This chapter effectively addressed some of the characterization
points I raised about the first chapter, I thought.  It's still
keeping me interested about what's going on, plus this chapter
raises the question of what we'll learn about the characters
in later chapters.

I didn't quite feel the eerieness that you could have drawn out
of the scene where they're putting the dollhouse together.
That could have been a _very_ creepy scene, but wasn't.

	Everything use to be so normal. Like Black and White.

"used" to be so normal.

With all the new 
discoveries and research being performed, the world seemed to 
be in a state 
of constant chaos.

This sentence seemed really out of place to me.  I didn't
understand how this would occur to Akane at this point.

	He had no idea how much a compliment, a smile or even a 
glance meant to 
her. It made her feel important, like maybe she did mean 
something to him 
after all.

This was effective, I thought, except that it is unlike Akane
to verbalize it to this extent.  This is what she _feels_,
not what she _thinks_.

	A stupid game shouldn't have that kind of an affect on a person.

"effect" on a person.  "affect" is a verb.

	She only hoped Nabiki wouldn't be to mad at her for being late.

... "too" mad at her...

	A loud angry voice erupted from behind her, causing her 
to jump in alarm. 
"Where have you been?" Nabiki demanded, her voice even and 
tight. "Do you 
have any idea how long we've been waiting? Most of the guests 
have already 
left!"

Nabiki strikes me as OOC here.  When does she ever show anger,
even when she is angry?  I'd have thought she'd make some ironic,
sarcastic comment about Akane's lateness and hint at unspeakable
revenge.

	"The world doesn't revolve around money Nabiki!" Akane 
<clip>
	"What? Like yours Akane?" she replied cynically.

Couple of missing commas here:  "money, Nabiki!"  "yours, Akane?"

	"Shut up, Ranma." Akane snarled, hitting him with a 
near by lamp.

"nearby"  (one word)

	Ukyo observed Akane with a curious gaze. "Um, Akane. I don't
want to sound mean, but what did happened to you? You look awful."

Either "what happened to you?" or "what did happen to you?"

	Akane's eyes narrowed, anger rushing through her veins. 
"Why-- why you--! 
How dare you--!"

In anime, Akane is quite good at verbal repartee with Shampoo.

	It was bad enough having three young women fight over 
you, but quite 
another when one of them was crazy, one was your best friend 
and one was an 
amazon who wouldn't take no for an answer. It was even worst 
since he knew 
none of them stood a chance. It was just...  he didn't want 
to hurt them.

	Besides, he hated to admit it, but...  having three 
beautiful women 
fighting over him really boosted his ego. Not to mention 
helped remind him 
just how much of a man he really was.

This checks with Ranma's behavior in the manga, but is he
consciously aware of all this?  Or does he just impulsively
behave this way, without thinking it through?

	HA! Like he really wanted to spend any time alone with 
Shampoo. Maybe if it 
were Aka-- someone else.

This was effective.

	The last thing he wanted was to be a pig on Ranma's 
birthday. That would be 
the ultimate humiliation.

In the manga, P-Chan is often shown in Akane's arms during
stories in which Ryouga plays no other part.  So this
thought doesn't quite ring true; Ryouga might as well feel
that being held in Akane's arms on Ranma's birthday is a
good way to humiliate Ranma.

	That was weird.

	He hadn't even heard her sneak up behind him.
<clip> 
	"I'll go get the scissors." Nabiki replied, climbing to 
her feet.
<clip> 
At a second glance, her smile disappeared. "Oh my. 
They seem scary."

These strike us as "huh?  what's up with this?", as they should,
but there should also be a touch of horror here which seems
missing to me.  For instance, you could have Nabiki's reply
be in a monotone, with her having a flat gaze.  You could
have Kasumi blanch and drop the box lid rather than give us
the reaction you did.

	"You've got to be kidding!" Akane shouted, throwing her 
hands up in the air 
in frustration. "It's-- it's a paper house!"

The shout seems misplaced to me here.  How about, "Akane
stared, open-mouthed, at everyone's enthusiasm for
playing with the paper house."

	"Fantasies is like Ranma marrying Shampoo, yes?"

This line was just _dying_ for Akane or Ukyou to agree with it:
"Yes, Shampoo:  you marrying Ranma is a fantasy."

"Just because Akane scared no mean she have to ruin fun for 
rest of us!"

	"Scared?!" Akane yelled, jumping to her feet. "Who says I'm
scared?!"

Ah... _here's_ the competitiveness Akane often demonstrates
with Shampoo.

"Well, actually I haven't been 
really paying 
attention. Would you like to explain it to me again, or do I 
have to pay 
you?"

Not sure what's going on here.  Did the instructions actually
get read aloud multiple times, and you just didn't write it
down?  (If so, say something about Akane daydreaming.)  Or
does everyone except Akane just know them?  (If so, Akane
should be creeped out more than she is.)

But, not before he crossed 
something out, and began drawing again with renewed vigor.

What is Ranma doing?  He can't draw cats "with renewed vigor";
is he lying about his worst nightmare?  (Ranma can barely
think about cats, let alone draw them, without shivering
violently.)