand.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Due to complications with the team structure,
tonight's Lambda match is forfetied by Team Pokemon and awarded to Andy
Bogard and Mai Shiranui!" Andy and Mai had the decency to look
stunned/annoyed; the crowd boo'ed, loudly, the basso profundo of the noise
knocking loose objects free. Pikachu hmph'ed at the ref and turned back to
the crowd, posing again. A wild cheer resumed, and the pokemon plus posse
made their way out of the ring and backstage. As he waddled by, Pikachu
*zapped* Ash, letting out a nasty "Pika!" (Translation: "Don't darken my
doorstep again.") as he did so.
	A stricken Ash was left standing in the ring, dumbfounded (and
smoking like chadbroiled steak). Pikachu, his oldest friend, had left him
standing in the cold (or not, depending on your point of view). Alone,
defeated, betrayed...there was nothing left for Ash. He seethed...his
world was crumbling. Misty was yelling at him that this wasn't a game
anymore; that he was fighting for his life here in Ultra. That he had to
be smarter, stronger, the best. Tricked by Jack, humiliated by TEAM ROCKET
of all people...
	His musings were interrupted by an unscheduled flash of light on
the field; mainly, Kasumi. She smiled politely as she touched down.
"That's not entirely true, Touga-san. I think Ash-san has plenty of other
Pokemon at his disposal, correct? I think Andy-san was looking forward to
a chance to spar...it'd be a shame to disappoint them, deshou?"
	Touga shrugged. "It's up to you, then," he tossed back at a
dumbfounded Ash. "If you wish to continue, then you may."
	Kasumi smiled encouragingly at Ash as he tried to make a decision.
He'd fought long and hard together with Pikachu. They were a team; they
were friends. He didn't wanna go through all this without a friend, and
though he cared for his other Pokemon, it just wasn't the same...
	"I'll enter, then!" came Mysterious Voice #3, from a shadowed
figure stomping down the aisleway toward the ring, furious. "If that
Pikachu is going to be such a selfish brat, then I'll fight with Ash!" The
figure came into full view as she stepped into the light near the ring:
Misty, one of the Four Sisters of Cerulean and a certified Pokemon
combatant.
	"What an interesting chain of events," Daisuke monotoned.
"Abandoned by Pikachu, Ash may have a new potential teammate in his friend
Misty."
	"How EMOTIONAL! How ANGSTFUL! How DRAMATIC! What a
RATINGS-GRABBER!" Hiroshi ranted in concordance. "And you saw it all on
ULTRA, ladies and gentlemen!"
	Andy Bogard watched the proceedings expectantly, but his hopes of
a good workout were diminishing by the minute. Without their big-gun
Pokemon, Ash nor Misty would present a reasonable challenge to a trained
martial artist like himself, or Mai. They were serious fighters.
	Which Mai was demonstrating by having wandered off to find a hot
dog vendor. There was a loud thud as Andy's head hit the top of the
turnbuckle.
	He was forced back into cognisance when Ash's voice finally rang
out in the arena. "I'm not going to give up now, even if Pikachu isn't
feeling right. Misty and I will enter Lambda together and show you what
Pokemon trainers are really made of!" He wiped away his tears, took a deep
breath, and *POWERPOSED*. The light of the flashing Japanese sun and
crashing wave were blinding.
	Offstage, Daisuke blinked. "Was he taking lessons from Dan?"
	Touga sighed at the direction in which his day was headed, then
grabbed the ringside mic and addressed the crowd. "To give ample time to
prepare, the match between Team Pokemon and the Hungry Wolves will be
postponned until further notice!" The crowd boo'ed this also, but not
quite as loudly as before; they at least had some sympathy for the now
somewhat recovered Ash, who was being led offstage by Kasumi and Misty.
	"Well, folks, it looks like this match is a big bust...but stay
tuned!" Hiroshi commanded, getting back into his seat. "We've got a heated
match between two powerful sorcerers coming up very soon!"
	Daisuke nodded. "But first, we've got a grudge match between two
of the most talented and skilled martial artists in the Omega league,
dating all the way back to their hypercube match at UltraRage Alpha."
	"That's right, Daisuke. But now CyberAkuma has shed his former
technological shell, and is back with a vengeance! Can the Battle Angel
hold up to his 'muderous intent'?"
	Daisuke pointed to the massive, looming TitanTron. "We take you
now to Cybertron, where our own Mr. Yotsuya is interviewing Gally before
the match."

