kukuru@WorldNet.Att.Net wrote:

        Something was wrong, she just knew it was so. She felt

It was so what?  

detached, lightheaded, like she was in a dream, or waking up from a
dream. Thoughts and images buzzed around her, but she couldn�t make
anything out. Then images started to form. Voices started coming

Don't repeat "started"

from all directions. It was strangely familiar, but not registering with
anything that she can remember. She tried to latch on to a single
voice, trying to make sense from it�

         "RANma!"
        "Ranma no baka!"
        "Ranma you idiot!"

        She knew what it meant, felt the anger in that female�s voice,
yet she did not understand. More voices came�

        "Uncute tomboy!"
        "Whadidja do that for!?"
        "Why me�"

        Still she did not understand. It was a male voice this time. Why
was she hearing this, who were they, what was going on?

        "I�ll protect you"
        "I can take care of myself"
        "You�ll just get yourself killed, stupid tomboy"
        "I don�t need your help, I�m a martial artist too!"
        "Siuan�"
        "Siuan"

        Groggily Siuan Sanche lifted her eyes slowly, wincing from the
newly observed light. She felt tired, sleepy, weak, and hungry, but most
of all confused. Something had happened, but for the life of her she
could not figured out what.

        "Siuan, I�m glad you finally awake, you were mumbling and
turning feverishly."

"you're" and that doesn't sound like natural dialogue.

        Slowly gaining back her sigh, she finally made sense of the burs
that were her surroundings. "Egwene�Mother�where am I? What
happened?"

        "Try to save your strength Siuan, I�m sending for Nisao and
something to eat. You�ve been out for a week, Siuan, since we found
you face down on the ground, unconscious. We thought you were dead,
and you very nearly were." Siuan could see Ewgene clearly now, still
young, and still wearing her sole that deemed her the Amyrlin. Her

You can always tell the Amyrlin by her shoe.  

 dark

hair tied back, just as she had remembered her last.

Not "she", "Siuan".  Also this sentence is incomplete.

        "What happened mother? My mind� it feels like a boat with
the best catch a fisherman ever caught had slammed into me�and
then dropped the load on me afterwards."

        Egwene had to chuckle at the comment. It would be like Siuan
to make one of her fish comments, but this one was actually funny,
very rare for her. "Just try to relax Siuan, don�t strain yourself."

        Just then Nisao came in, a yellow and one bounded to the

"bound"

Amyrlin by her own oath. One they could trust. Siuan remembered that,
her mind was slowly working as it should again. With a quick bow and a
acknowledgment of "Mother" She quickly came up to Siuan already

"she"

embracing the one power, probing her for ant injuries.

Yup.  You gotta watch out for injured ants.  

        After a brief moment, Nisao told her she was fine and just
needed to regain her strength. Then Egwene quickly dismissed her.

Dismissed who?  No need to have started a new paragraph.  

        "Food will be here in soon, but right now I want to know what
happened. What happened in Caemlyn that you would later arrived

"arrive"

unexpectedly in Ebou Dar? Then we finding you near death on the
ground with everything within miles desolated."

The above sentence is incomplete.  

        Siuan was startled by the claims. *What happened? I can�t

They are only claims if there is some doubt about their truth.  

remember any of this* Slowly she traced her memories, but nothing
came.

        "I can�t remember, Mother, everything is just blank, I can�t

Comma splice.

remember anything of what you said. Why would I go to Caemlyn, even
more, then travel to Ebou Dar." Siuan rubbed her forehead, as if it

Question mark.

would help force herself to remember.

        "You can remember nothing? What was the last thing you
remember, try Siuan."

Comma splice.  

        "I�I can�t even be sure what is that last thing I remember�I
think I went to sleep�right after the after the last of the merchant
train. After that it�s just a blur. Fish guts! I wish I could remember
anything after that, I can feel that something happened, but nothing I
can remember of what I did or if I was even awake."

Ergh.  Comma splice, and that last bit needs to be written in a less
convoluted way.    

        "It�s alright Siuan, you can�t expect everything to be back to
normal right after a near death experience. It will all come back in
time," Ewgene was obviously comforting her, but there was reason to
what she said. Her mind was buzzing, and time and rest will clear it.

