Not done with Part 3, but thought people might like to see this...
(Scene: Exterior, The Rock of Perpetuity, which is a jagged
mountain peak poking up out of what seems to be an endless eddying mist.
A gibbous moon looms overhead, while stars in what seem to be unfamiliar
constellations twinkle lightly. And fade to--)
(Scene: Interior, the Den of SKJAM! It looks remarkably like a
Victorian gentleman's sitting room, complete with stuffed animals, dark
wood, odd-looking knickknacks and a roaring fire in the fireplace. Three
overstuffed chairs have been drawn up near the fire; the center one is
occupied by SKJAM!, a rather ugly-looking wizard with his face partially
concealed in shadow. He's pounding a long nail through a straw doll (ala
Gosunkugi) into a board...with his fist.)
SKJAM!: Ara, you damn thieving bastards who took my ID! Ara, you
cowards who couldn't tell me to my face that I was laid off! (looks up)
Oh, *ahem*, welcome to SKJAM!'s Fanfic MSTing. I am your host, SKJAM!
Don't mind this, (tossing away the board), I've just had a rough couple
of days. For a very special fic, I've assembled a very special MSting
team. Please welcome our first guest, Saori Kiddo!
(The wizard stands. A young woman enters. She has extremely
long light purple hair. She wears a sleeveless white gown, and carries a
staff with a stylized bird, its wings spread, at the top.)
Saori: Thank you. It's good to be here. I don't get a lot of fanfic
appearances lately.
SKJAM!: Our other guest is one most of our audience hasn't met yet, so
please give a big hand for Hima Hino-Saotome!
(A young man enters. He has short black hair and wears a green
shirt with white trousers. Hima is well-muscled and has a family
resemblance to both his parents.)
Hima: Hiya.
SKJAM!: Hima is the son of Ranma Saotome and Raye Hino, for those of you
who were wondering.
Hima: I get the weirdest reactions from people when they find out.
SKJAM!: At any rate, on with the show! If you will be seated...
(Everyone sits down. Saori leans her staff against the side of
her chair.)
SKJAM!: Historama, begin! (claps his hands.)
On Fri, 29 Jan 1999, Jeffrey Hosmer wrote:
[NOTE: Because of the sheer size of this fic, we have split it into 3
parts.]
Hima: Do we have to do the whole thing?
SKJAM!: I'll clip any parts we can't think of a riff for.
THE CROSSTIME ADVENTURES OF ATHENA AND SHEILA
OR
BUCKAROO TEN'KAI, ACROSS THE MANY DIMENSIONS :)
SKJAM!: This might be a good time to mention why Miss Kiddo is here.
She is in fact Athena. The goddess.
Saori: Just in case anyone didn't know.
Hima: Wait a minute. Aunt Sheila's in this? Then that means Athena
is...hoo boy, so this is about *that*!
Saori: You know this story?
Hima: Well, not much. Any time I ask Aunt Sheila about it, she just
rolls her eyes and says it's a long story. Come to think of it, that's
pretty much how anyone in my family reacts to a question about the past.
By
Chris Davies
Jeff Hosmer
With Assistance From:
John Biles
Levar Bouyer
Mark Doherty
Sean Gaffney
Robert Morrison
David Oliver
Peter Ward
SKJAM!: Lots of credits...
Crystal Tokyo
September, 2980
Sheila was finishing up on the initial stages of a peer review of a
study of a new work of Senshi history, dealing with the career of Sailor
V, when the sprite materialized over her desk. She blinked and adjusted
SKJAM!: Actually, if the Sailor Moon part of the continuity is taken
from the dub, isn't Sailor V's career cut a little short?
her glasses as the little construction of light (which resembled Her
Majesty the Queen) began to speak in a rapid-fire manner.
"Sheilapleasecometomylaboratoryassoonasyoupossibly--"
Saori: Neo-Queen Serenity has a lab?
SKJAM!: Say, how much do you know about Sailor Moon?
Saori: Well, I was 16 in 199X, and I didn't have to spend 99% of my time
studying martial arts like the boys, so I caught quite a few episodes.
>
"Whoa!" Sheila interrupted. "Slow down a mite. I can't understand
you when you speak that fast." It was a lie; she could clearly make out
each of the words that the sprite was saying, but she disliked being
spoken to at that rate.
The sprite let out a huge sigh, bowing its head as it did. It then
spoke clearly, enunciating each word. "Sheila, please come to my
laboratory as soon as you possibly can. Signed, Lina Inverse. RSVP?"
SKJAM!: Ah, just Lina abusing the Queen's image.
"Tell her I'll be there shortly," she assured the sprite. While
she and the timelost sorceress were hardly intimate, she did respect her
Hima: And considering the author, he *means* "intimate".
The College of Occult Studies was located a fair distance away from
the rest of the University's buildings, largely for safety's sake.
Sheila enjoyed the autumn wind as she strolled along the path, and
smiled slightly as she caught the eye of a few people glaring irately at
her -- specifically at her light jacket, in weather that forced them to
wear much more heavy clothing. Temperature tolerance is a wonderful
thing, she thought cheerfully.
Hima: I'd have to agree.
Saori: As would I. Asgard was Helishly cold.
She stepped into the bounce tube located at the entrance to the
college, and requested Lina's lab. The tube accelerated her to the very
top floor of the building, and Sheila noticed from the floor directories
posted by each floor that the two floors below that were entirely
unoccupied.
SKJAM!: Always wise with any experimental magic.
The floor of the lab had been carefully scrubbed to a pristine
condition, before the circles and shapes had been diagrammed on the
floor, using what Sheila thought were copper and iron filings, and
possibly powdered gemstones. Lina herself was standing a few feet away,
barefoot but clothed in her usual tight pants, along with a white T-
shirt. She was sweaty, but happy looking. Sheila thought she looked
very yummy like that, but the sorceress had made her preferences clear
long before this.
Hima: Food!
"I'm a genius, that's what's happening," Lina said, grinning
maniacally. "I have FINALLY figured out a way to get back to my own,
proper place in the universe, where magic works the way that it's
SUPPOSED to work, and --"
SKJAM!: One of the main uses of an immortality spell is to have time to
study how to work magic where it doesn't go properly.
>
"Innit though?" Lina said, nodding. "It's a blending of my own
high sorcery and the ritualized stuff that I've picked up in this
continuum. The thing is, I've got to have an inhabitant of THIS
universe for the process to work."
Saori: (Lina voice) Human sacrifice is so picky!
"And you picked me?" Sheila asked, as she started to pull off her
jacket.
"You're the first person I thought of calling. Plus, if it doesn't
work, you're tough enough to probably be able to survive the backlash."
Sheila started to pull her jacket back on. "Backlash?" she asked
in a remarkably calm tone.
"Well it's not like I've been able to field test it to get all the
bugs out of it," Lina protested. "I'm PRETTY sure that nothing will go
wrong, and the worst case scenario is that we both get hit with a lousy
Manabolt, and you've taken that in the past."
Hima: The worst part of it was undergoing the delousing procedure
afterwards.
>
It was true, but it also wasn't something that Sheila cared to
repeat. Still, Lina was so eager... and now she was making puppy dog
eyes at Sheila. Damn my hormones, she thought briefly, then nodded.
"Okay, I'm in."
SKJAM!: Just to get rid of you.
"YESSSS!" Lina exulted.
"I don't suppose the ritual involved is Tantric in nature?" Sheila
quipped.
"Uh... what's that?" Lina asked, blinking.
Saori: Apparently, she only got up to "S" in the Encyclopaedia of
Magick...
"Never mind," Sheila sighed, pulling off her jacket. "What do I
have to do?"
Hima: Take off the rest of your clothing...
Lina took her place in the large circle at the center of the
diagram. "What this should do is... well, it's kind of a reverse
exorcism. It will banish me and everything in this circle away from the
continuum which you and everything in your circle is native to, back to
my native continuum."
Sheila nodded. "Sounds logical. Start anytime you're ready."
SKJAM!: But since this is magic, Euclidian logic may not apply.
Lina took a deep breath, and began to speak softly and forcefully,
calling her attention to the forces of the universe and asking, not
demanding, their assistance in this manner.
The problem with the forces of the universe is that they tend to be
easily annoyed by unexpected requests.
Saori: Hope you prepared a really big bribe for them...
The first indication that Sheila had that something was going wrong
was when the lines of the diagram began to melt. She looked at Lina and
realized that her face was taut with strain, sweat poring from her face
even as she chanted. "Lina, stop the spell, NOW," she barked. Lina was
beyond hearing, however.
Sheila started to search for some way to disrupt the process. In
her right pocket -- ah-HA! -- a pen. She held it like a dart, with the
blunt end directed at Lina's forehead. The hardest part of this, she
thought with dark amusement, will be throwing it SLOW enough that it
doesn't penetrate her braincase. Oh well.
SKJAM!: Not to worry, Lina has an extremely thick skull.
The pen darted towards Lina's head, just as her eyes blazed open
and she let out a long breath. "Stopped i--" she said.
It hit.
Unison: Oops.
The magical energies that Lina had managed to grasp and hold back
went wild with her loss of consciousness, and the world fell away from
Sheila. She had the sensation, for a few horrifying moments, of falling
for infinity, and then everything went black.
Hima: Well, that's what happens when you fall for Infinity. Affairs
with embodied Concepts never go well.
>
***** >
The Moon Kingdom
c. 23,000 BC
Saori: Time to check in with our other star, I take it, as this isn't
the adventures of Sheila and Lina...
Athena, Senshi of Mercury, slowly opened her eyes and greeted a new
day. She stretched and then smiled as her hands met two warm bodies on
either side of her. Somehow she and Innana had gotten between Kunzite
and Zoisite. Not that she minded. She knew the soft feel of a woman's
skin just as well as the hard muscles of a male. Very hard, she thought
with a grin that would have made Zoisite tremble had he seen it.
SKJAM!: Oh my.
She considered waking them in her best fashion, but nature was
making its usual demands, so she decided to take care of it first. She
slowly wriggled her way out from between the tangled mess of bodies,
pausing only briefly to run her hands over this or that part of
someone's anatomy. Finally, she got out and took care of her business.
Hima: She was pleased to see the NASDAQ was up 40 points in early trading.
She was just about to get back into the bed when there was a faint
knock at the door. She sighed and went to answer it.
The pageboy outside nearly jumped out of his skin as she opened the
door. Athena's eyes twinkled as the poor boy tried to keep his eyes
level with her face and not look at the rest of her unclothed body.
SKJAM!: Meanie.
"Oh, bother," Athena said. "I was just getting up." She yawned
and stretched shamelessly. Before the page could respond, she leaned
close to him, holding his frightened eyes with her own. "Do thou go and
tell her that I wilt be along shortly," she said.
Saori: *This* is an Athena?
SKJAM!: And what about your "horsie" games?
Saori: Never mind.
The pageboy turned and ran off, but not fast enough to avoid a swat
on the rear by an amused Athena. "Certes, yon boy hath potential, once
he gaineth some seasoning," she said.
Hima: Passion Spice, i guess she means.
"Teasing the help again, dear?" came an amused voice from behind
her. Zoisite wrapped his hands around her waist and leaned down to kiss
and nibble on her neck.
"Ooooh," Athena murmured. "Tis just mine Elder, who wishest to see
me." She turned in Zoisite's grasp and began to kiss his chest.