	Cybertron. Despite the raw size, the sheer majesty, the bizarre
but powerful inhabitants...it was still basically a giant ball of scrap
metal that looked like a demolished model kit assembled by a blind
four-year-old. It was here that Gally, nee Battle Angel Alita, was doing
some warmup stretches,supervised by everyone's favorite pint-sized
psychogenius, Hakubi Wasyuu.
	Mr. Yotsuya, roving annoyance, ahem'ed and directed his questions
at Wasyuu, after a look from the warming-up Gally which essentially read
"Speak to me and die". "So, Miss Wasyuu...it would appear that your
Cybergrrls stable hasn't seen a lot of action since its formation. Did you
set this match up to change that?"
	The pint-sized, pink-haired genius merely laughed the question
off. "Bah! We don't need to prove ourselves getting all sweaty and
suchlike. We're just here to have some fun, right, Gally?"
	The return glare from her companion could have bored a hole in
Wasyuu's normally-indestructible hair. She sweatdropped; she remembered
she should know better than to try and disturb Gally's pre-combat vibe.
	Yotsuya took the time to pounce. "So are you saying you're not in
this to win?"
	However, the great Wasyuu was relatively unflappable, in the face
of journalism anyway. "Oh, we're here to win. On our own terms, anyway.
We've got the guts and the science to back that up, too, in case any of
you Omega cuties out there are looking for some cybernetic hurting!" the
scientist responded, putting her face right to the camera and posing
dramatically.
	Yotsuya ahhed and nodded, turning to the camera as well. "There
you have it, folks, but this reporter can't help but think that there's
more to this than meets the eye." However, before he could make any
further groundless comments, portals opened above the rugged (but nonstick
teflon) surface of Cybertron, depositing both Son Goku and Shin Akuma.
	"Alright...let's have a good, clean fight, and may the best
fighter win," Goku intoned, floating off to a safe distance and taking
Yotsuya with him. Wasyuu just smiled and summoned a multidimensional
observation barka-lounger in the sky above as well.
	Shin Akuma regarded Gally with distaste. "You let your machine
self get in the way of your fighting spirit," the gravelly, demonic voice
rattled through the echo-prone exterior of the machine planet. "And now
that I am no longer so fettered, your death is assured. This fetid place
will be an appropriate graveyard for you."
	Gally just smiled, assuming a natural, fluid battle stance. Her
Panzer Kunst style, the Machine Fist, made each part of her cybernetic
body alive with sensation and rhythm. She truly defined the term "fighting
machine", and all of her energy was devoted to defeating the man who had
hurt her beloved father, Ido. "You think so? Come and get me, then," she
taunted, smiling coldly.
	And then it began.
	It is said that the ultimate awakening of Murderous Intent, the
sheer animal desire of humans to destroy their fellow man, is the pinnacle
of Shotokan acheivement. Reflexes, strength, awareness...all of these
boosted to superhuman levels. Space and time are to be manipulated, nifty
Dark Side of the Force effects are capable through Chi. In short, Shin
Akuma, the true form of the Muderous Intent, was a force to be reckoned
with. Each punch, kick, Fireball, uppercut, throw; each move was an
expression of anger, hatred, fear. A Death Star and a triolgy of movies
was not far off.
	But what he was facing was...unreal. Gally was the inheritor of an
ability which merged man and machine flawlessly, making them equally
effective. Gally's strength and speed progressed through superhuman and