"would"

        "Also we found someone near you in a similar condition.
Hopefully she�ll wake up as well and we will know more then."

Assuming that Egwene is really trying to reassure Siuan, that should be 
"When she wakes up, we will know more."  Does Egwene have any reason to 
think the other person won't wake up?  

        *Someone else?* Just before Siuan could ask who that
someone was, Nisao came in with a tray of food.

        "Mother, the girl with Siuan has awoke."

"has awakened", "is awake"

                                < OH MY! >

        Images flashed before Ranma�s subconscious mind. 

"unconscious", not "subconscious". 

He could

barely recognize it. It kept changing. Sometimes it was Akane, and then
it was his mother, and still more. But two where distinct, unchanging,
yet changing� A smooth face, a cool and serene face. He couldn�t tell
what age she was. The reason he saw two was because
another�hooded and mysterious, replaced it. She morphed into
it�something, but he could sense it was two different presence.
Ranma called out to them, but they didn�t answer.

        Suddenly, Ranma bolted upright, wide-awake as if some hand
had grabbed him and yanked him from his slumber. The light blinded
him, but slowly his eyes began to adapt. He saw the image of a girl
scrambled out and quickly came back in again.

        "Who--wha�?" The girl slowly helped him back onto the cot,
giving soothing words to comfort him, telling him to lie back down. He
did so, feeling faint already. He felt hunger and all the other symptoms
of a long slumber. "Who are you�where am I?"

Apart from hunger, what are the symptoms of a long slumber?  

        "Just relax, I already called Nisao Sedai." The girl replied.

        *Who?* Ranma was about to get up when he notice, he was a
she. Finally realizing she, Ranma, was in her transformed state and
wearing� She couldn�t finish the thought, it would have to be female
clothing. *I hate this curse!*

Why would they bother dressing up an unconscious girl?  

        Looking around she wondered where she was. It was a tent and
a drab tent. It felt cold, even under her covers, meaning it was winter.
*Where am I* She felt as if Akane had hit her with a deluxe version of

Question mark.

her mallet. Everything was a blur. She can�t seem to recalled what

"couldn't"

happened. Back to scouting, taking a look at the girl looking after her.

Incomplete sentence.  

She was fairly young, but her clothes looked a little crude, and worn.

I don't see the connection between the two thoughts.  

        Moments later, someone came in, then a whole group of them.
The girl watching her curtsied and quickly scurried outside. The first
one was odd; her face was unnatural, ageless came to Ranma�s mind.
The next was young, close to her age, dark haired tied back and even
with the heavy clothes a multi-colored sole could be seen. That girl

Wow.  Those are some ugly shoes.  Unless it's just the sole, and not
the whole shoe.  

perhaps was the best dressed of them all. The third looked strangely
familiar, but she couldn�t tell how. Young, but strangely she felt she
was older than that.

Honestly, this not being able to refer to anyone by name is a pain.  

        The first one put a hand on Ranma, and it felt tingly, like a cold
towel. She almost jerked back from it.

        "She seems fine, Mother, much like Siuan, all she needs is a
food and rest." Ranma did feel tired, and hungry as a matter of fact.

        "Who are you? Where am I?" blurred out the patient. *Why
can�t I remember!*

        "You are at the camp of the Aes Sedai. I�m the Amyrlin. We
found you lying on the ground near death, and took care of you. This
over here, is Nisao Sedai, and this is Siuan Sedai. She was with you
when we found you."

        Ranma glanced at Siuan, she was staring at him, intensely.
*Creepy�*

        "Who may you be, and how did you come to be out in such
condition?" the Amyrlin continued. Ranma had no idea what was an
Amyrlin, but it probably had authority, though for someone so young it
was odd.

Ranma:  None of your business!

        "Ranma Saotome," *Why is she staring at me? Do I know her?*
"Last thing I remember was�" Ranma trailed off unable to complete
her words. *What happened�? I can�t seem to remember the last
thing I did* "I� I remember sleeping� then I woke up here�maybe
Akane hit me while I was sleeping this time."

        The girl, Siuan seem to blink at that. "Mother may I speak to
you about something?"

