Okay...  this is the first part of the GSC/Columbo crossover.  Tell me 
what y'all think.  

J CHU

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Shooting Blanks Part 1

by James Chu
http://jchu.simplenet.com

A Gunsmith Cat's / Columbo crossover fanfic inspired by a 
spamfic that Bill Morse posted a long time ago.

Gunsmith Cat's and all related characters are property of 
Kenichi Sonada.  Lt. Columbo and related characters are the 
property of William Link and Richard Levinson.


***

A man with a leather jacket, checkered hat and dark pants 
with a stripe down the side knocks on the door of an 
apartment building.  He turns his head away as the occupant 
of the apartment stares through the peephole.  The door 
opens to reveal a dark haired woman in her early thirties.  
The woman gestures for the man to come on in.  He sits down 
at a brightly decorated table.  After the woman offers the 
man a cup of coffee, she opens the refrigerator and takes 
out a carton of milk for the man.  The man opens up his 
jacket revealing a silenced pistol.  The woman's eyes 
register surprise as the man empties the pistol into her 
torso.  The woman flails around for a few moments, knocking 
the man's cup of coffee and the carton of milk over.  After 
waiting for a few moments, the assailant strolls over the 
woman's corpse, avoiding the mixing blood and milk on the 
floor.  He closes the refrigerator and walks out of the 
apartment.  

---

Rally Vincent and May Hopkins were walking out of the Police 
Station with a smile on their faces and a check in Rally's 
pocket.  It was pay day.  

"How are you doing, girls?" Roy Coleman called up from his 
sitting position on the stone steps.

Rally turned around, "Hey Roy, your car break down again?  
We can give you a lift."

"Oh, well, I'm waiting for an old friend of mine.  He's 
coming in from LA for some personal business."

"Oh ho, I always wondered what kind of buddies you hang out 
with."

Roy smirked, "Well, he just happens to be the best damned 
detective that I have ever had the honor of working with.  
He's just, uh, a bit on the shabby side.  Ah.  Here he comes 
now."

The sound of a horribly overstressed car drifted around the 
corner of the police station.  Roy's face seemed to take on 
the pensive quality of a person listening to an opera.  
Finally the rattling car made its way around the bend, under 
the El tracks and into the station parking lot.

If there was a car that had seen it all, this car was it.  
It was beyond dilapidated.  Its paint was peeling off, a 
windshield wiper was missing, the front bumper had seen one 
too many accidents, the lights were grime encrusted, the 
tires were balding and the upholstery was threadbare and 
held together with duct tape.  The car pulled up to the curb 
in front of them.

Rally attempted to consider whether she should laugh or cry 
at the condition of the vehicle, but settled on covering her 
mouth.  She felt a sudden urge to kick a tire just to see if 
the thing would fall apart on the spot.  

"What a piece of crap!  Rally, what the hell is that thing?" 
Minnie observed, tactfully.  

The driver of the vehicle seemed to be an extension of its 
disheveled condition.  His slightly grayed hair seemed to be 
in a state of confusion, his jacket was rumpled and had 
trophies of past coffee stains and past lunches stained 
throughout.  He had a shirt and tie that were so wrinkled 
that they could have made most grown dry cleaners cry out in 
despair.  

"She's a beaut, isn't she?  She's lasted me a good forty 
years." The man spoke without a trace of irony and a good 
streak of pride.  He ambled up to Roy, who stepped off the 
curb and shook his hand vigorously.  

Roy gave a broad smile as he turned toward Rally and Minnie, 
"Meet Lt. Columbo, ladies.  The pride of the LAPD Homicide 
division."

Columbo gave Roy a sidelong glance and then offered a hand 
to the two girls, "I'm a detective."  

Rally looked at May for a second before grabbing the 
Lieutenant's hand, "Hi, I'm Rally and that's May."

"You can call me Minnie."  Minnie beamed at Columbo as she 
shook his hand.  

Roy suggested, "Well, let's get some lunch.  Do you ladies 
want to join?" 

