Lunch's Unknown Secret
By C-Dogg

I wasn't sure if this 'fic was worthy of a Lime tag so I didn't put one. 
Consider this somewhat of a warning. And don't worry, it's not a lemon.

All unoriginal material is (TM) and/or (C) all owners, distributors, business 
partners, etc. No ownership is implied and no infringement is intended. I 
have asked no permission to use them and none has been granted. The plot 
belongs to me.

<There may be some errors in story with Tenshinhan and Chaozu's location. 
Words in "* *" indicate thought. >

   The moon's reflection shined down on the waves of the ocean surrounding 
the tiny island.  The evening was quiet and peaceful. On the island sat the 
shack known as the Kame House to its visitors and residents. Only the light 
sounds of conversation broke the serenity of the scene.
   "I'll make dinner tonight, Lunch," Kamesennin offered.
   "I didn't know you could cook," Lunch told him.
   Kamesennin smiled. "I know a thing or two in the kitchen. Now go rest 
yourself while I prepare our meal."
   Lunch walked off to her room at the Kame House.  She was glad that the old 
man was cooking for once.
   Kamesennin walked to the kitchen. He looked above the stove at the 
cookbooks and realized hat he was unable to reach them.
  "So much for the fancy stuff," Kamesennin muttered. "I guess I'll have to 
stick with what I know." He began to gather the items he would need for their 
meal.

*   *   *

   "Dinner is ready."
   The blue-haired woman emerged from her bedroom and entered the dining room 
where she sat down. Kamesennin brought two steaming bowls the table. He set 
one down at his place and the other in front of Lunch.
   "Voila," Kamesennin said with a smirk on his face. "Enjoy your meal."
   "Thank you," Lunch replied. She picked up her spoon and began to eat. 
"I've never had chili beans before."
   "It's just a little something one of my friends showed me some time ago."
   After the two finished their meal. Kamesennin took the dishes into the 
kitchen.
   "That was really good, Kamesennin," Lunch told him.
   "Thanks. I didn't know how it would taste. It's been ages since I last 
made chili beans," Kamesennin informed her.
   Lunch let out a huge yawn. "I guess I'll turn in for the night. Good 
night."
   "Good night, Lunch," he said. The old man looked at the pile of dishes in 
the sink. He scratched his head. "I guess I used more dishes than I thought. 
Turtle!" he called to his companion.
   A few minutes later, the large turtle walked in. "Yes?"
   "Wash these dishes for me. I need to get some sleep."
   "You're old. You don't need much sleep. Do it yourself."
   "Just do it."
   "But I don't even have hands."
   "You'll figure something out. Good night." With that, Kamesennin left.
   Turtle looked up at the mound of dishes and sighed.

*   *   *

   Lunch looked into the mirror wearing a green nightgown. As she rolled up 
her hair, she felt her stomach rumble.
   "That's strange," she commented.  "I just ate. I shouldn't be hungry again 
already." Her stomach rumbled again. Lunch farted loudly and was covered in a 
cloud of gray smoke.

*   *   *

   Kamesennin jumped from his bed. "Was that an earthquake?" He stepped out 
of his room to check on Lunch.

*   *   *

   Turtle hunched over the edge of the sink attempting to get a grip on the 
pans. Suddenly he heard. Everything began to rumble. A cookbook fell off of 
the shelf, knocking a pot of leftovers off the stove.
   "Maybe I'll eat before I try to wash the dishes," he remarked and moved to 
the fallen pot.