        Ranma blinked, was it something she said? *Why did she call
her mother?* "So�um--Nisao, got anything to eat?" Nisao�s lips
tightened, Ranma knew she said something wrong again.

                                < OH MY! >

        Outside the tent, Siuan was a mist of thoughts.

        "What�s wrong Siuan? Some of you memories have come
back?"

        "Yes, I mean no Mother� I don�t know her, but she reminds me
of someone, I just can�t remember who. The important thing I want to
tell you was, she�s a Tav�eren." Siuan let the words sink in, unable to
believed it herself. But she had the talent and she could tell the young
red hair girl was a Tav�eren.

        "Are--are you sure Siuan? Maybe you haven�t fully rested yet.
You didn�t even eat to regain some strength before you came here."

What's the problem?  

        "I am, Mother. She is very weak, nothing like the three we
know, but a Ta�veren notheless."

I'd assume she's pretty average.  

        Ewgene�s lips pursed, and pondered for a second. "Alright then,
you remember still nothing though?" Siuan shook her head. "Then you
can get some rest now. I don�t want to hear excuses, you just woke,
you need to get your strength back."

        "Yes Mother."

                                < OH MY! >

        It was a good time to rest, not that they could do anything
about it. Ever since the Bowl of Winds was used the weather was a
severe annoyance. 

I thought the Bowl was to stop the weather from being a big annoyance.

A big snow storm suddenly came in halting the camp

of any movement. Though it did have it good points for Siuan, Egwene
thought. She needed her help, and the pass week that she wasn�t there
to help had hinder her very much. She needed Siuan at full strength,
and with the stop, it also gave Siuan some rest.

        Nisao suddenly came in, shuddering from the still moderate
storm, while giving her the respectable greeting.

        "How is the girl?"

        "She is fine Mother, it�s also amazing how fast she heals. She
had quite an appetite, for such a small figure. She ate, or should I say
gobble down three trays and wanted more. After she was finally filled,
it was like she had three days rest."

        Egwene pondered on that, but nothing that was truely

"truly"

suspicious. "How is she like?"

        "She�s crude Mother. Not raised properly I would say. She has
no manners at all! But she�s still a child, Mother."

        "Can she channel?"

        "I don�t think so Mother�"
        "Don�t think so?"

        "It was odd Mother. I can�t sense any ability, but� I can�t
explain it mother, but for a moment something burred my senses, as if
it had been blocked. I can�t make anything of it mother, could be just a
mistake."

        Egwene blinked at that, mysteries covered with more
mysteries. "Anything else odd that you have noticed?"

        "Well, there was this one thing when I was probing her. There
was a slight shift, as if something was distorted inside the girl. A
little
like what happens when a warder loses his Aes Sedai."

        Egwene mentally shuddered at the thought of a rampaging
warder. But she knew Nisao knew what she was talking about. It had
been a personal interest of the yellow sister to study the illness of
the
mind, especially an ill warder�s mind. "Tell Faolain to meet me"

        "Yes Mother," and she went out of the tent.

        *Something is amiss here, I just know it. First Siuan had a panic
about her dead warder, then a mysterious voyage to Caemlyn. Then
she ends up with Elayne, and now found near death on a desolated plain,
above all remembers nothing. I wish I knew what the link was*

        A few moments later, The newly raised Aes Sedai came in.

        "You call for me, Mother?"

        "The red haired girl that we found with Siuan, her name is
Ranma. I want you look after her, keep an eye on her, and keep her
from leaving."

        Without a question, Faolain replied, "Yes Mother."

                                < OH MY! >

        Rand stood on the balcony of one of the quarters in the royal
palace of Illian. Rain, there was a downpour of rain all over the city.
Rand could remember the feeling of it every time he had to go out into
the city. He also had many other things to do as the new king of this
kingdom, but even with all his priorities, he kept coming back here.

        Walking back inside the room, he glanced longingly again at the
person sitting calming on the chair. Moiraine, the calm, serene, and
beautiful Aes Sedai. It was the first Aes Sedai he had met, but she had
been more. She had been there to save his father, and his own life. She
had stood by his side till the end, even as they argued, she was right
behind him to the end. Moiraine was a friend he supposed, what little he
had.