SKJAM!: Umm, just how much of you?
"Shouldn't you be going, then?" he asked, his breathing growing
more ragged.
Hima: Due to her fangs puncturing his lungs...
Half an hour later, Athena knocked on the door to her mentor's lab,
garbed in the uniform of Senshi Mercury. She had learned from long
Saori: Shouldn't it be Senshi Minerva?
SKJAM!: There's no planet named that.
Saori: Suure. That *slut* Aphrodite gets one, and I don't. Shows you
where the Romans' heads were at.
"Enter!" came from within the lab and the doors opened magically.
Hima: Come on, it's just the remote, for crying out loud.
The room was filled with the tools of magic and gadgets of science.
Something was always bubbling, glowing, burning, or emitting noxious
fumes, though the room's mistress never seemed to mind.
The Elder Mercury was a short, beautiful woman with long fiery red
hair and a slightly distracted look about her. Athena paused to study
her mentor, whose slim, boyish figure was quite attractive, though her
tastes did not run the same way as Athena's, or at least not as far.
There was a touch of the exotic in the Elder Mercury's looks as well,
for her eyes were almond-shaped and her ears slightly pointed, the signs
of a touch of fae blood.
Saori: Should we know this woman?
SKJAM!: Only if we're familiar with Hosmer's work, I think.
"Ah, Athena," Elder Mercury said. "Good, good. I need your help
with a small experiment."
Hima: It involves boiling oil.
Athena sighed. "I was involved in an experiment of mine own making
just now," she said. "Twas rudely interrupted by thy summons."
"Oh? What was it about?"
"The conjunction of heavenly bodies."
"Any results?"
"Well, the earth moved," Athena said with a sly grin that
disappeared as her innuendo flew right over her teacher's head. "I
think it doth require more intensive study," she said.
SKJAM!: Practice may not make perfect, but it doesn't hurt...
"Well, it's good to see you keeping up with your studies," Elder
Mercury said as she puttered around her lab.
"What doth ye require of me?" Athena finally asked.
Saori: That you stop talking funny.
"Oh, it's most exciting," Elder Mercury said. "My instruments have
detected a most interesting phenomenon. It seems to be something -- or
someone -- traveling through the very fabric of space and time."
"From Beyond the Great Shield?" Athena asked, startled.
SKJAM!: ...of Dalkon?
"No, no. There is no Dark Power associated with it," Elder Mercury
said dismissively, then she added, "I think."
That was reassuring, Athena thought. "Mine question doth remain,
good teacher," she said. "What doth ye require of me?"
"We," Elder Mercury said, "are going to capture this thing for
study."
Hima: And vivisection....
Athena blinked. "That doth seem more dangerous than prudence
should dictate. E'en if the means was present--"
"Oh, tish tosh, we have the means right here," Elder Mercury said,
tossing something at Athena. It was small, faceted, and glowed with a
silver light.
Saori: It was a miniature self-lighted disco ball.
The younger Mercury nearly dropped it. "Thou STOLE the--"
"Shhhhhh! Not so loud!" Elder Mercury hissed. "I did NOT steal
the Empyrean Silver Crystal. I borrowed it for study. The Queen has
let me study it before."
SKJAM!: From behind a meter-thick pane of glass.
"Methinks that those permissions were not unlimited in their scope
nor encompassing this purpose," Athena muttered. However, her mentor
was notoriously single-minded when it came to her projects and she knew
the Elder Mercury hadn't even considered that Queen Serenity might
object.
Saori: Queen Serenity was a wimp on using the Crystal anyway.
"Nothing, teacher," Athena said, carefully putting the Silver
Crystal down on a nearby table.
"No, no, keep a hold of that. We'll need it."
SKJAM!: "hold on that" would sound better, I think.
Athena began to feel a tingling in her hands from holding the
Crystal, like electric sand ants were crawling under her skin.
Hima: Those things are the pits, let me tell you.
SKJAM!: You've encountered them?
Hima: "A true martial artist must be willing to undergo any hardship."
Though Pop didn't *plan* the ants.
"What doth ye propose?" Athena asked, her accent deepening as the
tingle got worse.
Saori: (Elder Mercury voice) I am not proposing, silly girl.
"When my devices detect this traveler's 'closest' approach, you
will project your will into the Crystal and pull it into our world, into
that binding circle," Elder Mercury said, pointing at the only clear
section of the lab. A pentagram in a circle was inscribed in the floor,
inlaid with precious gems and metals.
SKJAM!: The same kind of circle that melted elsewhere?
The tingling was now moving up her arms and Athena twitched in a
vain attempt to relieve it. "Surely your greater power would better
meet this task," she began.
"No, no! I need to watch my instruments. Don't worry, this slight
exposure to the Silver Crystal won't hurt you at all."
Hima: The rest of the Moon is a different matter.
Athena opened her mouth to complain about the tingling when one of
the crystals on the table before Elder Mercury began to chime.
Saori: "You've got mail!"
Athena had no intention of doing any such thing, but the Crystal
had other ideas. It began to strobe brilliantly, filling the room with
its silver light. The tingling covered her whole body and as she raised
her hand before her eyes, it seemed to have a silver sheen. Dimly, she
heard Elder Mercury shouting something but then everything vanished into
whiteness.
SKJAM!: Minnesota!
When her eyesight returned, Elder Mercury could only gape in
surprise at the spot where her student had stood. She was gone and the
Silver Crystal with her. That thought was only beginning to sink into
her stunned brain when she felt a presence behind her. Turning, she
found herself facing the enigmatic Guardian of Time, Sailor Pluto.
"It has begun," the green-haired woman said with a satisfied nod.
She then vanished with a wave of her Time Staff leaving the Elder
Mercury with many questions, no answers, and a LOT of explaining to do.
Saori: I've never understood how Serenity could put up with that woman.
*****
The Bazaar, Deva
Yeah, I got the time. What's it worth to yez?
SKJAM!: MYTH Adventures crossover, we see...
party her mother had thrown when Sheila had gotten her Master's, and
almost as bad as she'd felt after sobbing herself to sleep the night
after...
Hima: Oh yeah, that establishes better when this takes place...
She shook her head, deciding not to think about it. It was getting
better. That was when she noticed the smell, and let out a disgusted
gag. Sweet Goddess, she thought, have I landed in some sort of
landfill? She pushed herself up from her prone position, and looked
around, cautiously. She was in some sort of an "alley" that formed
between two canvas walls -- tents.
Saori: Dead Moon Circus?
There was a substantial collection of trash dumped unceremoniously
in the alley. Sheila muttered a particularly foul oath that she'd
picked up from her mother. In Crystal Tokyo recycling wasn't just a
good idea it was a necessity. The six hundred years of the Dark Ages
had slowed, but never STOPPED humanity's exploitation of the planet's
resources. The majority of Earth's people that had agreed to the
Unification had done so as much out of desperation for resources as out
of gratitude for Serenity's expulsion of the daemon-spawn that had
plagued them. As the thirtieth century approached its close, things
were no longer that bad... but Sheila never stopped being appalled by
the WASTE that earlier eras had tolerated.
SKJAM!: This message has been brought to you by the Council for
Environmental Awareness.
Lina was nowhere to be seen in the alley. Sheila quickly came to
her feet, and started to head towards the street she could see beyond
the alley's exit, when the groan finally reached her ears.
Saori: The groan, a crawling creature native to the Bazaar, quickly
burrowed into her brain.
She whirled, and saw a pair of blue-booted legs sticking out of one
Hima: Can't be Lina, she wasn't wearing boots.
of the larger piles of trash a few meters away. Suddenly the trash
shifted, and the woman to whom the legs were attached rolled into a
seated position, with an irate expression on her face. "Thanks ever so
much, oh my Elder," she muttered, "for granting me such a central role
in thy plan."
SKJAM!: You're welcome.
Sheila gaped for a moment. The short-cropped blue hair and
slightly rounded face were unmistakable, even if her uniform hadn't
been. "Aunt Amy?" she gasped. "What are you doing here?"
Hima: A reasonable mistake, all told.
Athena, in her turn, twisted to look at the one who was addressing
her. She could not say that she had ever seen her before, and regretted
it immensely. The unruly mass of red curls on top of the woman's head
contrasted with the tight, long braid of hair that was currently draped
in front of her shoulder in a MOST appealing manner. Following that
braid drew Athena's attention to her... ahem, "talent," to use a rather
annoying Jovian euphemism that had enjoyed great popularity when Jupiter
had first used it not long after her arrival at the Moon Kingdom.
Saori: Huh?
SKJAM!: Dub joke.
Athena was oddly bothered by the fact that the woman was staring at
her as though she knew her. "Do I know you, madam?" she said in a
haughty manner, imitating her cousin Aurora momentarily, to give herself
time to think, to consider whether she HAD met this woman before. She
started with her first governess, whom she'd seduced on her thirteenth
birthday, and considered each of her dalliances with other women. The
problem was that they tended to blur together...
Hima: Serious lust problem there...
Sheila blinked. Oh, CRAP. What if this is Amy from further back
along the timeline, from before I was born?
SKJAM!: WAY before you were born...
She didn't know that the
Senshi had ever gone dimensional traveling, but she didn't know that
they hadn't, either. Even her mother tended to brush off her requests
for information about their cases after the destruction of the Dark
Kingdom. "Oh, excuse me. I... you look a bit like a relative of mine,
and I got confused. Are you all right?"
Saori: Well, except for an inflamed libido...
Athena nodded. "I confess that I am a bit... out of sorts in the
wake of... whatever has just occurred. But I am rude to thee. I am
Mercury, Senshi of the Moon Kingdom. And you?" Something about her
features DID resonate within her mind, but Athena was fairly certain
that she bore no resemblance to any of the complicated branches of the
Martian nobility.
Saori: So who is she related to?
Hima: (rolls eyes) It's a long story.
Sheila quietly prayed that nothing of the shock that she felt
showed on her face. Goddess and Thy Daughter, the SILVER MILLENIUM!
Sheila had always accepted her mother's and her aunts' accounts of the
prehistoric civilization that had been the origin of their powers. She
knew full well about the archaeological discoveries that had confirmed
that human civilization was far older than had been commonly accepted in
the century before her birth. But to actually be talking to --
Wait a minute.
"Um, atashi wa Ten'kai Shaala desu. Hajimemashite," Sheila
answered in her rusty mother language.
Hima: Oh no.
SKJAM!: What is it?
Hima: I've always pronounced her name Shiila. Aunt Sheila must hate
that...
"Douzo yoroshiku," Athena replied, smiling. Shaala? That name
DOES sound familiar, for some reason. Wait, wasn't that the name of a
Senshi of Mars from a few hundred years ago? Oooh, I almost wish that
I'd paid more attention to that section of my history class instead of
trying to get into the instructor's toga. Almost.
Saori: Serious libido problem.
HOW? How can someone from ten thousand years before the common era
speak the Japanese that was being spoken in the twentieth century?
SKJAM!: Reincarnation influences...
Sheila wondered, almost on the verge of panic. Wait... maybe the Senshi
of the Silver Millennium had telelinguistic capability. It might be
necessary for them to do their duties. "Would you like a hand getting
up?"
Hima: When I say that, women always say "no thank you."
Unfortunately, Athena seriously underestimated Sheila's strength.