*   *   *

   The cloud of smoke disappeared and a different but similarly dressed woman 
stood staring at the mirror. Her hips were shapely, her legs slightly longer, 
and her breasts nearly bursting from the gown. She stretched her arms and 
yawned, looking at her remarkable figure. The woman began to remove her 
rollers from her fiery red hair.
   "The night is young! I shouldn't be getting for bed. I should be looking 
for some action," she said in a deep, seductive voice.
   Kamesennin knocked on the door. "Are you alright, Lunch?"
   "A man!" the woman ran to the door and flung it open. "Hi."
   Kamesennin was shocked to see the woman in front of him. She wasn't Lunch 
or her evil alter ego. He desperately tried to keep her eyes fixed on hers. 
"*Her ki is incredibly high! I better not make her angry.*" "Can I help, you 
miss?"
   "You sure can!" she grabbed Kamesennin and tossed him on Lunch's bed, 
closing and locking the door behind her.
   "Lunch, this isn't like you."
   "The name's not Lunch," she informed the aging martial arts master as she 
walked toward him as sexily as possible. "It's Slatigel." She crawled on top 
of Kamesennin, lifted his chin and gave him a deep passionate kiss. "Did I 
tell you I just love bald men?" Kamesennin could hold himself no longer. His 
nose exploded in a gusher of blood and he promptly passed out.
   Slatigel dodged the stream and stood up. "That was...boring." She looked 
around Lunch's room and eyed a small portrait of Tenshinhan on the bureau.
   "What a hunk!" She lifted the picture and pulled out a stack of papers. 
Flipping through them, she found poems, and songs about the triclops along 
with his address and phone number. It seems as though somebody's been 
stalking Tenshinhan. 
   Slatigel was glad that someone had left all that information behind. "I 
just hope she didn't get to him first." She combed through Lunch's closet and 
pulled put a short red dress. "This should do the trick."

*   *   *

   Turtle looked up from his meal when he heard the sound of heels walking 
through the house. He peaked in the front room in time to see a woman with a 
stack of papers walk out of the door.
   "*That can't be Lunch or Kashami. Kamesennin must be sneaking women in 
here again.*" Turtle returned to his meal.

*   *   *

   Slatigel unrolled a map and looked for the forest that hid Tenshinhan's 
cottage.
   "Hmm, it must be this way." She turned to the north and took off. "Ready 
or not, lover boy, here I come!"

*   *   *

   Th forest was extremely quiet with the exception of a few nocturnal 
animals hooting and howling.
"It's getting late, Chaozu. I think I'll turn in after I take a bath."
   "Okay, Ten," Chaozu acknowledged. "See you tomorrow."
   "Good night. And don't forget to lock the door this time," Tenshinhan 
reminded his little friend.
   "I only forgot once," Chaozu corrected him as Tenshinhan walked into the 
cottage. The dwarf leaned against a tree and fell asleep.

*   *   *

   Slatigel paused for a moment to survey the forest below. She spotted the 
cottage on a small clearing. "That must be it." She swooped down to prepare 
for her attack.

