Reasonably well written from a technical (grammar/spelling) perspective.
Just interesting enough to keep me reading (the plot, primarily).

You have some sort of formatting problem; in addition to the story, quite
a bit of miscellaneous junk was appended to your message.

Akane's characterization is... understandable, but not interesting.  It
will also strike many of your readers as a bit off (her fear of a mere
two strange men; her unalloyed frustration with Ranma).  There is little
reason for your readers to identify with this Akane.  Suggestions:  if
Akane's fear of the two men is that important, make the threat more
concrete by having her see them do some martial arts feat she can't do.
Mix up her feelings for Ranma a bit more.  Give her a spark of friendship
with Ukyou and competitiveness with Shampoo.  Or use the standard
female hook:  show us her secret fear that Shampoo is much more attractive
than she herself is.

	That was the last time she had seen her mother.

	The next day, she had mysteriously disappeared,
<clip>
A week later they called off the search.

	She was never found.

While the manga never says how Mrs. Tendo disappeared from Akane's life,
Akane
does visit her mother's grave in the story where Ranma's mother first
appears.
I think you need to supply a little missing detail about being presumed/
declared dead:  perhaps a coincidental big accident nearby next day, in
which
a number of people died, their bodies unrecognizably burnt?

ivory tiles spilled carelessly on the green felt top. The rest alluded

her. 

That should be "The rest eluded her."  "Alluded" means something else.

	"Twenty dollars."

"Two thousand yen."

The cash drawer was filled with all sorts of odd-looking money,
all jumbled together. There were square coins, coins with holes
in the center,

Coins with holes in the center are not odd-looking to Akane, as they're
Japanese.