For a second, she was slightly awed by the amount of power and restraint
that she felt in Sheila's hand gripping her own... and then her slight
push threw them both off. Sheila went stumbling back onto the ground,
with Athena lying on top of her, with her head in between Sheila's
breasts.
Saori: This would be funnier if Athena didn't *want* to be there.
Sheila's last thought before she passed out was quite simple. Oh
Goddess, I think she tried to cop a feel on me. Ryouko's gonna kill me.
Saori: Who?
Hima: One of Aunt Amy's kids. She has...issues.
Athena let out an annoyed snort as she watched Sheila's eyes slam
shut. "Thou," she said, "hast no tolerance for pain whatsoever, hast
thou? Foo. That rules out any number of games..."
SKJAM!: Football, hockey, iron man triathlons...
It was at that point that the part of Athena's mind that HAD
accepted and taken to heart the Elder Sailor Mercury's teachings grabbed
hold of the parts which were entirely given to avoiding loneliness by
the pursuit of carnal pleasure, and shook them violently with a
reminder.
Saori: This was quite a feat, given it was ten times smaller.
"The Silver Crystal!" Athena hissed, terrified. She rolled off of
Sheila's unconscious body, and began to search furiously through the
pile of garbage into which she had fallen.
The Crystal was nowhere to be found.
Saori: I take it this is a bad thing.
*****
A little under a kilometer away, Lina Inverse found herself
regaining consciousness under much the same circumstances as Sheila had.
Except that her headache was a LOT worse.
Hima: Due to that pen, I suppose
"Rackafrackin' not-trusting interfering sailor Senshi wannabe," she
mis-characterized Sheila in a low mutter. Wherever in all the
Saori: So Sheila doesn't want to be a Senshi?
Lina decided to pout for a few seconds, during which she stared at
the multi-faceted silver whatsis that was lying a few feet away.
A second passed.
Then another.
Then yet another.
SKJAM!: Fortunately, being Seconds, they knew not to bother a human. If
they'd been Thirds, there might have been trouble.
"Y'know, I think Sheila must have hit me harder than I thought,
'cause that thing sure as hell looks like the Silver Crystal," Lina
commented to no one in particular.
Saori: A matter of preference, but I think "Hell" should be capitalized.
Still another second passed, and then Lina's hand stretched out and
grabbed the Silver Crystal, staring at in stunned amazement. "I'll be
dipped in -- IT IS! THIS IS THE KEY TO THE UNIVERSE!"
Hima: Y'know, Mom gave me a really bad spanking the time I tried to
borrow it. And I never did get to see if it would really let me see
through girls' clothing.
(The other two stare at him.)
Hima: What?! I'm a red-blooded guy!
"Yeah, from what we can tell, you're probably right. So why don't
you make life easier for yourself and just hand it over, okay?"
Saori: They don't know her too well, do they?
Lina whirled, not letting go of the Crystal for one second.
Standing behind her was a group of five creatures -- they were tall,
vaguely reptilian beings with reddish skin and horned heads -- all
dressed in wizardly apparel.
SKJAM!: Say goodbye, wizards.
And then Lina realized something, and smiled. While this place,
this world, was not home... its magic had far more in common with her
native world's magic than Crystal Tokyo's did.
And Lina Inverse was very, very good at magic.
Hima: So I've heard.
*****
After the initial panic, Athena got a hold of herself.
Saori: Ah. She's just as turned on by her own body as everyone else's?
"Now, the situation couldst be worse," she said to herself.
"Verily, the Silver Crystal tis lost, and I am stranded far from home,
but the scenery is nice." Her gaze dropped back to the unconscious
Sheila. "Very nice." She then shook her head. "I must see if she
knows where the Crystal is and where we are," she said. Then a
mischievous gleam appeared in her eyes. "Perhaps I can rouse the maiden
in the traditional manner." With that, she knelt between Sheila's legs
and leaned forward to plant a very intimate kiss on her unresisting
lips.
Sheila was struggling back to consciousness when she became aware
of a VERY pleasant sensation. It must be Misa, her befuddled mind
thought and it surged back toward the realm of wakefulness. Someone was
kissing her, a very feminine and enthusiastic someone, and Sheila
returned the favor with vigor, her tongue dueling playfully with her
partner. Then the other person pulled back and Sheila opened her eyes.
"Thou art most definitely awake, hmmm?" Athena purred. Sheila's
kiss was the kiss of someone who was experienced with pleasing another.
That opened up all sorts of intriguing possibilities.
SKJAM!: Most requiring a lemon disclaimer.
"Ack!" was all Sheila could say. AUNT AMY kissed me! And she was
really, really good at it!
Hima: That ain't Aunt Amy.
"Mayhap you are not quite restored," Athena purred, excited by the
mix of confusion and arousal she saw on Sheila's face. She must be
unversed in the love of a woman... and I do love to educate the
ignorant. She moistened her lips and lowered them to Sheila's again.
"Um, no! No! I'm quite awake!" Sheila stammered, pulling away as
fast as she dared. Remember, this isn't Aunt Amy... but, man, I thought
Misa was bad!
Saori: This Athena does seem a trifle more forward than is healthy for
her.
Athena just smiled and rested her hand on Sheila's thigh. "Perhaps
then thou might answer a few questions for me? Where am I? Is this thy
home?"
SKJAM!: (Sheila voice) Yep, I live in a trash heap in an alley. By the
way, spare change?
>
Sheila took a good look around, trying unsuccessfully to ignore
Athena's hand. "Um, no, I don't think so. I was involved with a spell
to return someone from my world to her own... maybe she sent me there
instead."
"Ah, so twas thy spell mine Elder detected. We tried to intercept
thou as thy spell traveled by our world, but it seems the Crystal sent
me along with thee."
"Um.... Mercury... I don't mean to pry, but where did you pick up
that accent?"
SKJAM!: A good question, and how does her uniform look different from
the Mercury that Sheila knows?
"Why? Dost thou not like it?" Athena mock-pouted and was very
pleased to see her companion flush.
"No, no, it's not that... I mean... well, on MY world, there is a
Senshi Mercury who looks a LOT like you." But if Aunt Amy kisses
anything like you, I'll be VERY temp--surprised! I'll be surprised!
Hima: You'll have to ask Uncle Ryouga, though with his teeth she might
have to be more careful.
"Oh? Very interesting. I wouldst like to meet thy Mercury some
day, to see what similarities we might have."
Not too many, I would wager, Sheila thought. And Ryouko would
definitely kill me if I brought you home.
SKJAM!: Which might be enough incentive...
Then something Athena had said percolated to the top of her mind.
"Wait a second, did you say 'Crystal?' As in Silver Crystal?"
Saori: No, as in "Dark Crystal", a Jim Henson movie.
Athena's hand stopped rubbing Sheila's thigh and her face became
guarded. "Yea. How doth thee know of it?"
Hima: This old copy of the Sailor Moon manga!
*****
The world of Deva trembled.
SKJAM!: Earthshaking magic is not a good thing to be near...
"Yeah! Take that! And that! Oh, you want some of this, too?"
Lina Inverse was enjoying herself.
Ever since her arrival in Crystal Tokyo, she had heard horror
stories about the Silver Crystal and how it exacted a horrible price of
anyone who tried to use its power and that it would only fully work for
the Royal line of the Moon Kingdom. Those tales seemed false, however,
for it practically seemed to be EAGER to give her the power she needed.
Hima: It likes gore, I guess.
So she used it. Again and again and again. The gathered wizards of
Deva were blown away like scarecrows in a hurricane and Lina just threw
her head back and laughed at their pitiful magic.
"Enough!" yelled a voice finally.
Lina paused, the Silver Crystal still clenched tightly in her hand.
A Deveel in very rich robes (but not wizard's robes) was gesturing
plaintively to her. She was also, she noted, standing in the center of
a vast circle of devastation. Even she was impressed with how much
damage she had done. She hadn't been able to cut loose like that since
her arrival in Crystal Tokyo and it felt GOOD.
Saori: Ah, now we see her turn-ons...
"Oh, Great and Powerful Sorceress, I am Hay-ner of the Deva
Merchants' Association. Please, we pray of you, have mercy on our poor
shops. We will grant you anything in our power if you would just leave
us in peace."
Several of the non-Deveels in the crowd gasped at that.
SKJAM!: I suspect a trap...
Hmmm. Maybe THEY can get me home, Lina thought. Her mystical
senses (which also seemed to be enhanced by the Crystal) had already
told her that a LOT of dimensional traveling was going on in this place.
And besides, that 'Great and Powerful Sorceress' stuff sounded pretty
good. She adopted a haughty and imperial attitude.
Hima: Three guesses who she learned that from.
"I was attempting to return home when I was accosted by several
thugs who thought they knew magic," she said. "However, I am uncertain
of my way home... though I have the power to get there, of course."
Saori: I'm not lost, the scenery changed on me!
"We can provide you with the means to find your home, oh Great and
Powerful Sorceress, if you would but promise to not damage our places of
business," Hay-ner was quick to put in.
Hmmm, sounds like a good deal, Lina thought. "Agreed."
Unfortunately, Lina had never heard of a famous saying in the
Bazaar: When you think you've gotten a good deal from a Deveel, check
your arms, then your legs... and then your relatives.
SKJAM!: As I recall, Lina wouldn't mind turning in her relatives.
"Oh, just a binding contract," they chorused.
Hima: "Binding" in a magic-rich environment? hoo boy.
"Good. Now, one moment, as we find your way home," Hay-ner said,
turning to a very old-looking Deveel in a robe of black silk covered
with silver arcane runes. The old Deveel listened carefully and then
began to mutter and gesticulate. Lina watched in interest.
Saori: His wrist action was particularly good.
Maybe they're going to open a portal right here, she thought. Or
summon some sort of spirit who will speak in annoying riddles as to how
I get back home.
SKJAM!: Well, the 'annoying" part is right.
The robed Deveel's spell seemed to be reaching a climax. As Lina
watched, a great circle of darkness opened in the air before him.
SKJAM!: Darkseid?
"Lina!" someone cried.
Lina looked over her shoulder and saw a very out-of-breath Sheila
standing next to Sailor Mercury (she thought.)
"Oh, Sheila! There you are. Hey, look what I found! Ain't it
cool?" She gestured with the Silver Crystal.
Saori: Positively icy.
"Give that back, thou thief!" Sailor Mercury said, running toward
the sorceress.
"Hey, no biggie," Lina was quick to say, figuring the Senshi and
Palladins were going all over the multiverse looking for the Crystal.
"These guys are finding me a way home."
SKJAM!: Here, put on these ruby slippers.
Lina froze.
Skimpy costume, check.
Hima: Voodoo?
Incredible figure, check.
Saori: Lady Death?
"Ohohohohohohoho!"
Annoying laugh, check.
SKJAM!: Kodachi?
Lina reached over and grabbed Hay-ner by the throat. "WHAT is
THIS?" she growled.
Hima: The Spanish Inquisition?
Hay-ner gasped for breath. "Our magic summoned the one thing in
the multi-verse that would lead you home."
"HER?"
"Results are guaranteed! I don't know how, but she'll get you home
somehow!" the Deveel gasped, his face turning purple.
Saori: By driving you insane.
"Ohohohoho, Lina-chan! Is THIS where you got to?" the newcomer
said in a high-pitched voice.
"Hello, Naga," Lina said between clenched teeth.