        Now she was back, but something was different. The first time
they talked, she was as Rand had remembered, serene, mysterious,
and Aes Sedai, but something was wrong, he had felt it. It was a little
gesture there, or phrase there, it was just different. Then it changed
more drastically; it was as if she was a completely different person. He
thought it was another trick, a plan maybe, Moiraine would always have
one up her sleeve. But this time, someone was really wrong.

"something"

. It had been days now, and yet Moiraine
continued, without sleep, without food, and not responding to anything,
even him, nor did she slouch, or yawn. Something was definitely wrong.

Oh come on.  Moiraine never slouched or yawned.  

        Callandor, a crystal sword, but not only a sword, it was a
san�angreal. One that only a male channeler could weld, one fated for
him, the Dragon Reborn. With its power he could destroy cities, crush
armies with a thought. And he was powerless in this painting.

        It was only a painting he told himself, but his instinct told him
otherwise. Something from the very core of his being, warned him this
was his fate, or possible fate. He had asked Moiraine, but there was no
response. Somehow this youth will kill him.

"would"

        Lan al�Mandragoran, uncrowned king of a destroyed city,
harden warrior, and warder, looked out into the white, snow-filled

"hardened"

trail.
A simple sword lay on top of one of the supply packs. The sword that
he gave to the promising boy, and had received it back.

"received it back" is wrong.

        "Do you remember anything more?

Missing quote mark.

        Siuan tighten her lips briefly in deep thought. "Fish guts! Not a
single thing, just a headache."

        Ranma got up from a good night�s rest. It was a good until

"It was good until"

something suddenly woke her up. It was as if someone had stuck her

Don't start two consecutive sentences with "It was"

with a mental needle, waking her up. She grumbled because of her still
female form. *At least I have my clothes* She had fallen asleep trying
to think about her present situation. His backpack was remarkably
there, fully packed. She hadn�t remembered packing for a long trip,
making her missing memories even more puzzling.

        She saw it had stopped snowing outside the tent she was in
yesterday. Surprisingly she also found her pack was prepared for this
cold weather. *Who ever packed it, it was for a very long trip�* Also
from the snow she knew something was not right. She was definitely
not in Nerima anymore, or was she even anywhere near Tokyo probably.
There was also the probability of not being in the same time period.
She knew too many things were possible in her life.

        Getting up she got dressed in the heaviest clothes she had. It
was cold out there. Moments later, Someone came in.

        "Hello there, I�m Faolain Sedai. How are you feeling" She

Question mark.

 looked

friendly, but Ranma could feel her eyes on her.

        "I�m fine Faolain. If you don�t mind I can go myself, no worry at
all." Faolain�s lips tighten, and Ranma could swear she shot her a death
glare. *I did it again�*

                                < OH MY! >

        Rand surveyed the room. It was a wreck. He came as soon as
he felt it. There had been channeling done here. Sadiar, the female

"Saidar"

 half

of the one power; it was powerful for him to feel it so far from this

Isn't "One Power" capitalised?

room, Moiraine�s room. Something had happened here. Furniture was
burnt and blacken all over the room, the odd thing was, the paintings
remained untouched. Every single one in there rightful place.

"their"

        Peering at the painting that Moiraine would have been working
on, it was nearly finished. All but one uncolored spot; it was an image
of Moiraine� locked in combat with Siuan Sanche, and the boy who
would kill him.

                                < OH MY! >

        The big Aes Sedai camp was packing up. Servants ran all over
the place, each one had a duty they had to hastily perform. Everyone
was moving, even the Aes Sedai had to prepare to move onward.
Ranma, who was moving hastily, had a different reason at the moment.

        She was ducking from a particular person, one Faolain Sedai.

delete "from"

*Akk, why is she so intent on keeping me here!?* Running pass more
people, he saw what she needed, a kettle. Quickly she snatched it,
much to the holder�s surprise, but Ranma quickly became out of sight.

"became"?  

        A now male Ranma sighed. He was back to normal. That�s when
Faolain stood next to him. She gave him a calculating look, and then
shook her head.

