It's a spoof.  What's a spoof?  This is.  For today is MY Independence Day!  
[Gee, hope I spelled that right . . .]  Be warned I have just watched the 
"Weird Al" stuff on VH1, just after watching "Wild, Wild West" while hopped 
up on "In & Out Burgers".  I'm feeling HAPPY
Thanks go out to Mercutio for helping fix this thing!  You're a bud, bud! 

Hyper-Tonic -The Cross-Reality work of fiction for what ails you!


Prologue: The Set up
A Sailor Moon, DC Comics, Inc. x-over; read above as to what genre this is, 
and the cause of my insanity.

In the World of Sailor Moon . . .

	Pluto looked up, looked down, looked in and out, and screamed in 
utter bloody fury.  Too bad that she was in a coffee shop at the time, for 
she drew quite a bit of attention to herself.
	"Oh, hell," she cursed.  She then stared intently at everyone there, 
her eyes glowing.  "None of you saw that.  And if any of you DID see that, 
well you didn't, 'cause there was nothing there to see.  Right?"
	"Right," said the collective masses with the same dull monotone.
	"Good."  She nodded once, and left the shop, muttering thunderously 
underneath her breath.


Somewhere . . . 

	*Chugalugalugachugachugachugalugachuga*
	It was coming, oh yes, and it was coming most joyfully indeed.
	"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates' life for me!"
	"Why are you singing that?"
	"I thought it appropriate."
	"It's not."
	"Oh.  Sorry."


Another Caf� . . . 

	"So something bad is going to hit the Earth?" Haruka asked once more, 
trying to pin down Pluto.  Not in the literal sense, mind, for while she did 
get stern schoolteacher fantasies about Pluto every once in a while, Haruka 
knew that she had a thing going with Ami.  The thought that the rest of the 
Senshi were not really lesbians never crossed Haruka's mind.  "What sort of 
bad thing?"
	"You . . . don't want to know," Pluto said gravely, though her 
demeanor was ruined by the huge sweat-drop.  "Really.  Trust me."
	"Why is it that I get hives every time someone says that?" Michiru 
asked rhetorically.
	"Oh, now you're all being mean to Pu," Hotaru admonished, using 
Chibi-Usa's nickname for Pluto.	
	"Thank you, Hotaru-chan," Pluto said gratefully.
	"You're welcome.  Though you could thank me by telling us everything 
this time, rather than in dribs and drabs," Hotaru suggested with a Steely 
Dan.  Dan soon went away after his gratuitous cameo, muttering about his 
father and vengeance and pink.
	"Err . . . oh, look at the time!  The invasion is coming.  Remember 
to stay in the outskirts of the incursion, but to not go near them, at least 
until I give the signal, and then, only with blindfolds and earplugs.  Let's 
get ready people, chop, chop!"  With that Pluto disappeared in a flurry of 
sparkles, leaving the rest of the Outers to gape amongst themselves.
	"But . . . where are we supposed to go?" Hotaru said.
	"Guess she forgot to tell us," Haruka said.
	"And what we were supposed to do to repel these over-dimensional 
invaders," Michiru said.
	"Who wants to just forget about this and get some ice-cream?" Hotaru 
suggested.  "I know this great place that has over a hundred and thirty 
different flavors."
	"Keen," Michiru and Haruka said in unison, visions of frozen 
confections dancing in their heads.
	However, before they could leave, Pluto came back, much to their 
disappointment, and actually gave them some pretty damn important information.
	This was indeed a sign of the coming apocalypse, but thankfully the 
apocalypse was a bit dull in the head and so missed it utterly.

Ami's Apartment . . . 