*   *   *

   Chaozu awoke to the presence of an enormous ki. He looked up to see 
Slatigel approaching the cottage. "Can I help you?"
   Slatigel froze and turned in his direction. "Who are you?"
   "I'm Chaozu. Who are you?"
   "I'm Slatigel. Do you live here?"
   Chaozu nodded.
   Slatigel raised an eyebrow. "Does a Tenshinhan live here?"
   Chaozu nodded again.
   Slatigel raised both eyebrows. "Are you two roommates?"
   "Yes. What's with all the questions?" Chaozu asked in return.
   "*Please don't let him be gay,*" Slatigel prayed silently. "I'm her to 
meet him."
   "Ten wasn't expecting any company."
   "He'll be glad to see me." Slatigel smirked and continued toward the 
house. 
   Chaozu floated toward Slatigel and grabbed her shoulder. "Let me ask if he 
knows you first."
   Slatigel grabbed him by the neck, her expression murderous. "Listen, you 
deformed mime. I came here for a good time and I'm not leaving until I have 
one. Do you understand?" Slatigel released Chaozu and he fell to the ground. 
"Oops! I think was too rough with him.
   Slatigel stepped into the house and made her way upstairs, following the 
sound of running water. She opened the door to the bathroom to see Tenshinhan 
asleep in a tub of water; his clothes neatly folded in a nearby basket.
   Slatigel smiled. "Is there room for two?"
   Her words startled Tenshinhan. All three of his eyes snapped open. "Who 
the Hell are you?"
   "I'm Slatigel." She the straps on her dress. "How would you like to have 
some fun?"
   Tenshinhan jumped from the tub and quickly pulled on a pair of green pants.
   "Don't cover up all of that manliness." Slatigel wrapped her arms around 
him and started to kiss his neck. Tenshinhan broke the embrace.
   "I...I'm not quite sure who you are," he stuttered, "but you better leave 
at once or else..."
   "Or else what?" Slatigel lunged at him. Tenshinhan dodged the attack and 
bolted from the bathroom.
   "You can run, but you can't hide!" Slatigel slipped her straps back on and 
followed him. She chased him down the stairs and through the open front door.
   Tenshinhan performed his tri-form technique and split into three people. 
"You can't chase after me now," they said in unison.
   Slatigel smirked. "You think so?" She screamed at the top of her lungs and 
mimicked his move.
   A look of shock came across Tenshinhan's faces. "How?"
   "Don't ask questions! Just come here!" Each Slatigel charged toward one 
Tenshinhan. 
   The three men floated high into the air and merged back to one. "I know 
you can't catch me up here."
   "You seem to be underestimating me," the Slatigels told the airborne man. 
Two of them walked toward the stationary woman and remerged. "Big mistake!" 
She charged into the air and attempted to grab Tenshinhan again. He dodged 
her and flew off across the forest.
   "Playing hard to get only turns me on!" she shouted and pursued her 
elusive catch. She stopped in mid flight and stomach rumbled loudly.
   She clutched her stomach in pain. "What's...happening...to...me?! Aaaaah!" 
Tenshinhan stopped, wondering what was wrong with his attacker.
   Slatigel farted instantly reverting to Lunch, quickly realizing that she 
couldn't fly. Lunch flapped her arms and fell straight to the ground.
   "Ten! Help me!"
   Tenshinhan was bewildered. "Lunch?" He jetted to the helpless girl, 
catching Lunch just before she hit the ground. He flew high into the air.
   The confused girl farted again. "My hero." Slatigel grabbed the back of 
Tenshinhan's neck and pulled him in for a kiss, invading his mouth her 
tongue. Tenshinhan tried to drop her, forgetting that Slatigel could fly. He 
pushed her away.
   "You! You must be Lunch's third personality!" he accused.
   "You fool!" Slatigel chided. "There is no more Lunch, only me. I have 
control over my transformation now. Slatigel will live forevermore and I will 
chase you 'til the end of the world and then some. You will be mine!"
   "Not if I have anything to say about it!" Tenshinhan flew back to the 
house and locked the door behind him. He ran upstairs to the bathroom. 
Slatigel kicked down he front door and followed him.
   Slatigel locked the door. "There's no escape this time."
   Tenshinhan slammed the medicine cabinet shut and put hid his right hand 
behind his back. "*Forgive me for what I am about to do.*" He caught Slatigel 
by surprise and punched her in the stomach. Her mouth gaped open and she 
farted.
   "*I've only got one chance!*" He reached back and hurled a tiny pill down 
Lunch's throat. Tenshinhan got into a fighting stance and prepared for the 
worst. A minute passed. Lunch stared blankly at him.
   "Ten, what am I doing here? And why am I dressed like this?" she asked, 
pulling her dress down.
   Tenshinhan breathed a sigh of relief. "I'll explain on the way back to the 
Kame House."

*   *   *

   Tenshinhan knocked on the door of the Kame house. Kamesennin answered. The 
old man had two pieces of red and white toilet paper shoved up his nostrils.
   "Lunch, where have you been?"
   She blushed. "It's a long story, Kamesennin." She and Tenshinhan explained.
   "So it was a dream?" Lunch shook her head. "Well, that explains why I woke 
up in Lunch's room."
   "I'm starved, Kame. Do you have anything to eat?" Chaozu, whom Tenshinhan 
had found unconscious outside, asked.
   "I should have some chili beans left over. Would you like some?"
   "No! That's okay."
   "Just try some. You might like it." He led the group to the kitchen to see 
Turtle flopped on his back, groaning and moaning next to an empty pot of 
beans.
   He lowered his tail. "Look out!"
   "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
   And from, outside the Kame House, an explosion and a hole being blown 
through a wall of the shack shattered the peaceful scene.

The End

Slatigel pronounced Slah-tee-gehl. Who can guess the name pun?
Kashami is the name of evil Lunch.

Questions? Comments? Flames? E-mail me at bigc123485@aol.com