Christian Groff wrote:

Here is the second chapter of my Pokemon/SM fusion fic. Guys,what
I want to know is am I doing Misty's behavior right? I don't want
people to say nothing,because I don't want people to think that I
am thinly disguising Usagi as Misty,like some other thinly disguised
Ami to be like Akane. :) 

I recommend that you remove this aside, since it has a potential to 
cause offense.  

Misty and Usagi are VERY different,folks.

C&C are highly requested.

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Mist's Message of Love
A Sailor Moon/Pok�mon Fusion fic by Cosmic Knight
========================================================================> Part 2
========================================================================> 
Deep in a dark palace with stone pillars reaching the roof,the sandy-

What would happen if the stone pillars didn't reach the roof?  

haired man walked to a black throne shaped like a skull. Sitting on
the throne was a woman with long red hair,wearing an ornate crown.

missing space

"Why haven't you found the Moon Crystal yet?" demanded the woman.

"Forgive me,Queen Beryl-sama," said the man,bowing. "I was stopped."

Missing space.

"By whom,Jadeite?" demanded Queen Beryl,who was rubbing a crystal ball.

Oh, nice grammar.  

"A girl calling herself Sailor Moon," said Jadeite. "But I will destroy
her,even if it takes all my effort."

Beryl:  What, you mean you'll fight her personally instead of using a 
Youma/Pokemon as cannon fodder and running away?
Jadeite:  Of course not!

"You had better deal with her," warned Beryl. "Our ruler is getting
restless. Obtain more energy and get me the Moon Crystal!"

"Leave everything to me," said Jadeite,bowing. He walked off.

You have that problem with commas, don't you?  Probably an e-mail
conversion thing.  

=*=

"Mom,I'm home!" said Misty. Luna walked in with her.

"That's a nice cat you have,dear," said Ikuko. "Hello,kitty."

The cat scratched Ikuko's face in disgust. "Mom!" said Misty,rolling

So I take it that Ikuko is doing something to put her face close to the 
cat?  Incidentally, this is a dumb move since Ikuko hasn't approved Luna 
staying yet.  

her eyes. "Never say that. Her name's Luna,got it?"

"Sorry,dear," mumbled Ikuko,going off to put iodine on her face.

Misty went to her room and Luna followed her inside. "Why are you
staying with me,Luna? Are you trying to spy on me?"

Luna sniffed. "I made you into Sailor Moon,Misty-chan. I have to train
you to be a good warrior! That's why I am staying with you!"

"Forget it!" said Misty. "I'm never gonna do THAT again!"

"It's your duty,Misty," said Luna crossly. "Don't try to hide from it!"

"I'm not hiding,I just won't DO it!" snapped Misty. "Besides,I have no
idea what the big deal is. Where did that monster come from?"

I suggest, "what's going on" rather than "what the big deal is".  

"From a dark place,somewhere no human can live," said Luna. "It is your
duty to find the Princess and your fellow warriors."

"Well,count me out!" said Misty crossly.

=*=

The next morning,Umino Gurio was talking with Naru Osaka.

"What's bothering you,Umino-kun?" asked Naru.

"It's Misty-chan," said Umino softly. "I want to go on a date with her.
I want to exchange diaries too. I want to talk to her parents."

"Forget it," said Naru. Umino sighed. "Oh Umino-kun,I'm sorry. I meant
that if you just go and confront her,she'll get mad."

"Maybe I should surprise her!" said Umino.

"No way!" said Naru. "There's another way you can get to her heart. Go
get your fortune told. That's the idea."

"Aha! That's the answer!" said Umino happily. "Arigatou,Naru-chan!"
He pulled out some cards. "Okay,these tarot cards will tell me what
to do." He put a few down. "According to this,Misty and I get married!"

"Iie!" said Naru-chan,shaking her head. "Not THAT junk! Go to a fortune
teller! There's a new psychic house that opened in in the district. It's
supposed to be pretty good. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Okay," said Umino,nodding.

=*=

After school,Misty was walking home when she spotted a fortune-telling
booth. It had no customers,which was pretty strange to her. She went up
to the fortune-teller. "Hi,Elza! What's wrong? No customers?"

"A rival stole them all," muttered Elza,pointing to the psychic house.
"That psychic girl showed up and took all my business."

"Oh,that's sad," said Misty. She held out her palm. "Here,read my palm.
Maybe that will make you feel better." She didn't care much about having
her fortune told,but Elza was a good friend and she wanted to help her.

"Arigatou,Misty-chan," said Elza,taking Misty's hand. She looked at it.
"Hmmm...I see that a man you meet often loves you very much."

Misty blushed. ~Really? I think I know who that is...~ "Thanks," she
said. She paid Elza and then went to the Crown Game Center. She began
to play the Sailor V game,even though she wasn't good at it.