	*Beep, beep, beep, ding!*
	"I think that your sandwich is done being microwaved, Ami-chan," 
Makoto commented with a bit of a disapproving note in her voice.  As a true 
cook she frowned upon any use of the microwave, for it was a lazy person's 
tool indeed, and was probably the by-product of some sort of early invasion 
from the Dark Kingdom.
	They were lounging in Ami's apartment alone on that summer's day.  
Since Makoto had no parents, and Ami's mother was at some sort of medical 
conference for the rest of the month, they had decided to spread their 
loneliness around a bit, and NOT for hot lesbian sex, it should be noted.	
	"I didn't," Ami started to say, before she remembered what that sound 
indicated.  "Oh no."
	"What is it?" Makoto asked.
	"I think that you should call the others, Mako-chan," Ami said.  "I 
have to look over these readings."  With that, she turned all her attention 
to her computer, but not before wondering what Octarine really tasted like, 
and why she craved it so.


Sometime Later . . . 

	"So what's this about, Ami-chan?" Rei asked as soon as she arrived at 
Ami's apartment. "I have chores, and homework, and lusting after Usagi to 
attend to . . . Did I just say the that last one out loud or in my head?"
	Nobody answered, for they had all learned to tune out Rei's outbursts 
long ago, though there was a certain amount of unconscious blushing going on.
	"I, uh, that is my computer detected an incursion by some sort of 
other dimension a few minutes ago," Ami said.  "It's heading towards this 
world at a rapid rate, and should arrive at around midnight."
	"Where?" Minako asked, getting into her Warrior Princess mode.
	"Umm . . . Tokyo Tower," Ami responded, hanging her head.
	"Jeez, isn't that always the way?" Rei said forcefully in a feeble 
attempt at humor.
	"Midnight?" Usagi said with a horrified wail.  "But . . . but I'm 
going to be asleep then!  Oh why can't these monsters get to Tokyo at some 
decent hour?"
	"Shouldn't Pluto have come here and made some sort of vague mention 
of this?" Minako asked wryly, too into her role to wail at the hour, as much 
as she wanted to.
	"That is odd," Ami agreed.

Elsewhere . . . 

	"Umm . . . did someone tell the Inner Senshi about the plan?" Pluto 
asked, dreading the answer.
	"We were supposed to talk to them about it?" Haruka said, astonished.
	"Well, there's a first," Michiru said.
	"Hell!" Pluto yelled out, much to the others' shock.
	"You did say midnight, right?" Hotaru asked reasonably.  "You have 
plenty of time."
	"No, no," Pluto said petulantly.  "The effect is ruined."

Midnight . . . 

	"So here we are," Usagi said sleepily.  "Now what?"
	"Now we wait," Ami said.  The beeps of her computer were getting 
closer together as the clock reached towards the appointed time.  Then, when 
the clocks struck Midnight, it started to appear.
	First there was the noise, the sound of gears and pistons running.  
Then there was the ghostly after-affect, that flickered in and out of 
existence in between the blinks of the eye.  Then it fully manifested itself 
on that world.
	"It's a train," Minako commented.
	
	"It's a train," Haruka commented, further away from the train than 
the Inner Senshi were.
	And indeed it was.  A great silvery, most futuristic looking train 
indeed, but still a train.  On the side was proudly emblazoned the words, 
"Bloody Snowflake", and with it a caricature of a French Maid doing a high 
kick.
	"Put your blindfold and earplugs on, people," ordered Pluto.
	"This is just like that game Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama play, only 
without the rubber suit," Hotaru said, before putting on her paraphernalia.  
Haruka and Michiru failed to comment beyond blushing.
	"Here it comes," Pluto said with a grimace.