appeared on the other side. She moved blindingly fast, did not hesitate to
use any opening. It was like a deadly, vicious dance, so graceful and
beautiful.
	Akuma grunted, as he and Gally exchanged superfast flurries of
attacks and defenses, even the trained eyes of Goku and Wasyuu having
difficulty keeping up. "You are talented, and skilled. But fatally
flawed."
	"Shut up and fight," Gally growled. She knew in her heart that the
true power of the Murderous Intent was that it was her own anger used
against her. And try as she might to block it out, to be calm and let her
body flow...there was anger. It welled up in her at the sight of one who
so callously disregarded lives in a futile search for strength. It
expressed itself in a wide punch which left her wide open.
	Shin Akuma smiled grimly, and pitched himself up, floating. The
dark Chi surrounding his body coalesced into a hideous, demonic shroud,
forming shadows behind him as the Shotokan practitioner floated toward
Gally, the low thrum of his flight the death knell.
	"The Raging Demon!" Hiroshi squealed, clapping his hands together
excitedly. "Akuma's surefire victory attack!"
	Daisuke raised an eyebrow, glancing at the TitanTron
speculatively. "Last time this attack didn't work so well for Akuma. Can
he pull it off now?"
	Wasyuu simply smiled, and dialed up a transdimensional phone call
on her etheral laptop. "You're sure this is the modification we need?"
	"Oh yes," a high pitched male voice answered. "I'm sure this is
the one the doctor sent."
	Wasyuu's fingers steepled. "Good."
	The one fist...all it had to do was connect, and the resulting
force of hatred and anger turned against the victim was unstoppable. The
'Shun Goku Satsu', a force of hell to be reckoned with. Gally's foolish
punch had made her only more vulnerable, and the dark aura around Akuma
stretched to encompass the cyborg...
	This was when he found his fist clasped soundly in Gally's own.
	Akuma blinked, once. He hesitated.
	This was the only opening she needed. Gally's cyborg body took on
a darker cast, as if reflecting the power Akuma was surging at her. And
the voice of the young girl trapped in a cyborg's body rang true: "Demon's
Rage Returned."
	The resulting effect was very Lucasfilm in its execution. A
blinding flash of white light encompassed both combatants, and horrible
screaming appeared to emerge from the blinding nova. When the noise and
flash died down, a panting Gally was left standing over the thoroughly
comatose body of Shin Akuma. Goku landed, and help up Gally's arm,
proclaiming her the winner.
	Appearing as most good sleazy journalists do (read: from
practically nowhere), Yotsuya sidled up to Wasyuu as she too descended
from the stars. "Did you have any part in this mysterious victory, Miss
Wasyuu?" he queried.
	The genius laughed heartily. "Of course! With some technical data
provided by Thomas Light, thanks to Megaman's arrival, I was able to do
some...slight modifications to Gally's cybernetic systems. She was able to
turn all of Akuma's vaunted 'muderous intent' right back at him. Since
that move uses the anger of the victim against himself...the result isn't
pretty." She beamed, flashing a V with her fingers. "Of course, against my
technology he didn't have a prayer anyway!"
	As if on cue, the Wasyuu puppets popped up on her shoulders.
"Wasyuu, you're the smartest!" Puppet A beamed.
	"Wasyuu, you're a pink-haired can of whup ass!" Puppet B said.
	Gally smiled ferally she she stood up, Goku supporting her for the
moment. Then she turned to the camera and gave it a pointed look. "That's
one. You're next, Bison...you wanna test your 'toys' against us, go right
ahead! We'll see you in the Omega ring!"

