Sean Connor wrote:

On Mon, Jul 12, 1999 at 02:39:36PM -0400, Bogue wrote:

Okay, this is gonna sound strange, but I do not want any commentary
that could somehow better this fic. Now, let me explain. This is my
attempt at making the worst non-lemon Ranma fanfiction ever and
I pretty much know that it's bad. What I need to know is how to make
it even worse. Should I add a flying talking dog? Should there be
whole paragraphs of nonsensical  jibberish? You tell me. Thank you for your
time and now on with the show.

- Write it in Microsoft Tu... er...  Word, and turn on the SmartQuotes
  feature, thus producing the Dread Questionmark Disease.

- Get yourself a Sn... er... Hotmail email account and a Geosh... er...
  Geocities web page.

- Reconsider the 'non-lemon' part.  Any truly wretched fic needs a
  gratuitious bestiality scene.

- I'm not at all sure that this is the right approach.  A fic that is
  truly inspired in its wretchedness requires that the author be
  absolutely convinced that he is producing God's gift to fanfiction.

replace all 'said's with other words
use a theasaurus and replace all common words with alternates and don't
use the common words at all.
example: eyes: spheres orbs, globes