        "Where did that girl go, blast her," he heard her mutter and

question mark

quickly moved on.

        Chuckling to himself, Ranma moved a bit more slowly then
before and without looking bumped into to someone.

        "Oh sorry Siuan," Ranma quickly blurred out before realizing
his mistake. She looked very surprised.

"blurted", comma after "sorry"

                                < OH MY! >

        Siuan was busy with all of Gareth Bryne�s belongings, and was
deeply angry about it. *Blast that man! I come out of near death, and
he has me walking on my hand and feet again! If we didn�t need the fool
mule of a man, I would gut him!* That�s when someone bumped into her.

        Whirling around, about to make that person life miserable, she
gasped. *It�s him! The one from the dream!* A name flew out of her
mouth. "Ranma�"

        Ranma jumped at the mention of his name.

        "You! I know you. You have something to do with my memories.
Ranma--" Siuan caught herself. *But Ranma was that girl�s name*

        "Ahh�excuse me, I have to get going now,"

        Siuan had other ideas as she quickly latched on to his arm. "Oh
no you don�t you�re going to answer my questions if I have to throw a
net and drag you in."

        "Hey, ahh� you�re Siuan, right? Look, I can see your busy with
that stuff, I mean you�re all in a rush right, so you better finish that
first."

        *How dare he!* Siuan shot him a cool deadly glare, "It�s Siuan
Sedai to you."

        Ranma thought he knew her from somewhere, but shook it off.
He felt a sudden annoyance towards Siuan, which he couldn�t figure out
why. "Err... yea, sure, Siuan _Sedai_," The conversation has a nagging
familiarity from somewhere. *Have to get away, she could figure out
my curse, better to find a way fast*

        "Oi, I don�t know where you seen me from, but I bet you�re
mistaken. I mean you must be tired,"
                --Twitch--
        "I can see some bags under you eyes and you don�t look to
hot."
                --Twitch--
"I mean...err... it just that maybe you didn�t get enough of your beauty
sleep and all..."

        A deep hidden rage flared from Siuan�s mind. It felt almost
foreign to her. She was suppose to be an Aes Sedai, one of calm and
understanding. That wasn�t Siuan now though, and she burned with
rage. *HOW--HOW DARE HE!*

        "RANMA NO BAKA!"

        From movements she had not known to make, she pulled out a
large mallet and gracefully connected it with Ranma�s head. The impact
was so power, he flew up, soaring into the sky. A faint yell of "Uncute
tomboy!" could be heard.

        Siuan slumped to the ground in shock. *How?What? That
was...impossible* "What happened..." she mumbled. Staring at the
distant, tiny figure, that could of been Ranma, she gasped. Quickly
getting up, she ran after him, hoping he was still alive and prepared to
answer some questions.

                                < OH MY! >

        Ranma slowly peeled himself out of the hard ground.
*Oh man! I could of sworn that was Akane* Glancing around, he saw
that he was clear of the camp. *At least I got away. Who knew that girl
could be as violent as Akane*

Question mark.  And aren't all the girls he knows?  

As Ranma turned around to start his trek home, he gasped. A woman
sat on a fairly large rock. Cloaked in white, embroiled with tiny red
triangles. The hood was pulled back. The face was one he knew the one
in his dreams, staring at him, cool and distance as if waiting for him
to
show up. Slowly she got up and raised her hands towards him.

        There wasn�t time to act before an invisible force had hit him,
throwing the surprised Ranma onto the ground several feet away.

        Scrambling up, Ranma leaped back a few steps, more prepared
then before. "Who are you? Why are you doing this!?" *Ahh great
another girl come to kill me. With my luck she�s another engagement
pop rigged up*

        But no answer came; she walked calmly towards him. Another
wave of invisible force stuck him, he tried to move out of the way as
her hands shot up, but it was no use. Falling back onto the ground he
struggled to get up again, but this time more pressure slammed into
him, pinning him onto the floor. Ranma grunted trying to press his way
up, but it was stronger. *Arrgghh! What is she doing to me!?*

        His opponent just kept walking towards him, calm and steady.
She didn�t smile, didn�t speak, never once changing that serene
feature. *Have to get up, have to stop her* Putting he full strength

"his"