~Might as well practice my hand-eye coordination,if I'm gonna be stuck
as Sailor Moon,~ she thought glumly. She lost a life. "Curse it!"

"Hi,Misty-chan," said a voice. It came from a high school boy who
had short blonde hair. "I see you're playing the new Sailor V game."

New?  It's been there for a year.  Or does this one replace the old one?

"Yeah,even though I'm not fond of Sailor V,Motoki-onisan," said Misty.
She looked at him and recalled what Elza had told her,then blushed.
~I bet it's him. I see him every day,after school!~

"Here,let me help you," said Motoki,leaning into Misty's shoulder. This
made Misty blush even more deeply. "Look carefully." Misty turned to the
screen. "You have to get these items here,okay? Then just shoot."

~He's so handsome,~ thought Misty. ~I love being around him.~

Just then,Luna leapt onto the console and ruined everything. "Luna!"
snapped Misty angrily. "Why are you here?"

"Is that your cat?" asked Motoki. "I don't mind it being here."

"You mean it's been here before?" asked Misty.

"Yeah,several times in fact," said Motoki.

"Oh," said Misty. "Well,I'd better go home. Thanks." She got up and
picked up her purse,then left. "Bye,Motoki-onisan."

"Bye,Misty-chan," said Motoki. "Come back again. I love to see your
pretty face around here." Misty blushed and left.

=*=

"Nice going!" shouted Misty at Luna. "You ruined the mood!"

"You were late getting home," said Luna. "Your mother is worried."

"What?" asked Misty. She checked her watch. "Damn,time flew." She ran,
and her shoe flew off and landed on someone's head.

"OUCH!" cried Ash,rubbing his head. "Hey,tomboy,can't you watch where
your shoes fly about? You nearly cracked my head in."

"Ooh!" snarled Misty,grabbing the shoe from him. "Get lost,Ash!"

"No wonder you don't have a boyfriend," teased Ash. "You are such a
tomboy that no boy would want to date you,Akane Tendo!"

Hmm.  Have you considered using the Japanese names?  Unlike most Pokemon 
fics, this one actually takes place in Japan, and it seems odd that you 
are using "Motoki" and not "Kasumi"

"DIE,ASH!" screamed Misty,slamming the show over his head one,two...
six times. Ash collapsed with swirly-eyes. "Stupid jerk!"

"Be nice to that boy," said Luna. "He didn't mean it."

"Ash? He means EVERYTHING he utters," growled Misty,storming off.

"utters"?  Wouldn't Misty be more likely to just say "says"?  She is a 
"call a spade a bloody shovel," sort.  A lot of people seem to be afraid 
to use "say" for any purpose, but sometimes it's appropriate.  

=*=

Umino came to the Psychic House. "Wow!" he said. "I never thought that
there was such a line." He took his place and waited until the last
boy got his turn,then entered to find a gnarled old woman. "Hi,my name
is Umino Gurio,and I want to have my fortune told."

I thought the other psychic called her rival a  "girl".  

"Very well,young man," said the woman. "Look into my eyes." As soon as
Umino locked gazes with her,he froze up. "You are now the servant of a
demon. You will act as your desires dictate."

Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law!

"I will act as my desires dictate," droned Umino.

"Stupid human..." said the woman,who was a youma in disguise.

No need to tell us that.  

=*=

As Misty came in,she met her father,Kenji. "Hi,dad."

"Well,hello Misty," said Kenji with a grin. "Nice to see you. Why are
you back so late? Mom and I were worried."

"Sorry," said Misty sheepishly. "I forgot the time."

"That's okay," said Kenji,hugging her daughter. "Just tell us where you
are going next time,okay?" He then saw Luna. "What's this cat?"

"Oh,that's my friend,Luna," said Misty,smiling. "Can we keep her?"

"Well,as long as you take good care of her," said Kenji.

Misty nodded. ~I bet Motoki is just like my dad!~ she thought.

=*=

The next morning,at school,Naru approached Misty. "Hey,Misty-chan,did
Umino talk to you?" she asked her friend.

"Huh?" asked Misty. "About what?"

"He's got a major crush on you," teased Naru.

"Oh no,not that dweeb," moaned Misty.

"Yeah,but he's so shy he can't tell you," said Naru. Just then,she saw
Umino coming in and making a beeline to them. She gasped. "Umino-kun?!"

"Hi,Misty-chan," said Umino eagerly. "Let's go on a date."

Misty sweatdropped. ~I knew Umino was a dweeb,but not THIS dweebish!~
The young man was wearing a ridiculous outfit. "Ah...Umino-kun...you
could get into serious trouble wearing that outfit."

So what's so ridiculous about it?  

"I want to be different," said Umino. "So,how about a date?"