SKJAM!: Say, Saori, didn't you have a Naga in your Saints?
Saori: Saga. But there might have been, there were so many that only
appeared once I lost track. > *****
"Um... Lina, is this a friend of yours?" Sheila asked hesitantly,
Hima: And is she available?
"Permit me to introduce myself!" Naga exclaimed. "I am Naga the
Serpent, Lina Inverse's greatest rival and --"
"Oh! Yeah! She mentioned you... you're Gold Fish Shit, right?"
Naga lowered her head and sighed.
Lina, meanwhile, had slumped down on one of the pillars she had
knocked over during her mild, reasonable, rampage earlier, and was
covering her eyes with her hands. "Not Naga. Anybody but Naga. I'd
rather have to deal with Shabranigido again than Naga. I'd rather marry
Gourry and STILL not get my hands on his sword than have to deal with
Naga."
SKJAM!: After all, Gourry has his good points.
Under other circumstances, Athena would have responded to that last
bit with a double entendre of her own, whilst trying to chat up this
VERY attractive female who resembled her Elder, but there were pressing
Hima: Elder Mercury looks like Naga? Eek.
matters. "Madam, I must repeat my demand that ye give back yon Silver
Crystal at once! 'Tis not a toy for such as ye to be entertaining
thyself with!"
Saori: I'll tell Mom!
Lina glowered at her. "Look, I said I'd give it back!" And she
handed it over, peaceably.
SKJAM!: Wow.
Or tried. As she thought to do so, an odd thought occurred to her.
Hey, since when does Lady Mercury talk like some courtier? She doesn't!
She's very formal, but not THAT formal -- this CAN'T be her! No way am
I giving up this thing to some phony!
SKJAM!: Oops. Was the Crystal made by the same guy as the One Ring?
"And I will!" she continued. "Just as soon as I find a way home."
"Thou art placing thyself in grave danger merely by possessing it!"
Athena shouted.
Hima: Mainly from Athena.
Lina stood, genuinely angry now. "Well, maybe I LIKE danger!"
SKJAM!: Judging by her series, yes.
"Okay, okay, calm down!" Sheila interrupted. "Look, let's take
this off the street, find somewhere we can discuss matters --"
"-- over a candlelit dinner, mayhap?" I must get her on my side, I
am ill prepared to go to battle with a wizard of this young girl's power
who hath the Silver Crystal as well!
Sheila looked around frantically, and then spotted something
utterly out of place. "How about over there?" she said, pointing at the
Yellow Crescent Inn. She stared for a moment at the place she was
pointing. Wait a minute. Yellow Crescent? But I...
Hima: Oh, that place.
"All right," Lina groused, "I am pretty hungry, now that you
mentioned it. You're paying, right?"
"Uh..."
"Let's go," Lina beckoned for Naga to follow, which, not unlike
feces trailing a goldfish, she did. Athena followed as well, determined
to keep an eye on the Crystal, which the sorceress was still holding
tightly onto. Sheila took a few seconds to wonder in blind panic how in
the world a restaurant she'd worked in for a few weeks when she was a
teenager had opened up a franchise in some weird parallel dimension, and
then took off after them.
SKJAM!: This world's version of McDonald's I take it.
"Welcome to the Yellow Crescent Inn, may I take your order?" said
the bored looking gargoyle behind the counter.
"Hum. I'll have an Old Yell, a Y.C.L.T. (whatever that is), a
quarter-pounder with cheese, filet of fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger,
tasty golden fries, a soft drink, some hot apple pies --"
"Uh..." the gargoyle interrupted, "I think you should know that we
aren't doing that promotion anymore... you're not gonna get a free meal
if you sing the whole jingle."
Hima: Darn. And I finally memorized it.
"Promotion?" Lina asked, blinking. "Jingle?"
Normally, gargoyles, being stone, do not sweat. This was one of
those days, however. "You mean... you really want all that food? Even
though it's gonna--"
Saori: Eat a hole in your intestines?
"She's paying," Lina replied, gesturing at Sheila. "Now, where was
I..."
"Ma'am?" he asked Sheila in a weak tone. "I don't mean to offend
or anything but... can you please show me some proof of ability to pay?"
SKJAM!: Silver Crystals, pure heart gems, life energy, anything like
that...
"Sure," Sheila replied, and produced her Crystal Express credit
card. Pluto indicated that she'd gone to some effort to make sure that
these things were valid anywhere in our universe... and others. I
really hope it works.
SKJAM!: Isn't immediately clear here that the second sentence is a
thought.
The gargoyle, whose name was Gus, stared at the credit card for a
second. It wasn't a Pervertcard, which was why he wasn't fawning all
SKJAM!: Shouldn't that be Pervect?
over the customers, but something about the name rang a bell. "Just a
second?" he temporized, and checked the clipboard of accepted credit
cards.
Saori: But they don't take American Express.
In an ancient script near the top of the list, he found it.
"Crystal Express: DEFINITELY accepted. If being used by a green-haired
humanoid female, give her whatever she wants, and then pray to whichever
deity you feel so inclined that that's all she asks of you in your
lifetime." Gus shivered.
Hima: Yeah, Lady Pluto definitely has that effect on people.
"Yes, ma'am, we definitely accept this card," he said aloud.
"Oh good!" interjected Naga. "I'll have one of whatever Lina-chan
is having!"
"Same here," Sheila added.
"Goodness, such strange and bizarre foods! Ten'kai, dear, thou
hast eaten in this place ere now... tell me, which of these doth serve
best as an appetizer for... other things?"
Saori: (Sheila voice) I recommend the "Mickey Finn Special."
*****
"Lina, you really ought to give it back," Sheila insisted as she
chewed down on her fries.
"Look, I don't buy this story about how it's dangerous for anyone
not of royal blood to even touch this gewgaw. I'm touching it, I'm
using it, and I feel fine." Well, except for the hollow feeling in my
gut. But that's just hunger.
Hima: Or a giant tapeworm.
"Okay, Lina, time for truth... no, touching the Silver Crystal
won't harm anyone--"
"Ah-hah!"
"--directly." She drew in a deep breath. "Do you know why my
mother adopted me, Lina? Why she adopted all my younger brothers and
sisters?
SKJAM!: Note to self: At least two each brothers and sisters for
Sheila...
Anyone can touch or even use the crystal, but there's a price
for power. My mother helped Lady Mars to use the crystal once to save
the Princess' life --"
"Eh?" asked Athena.
Hima: Not like the Lady Mars you know, huh?
"--but doing so sent her menstrual cycle into overdrive. She went
through menopause when she was in her TWENTIES. Lady Mars' reproductive
system was completely burnt out by--"
Saori: Wait a minute. Lady Mars is Raye, right? Your mother?
Hima: Yep.
Saori: But they just said her reproductive system was burnt out in the
Twentieth Century. So how--
Hima: (rolls eyes) long story.
>
"Excuse me," interrupted Athena, "but what thou describes sounds
quite unlike the price of the Crystal that I am familiar with." She
turned to gaze at Lina. "The Crystal grants power, but it makes demands
upon the user as well. The life force of the user becomes more and more
bound unto the Crystal, until she cannot live without it. Yet, to use
it too much is to court disaster, for if all the life force of she who
wields the Crystal is drawn unto it, death is certain as well!"
Sheila blinked. But... AUNT AMY told me about the price of the
Crystal. She wouldn't lie to me about something like that. Wait a
minute... oh Goddess, could that be it? This is actually another
world's Mercury, instead of Aunt Amy's earlier incarnation?
SKJAM!: Seems likely.
Hey, that means... NO! Don't GO there!
Hima: Aww, c'mon...
Lina stared at both of them, appalled. "That's crazy! The two of
you can't even get your stories straight, and you expect me to just give
up the Key to the Universe to this spacey flirt who can't even talk like
the real Mercury?"
Saori: that about sums it up.
"What problem hast thou with my speech?" Athena bit out.
SKJAM!: Where did she get that accent?
"No! I won't do it!" Lina shouted, ignoring her.
Crystal, and extended it towards Sheila. "You, I trust with this. Her,
I don't. Here," she concluded, and willed her fingers to let go of
their grip.
They refused to obey her.
Hima: We're on strike till you get us a manicure!
For a moment, raw panic suffused Lina's features, but then she got
it under control, and retracted her hand. "On second thought," she said
slowly, "who knows what she might have done to you? The two of you are
being AWFULLY good friends..."
Saori: (Sheila voice) It might help our case if you took your arms off
my neck, Athena.
"Lina, you're being paranoid. Just give me the Crystal and --"
"Do NOT tell ME what to do!" Lina snapped. "NOBODY tells ME what
to do!" She stood up, and angrily strode away.
"Lina!" Naga called after her. "Are you gonna finish your fries or
can I have them?"
Hima: Finish them!
*****
"That's Lina-chan, ohohoho!" Naga interjected with another scary
laugh that caused all the other customers to move away. "She just loves
destructive magic. That means, of course, that she lacks the subtlety
to be a true mage like, say, me."
SKJAM!: Ah, Miss aesthetics.
Sheila stared at the scantily clad sorceress for a moment and then
had an idea. "Shouldn't you go after her? Make sure she doesn't get
into any trouble she can't handle?"
"Oooh, you're right. That silly little girl will get into all
sorts of trouble without me. Look what's happened to her since she
disappeared!" With that, Naga leapt to her feet and charged out after
Lina.
"Very nice," Athena commented. "That doth finally leave us alone."
Hima: And now to dispose of you...
Sheila began to sweat. "Look, Mercury--"
"Thou," Athena said with some emphasis, "may callest me Athena.
Twas my name before I was called to serve as Senshi." She eyed Sheila.
"Um, I don't know..." Sheila said, watching Athena as a mouse
watches a cat.
"I have never had a lover from another dimension," Athena purred,
sidling closer.
Saori: And now you never will...
"Ack!" Sheila almost fell out of the booth. "Look, Athena, I
don't think--"
Hima: that dress looks right for you!
"Dost thou not find me attractive?" Athena pouted.
Oh, goddess... if I say yes, it'll lead to something I'll have a
hard time explaining to Misa. If I say no... I'd be lying my ass off.
"It's not that I don't find you attractive," she said, "but...
well, every time I look at you, I see my Aunt Amy."
"And that doth bother you?"
Saori: (Athena voice) Damn incest taboo.
"Of course it does!"
"Not as much as ye protest, methinks."
Oh, boy, Sheila thought, her hormones mounting another attack on
her reason. I've got to change the direction of this conversation and
fast. "Look, we need to get the Silver Crystal from Lina. That's more
important, isn't it?"
SKJAM!: Only because you forgot the lemon disclaimer...
"That's brilliant!" Sheila exclaimed, seeing the possibilities in
that statement. She might not be lost forever now, and Lina could get
home. She hugged Athena and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You're a
genius!" Then, blushing, she backed off. "Um, sorry, I didn't mean..."
Hima: ...that you were a genius.
With a sigh, Lina turned to face her self-proclaimed rival.
Remember, she told herself, you're the more powerful mage, and you've
faced monsters and challenges that would send serpent-girl running for
the hills. It doesn't matter that she's got a body that would turn on a
blind man. She's petty, vindictive, and REALLY annoying. I've got her
beat where it counts.
Saori: Taste in clothing.