	"Ready, ladies?" said a gruff voice within the train.
	"Get ready, gang," Usagi said as she got out her magic-wand.
	With hisses and gouts of steam, a door opened on the train, falling 
towards the ground.
	"Shouldn't there be some gawkers around?" Makoto said.
	"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" Rei responded.  "But that's Tokyo 
for you.  Everyone is in major denial."  Not unlike some people, she thought. 
 Oh, Usagi, why can't you see that we were meant for one another.
	However, before Rei could descend too far into shoujo-ai-angst, the 
other-dimensional people came out of the train.
	"Why hello, there," said the man in the dress.  He was most 
definitely a man, for despite the fact he had on a full-body dress and a nice 
wig, the beard sort of gave it away.  With a cheery smile, he then introduced 
himself.  "My name is Gwendolyn," he said, as he pushed his glasses up to the 
bridge of his nose, "Queen of the Universe.  And this is my theatre troupe.  
Would you like to see our act?"
	"Uh . . . sure," Usagi said, finally.
	"Great!" Gwendolyn squealed out.  "Karol!  Rylie!  Sharon!  Set up 
the stage, we have a show to give!  Macayle, Shirley, get the props!"
	Then a large portion of the train's side fell onto the ground, 
revealing a most terribly colorful stage, filled with bright lights, silk 
sashes, and a glowing disco-ball.
	"My god," Ami said, as she watched the "girls' " act.  "The horror, 
the horror."
	"Oh, it's not that bad," Minako said, as she snapped her fingers and 
tapped her foot.  "It's catchy and I can dance to it."
	"Make it stop!" Rei screamed out from the ground, where she was 
writhing in pain.  "Please, make it stop!"
	Makoto and Usagi, on the other hand, stared at the stage mutely, 
unable to tear their eyes from the spectacle being performed before them.
	Oddly enough, besides the Senshi, there were two other people 
watching the act.
	"Ok, am I Rosencrantz?" said one.  "Or are you?"
	"I think that you're Rosencrantz and I'm Guildenstern," said the 
other.
	"Oh," replied the other.  "Huh.  Tails."
	But that was a pointless cameo, so pay no mind.


Later . . . 

	"Thank you, thank you!" Gwendolyn yelled out happily, as the entire 
cast bowed as one.  Roses were thrown at the stage, but unfortunately 
embedded themselves in front of the actors rather than hitting them.  "With 
that, we're off!"
	"Thank god," Mamoru said.  All the Senshi agreed, though Rei was 
still twitching on the ground when she nodded.  However, their relief was too 
quick, for when the train started to disappear once more, they were caught 
within its wake, dragged through the great swirling mass of nothingness.
	"What the?" Mamoru said, as he found himself suddenly alone.
	"Oh no," Pluto groaned out.
	"Oh, baby, yeah, that's the spot," Haruka moaned out.

Back somewhere in between Omniverses

	"I feel queasy," Usagi said, as they hurled through the imaginary 
space/time of the non-world they found themselves in.
	"Just close your eyes," Ami said calmly, though she too felt very 
ill, "and it'll pass.  Hopefully."
	Makoto, who had had her eyes closed, suddenly felt something hit her 
on the head.  "Ow!" she cried out.  
	"What is it, Mako-chan?" Rei said, concerned.
	Makoto instinctively grabbed onto the thing that had hit on the head, 
and opened her eyes to look at it.
	"It's a wooden mallet!" she said.
	"A what?" Ami said.
	"A wooden mallet.  A big one, too, like the things you see in 
carnivals and stuff."
	"Odd.  Ow!" Ami cried out, as she too was hit upon the head by a 
mallet.
	"Somebody do something!" Usagi wailed out, as she was hit upon the 
noggin.
	"Umm, umm," dithered Minako.  "Ah . . . Crescent Dome Rise!" she 
yelled out desperately.  Then, a golden bubble appeared around them, 
protecting them.
	"Good work, Mina-chan!" Ami said. 
	"Thanks," she said.  Wow, Minako thought, it actually worked.  I'm 
the best there is at what I do, and what I do is make golden things and stuff.
	They then drifted along the non-world, growing accustomed enough to 
the strange nonscape that they no longer felt that queasy.
	"What do we do now?" Makoto asked.
	"I'm trying to figure that out," Ami answered, as she once again 
craved for the color Octarine.
	"Is that the Sphinx?" Makoto said, as she stared out into the 
outer-world.
	"I'd ignore that, if I were you," Ami suggested.
	"Hey, look at that," Usagi said, as she pointed to something drifting 
by.  "Plaques and stuff.  They're in English, I think.  What do they say?"
	"Uh," Minako started, as she started at the plaques.  "Astro City 
Council of Schools awards this plaque to Samaritan for Providing a Moral 
Example to today's Youth."
	"What's an Astro City?" Usagi asked.
	"Must be someplace in America," Makoto said.
	Silence reigned then, until . . . 
	"Huh," Minako said.  "Police boxes.  This place is getting weirder 
and weirder."
	"How's it going, Ami-chan?" Makoto asked.
	"It's going," Ami answered.  "Beyond that, I can't give you much 
more."
	"Oh, gross," Usagi said, looking queasy again.  "It's like this place 
is made out of . . . blood."
	Indeed a red glow was permeating through the golden bubble, its color 
very much like that of blood.  Far off in the "distance" they saw a gigantic 
ship-like structure.
	"That thing is huge," Minako said.  
	"Wow," agreed the others, including Ami, who had lifted her head long 
enough to marvel at the enormous craft.
	"Bloody tourists!" came a far away voice from inside the ship.