"Ah..." said Misty nervously. ~Why is he so pushy all of a sudden?~

Just then,the teacher,Haruna-sensei,came in. She had long red wavy hair.
"Umino-kun!" she snapped. "What are you doing in that outfit?"

"This," said Umino with a sneer. He flipped up her skirt,much to the
shock of both Misty and Naru. Haruna blushed big.

"I...I can't take this!" she screamed,running off.

Haruna did that?  Feh.  Bad writing for that episode.  It would make 
more sense if there more uncontrollable boys in the scene.  

=*=

At lunchtime,Misty was talking with Naru about Umino's oddball behavior.
"So,Umino went to the psychic house?" she asked.

"Un," said Naru-chan. "And so did some other boys. They were making a
huge racket,breaking windows and causing disruption in the class."

"Oh dear," said Misty. Just then,Umino approached. "Huh?"

"Hey,Misty,let's kiss," he said evilly.

"No way,Umino!" shouted Misty. When he tried to kiss her,she slapped
him hard on the face! "Pervert! Get away from me!"

Suddenly,Umino went into a trance and left. "Weird," said Misty.

"Are you okay,Misty?" asked Naru in shock.

"Yeah," said Misty with a sigh. "But Umino and those boys are weird."

=*=

"And they left like that," said Misty to Luna as they were walking home.
"Isn't that weird,Luna? I mean,what is going on?"

"It's got to be the enemy," said Luna. "I sensed evil from them."

"They must be brainwashed," said Misty. "And I have a feeling that the
psychic house had something to do with it."

"Amazing," said Luna. "You are quite obsevant." She moved to leave.

"observant"

"Where are you going?" asked Misty.

"To that psychic house," said Luna. "And you should come too."

"No way!" shouted Misty. "I'm not gonna become Sailor Moon again."

"You have to fight," said Luna.

"You can't make me," said Misty,crossing her arms.

"Okay,I didn't want to do this,but..." Luna grabbed Misty's purse
with her mouth and ran off in the direction of the psychic house.

"Hey!" cried Misty. "That's my purse! You are in serious trouble!" She
ran off after Luna,who dashed into the psychic house. "Great. I'll HAVE
to transform to get my purse back! You're not gonna get away with this,
Luna!" She gritted her teeth. "Moon Prism Power,Make Up!"

=*=

The youma snickered as she looked over her army of young boys. ~This is
so easy,~ she thought. ~I will show Jadeite how good I am!~ "Good,you
are doing well,my slaves. Now ravage the town."

What, didn't any girls go to see the fortune-teller?  

"Sure," said Umino.

"Sounds like fun," said a boy.

"Okay,you monster!" said Misty as she came in. "I don't like fighting,
but I have no choice! I am the bishoujo sailor senshi,Sailor Moon! In
the name of the moon,I will punish you!"

"Get rid of this annoying girl,my slaves," hissed the youma as she
dropped her disguise. The boys attacked Misty.

"Ack! Hey!" cried Misty,trying hard not to get hurt. "Cut it out!
Don't come any closer,or you'll be in trouble!" Not listening to
her,the boys surrounded her and backed her into a corner. She had
to subdue every last one of them. The monster was impressed.

So am I.  How did she do it?  

"Impressive,Sailor Moon,but not good enough," it said. It lashed
out with its long hair and wrapped it around Misty's neck!

"Urk,urk,urk," choked Misty.

"Sailor Moon!" gasped Luna. Just then,a red rose severed the hair.

"Another intruder!" said the monster,turning to the window.

"Tuxedo Kamen!" said Misty with a sigh.

"Nice to see you again,Sailor Moon," said the boy with a grin.
He pointed his cane at the monster and it shot out,catching the
creature in the gut and making it double over in pain.

Somehow I have trouble seeing Ash in that role.  A twelve-year old with 
messy hair in a tux?  

"Ouch,that's gotta be painful," said Misty.

"Use the Moon Tiara," said Luna.

"I was GETTING to that!" snapped Misty. "Moon Tiara...Action!"

The glowing disc sliced through the monster and destroyed it.

Jadeite scowled as the energy crumbled. "Barmu failed," he said.
"This Sailor Moon is stronger than I thought..."

=*=

The next morning,Umino was hearing a retelling of his crimes. "I..."
he said in horror. "I flicked up Haruna-sensei's skirt?"

"And you tried to kiss Misty-chan," said Naru. "And you broke the
window of the teacher's lounge." She saw Umino leaving with his
head hung in shame. "Hey! Where are you going,Umino-kun?"

"I am doomed forever," said Umino dejectedly.

Misty came up. "Morning,Umino."

"Misty,about yesterday..." said Umino.

"Don't worry about it," said Misty. "It's not the end of the world."

"Yeah,you're right," said Umino,relieved. "You have no worries."

~You don't know what *I* have to go through,~ thought Misty.