	"And THERE YOU HAVE IT!" Hiroshi bellowed. "The amazing Gally has
put one over on the vaunted Master of Murderous Intent!"
	Daisuke nodded. "It seems like the so-called Raging Demon's record
is not as great as it was expected to be. He's going to need to get some
victories if he wants to keep his reputation."
	"And he can do it all, here on ULTRA! Now, who's ready for some
more extreme violence?!" Hiroshi asked needlessly, provoking another sonic
blast from the crowd. "This next matchup promises to be TRULY ELECTRIC!
Two magicians calling on ancient, eldritch evil powers are going to butt
heads here tonight!"
	"Dark Schneider has eons of experience and gobs of power," Daisuke
observed. "But Naga the Black Serpent's Riot of the Blood is not something
to toyed with."
	"This is gonna be one hell of a match, folks...literally! Which
demonic power will prevail? We take you now to the Magic City of Vane, on
the dark side of Earth's moon, for all the action!"

	Meanwhile, backstage, Lina Inverse was having a meaningful,
helpful planning session with an old friend, hoping to get her plan
underway before Dark Schneider could ruin it by participating.
	This is to say, she was in her dressing room, with Xelloss in a
headlock, interrogating him like a gulag prisoner.
	"You're ABSOULTEY SURE that this is the info I needed?" the
sorceress questioned through gritted teeth. Friendships are built on
trust, after all, and Lina was 100% certain that she could only trust
Xelloss if his life were at stake.
	"Yes!" the trickster priest gasped, twitching. "DIrect from the
gods themselves! There's no more reliable source of information in the
universe, is there?"
	Lina feh'ed as she released the headlock, looking at a piece of
vellum paper on her dresser with a detached air. "It's too good to be
true, is what I'm saying. There's gotta be some kind of catch."
	Xelloss recovered fairly quickly, inclining his head at Lina
briefly. "What, you can't trust me, an old and dear friend?" the Mazoku
asked innocently.
	Lina smirked. "Oh, I trust you. Just not to tell me the truth or
for sudden bouts of altruism. What's your angle, Xelloss?" There was a
brief pause. "And if you say that it's a secret, they're going to carry
you out of here face down. If they can FIND it."
	Xelloss twitched. One of the few people he knew who could carry
out that threat was the 'Enemy of All who Live', Lina Inverse. He sighed,
waving a finger in the air. "I can't say much more than the people
upstairs fully support your plan." He shrugged.
	Lina nodded, fingering the piece of paper as she slipped on her
mantle. "I figured it was something suitably stupid like that," she
replied caustically. "Thanks, though I'm sure I'll end up regretting this
so don't enjoy yourself too long."
	Xelloss laughed, shrugging again. "Good luck."
	"Yeah, well...if this doesn't work, we're going to need it."

