Comments that I agree with have been snipped out...
...Making this a short response.  ;)

The Ranma/Nodoka thing was quite funny. It might use a little more
setup, though. Something to give Ranma more of a reason to jump to the
conclusion that he does.

Hmm.  Did you ever read the "back issues"?  They have some background
for Nodoka and Sayuri's oddball behaviors.

Unfortunately, I can't think of much else of a setup besides Ranma
referring to Nodoka's previous "teases".  I'm sure as heck not going
to *show* them!  ^_^;

And this case, Nodoka's comment about sleeping in a bed is completely
innocent.  Well, mostly innnocent.  Any more setup, and it would be
harder for Ranma to misinterpret it.

   Daisuke politely corrected him, "The creativity.  And with her
experience with drugs, I'm sure she knows about all the best
aphrodisiacs..."

Surrrre she does. That's why she's used them on Ranma so many times. :)

That leap of logic is far beyond Daisuke's mental abilities.  :)

   However, they had some reservations about the one Hiroshi was
suggesting.  One boy spoke the thoughts of the others, "But, Ranma's
a BOY!"

AND engaged. Hey, if that eliminates Akane....

The problem with Akane wasn't the fact that she was engaged, but rather
that she was engaged to somebody who could beat up Kuno, the strongest
"member of the club".  :)

Ranma is engaged to Akane, and they've already demonstrated their
willingness to fight her.  The engagement's not an issue.

   Once again, all the girls had turned their back on her.  Or at
least, were treating her differently.  All except Sayuri.  A little
free okonomiyaki was the least of the ways to thank her.

No Konatsu in this continuity? Though not a real girl, he's certainly a
friend to her, so I'd think he'd at least cross her mind.

Konatsu is here.  I'm using the anime continuity, filling in the blanks
with the manga.  But I don't think that Konatsu really "counts" in her
mind.  He's not exactly part of her peer group, is he?  He's the
obsequious help...

   "You were wearing a white and red Chinese robe, and were carrying
a white and purple cat.  You kicked me, stole my umbrella, and made me
get lost!"

If this happened while Ryoga was a pig, would he really mention it when
it could give away his secret?

Ryoga is not a fountain of common sense.  I think it's plausible for him
to react emotionally, and then quickly back down when he realises he's
made a horrible mistake.

   Ukyo smiled.  "Yeah, well you're one of the good ones, Sugar.

I don't think 'sugar' should be capitalized (not a name).

Quite probably true.  I was assuming I could treat it a title, or
form of proper address...

"Oh, Airen, why are you my airen?"
"Oh, Sugar, why are you my sugar?"
"Oh, Ushio-san, why are you so Ushio-san?"

   She frowned at him.  "What took you so long?" she asked.
   "Had to beat up every guy in school," he muttered.
   "Never took me that long."

Heh.

Hmm.  The most liked jokes seem to be the unplanned ones.  :)

   Akane hoped it was a joke.  Yeah, Ukyo wasn't into... bondage, or
anything weird like that, right?  She was a simple country girl.  Of
course, she did dress in boys clothing.  And bind her breasts.
   "Akane?"
   "Bindage?"  The world slipped out of her mouth.

Which 'her' is this?

Was this really not clear?  Akane's been the one thinking,
and she was also the one just addressed.

   Ranma couldn't think of a good response to that.  So instead she

Too much repetition of 'response.' Suggest changing the last one to
'answer.'

Gotcha.  Responses have been changed to "reactions", "answers", and
"comebacks".

   Ranma tried to sit up and get off the bed, but her head was still
strapped down.  "Th- That never happened!!!"

"That was only in the anime! It ain't canon!"

Manga Ranma in the Twilight Zone of Nettohen...

   "STUPID BOY SHUT UP OR XIAN-PU STICK BONBORI WHERE SUN DOESN'T
SHINE!!!"

Why'd she suddenly switch to the (incorrect) Chinese form of her name?
I'd stick with "Shampoo" unless there's a reason for the switch here.

I'm always amused when you call the spelling "incorrect".  There's
no "right" way to convert kanji into Roman text.  As long I stick
consistently to one system, you should have no complaints.  :P

That having been said, I'm changing it anyway.  ^_^

   But she loved him.  The dummy.
   Ranma swallowed.  "R- Really?"
   Akane nodded.
   "Y- You know that I...  That I..."
   "I know, Ranma."  She wouldn't make her say it.  Ranma wasn't ready
yet.  At least, not to say the words.  Akane could be ready for the both
of them, for now.  "I know."

Nice. ^_^ I really liked this scene.

Gee, and I thought it was disgustingly WAFFy.  ^_^;;;  I was really
worried about this coming out of left field, but it seems that people
didn't have problems with it.

I think it all fit together quite well. The only problem I had was that
some of the scenes seemed a bit long. Particularly, the sequences where
Akira argues with people tended to drag. But that's the way the guy is,
so I dunno whether you can do much about it.

Yeah, I remember from last your comments of the previous part that you
felt it was too "talky".  I don't normally have a problem with it, but
I do think there's been enough, for now.

I don't plan on having any more of these confrontational discussions,
where Akira needs to "wind up" for his verbal attacks on Ranma.

Looking forward to the next part!

Thanks for the speedy C&C.  The revisions are already up on my webpage.


Doug

----
Douglas MacDougall                  "You were nicer when you were evil.
http://www.dougmacd.net/             Cuter, too.  Definitely more sexy!"