As usual, her mantra didn't help when she saw every vaguely
humanoid and vaguely male being salivating over Naga's barely covered
curves.
"Really, Lina-chan, why did you run off like that? I mean, we
haven't seen each other in ages--"
"That is something I LIKED about being trapped in a low-mana
world," Lina snapped.
"Oh? No wonder you need that bauble."
SKJAM!: It sets off your eyes so nicely!
"This is no 'bauble' Naga! Look at it!"
Hima: It's obviously a trinket!
Lina held the Silver Crystal up. At first she was afraid she
wouldn't be able to open her hand again, but as long as she kept a firm
grip on the Crystal, it seemed she could do what she wanted.
Saori: Being effectively one-handed is going to curtail certain
activities.
Naga focused her senses on the Crystal and gasped. It was rare
that something penetrated her arrogance, but the power levels she sensed
from the small gem were staggering. But a closer evaluation worried her
even more.
SKJAM!: Because she wanted one, and couldn't have it.
"Lina..." she said seriously, "that THING is linked with you."
"I know, it's the only way to use it is to link with it..."
"No, I mean it's sucking hard enough on your soul to give you
spiritual hickeys."
Hima: Not that you're likely to get any other kind.
"I'm sure YOU are the expert on that."
Naga refused to be baited, and that worried Lina more than anything
else did. "Seriously, Lina, it's got its hooks in deep. It looks
almost like a possession..."
Saori: But it could be a pet.
Fear turned to suspicion suddenly in Lina. "Oh, I see... you want
to take it from me too, don't you? Well, you can't have it! It's mine!
My precious," Lina said absently, cradling it.
SKJAM!: Definitely made by the same guy as the One Ring.
"Lina, it's affecting your mind, you have to get rid of it!"
Hima: Unfortunately, the first thing any mind-warping artifact does is
convince you not to get rid of it.
>
"SHUT UP!" Lina screamed, gesturing at Naga. The Silver Crystal,
sensing her anger, eagerly supplied her the power.
Fizzle.
Lina looked at her hands in shock. That should have been a
Manabolt powerful enough to level a Crystal Tokyo city-block. She
searched with her mystic senses to find the cause.
"Why those slimy bastards..." Lina growled. "That contract! They
made me bind my own power!"
SKJAM!: Thought so. And that of the Crystal?
Lina punched him in the mouth, knocking him over and into a nearby
stall. "Lock away THAT," she snarled. Then she turned back to Naga.
"Well, I guess I'll have to get creative," she said, raising the
Crystal.
Naga began to sweat. Whatever that thing was, it was seriously
powerful and Lina was rapidly losing her capacity for reason where it
was concerned. But what really bothered her was the fact that it was
pointed at HER.
Saori: (Naga voice) Look over there! It's Xelloss, and he's got a
secret!
The Crystal flared and Naga tried to dodge, but one might as well
try to sidestep a tidal wave.
Lina smirked, looking over what was left of her rival. "Now, I am
Hima: Uhoh. Statue? Frog?
OUT of here!" she cried. Holding the Silver Crystal up, she vanished in
a burst of silver light.
Sheila and Lina ran up moments later. "What happened?" Sheila
cried. "Where's Lina and the Crystal?"
"Here be Naga's clothes, but where is Naga?" Athena said, pointing
at the bundle.
Hima: there can be only one answer, they've gone off together to make
nookie!
>
The bundle moved. "I'll tell you where she ith," came a young
voice with a pronounced lisp. An adorably cute little girl with long
purple hair stuck her head out from under Naga's cloak. "She'th gone,
leaving me like thith!" The girl looked no older than 11 or 12 and
wrapped the cloak tightly around her thin, lanky body.
Saori: Boy, she's got a bad lisp for an 11 year old.
"Naga?" Sheila said.
SKJAM!: Just Na, now.
*****
"IT'TH NOT FAIR!!!" Chibi-Naga screamed as she pounded the plastic
covering of the tables back at the Yellow Crescent Inn.
SKJAM!: See my own story with a similar title...
"Ten'kai, didst thou ever plan to have children?" Athena asked
quietly.
Hima: Hoping she'd say "yes" so they could start immediately.
"I had given it some vague thought before this," Sheila replied.
"Verily can I understand why this might cause one to reconsider
such an act," Athena said, nodding.
"You two! Thith ith all your fault!" Naga shouted as she pointed
wildly in their general direction. "If you hadn't brought Lina here,
she wouldn't have done thith to me! You cotht me my breathtth! Of all
the thingth about me, I liked my breathtth the motht!"
Saori: They were, after all, larger than her brain.
Sheila blinked. "Huh?"
"My BREATHTTH!" Naga lisped furiously, pointing at her chest in
emphasis.
Athena rolled her eyes. "Of course. We shouldst be more concerned
about thine attributes than about the prospect of a half-mad sorceress
gamboling about the cosmos with the most powerful magical artifact in
creation at her disposal."
Hima: Absolutely.
"YEAH!" Naga agreed, nodding furiously.
"So anyway, you say that you saw this crystal... feeding on Lina's
soul?" Sheila pressed. When Naga nodded, self-pityingly, she turned to
Athena. "That would mean that this IS your Silver Crystal, then.
Apparently, when my world's Crystal exacts its price, it looks like
silver fire is burning into whoever is paying."
SKJAM: (scribbles notes) "Silver fire..."
Athena frowned, and for a moment Sheila was struck by just how much
she DID look like Aunt Amy. "And she has used it to slice her own
passage unto another dimension. The situation groweth graver with every
passing moment, for who can say unto whose hands or talons the Crystal
may fall when it drops from her fingers at her death?" Didn't sound a
thing like her though.
Hima: I'd have to agree there.
"There is one upside, though," Sheila pointed out. "Unless she
happens to drop in on some library world and bones up on the subject,
she doesn't know anything more about dimensional travel than she did
when she accidentally sent herself from her world to mine the first
time. In other words, she's shooting blind."
Saori: Extremely dangerous...
Somewhere else.
Some other time.
The amount of power that Lina had at her disposal was absolutely
amazing. It was almost breathtaking what she could do with it, now that
she had escaped the confines of the binding. No, not breathtaking...
DIZZYING.
That was why her head felt like it did. The power made her dizzy
that's all. Old spell formulae that her old master had tried to teach
her but she just hadn't been able to grasp were finally beginning to
make sense, which probably added to her dizziness.
Thinking of her master and his fate made Lina swallow. I've got...
I've finally got enough power that nobody will ever be able to do that
to me. Nobody will ever be able to mess with ME again.
Saori: Remind me. What happened to Lina's master?
SKJAM!: Didn't see that episode, sorry.
But I still don't know how to go home.
Hima: Click your heels three times--
(Saori baps him with her staff.)
She rallied. Wait a minute! Sure! I can use this thing to find
my way home! All I have to do is find out a way to use it!
"Hey, Silver Crystal," she said aloud. "Take me to a place where I
can learn more about your power."
Saori: The Silver Millenium?
She flashed out.
A second later, the Superdimensional Fortress Macross defolded in
the orbit of Pluto, where she had been standing for a few moments
before.
SKJAM!: Not knowing how lucky it was.
*****
The Bazaar, Deva
Later than the last time you asked.
"If I may intrude..."
Hima: Intruder alert!
Sheila looked up at the bruised Deveel that was standing near her.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"You were, I believe the associates of the young woman causing a
certain amount of havoc, earlier today? The Great and Powerful
Sorceress Whatever Her Name Was?"
Saori: No, we're with Lina.
"Yes?"
"Would you happen to know where she is at the moment?"
"HEY! I remember thith guy! He'th the one who cut that deal with
Lina-chan that brought me here!" Naga zoomed over and started kicking
Hay-ner in the shin repeatedly, without visible effect. "Monthter!
Fiend of the blacketht pit! THITH ith all YOUR fault!"
Hay-ner stared down at her, perplexed. "What a strangely
precocious child. In any event --"
SKJAM!: Wasn't he there when this was done to Naga?
"Yeah, why?" asked Sheila, mentally preparing herself for a fight.
Hima: Odd, she never mentioned mental combat capabilities.
"It is my intention to sue her for battery," Hay-Ner said shortly.
Saori: Specifically, an Eveready AAA Rechargeable.
Athena and Sheila facefaulted. Naga kept right on kicking Hay-Ner.
"No," Sheila finally said, "we think she used the powers of... her
talisman to dimensionally travel away from here."
"Oh, drat," Hay-Ner muttered. "Ah, well. It's fortunate for her
that I'm not overly vindictive, or I'd hunt her down no matter which
dimension she visited! But, since she's left our dimension, I suppose
there's no real point in holding a grudge. Well, I'll be off then..."
"Uh... just a moment!" Sheila interrupted. "If you WERE that
vindictive, how would you go about it? Hunting her down, I mean?"
SKJAM!: The Black Racer?
He realized that Naga was still busily kicking his shin, so he
looked down at her, smiled a particularly ugly grin, and cheerfully
said, "Is that the way people in your dimension offer gifts of food?
For that is a particularly tasty looking leg."
Hima: Though I would prefer a breast...
The Moon Kingdom
A long time ago.
Lina materialized in the burning ruins of a once great city. She
stared confusedly at the broken, Greco-Roman architecture all around
her.
"Wait a minute..." she muttered to herself. Greco-Roman
architecture? Burning ruins?
Saori: Sanctuary?
She looked up in the sky at the blue-green planet that hung there.
"Oh, great!" she muttered. "This thing dumped me into the Moon
Kingdom! How am I supposed to learn ANYTHING about how to use this
crystal from a bunch of people who were too stupid to use this thing
before it was too late?"
SKJAM!: A good question.
She had learned about the Silver Millennium not long after her
arrival in Crystal Tokyo, nearly a decade before, and her opinion about
its residents hadn't changed very much since then. Given the power of
the Silver Crystal, and the ability to use it, there was no way that
Beryl should have been able to triumph. Queen Serenity had either been
an idiot or insane to let things go as far as they had.
Hima: Hey,. that's no way to talk about my great-aunt! (Though I have
often wondered myself...)
She had long red hair, and was dressed in a blue gown that had seen
better days than these. Her face was scorched and bleeding in places,
and she looked very tired and worn. But in her eyes there was nothing
but a cold, determined expression, and she walked across the ground of
the Moon with a sure step, as though she owned every square inch.
Lina recognized her from the stories: Beryl, Queen of the Dark
Kingdom, Mistress of the Negaforce.
SKJAM!: Rightful Ruler of all Britain...
The woman who gazed back at her had long red hair... was dressed in
a clothes that had seen better days... her face was scorched and
bleeding in places... and she looked very tired and worn.
Saori: "in clothing"
"No," she muttered. "No, I'm not like that. I'm not... I... take
me away from here! Silver Crystal, take --"
The Crystal pulsed, and she was gone.
SKJAM!: Way gone, man.
*****
The names of all those she'd lost flashed in her mind. Jadeite.
Nephrite. Zoisite. Malachite. And just now, her true love...
Endymion. Lost forever to the cruelty of the one before her.
Queen Serenity, now bloated with the power of the evil spirit Luna,
stared down at her with a sneering gaze. "So, you've come, little
princess."
Hima: Somehow i don't think this is the Silver Millenium I've heard
about. Not unless they really rewrote the history books.
In the distance, Beryl could hear her familiar, Metallia, crying
out for her not to do this, not to make this sacrifice. She ignored her
pleas.