---

Columbo, the two ladies and Roy were at a deli, munching on 
corned beef sandwiches -- the kind that have really thinly 
shaved beef topped with horseradish sauce and mustard on top 
of dark rye bread.  

"Mmmm.  I can't get sandwiches like this back home," mumbled 
Columbo through a mouthful of corned beef.  "So, what do you 
two do for a living, eh?"

"Oh.  We run a gun shop.  We also catch bail jumpers in our 
spare time," Rally replied, while wiping a spot of mustard 
off her chin.

Columbo raised an eyebrow, "Aren't you awfully young to be 
running a gun shop, ladies?"

"Well."  Rally looked at Minnie for a second.

"They've got special dispensation.  They did some fine work 
for the police department, so we let them stay open,"  Roy 
interjected as he walked to the table, carrying a tray of 
coffee.  

*Bzzzzzt*

Roy looked down at his side, "Whoops, that's my beeper.  
I'll be right back."

"So, how did you meet Roy, Mr. Columbo?" asked Minnie.  

"It was about --let's see-- fifteen years ago?  I was 
assigned on a cooperative LAPD and CPD crime task force 
alongside a headstrong guy."  

"Roy, right?" Minnie interjected.  

"My wife kept on telling me that he was never gonna grow 
up." Columbo reminisced.  

Roy rushed from the back of the deli, "I gotta get a ride.  
Duty is calling."

"Okay.  Let me finish this last bite and then we'll get 
rolling," said Columbo, as he polished off his sandwich.  

Roy put down some cash on the tabletop, "We'll see you 
ladies later."

"No way.  We're coming along," Rally said evenly as she 
glared at Roy.  

"Let the ladies come along with us, Coleman.  It can't hurt, 
can it?"

Roy chuckled as he dragged his duster off the back of his 
chair and put it on, "I guess not.  Let's go."

---

"Eeeeew." May wrinkled up her nose at the nauseating stench 
wafting out of the apartment.  

"See, ladies.  This is why Coleman told you two to stay 
behind.  Our job usually stinks.  Heh heh,"  Columbo paused 
to lift the sheet as a stretcher with a corpse was wheeled 
by.  He sniffed the air a bit.  "Hmm.  Couldn't have been 
dead that long.  Doesn't smell like decay."

"What?!  How in the world can you tell that?  It smells like 
utter crap in here!"  Rally sputtered while holding her 
nose.  

Columbo walked further into the apartment.  

"Take a closer smell.  It doesn't smell like rotten meat.  
Just dried blood and coffee.  This had to happen this 
morning.  Take a closer look, girls.  There's a cereal bowl 
there with half eaten cereal in it.  Take a sniff,"  Columbo 
beckoned to the two girls as he made his way around the 
police photographer.  "'Scuse me, sir.  Gonna show some 
folks a couple of things."   

"Who the hell are you, buddy?" asked the photographer, as he 
moved aside.  

Roy shoved his head in the doorway, "Don't worry Bob.  He's 
one of us."

"Okay, Roy.  Go ahead, um..." trailed off the photographer.  

"Columbo.  I'm a Lieutenant," nodded Columbo as he peered at 
the cereal bowl carefully.  "Hmm.  Something's a bit odd 
about this cereal.  It kinda smells rotten or wierd, dontcha 
think?"

Minnie took a sniff, "Oh.  It's just soy milk.  She must be 
a vegetarian or something."  

"Yeah.  Look at the refrigerator," said Rally as she looked 
inside the fridge.  "It's got several boxes of the stuff."

"My wife tried to get me to drink that stuff years ago.  She 
was trying to slim down and wanted me to stop eating 
unhealthy foods and stop smoking.  It disagreed with me, so 
I replaced it with grade A, whole milk."  Columbo picked up 
a carton of soy milk gingerly with his vinyl gloved hands.  
"So, who died here, Coleman?"

Roy came in with his eyes downcast.  He rubbed his hands up 
and down the sides of his temples, "She's a cop's wife.  
Someone killed the new Commander's wife."

---

End Part 1