This is just great! The added scenes are beautiful and blend in perfectly.

It had been one of the reasons my cousin branched off.

He ran off to head his own club because it was easier to get babes (and
embezzle funds) that way.

I suppose what prevented me from siding with him in this matter was that

without these parties, I >would lose quite a few of my opportunities to be
by him.

There are two 'him's here. One is Aoshima and the other is K1 right? I think
saying so would be better.

Most of the men around our group contested of the tall, dark, and handsome

type

Shouldn't that be 'consisted'?

A giggle from one of the girls alerted me to my mistake and I looked a

little lower to find a

man that was as far removed from the standard set by most of the men here.

Far removed.

Actually, K1 is less than 5cm shorter than Sayoko. If he was standing in
front of her and she looked straight ahead, she'd look into his eyes.

Keiichi said, bowing with comic exaggeration, accepting the noise her

entrance had made as >an attribute to his own clumsiness.

Oopsie! I'm pretty sure you meant to write '...noise my entrance..."
instead.

It's my own special brew.  Guaranteed to wake you up.

Something I just realised. If K1's situation was dire enough to need that
brew, would he have been able to get up, cook it and still make it to class
in time? All without getting involved in an accident or more. If he did cook
it, he should have drank it (at least some of it) before even getting on his
bike. On the other hand, no brew means no scene here. I don't know how to
resolve this, but I've never been drunk and hungover before. I'm sure
someone on the FFML can help, right?

He was so short and skinny he could barely carry you into the house.

K1's physical stature is almost the same as Sayoko. He wouldn't look skinny
holding her into the house.

The Auto Club, of which I knew he was part of since it was close by the Art

Club

The Auto Club clubhouse is apparently on the edge of the campus. I don't
think it can be considered close to any of the other buildings.

was notorious for sharing X rated movies

Unlikely, considering that the Auto Club's first president was a woman that
scares even Tamiya and Otaki and is an auto enthusiast. If she said not to
pass porn around the clubhouse, that prohibition would stay even after she
was long gone. (Since she only turns up in vol13, you are forgiven for not
knowing about Fujimi sempai)

It was one of the many reasons many male students joined it.

80% of them flee after experiencing Tamiya's 'Welcome Hug'.

And that was that.  He didn't ask me out again.			* * * * *	"This seat

taken?"

Oopise! Looks like you missed 2 line breaks here.

he was decent if too wholesome compared the men she was used to dating.

Should be '... the men I was...' right?

as to chase someone everyone in Nekomi considered a fool.

Not fool. I think wimp or clown would be more accurate.

How dare someone take my place as Queen of Nekomi,

Replace the comma with a question mark.

It had just made me want to try and pry him away from Belldandy harder

whenever I found the >chance.

I think '.. want to try harder to pry him away from Belldandy whenever..."
would sound better. Yes, I know you want to make Sayoko sound snobbish. It's
your perogative, but sometimes these sentences read like driving over a
speed bump on the highway. Be careful ok?

I don't know when exactly it was that the reason I chased after him was not

because of her, but

This sentence is a confusing tangle. How about 'I don't know when it was
exactly that my reason for chasing him changed from because of her to
something more personal. Something that I was not ready to accept yet.' or
something like that.

I found myself entertaining the idea that I might try Keiichi on myself

when Belldandy dumped

him

I think '... might try Keiichi myself...' would sound better.

I remember there was one boy that always stood to the side,

'I remember when there was...'

The men seem to know that she is off limits as long as Keiichi is around.

Picking on Keiichi and facing Belldandy's wrath was not a pleasant
experience as the men found out...

It is I that goes on with life and it is I that looks in on them when I

cross their paths.  They don't >look back.

Should be '... it is I who looks...' to be correct.

I don't do that though

Tense error. Should be 'I didn't do that though.'

Instead, I left him outside as I went in search of Belldandy and asked her

to help me put him to >bed.

Seeing how easily Bell carries her beloved with just 2 hands, Sayoko is once
again reminded not to mess with Belldandy...

In some ways I hope that Keiichi would marry her then I would no longer

have to wake up

knowing that he was still around for the taking.

Again, I suggest using '... wake up hoping that I still have a chance. ' for
better effect.

That's a wrap. All the scene that should be here are present. Just polish up
those little errors and it will be complete. Keep it coming!