The time had come for the final battle of Good and Evil.
Saori: The final battle this week, that is.
*****
Athena looked at the unimpressive tent before them and snorted.
"This is the home of a Great and Powerful Sorcerer? Methinks we have
been given bad advice."
SKJAM!: Well, it *was* free.
"Well, everyone we've asked says this is where the 'Great and
Powerful Skeeve' lives," Sheila said. She peered at the sign on the
tent. "M.Y.T.H. Inc?"
Hima: Hey, Chibi-Naga could pronounce this!
"Thtop wathting time," Chibi-Naga said. "We need to find Lina!"
"Right, right," Sheila said. They had stopped by a clothing tent
and gotten some right-sized clothes for the pint-sized sorceress. This
had not improved Naga's temper.
Saori: Since they were far too concealing.
SKJAM!: (Chibi-Naga voice) All thoth Megadeth t-thirtth and not one
Whitethnake!
>
"People come see Big Crunch? Big Crunch hungry," said a guttural
voice.
The three looked up at the being entering the room... and up and
up. Big, strong, and UGLY were the first three words that occurred to
them. Then the bit about 'hungry' began to sink in.
Chibi-Naga ran behind Sheila. "Doeth everyone want to eat me!?"
she squealed.
Hima: I prefer less snakemeat in my diet, thanks.
"Perhaps -I- can help you," boomed another voice. They turned in
relief to the newcomer... and then gasped as they saw a tall, powerful
being with green scales, yellow eyes, and lots of teeth.
"Eep!" Chibi-Naga said.
SKJAM!: Got to do something about that tooth problem.
*****
Bugrom Fortress, El Hazard
All-Powerful Jinnai Year 1
SKJAM!: He won?
In the center of the room was a large, teardrop structure. It had
a series of bars set in the honeycomb pattern and help an unconscious
Saori: "held"
woman inside it. There were three other people in the room, two boys in
suit coats and ties (one also appeared to be wearing something furry),
and one tall, statuesque woman with pale skin and blue hair. The woman
was holding a large ornamental staff."
Hima: Drop the final quote mark.
"Farewell, Mizuhara," the dark-haired boy said. "You were a worthy
adversary. I will never forget you." He paused, placing his hand on
his chest... then he pointed a finger at the other boy and cackled
maniacally. "Now BLOW HIM AWAY, IFURITA!"
Saori: I think she'd rather blow him, period.
"What's happening?" the dark-haired boy screamed, though no one
seemed to be listening, "I am Jinnai the All-Powerful! It is my destiny
to conquer El Hazard!" He laughed madly.
Hima: that laugh sounds familiar.
Lina listened, feeling sick and not just from her condition. She
had never seen anyone so consumed with the idea of power. He had even
SKJAM!: I dunno, Tim Taylor comes close.
"Terrible sorry about that," Chumley the Troll said while sipping
at his tea. "Big Crunch is a bit of a boor, but terribly effective at
getting rid of time-wasters." The troll had been the one to greet the
three at the door, acting like the stereotypical troll. When not
acting, however, he was very polite and intelligent.
Skeeve, the Great and Powerful, was sitting and considering what
they had told him. He was far younger than they would have guessed.
Athena even went so far as to call him "scrumptious." His demeanor was
all business, however.
Saori: As he already had a girlfriend.
"I wish I could help you, ladies," he said, "but I can't. I'm
sorry."
Hima: I'm not allowed to be of any use, since I'm male and this is a
women-only story.
"If it's a matter of fee..." Sheila began.
"Well, for the right price..." the green and scaly being, a Per-
VECT named Aahz, they had learned, began.
SKJAM!: "Take off your clothes--whoops, sorry, keep thinking I'm a
pervert."
"Kid, that's not a cheap toy. D-hoppers are rare--"
"We'll pay for it," Sheila said.
"--but not irreplaceable," Aahz said without a pause.
"No, just bring it back when you're through... wait a second...."
Skeeve looked thoughtful. "There IS one person who might be able to
help you."
Saori: The narrator.
"Who?" Chibi-Naga asked.
"Vilhelm, the Dispatcher."
Hima: All aboard for Azusa and Rancho Cucamonga!
"That's the easy part," Skeeve said, leading them back to the
waiting room and pulling aside a tapestry to show a heavily boarded up
door. "Right through here."
"Methinks I hath a bad feeling about this," Athena said.
SKJAM!: Especially since the door said "Clinton Office."
The Rather Distant Future, Next Sunday or So AD.
"--and that, listeners, is how I talked Sailor Pluto into letting
me have that computer link back to the place and time I originally came
from," Crystal Tokyo's best -- well, ONLY -- disk jockey explained into
the mike while his beloved wife looked on with a bemused expression.
SKJAM!: Ah, Sean Gaffney.
The Thirty-First century had been good to Sean Gaffney-Tomoe. He
had someone who loved him unconditionally (and vice versa), a job he
loved doing, and a skeptical-yet-positive worldview. The restoration of
his link back to the world he'd originally come from was good -- he had
no intention of ever returning there, but it was nice to be able to let
the friends he'd left behind know that he was still alive, and catch up
with them.
Hima: That'd be nice, yes.
"And so, without further ado, my lovely wife Hotaru will be reading
tales of other worlds' Sailor Senshi penned by people there, beginning
with Ken Wolfe's masterpiece, 'Secrets'. Whenever you're ready," Sean
concluded, turning the mike over to Hotaru Tomoe-Gaffney.
Saori: Fanfic about the rulers of the world. Weird concept.
Sean spun around the instant after his wife did, and caught a
glimpse of the portal as it began to close. His one coherent thought
was a vague curse on a certain group of self-insertion critics, and then
he realized that the portal was actually shutting instead of dragging
SKJAM!: And returning them to his homeland...
He let out a squawk at the sight of the red-haired girl -- for a
moment he wondered she was the Dirty Pair Flash version of Kei, or
possibly the swords-and-sorcery lookalike for Kei that had inspired
Mathews' "The Game Eternal" --, before he realized that the mike was
still on. Turning back, he said, "Sorry, folks, something's come up...
we'll be back in a bit, but for now, why not lose yourself in a garden
of sound?" He jammed a tape, any tape, into the player -- as it
happened, the song cued was Kansas' "Wayward Son", which would have
increased Sean's apprehensions had he known of it (and make him ill
since Kansas was far from his favorite group.)
Hima: Oh dear.
SKJAM!: You know the song?
Hima: My fried Vlad is very into 20th Century Classical Music.
SKJAM!: Kansas is classical?
Hima: Hey, I never said Vlad had taste.
The problem with this patient, however, was that she had entirely
too MUCH joy.
Saori: Happy happy joy joy.
Stymied, she returned to the real world to examine the artifact in
order to get an idea whether or not destroying it as the source of the
disease would be feasible...
...and let out an "Ack" as she saw the Silver Crystal clenched in
the woman's hot little hand.
Hima: Since of course her universe's Silver Crystal didn't work that way.
"That's BAD, isn't it?" Sean asked as he saw what his wife was
staring at.
Saori: Lina's chest.
Scooping Lina under her arm, Hotaru teleported away, leaving her
anxious husband behind. Sean turned back to his mike, and stared at it
for a second before turning it back on again. The song playing as he
did so was a little ditty by the Muppets, from "The Muppets Take
Manhattan".
"Together again..." came Miss Piggy's voice.
Sean quickly shut off the tape. Who put THAT in the machine?
That's the last time I let Setsuna visit the studio. Turning to the
Hima: She does have some odd taste in music...
Sheila nodded again, and tried hard not to think about the
possibility of time passing at a rapid rate back home while she worked
at this. "Regardless of whether this works, Mr. Skeeve, you and your
associates have the gratitude of Crystal Tokyo for your efforts."
SKJAM!: Don't worry, everyone you care about is effectively immortal...
"And of the Moon Kingdom as well," Athena interjected.
"Uh, not to be a pain or anything --" Aahz interjected.
"That WOULD be a first," Chumley muttered, looking off in another
direction.
"-- but gratitude puts no beans on the table," Aahz continued, his
lips curling in what was either a snarl or a smile.
Sheila produced her credit card.
Aahz's reaction was, in Athena's words, "MOST satisfactory".
Saori: I thought the only reaction that this Athena found satisfactory
involved urges other than monetary greed.
>
Vilhelm, the Dispatcher of Nightmares, was a short, stocky man with
surprisingly pink cheeks for a vampire, who positively exuded
friendliness as he hopped out of the chair of his desk, and crossed the
floor to them. "Hi there Vilhelm's the name Your problem is my problem
Don't sit down Standing problems I solve for free Sitting problems I
charge for Reasonable rates just a percentage off the top What can I do
for you?" he said, shaking hands with each of them once.
Hima: I almost caught that.
"Ah... Skeeve sent us --" Sheila began.
"Oh," Vilhelm said, blinking. "Then I should probably drop the
Micromachine guy act," he continued at a more leisurely pace.
"I beg your pardon?" Athena asked.
SKJAM!: For customers who only have thirty seconds.
"Never mind. Still, what can I do for you? If Skeeve referred you
to me, it's probably a dimensional thing, right?"
Saori: No, he just wanted to get rid of us.
"Right. We were told that you act as a kind of missing person's
bureau?" Sheila inquired.
"That's correct," Vilhelm nodded. "Since pretty much every
nightmare in the multiverse comes through here on its way to it's
intended recipient, I can get a line on darn near everyone... IF you
have an idea about what they'd have a nightmare about."
Sheila looked at Naga. "Hey, Naga, what d'you think Lina would
have a nightmare about?"
Hima: Starvation.
"Oh, definitely about lothing power," Naga answered confidently.
Sheila turned to convey that answer to Vilhelm, translating if
necessary, when Naga continued. "And THEN realizing the awful truth,
that even if she had all her power, she'd THTILL be inferior to me in
the magic department. Oh, and all her boyfriendth only having any
interetht in her tho that they can get clothe to me, and going to a
boutique and being told that the only undergarmentth they have in her
thize are for little children, whiltht I get oneth appropriate to my --"
"Woman, about yay high, bust out to here, that color hair, REALLY
annoying laugh," Sheila rattled off to Vilhelm.
"Hey, I remember that one!" Vilhelm exclaimed.
SKJAM!: Scary one, eh?
"-- huge -- HEY!"
Athena turned away to hide her amused smile at Sheila-chan's easy
humiliation of the annoying sorceress -- and froze in her tracks as she
stared at a screen on which Sheila was in clear sight.
The world fell away as she watched. Black-clad Sheila was in a
large building that looked like it served some religious purpose,
standing before an open coffin, in which lay a woman dressed in white
with long, purple-black hair, her eyes closed forever in death. Tears
were rolling down Sheila's face. Suddenly, there was a blade in her
hand, and she unsheathed it slowly, examining the edge with a keen eye.
Behind her, a duplicate of the woman in the coffin appeared, screaming
at her, shaking her head, unheeded. Sheila lifted the sword, its point
aiming toward her own heart, and then --
Saori: This is Sheila's nightmare? But isn't she awake right now?
"Good luck," Vilhelm said belatedly, suddenly remembering the
prohibitions against dimensionally traveling into THAT particular
dimension.
Hima: Punishable by pun-ishment.
Elsewhere.
Elsewhen.
"Amora."
