This is my first fic series in here. Tell me how did I do,
be honest. Give me all the C&C that would be good for my
health.

A Sailor Moon And Ranma Fic
By agent: kasumi tendou

	Okaay.... not gonna comment on THAT.

Intro

	A peaceful day in Nerima; no one bothered to seek
unholy revenge on anyone and mainly Ryoga was out of the
country at the moment, also no one tried to kidnap Akane,
and Happousai wasn't being chased by girls, yet. Well
there was one thing that wasn't to peaceful, and that
is... Ranma insulting Akane's cooking. [If you feel
confused any way, I said and I quote, "A peaceful day in
NERIMA," end quote, not in the Tendou Dojo] So Akane and
her infamous mallet beat the crap out of Ranma. Don't
forget the famous quote from the lovely Akane "RANMA NO
BAKA," anyway, he was sent flying out. Well, then he
landed on the street, god knows where. Then he was

	STOP THE PAIN!!!!!

	Look, if you're gonna write something, try using sentences and
paragraphs.  This, for all that it's spelled correctly, is unreadable.  I'm
not even going to go into the rest of the fic, because I couldn't even force
myself to read it.

	Sentence structure is necessary.  Paragraphs are necessary.  If you
don't have them, it's not writing, it's garbage.

	I sincerely hope you can overcome these problems, but until you do,
I doubt I'll be able to finish one of your fics.

	Brian Payne
	sofaspud@ior.com
	brianp@nhspokane.com
	http://www.ior.com/~sofaspud