	Through special arrangement, Kasumi had netted the Magic City of
Vane for the matchup, a suitable site for the duel between two magicians
of (relative) evil. The residents had long ago been evacuated into special
strongholds and towers, mystically sealed by the inhabitants of the Magic
Guild to protect from anything short of a sheer apocalypse, which of
course you can only have one of, really. Besides, that would mean the
match was over, as planetary destruction was a technical foul.
	Darshu cracked his knuckles, surveying his battleground. Sure, he
knew Lina's plan in the back of his head, of course. But fighting with
someone so powerful, sensual, and topheavy was a benefit of the
evil-cum-good magician profession, and damned if he wasn't going to enjoy
it.
	Naga the Black Serpent arrived through a portal laugh-first,
breasts second, and what little remained of her in body and personality
third. The Rage of the Blood crackled in her veins with the reincarnation
of Orochi, and now she planned to use it on this arrogant fool she so
[hated]. He would [pay] for his arrogance with his [life] and, if she was
careful, some [credit cards].
	Son Goku popped into reality between the two as they met in the
fountain plaza at the center of Vane, the nearby Goddess Tower looming in
the background. "Alright...let's have a good, friendly match. Remember,
planetary or dimensional destruction is a technical foul," Goku
admonished, glaring at the both of them.
	"Bah! You cannot put limits on the [power] of the Black Serpent's
[hate]!" Naga sneered, posing.
	"Or her cup size," Dark Schneider taunted back, amused.
	"Begin!"
	And begin they did. High powered blasts of dark power and
elemental magic rained from the fingers of the two magi, doing a
considerable degree of collateral damage but not really doing much to
affect the other fighter. This was, of course, the first rule of good
mage-duelling. Flashy spells and trash talk are much more effective than,
say, a punch to the head.
	"Nice napkin you're wearing," Darshu tossed out at Naga (alongside
a Venom spell). "Where's the rest of it?"
	"OOOHOHOHO! The Black Serpent needs no more clothing! My majesty
alone sends tremors through my enemies!"
	"Of what? Revulsion at your fashion sense? Good GOD."
	And of course, crackle, boom, crash, explosion, hurt, maim. It's
never wise to let a stray, perfectly-aimed attack get in the way of your
witty banter.
	Beside Goku, a portal opened up, depositing two figures onto what
were once the streets but were now the craters of Vane. One of them, a
young girl in a fuku, immediately began running in circles to dodge the
high-velocity spells being tossed in every possible fire arc.
	"WAAAAAAGH! You didn't say I had to come WITH you!" Sakura ranted,
dodging and weaving her way with great effort as stray Freeze Arrows,
Fireballs, Venom blasts, and other assorted magic casacaded around the
area.
	Lina smirked, conjuring a shield spell to protect her as she
headed toward Dark Schneider. "It was that or leave you behind to get
kidnapped again. Don't you know anything about narrative causality?"
	"But it's fine if I get crisped here, though, that's okay?!"
Sakura ranted.
	"Oh, sure," Lina tossed back. "That's irony."
	Luckily, Sakura's facefault left her clear of a recently-impacted
Arc Brass spell, a bolt of blue lightning clearing her head by mere
inches.
	Dark Schneider raised an eyebrow as Lina approached. "You got it?"
	"Yeah, I got it. But we're gonna get it later for getting it."
	Naga blinked at the sudden stop in the normally free-flowing flow
of flowing magic. "OHOHOHO! Have you decided to [yield] to my [hate],
pitiful [mortal]?"
	Darshu blinked. "Who are you calling mortal?"
	Lina held up the piece of paper and waved it about at her "gifted"
former rival. "Hey, Black Serpent-chan! I've got a deal to make with you."
	Naga raised an eyebrow. "Bah! This was tried once before! You
cannot [bribe] away my [hatred] and [venegance], not with any amount..."
She paused. "Not with any small amount of money, or real estate! Or
investments!"
	Lina grinned, then winked and held up the paper...a map, with a
small post-it note attached. "What about the Lezariam Temple?"
	"OOOHOHO! Not even the..." There was a pause. Naga's ice blue eyes
glazed over briefly. "...Did you say Lezariam Temple?"
	"Oh, yes. Remember? We blew it up together, but we had to get out
together before we could get the loooooooooot, remember that, White
Serpent-chan?" Lina asked innocently, putting her (questionable) acting
skills to use. Darshu, for his part, stood there looking bishounen and
sexually intimidating.
	On the outside, it was calm, quiet. Sakura even had time to pull
herself out of the ground (albeit with Goku's help) and watch the goings
on with interest. Her chance to save David from the Orochi, according to
Lina, lie in this working.
	However, inside Naga the Black Serpent, the seeds Mr. Satan's
incredible cowardice but remarkable bank account had planted long ago
began to sprout. "Bah! My [hate] sustains me, not loot." She pauses.
"<Lots> of <loot>. <Golden>, <shining> loot ripe for the <plucking>..."
	The [brackets] of [power] had given way to the <carats> of
<avarice>.
	Lina nodded encouragingly. "Of course! Well, see, this is a map to
where the Lezariam Temple fell! All we have to do...is go get it!"
	"OOOHOHOH! You're so naive, Lina Inverse! I shall use the power of
my [hatred] to take your puny <map> and become <insanely rich>!"
	With that, Naga flung herself at Lina with a Ray Wing spell, but
was stopped at the last minute by a block from Darshu. "Ah, ah, ah! Not
even your Riot of the whatever can break through my Stryper magic, you
badly acted Pamela Lee clone."
	Naga frowned. "Do not MOCK my [hatred], mortal! Or my favorite
show! Give me the <MAP>!"
	Lina shook her finger. "Ah, ah, aaaaah! First, you need to do
something for us. How about we discuss this over dinner?"
	Naga raised an eyebrow. "Fine. You shall surrender the <map> to
me, or I shall [rend] the flesh from your pathetic [bones] with my..."
	"With your [hatred], yadda yadda yadda," Lina remarked, cutting
her off. "First, we eat." And with that, the trio of sorcerers stepped
into a portal to the Restaurant at the End of This Fanfic and disappeared.
	"THAT'S your plan?" Sakura shrieked, raging. "DINNER? Get back
here, you flat-chested two-timing freak!"