"Perse."
"It has begun at last, hasn't it?"
"It has indeed."
SKJAM!: Typical annoying crypticness, which means Pluto is about...
"Any regrets?"
"None I can't handle."
"I bet you guys thought I wasn't gonna find you, didn't you?!"
A long silence ensued.
"Hello, Setsuna," two voices chorused.
Hima: Right you are.
*****
Crystal Tokyo.
A few minutes after you left.
"... and then this girl with red hair drops out of nowhere! Of
course, this isn't the sort of thing that happens every day."
SKJAM!: Only every other day.
The trio materialized behind him.
Sean covered the mike momentarily. "Whoever is writing this is a
bloody sadist," he noted for the record, then turned to greet the new
arrivals. He couldn't fail to recognize Sailor Mercury -- although
there was something very, very different about the way that this version
of her STOOD. The young girl didn't look at all familiar... well,
perhaps a BIT like Hotaru had when she was little. The redhead--
He frowned. She looked familiar, but he couldn't tell what it was
about her that made him think so.
Saori: the nametag.
"Excuse me," Sheila asked quickly. "did a carrot haired girl
carrying a very bright crystal in her hand appear here recently?"
"Uh... yeah. My wife took her to the palace for the Queen to heal
her," he said eloquently.
"Great, thanks, come on Athena --"
"Queen Serenity, that is," he added just before they dashed out the
door.
Athena paused. "Sheila-chan, have we returned to thy homeworld?
Thou didst confide that there is a Senshi Mercury there who greatly
resembles me; is there also a Queen there akin to mine own monarch?"
Saori: (Sheila voice) I think they're pretty close kin, yes.
SHEILA? As in -- oh boy, thought Sean. The red hair and the
ponytail SHOULD have tipped him off....
"Uh," Sheila temporized, looking around for any clue that they were
in Crystal Tokyo. There wasn't a lot to go on. She finally rounded on
the man. "Listen, does the name Sheila Ten'kai sound at ALL familiar?"
she asked. She wasn't FAMOUS, but she did have a certain public
recognition.
Sean smiled weakly. " You wouldn't be Sheila Ten'kai, daughter of
Har--er, ERICA Ten'ou and Michelle Kaioh, would you?" Ed handles this
SO much better, he thought irritatedly.
SKJAM!: Silly dub names.
"Yes," she replied. This is home... and this guy is REALLY well
informed! "Great, thanks!"
"Uh!" Sean interrupted. "But --"
"Yes?" Sheila replied, anxiously. Oh, great, he's that well
informed because it's been a thousand years and I'm part of elementary
history or something!
Hima: Actually, Aunt Sheila is, but not quite a thousand years...
Sean sighed, and decided to come clean. "I only know about you
because I read the stories that you first appeared in."
That was unexpected.
Saori: I know it'd freak me.
*****
"Hotaru-chan?" Serenity asked.
"We have a problem, my Queen," Sailor Saturn said, turning Lina's
hand so the Queen could see the Silver Crystal she held.
That DID raise an eyebrow.
Hima: Several feet, without the rest of her body.
*****
"Oh, GREAT. My entire life is out there for an entire universe to
read, and YOU are making sure another universe gets to hear about it?"
SKJAM!: Yep, and we're seeing it right now...
"I'm sorry!" he gasped. "I didn't think it'd hurt--urk!"
"HOW MUCH DO THEY KNOW?!"
"Um, well, your entire history, your relationship with Priss--" Oh,
THAT is not a pleasant look, he babbled to himself as Sheila's face
contorted even further in rage. Then he saw that the ON THE AIR light
was still burning on his panel. "--and everything you've said since you
arrived."
Hima: You're on candid radio!
That made Sheila let go of his shirt, at least. The Sailor Mercury
who had appeared with Sheila laid a comforting hand on the redhead's
shoulder as the daughter of Uranus and Neptune began to sob.
Sheila hated every tear that ran down her face, but she couldn't
stop them. The stress of her sudden adventure, not knowing whether she
would ever see home again, the old wounds of her time with Priss, and
now the added embarrassment of humiliating herself over the airwaves to
an entire city. (She would have felt better had she known the true size
of Sean's listening audience.)
SKJAM!: The Sailor Senshi, and three guys on night shift.
Then the felt strong arms wrap around her and looked up to see
Athena's sympathetic face. "It is all right," the Senshi of Ice
Saori: Not "Water"?
murmured, stroking Sheila's hair gently. "Rest now," she said, giving
Sheila a gentle peck on the forehead. At the same time, she worked a
little magic, putting Sheila to sleep. It would only last a few
minutes, but it would give the girl time to recover her composure.
"Um, time for some more music, folks," Sean said finally to break
the silence. Jabbing a button at random, he winced as the strains of
"As Time Goes By" (re-mastered from Casablanca) filled the airwaves.
Definitely the last time I let Setsuna visit.
Hima: Can anything stop her?
"So, what's your story?" he asked the Mercury before him.
"I am Senshi Mercury of the Silver Millennium," Athena said. "You,
sir, hath caused my friend grievous harm--"
"Athena!" Sean said, snapping his fingers. "Wow, Hosmer and Biles
would give a lot to be here."
"And how doth thou knowest my name?" Athena said, her eyes
narrowing. "Hath tales of mine exploits been bandied about by thee as
well?"
SKJAM!: Yes. In excruciating detail, including body parts.
Same mistake twice in as many minutes, Sean thought. When Hotaru
gets back, she's welcome to whack me on the head with her Glaive... if
there's anything LEFT of me.
Fortunately, any further development along those lines was
forestalled by ANOTHER flash of light. For the third time that day
(setting a record that Sean hoped never to exceed) people appeared out
of thin air.
At least they've all been beautiful girls, Sean thought, then
mentally whapped himself for being a hentai.
Hima: Yeah, next one might be an ugly guy...
The newcomers appeared to be Sailors Uranus and Neptune, but Sean
wasn't making any more assumptions. Off hand, he tried to remember any
embarrassing stories about them that he might have broadcast.
"Sean, is it really her?" Neptune asked.
Saori: No, it's her alternate universe counterpart who hates your guts.
Raising the Silver Crystal, Queen Serenity invoked its power.
No one considered that an attempt to use the power of the Silver
Crystal on itself was a bad idea.
SKJAM!: One of those things that just never comes up.
"Well, well, well," Lina said, sitting up. She looked at the
Crystal in her hand and then at the one floating overhead. She held out
her free hand and Serenity's crystal floated obediently into her grasp.
"It seems that everywhere I go, people try to take my precious from me."
Hima: Well, you've already got a precious, so you can give back the other...
"Stop! You do not know what you are doing to yourself!" Serenity
yelled.
"Oh, no," Lina crooned. "It's all very clear now." She held the
two Crystals up to her face, their silver light illuminating her
features eerily. "I called the Crystal the key to the universe, but
it's more than that. It's the key to ultimate power... and that power
will be MINE!"
Saori: Definitely off the deep end.
"No human can possess the power you are talking about! Please,
SKJAM!: (Lina voice) Thank goodness I'm a Toon!
Lina closed her eyes and held the two Crystals to her chest.
Serenity cried out for her to stop as the Crystals were absorbed into
the sorceress's flesh, but it was too late. When Lina open her eyes
again, her eyes had changed. Instead of pupil, iris, and white, there
was just multi-faceted crystal.
Hima: Icky.
*****
Sheila slowly came back to consciousness. She could hear voices,
but it was too much effort to try and decipher them. She wanted to tell
them to shut up and let her sleep, but that was too much effort, too.
Much against her will, she came back to the light.
Saori: I thought going into the light killed you.
A blonde with short hair was staring intently into her face. The
next thing that registered was that the blonde was wearing the uniform
of a Sailor Senshi. An impossible uniform.
SKJAM!: I know the Senshi uniforms are a bit impractical, but
impossible?
Sheila's eyes widened and she sat up with a start. Another
impossibility, this one with blue-green hair that flowed over her
shoulders like sea foam, joined the first. "How are you feeling,
Sheila?" the second one asked.
"No. This can't be. No." Sheila's mental state defied simple
labels like "incoherent" but it would do.
Hima: (Sheila's mental state voice) Ha! I defy you, simple labels!
"Well, she's awake at least," Sailor Uranus said wryly.
Then the two Sailors were surprised by a sudden hug that threatened
to crush all the air out of their lungs.
Saori: Unfortunately, it was from Athena, who *really* needs to get her
urges under control.
>
"I never believed... oh, I am so happy there IS a Goddess!" she
babbled... before beginning to wonder why Heaven looked like the
backroom of a messy radio station and why she was lying on a cot.
Saori: Of course there's a goddess. I'm her.
Hima: I think she means Belldandy.
She let go of the Sailors (who were glad to get some air back into
their lungs.) "I'm not dead, am I?"
SKJAM!: Nope, we missed.
"Nope," Sailor Uranus said.
"And you're not my parents." It wasn't a question.
SKJAM!: That's right. Actually, you're the daughter of Lara Croft and
Superfly.
>
"In a way we are," Sailor Neptune said, "but no, we're not the ones
who brought you into your world."
Sheila felt the tears gathering in her eyes again but forced them
down hard. She took a deep breath. "Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune, I
am sorry. I thought--"
Saori: I could finally get those child support payments.
"We know," Sailor Neptune said. "That is one reason we wanted to
see you." She smiled, tears glittering in her own eyes. "You see, we
just had a child of our own, almost a year ago." She produced a photo
from her inter-dimensional pocket of an adorable toddler. "Her name is
Yurika Sheila Ten'ou-Kaioh."
SKJAM!: geeble.
Sheila's breath caught. "Yurika SHEILA?"
Sailor Uranus nodded. "Named after you. Sean showed us your
stories and--"
Hima: I gotta see those someday.
"You... you know--" Sheila blushed horribly. "I-I don't--" she
stuttered. Finally, she bowed low. "Gomen nasai!"
"Sorry? What for?" Sailor Neptune asked.
"For... for a lot of things," Sheila said. "For being... me."
"Don't give me that crap," Sailor Uranus snarled. "You have
nothing to be ashamed of, girl."
Saori: Um, right.
"We came here because we hope to see a glimmer of who OUR daughter
might become in you," Sailor Neptune said. "And we want to tell you
that your parents would have been very proud of you, too."
"How... how did you know... how I felt?" Sheila stammered.
"I'm a mother now, we know these things," Sailor Neptune said with
a smile.
Hima: A very scary off kilter smile...
"If you ask me, that Priss bitch was a fool," Sailor Uranus added.
"And if I ever find that author of yours...." She pounded one fist into
her open palm. "We'll see if ANYONE can put him back together again."
She smiled nastily.
SKJAM!: (Uranus voice) I mean, what he did to the Tenchi cast was just
awful! Oh, and I wasn't too thrilled with being killed off for angst
purposes, either.
>
The lights flickered.
All three of them looked up in alarm. In a normal city, a
flickering light wouldn't rate much, but this was Crystal Tokyo. Such
things just didn't happen.
Hima: There are backups on the backups.
Then the lights went out.
Emergency lighting came on dimly and the three of them ran out into
the radio station proper. "What's going on?" Sailor Uranus asked.
Saori: Maybe you shouldn't have run the entire power system off the
Silver Crystal.
"I don't know!" Sean snapped, spinning a dial on his board. "One
moment, everything was fine, the next the POLICE BAND was going crazy.
