It was dusk, and the wind was hot and dry as it blew
across Hotaru's face as she sat in the grass.

<bapbapbapbap>

Avoid passive voice whenever possible, *especially* for
the first line of a story.

There's no passive voice in the indicated line.  It's rather
clunky, yes, but there's no passive voice.

"It was dusk" is passive.  That's the part that should be changed,
IMO.

Nonword alert!  Nonword alert!  "Alright" is a
bastardization of "All right".  Not technically
correct, although its use has become so
proliferate that it's barely acceptable as slang
language in dialogue.

Well, if you want to be pedantic about it, yes.

However, when it comes to fanfiction writing, I'd say
that pedantry is only useful when trying to depict a
character who is pedantic.

Heh.  In one of those glass half empty/half full things, I prefer to
say that "slangy" is only useful when trying to depict a character who
is unusually slangy.  Otherwise, use the correct form.

  -Sean

It's nice to get into an honest grammar discussion on the FFML!  We
have too darned few of these.

-Richard