	"WOW! What a turn of events!" Hiroshi shouted, his every pore
seething with enthusiasm. "It appears that the fighters have forfeited to
have a nice dinner!"
	Daisuke paused. "How are you getting exicted about this?" he
asked, dumbfounded. "They wandered off to get food. There was very little
actual fighting involved." He paused. "There's been very little actual
fighting ALL DAY! How are you keeping this up?"
	Hiroshi sniffled, wiping away a tear. "I do it for the fans,
Daisuke. Right, people?" And of course, it was live, not Memorex, that
knocked Daisuke out of his with a sonic boom of "HELL YEAH!" responses.
	Hiroshi blinked, then turned to the cameras and waved jauntily.
"That's about it for Magical Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra! Tune in
next week, folks!"
	"Medic..." whimpered Daisuke.

	Later that evening, the normally throbbing Ultradome was
remarkably empty. Only a few janitors were left sweeping up the refuse of
an entire day of senseless violence, under dim halogen lighting. The ring
was lit up like a graveyard.
	Inside it stood a young woman on a mission. Waiting. Watching.
	From the inky darkness emerged a figure composed, it seemed, of
pure shadow. The voice was somewhat familiar, but horribly distorted, as
if evil had a sound (other than James Earl Jones, of course). "Hello,
little girl," it taunted.
	Sakura smiled, cracking her knuckles. "I'm glad you could come."
She scuffed her feet on the floor, and tried to look shy, which was
difficult seeing as she was also craning her neck trying to get a good
visual on the figure, and failing miserably. "I just wanted to say...I
reconsidered. I just wanna be around David...so will you take me in as
your own?"
	The Orochi smiled. "Ahhh...I'm so glad we could do this the easy
way," the dark voice purred. "My new host is invigorating, so different
from the Yagamis...it calls out for a bride..."
	.oO( New host? ) Sakura thought to herself, blinking.
	The voice continued. "Come, my servant!" it called out, and in a
swirl of black flame, Naga appeared. Sakura's face fell when she saw
Lina's map tucked into the belt of what the Black Serpent insisted was a
costume. Had she failed? "Take this young girl so that we can fully begin
to initiate her in the Riot of the Blood."
	Naga took a few meaningful steps forward, her hands glowing green.
Sakura gritted her teeth and prepared for the end...
	...and was pleasantly surprised to see Naga turn to the shadowy
figure, and throw her hands out, shouting "Elmekia Flame!" The green glow
became a burning light which lashed out, scalding the figure of shadow.
	Smoke trailed from the Orochi as it glared at Naga. "Betrayer! Now
you shall pay! How...HOW could you escape the power of my [hatred]?"
	"OOOOOHOHOHO! No mere hatred can compare to the destiny for
success of Naga the White Serpent!" the black sorceress taunted back,
preparing another magical spell, shielding Sakura. "What is vengeance on
my enemies, when I can BUY their hometowns?"
	The Orochi also raised its hands, preparing an energy blast of
extreme power. "Bah! Without the Riot of the Blood, you are nothing!
Prepare to die!"
	"Are you sure that's a good plan, short, dark, and gruesome?" came
another taunting voice from the nearby boxes. The dark figure and Sakura
turned to see Dark Schneider and Lina Inverse observing with smiles on
their faces, and energy forming between their hands of a most disturbingly
powerful nature.
	"Alright, listen up good!" Lina's voice rang out in the darkness.
"Quite frankly, you're giving evil magic and gods of destruction a bad
name, and we're just not gonna take it anymore! Better watch your ass,
Orochi, or we're going to stitch an extremely powerful magical boot in
it!"
	"So says our new stable, UNLIMITED DESIRE!" continued Naga,
power-posing to beat the band and beginning the laugh of doom.
"OOOOOHOHOHOHOH!" The horrifying sound echoed in the depths of the empty
arena.
	The Orochi appeared to consider this, then wrapped itself in the
shadows and disappeared into the dimension from whence he came. "Consider
this a small victory, weaklings, and cherish it! So says the true God of
Destruction!"
	Darshu snorted. "Pull the other one, it plays 'Also Spracht
Zarathrustra'."
	Lina dusted off her hands as the Orochi disappeared. "Okay...saved
the girl, recovered the sidekick..."
	"HEY!" floated Naga's voice from the ring.
	"...and made the big dramatic stable delcaration! Did you get all
that, Gourry?" Lina continued, ignoring Naga.
	Down on the entrance ramp, Gourry blinked, holding a large
camcorder. "I dunno, Lina. Was I supposed to take off this cap thingy on
the end?"
	And there was much facefaulting.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ULTRA #16 RESULTS:

][ PIKACHU abandons Ash for the Hollywood life; Misty takes his place
][ ANDY/MAI to face ASH/MISTY at a later date.
][ GALLY beats SHIN AKUMA at his own game, now 2w/0l
][ NAGA is relieved of the Riot of the Blood
][ DARSHU/NAGA match called on account of greed
][ LINA INVERSE, DARK SCHNEIDER, and NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT form the
"Unlimited Desire" stable.
][ GOURRY screws up, per normal.

Notes:

*This is my first Ultra part. It's not that long, but I think I've already
covered my reasons for this, so let's move on. I hope it's up to par, but
I expect to hear it's not.

*De-Orochifying Naga was cleard with 2F, if it matters.

*The Lezariam Temple bit is from the ending of Slayers Royal; there's a
TON of cash in the temple but it sinks into the ocean before Lina and Naga
can get it out...not that they didn't TRY.

*Some possible plot hooks exist here. What of Terry visiting Andy? What
exactly did Wasyuu *GET* from Dr. Light?

*Hopefully the injokes aren't too bad. I know this part is a little less
humor-heavy than the others, but I sacrificed a little humor for the sake
of the plot stuff I wanted to do.

*The name of the black magician stable ("Unlimited Desire") is from the
Slayers Special ending song of the same name. Go see it and I think yu'll
get the point.

*Any comments, direct at lina@inverse.org. Any flames, turn inward and
pull the trigger.



[Editor's Note : Pikachu's departure into the Gamma division coupled
with Misty's arrival as Ash's new partner combined counts as the 'new
fighter alloitment', I'd hazard.  Todd cleared this through me first.
It's not unlike the Wolvy/Gambit breakup, after all.]