Everything went wrong at once. Riots, theft, muggings, telemarketing...
it's like someone declared open season on utopia."
SKJAM!: Telemarketing...eek.
A sharp SNAP filled the air. Looking out the window, they all
stared in horror as one of the crystalline sides of a building across
the street broke off and plunged to the ground below.
"We have to get to the Queen, now!" Sailor Uranus snapped.
"Methinks that whate'er the cause of this disaster, Lina is at the
heart of it," Athena said.
"Yeah, it'th her thtyle. Chaoth, math dethtruction, the workth!"
Chibi-Naga added.
Saori: (Chibi-Naga voice) I have to go help!
"Hotaru!" Sean said. "She's with that lunatic!"
"Okay, okay!" Sailor Uranus snapped. "You can all come. Just grab
hold of us!"
Hima: Athena might take that a little too literally...
They vanished in a burst of light.
Scott Schimmel: Aggh! My eyes!
SKJAM!: GRIT reference.
"Amusing," Lina said, her crystal eyes flashing as she grinned.
"Of all the Senshi, you posed the greatest threat... and you didn't even
cause me to break a sweat."
Saori: Bend it a little, maybe.
Saturn slowly lifted her head and, with great deliberation, spat in
Lina's face.
Hima: Death Spittle Revolution!
Then another burst of light filled the room and six people (two
Sailors, one Senshi, one DJ, one Historian, and one brat) appeared.
Saori: Is "Historian" Sheila's official title? I see it's capitalized.
"Hotaru!" Sean yelled, seeing his wife's still form. He ran over
SKJAM!: And more of it than usual.
to her, ahead of all the others, and touched her shoulder gently,
careful not to aggravate any injuries. "Hotaru," he whispered.
"S-Sean?" Hotaru gasped. "I tried... s-she..."
"Where is the Queen, Hotaru?" Sailor Uranus snapped. "What
happened to the Queen?"
Hima: The queen is in the parlor, eating bread with honey.
Tokyo-3
December 8, 2014
"Haaaaapppy BIRTH-day... to me... happppy birth-DAY to... me...
happy birth... day... Misa--"
"Give me your Crystal at once, and you will not be injured."
SKJAM!: Also, all your lupins.
Katsuragi Misato, Head of the Department of Strategy and Tactics of
the secret agency known as NERV, twenty eight years old, and currently
plastered, turned around to gently berate the one who had interrupted
her rendition of the birthday song. "Whyfuckyougoanddothat --" she
began, and then the one who had done so registered.
Short, with extremely pale skin. Vivid red hair. Crystalline
eyes. Holding a glaive in her arms.
Misato began to laugh.
This was evidently not the reaction that Lina had been expecting.
"Why are you laughing at me?" she demanded.
Saori: Because she's drunk, silly.
"...Talk about your hallucinations. I mean, wow! Okay, the skin
is definitely Rei... the hair has Asuka written all over it. And the
glaive is... hey! I know where I --"
"I am not a hallucination! Give me the Crystal, or you will die a
horrible death, Serenity!"
Hima: Considering her probable fate, Misato should choose death here.
"'Serenity'?" Misato asked cheerfully. "Oi, have you got the wrong
person..."
Lina examined the woman before her in closer detail, doing a
complete genetic scan, snarling at the waste of time and power. This
was, beyond any doubt, Serenity -- or Usagi, Serena, Bunny, or any of a
half-thousand other names she had been known as on various alternate
timelines -- but she showed no evidence of the magic of the Moon
Kingdom. An oddity of the timelines, perhaps. It didn't matter. Lina
had wasted her time coming to this dimension. The appropriate thing to
do would be to annihilate her and get on with it.
Hima: Well, for one thing she was born on the wrong day...
SKJAM!: Meanwhile, Gendou hoped no one would find out the *true* source
of the EVA units' power...
She snorted, instead, and turned away. "You're pathetic. You're
not worth my time."
"Waaaah," Misato 'sobbed' mockingly. "My hallucination is being
mean to me..."
Saori: It must be Kaji in disguise!
Lina began to make preparations for her next dimensional jump,
absently gesturing with the Silence Glaive as she did so. The magic was
harder to call in this place than it had been in others that she'd
visited.
SKJAM!: You need to dial 0-1010 first.
Finally, Misato let out a grin as she followed Lina's motions with
her eyes. "Yep! That's who I though you looked like. That girl... in
that TV series. Wossname. El-Hazard..."
Saori: No, I don't think that was her name.
"Weee," Misato said to herself, "that was trippy. Maybe I've had
enough for tonight."
A few seconds passed.
"Nah," she answered herself, and tilted back another Yebisu.
Hima: But can anyone free Lina from Jinnai?
*****
Crystal Tokyo
A little bit later...
Sailor Mars, or as she had once been known, Hino Rei, was annoyed.
This, in and of itself, was not surprising. The individual to whom she
was speaking had a unique ability to make her fly off the handle more
than any other living being.
Hima: Pops?
Sailors Venus, Jupiter, and the Asteroid Senshi were out in the streets
of Crystal Tokyo, trying to keep things from falling apart even more
than they had. Uranus was staring at the crystal with almost as much
anxiety on her features as there was on King Endymion's, while Neptune
Saori: Hmm, are we suggesting something here?
was keeping an eye on the red-haired girl that she had introduced to the
others as her daughter from another universe. Sheila, if that was in
fact her name, was standing apart from the rest with a haunted
expression on her face. Near her was the alternate version of Mercury,
who seemed to be going out of her way to avoid the real one. If Mars
had had time to think about it, this would have made her EXTREMELY
suspicious.
Hima: As well she should.
At that point, however, Mars' attention was focused on Sean, who
was cradling the now-blanketed form of his wife as she trembled quietly.
Because this was all HIS fault.
"--and of course, you HAD to talk Pluto into giving you that
uplink, Gaffney," Mars ranted. "Now, in addition to being a complete
embarrassment to the Palace with those bloody stories, your radio
SKJAM!: She couldn't decide which she hated more, the stories that made
her sound like a total bitch with no redeeming personality traits, or the
ones that claimed she had an *ick* physical interest in the Queen.
station has become a magnet for invading weirdos from every alternate
reality out there! Dammit, Sean, this is --"
"Leave him alone."
Mars blinked. In the thousand years of her life, she couldn't
recall ANYONE talking to her like that. Her grandfather had cajoled,
her Queen had politely guided her in the correct way, but no one had
ever simply given her a blunt order in the way that Sheila Ten'kai just
had.
Hima: Definitely an alternate universe.
"Excuse me?" she bit out. "Who do you think you are, telling me
what--"
Sheila stopped her with a simple glare. "Who do I think I am?
I'll tell you who I think I am." She was silent for a long moment, then
drew a long, shuddering breath. "I'm the one whose fault all of this
is."
Saori: Well, sorta.
Neptune, on the other hand, took three quick steps forward, seized
Sheila by the shoulders, and began to shake her. "Stop it!" Kaioh
Michiru said in an angry tone. "Stop it right now! NOBODY blames you
for what happened! It was NOT your fault!"
"Yes it was."
The voice came from behind her, and Neptune whirled, her eyes full
of almost psychopathic anger. "NO IT--!" She broke off as she saw whom
she was addressing.
Pluto was standing a few feet away. She was giving Sheila a very
hard stare, with a small amount for Neptune as well. It was possibly
the grimmest they'd ever seen the teenaged reincarnation of their old
friend. "You're quite right, Ms. Ten'kai. Everything that has happened
since you decided to take matters into your own hands in Lina's
laboratory is your fault."
Hima: Woo.
Athena swallowed involuntarily. "What of it?" she answered. "We
are not fashioned of Vulcan clockwork, to move only according to a
pattern laid down by some artisan. My Elder chose to obey your
commands, and I chose to obey hers."
"Could it be that your determination to demand that part of the
blame be assigned to you arises from your attraction to Ten'kai?" Pluto
asked calmly. Mercury froze where she was standing, and turned to look
in Athena's direction with GLACIAL slowness.
Saori: Oops.
"I ask again, what boots it?" Athena snapped, now feeling more
anger than fear. "I respect and admire my dear friend for far more than
her beauty. It is not JUST that she should bear the burden of shame for
these events alone!"
"Athena..." Sheila whispered, looking at the blue-haired girl...
the one that she would never be able to see as her Aunt Amy ever again.
It was then that ANOTHER Pluto stepped out of thin air, to flank
the younger Pluto on the opposite side of where "Athena's" Pluto stood.
She gave Athena a quick glance. "The Martians of Sheila's dimension had
a saying: 'One should never be found in the company of one with whom you
would not be glad to die.'" Then she focused on Sheila. "It is one
thing to accept responsibility for something, and another thing entirely
to work to correct what was done, Sheila."
"I'm willing to do whatever it takes."
"Really?"
SKJAM!: no, I was just kidding. Let someone else do it.
There was nothing in Pluto's voice to warn her, but she knew
somehow. "I'M willing. I won't sacrifice other people to accomplish my
goals. But if it costs me my life, I WILL fix it."
Saori: Very nice.
"Lina realized the truth of what Serenity was telling her about the
limits of her ability to use the power she was seeking. So she's going
to attempt to exceed those limits... by transcending mortality. She
will become, in essence a goddess, if she is successful.
"HOWEVER, if she is successful, the final burst of energy will
devastate whichever universe she is in at the time. The possibility
also exists that the backlash from the destruction of the Silver
Crystals when she Ascends could destroy the universes from which they
came."
"You mean that it would destroy the Silver Millenium," Athena
whispered, for once not using her archaic mode of address.
SKJAM!: So it is a put-on accent?
"And this world, as well." And then Pluto did something very
strange. She walked over to where Sean was holding Hotaru tightly, and
laid a hand on the weakened Sailor's stomach. "And that would be a
terrible thing, ne, Hotaru-chan?" she whispered.
"Well, yeah, I mean everybody dying, that's a terrible thing, yes,
I think it would be safe to say --" Sean babbled.
"Sean, grab a clue."
A long, shuddering breath was drawn. "I'm gonna be a Dad?" he
asked in a very small voice.
Setsuna nodded.
Sean fainted.
Hima: Congrats!
"So," Pluto continued, turning back to look at Sheila and Athena.
"You two have to find a way to prevent Lina from Ascending. And before
you ask, no, I DON'T know how you're going to go about doing something
like that. I only know that it CAN be done. It's for the two of you to
find out how."
SKJAM!: I forgot to write it down in my diary next week.
"Immediately." Pluto walked over, gesturing for Sheila to give her
the D-Hopper. Once she had it, she did some things to it -- making
modifications that Sheila and Athena couldn't understand. Satisfied,
she then handed it to Athena. "Now it's the cross-time equivalent of a
bloodhound, with the scent of the odd harmonics between the Silver
Crystals of Earth-BH and Earth-SG. Theoretically, Lina's acquisition of
SKJAM!:Biles/Hosmer and Sean Gaffney, yes?
Perhaps it was only in Neptune's imagination that she heard the
words "Goodbye... mom."
Saori: It's a vivid imagination.
"HEY! BATHTARDTH! YOU FORGOT ME!"
Hima: You forgot to volunteer, silly.
SKJAM!: Well, that's the end of Part One...be here next time, as we look
at the remainder...
(fade out)
SKJAM!