And finally . . . 

	"Ok, I think that I've figured out a way to get us out of here," Ami 
announced.
	"Really?" said the others.  "Great!  How?"
	"Basically, it's the standard 'Give Usagi our power so that she can 
use the Silver Crystal safely' thing.  Only this time, instead of Usagi 
blasting away at some bad-guy, she creates a portal back home," exposited 
Ami.  "Think you're up to it, Usagi-chan?"
	"Y-yes," Usagi said.  Pressure, pressure, she thought.
	"Ok, let's do it.  Mercury Crystal Power!"
	"Venus Crystal Power!"
	"Mars Crystal Power!"
	"Jupiter Crystal Power!"
	"Moon Eternal Power!"

In a Theme Restaurant . . . 

	"Again?" Michael "Booster Gold" Carter said.
	"Hey, you're the one with the bright idea for this place," Ripley 
"Rip" Hunter answered dryly.  He looked at his chronometer and said, "You 
should get out of the way, cause they're due here pretty darn soon."
	"Fine, fine," Booster said with a deep sigh.  "But this time you're 
going to put this place in a sort of null-time field so that the repairs go 
instantaneously.
	"That's a violation of the Time Codes," Rip said.  "But don't worry, 
I'll reimburse you.  Oop, here they come.  Force fields, up."
	"I hate it when this happens."
	Ca-rump went the roof as it caved under the impact of the golden 
bubble.
	"Uhh," Usagi said.  "What happened?"
	"My head hurts like crazy," Rei cried out, clutching at her temples 
and wincing for the pain.
	"Hello, ladies," Rip said genially, as he helped them out of the 
rubble.  "Welcome to a new world."

To Be Continued . . . Maybe . . .

BONUS!  This chapter, self-annotated

References Made:
*"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates' life for me!" -The first line to the song sung by 
the Pirates of the Caribbean on the ride at Disney-Land of the same name
 
*"Really.  Trust me." -Possibly a reference to the most common phrase used by 
Silk of the "Belgariad" and "Mallorian" series by David Eddings, but possibly 
not

*Hotaru suggested with a Steely Dan. -A reference to Steely Dan, a musical 
group from the seventies, which was in turn named after a dildo from William 
S. Burrough's "Naked Lunch"; used in the place of "with a steely glare"

*Dan soon went away after his gratuitous cameo, muttering about his father 
and vengeance and pink. -A referential appearance by Dan Hibiki of Street 
Fighter Alpha as well as Twoflower's fighting tournament spoofs, known for 
being utterly incompetent as well as being stupidly obsessed with revenge for 
his father

*"I know this great place that has over a hundred and thirty different 
flavors." - A reference to the ice cream shop in Oh!  My Goddess 131 Flavors, 
which is in turn a reference to Baskin Robbins 

**Beep, beep, beep, ding! * -A reference to the sound made by various radio 
and television stations when they toll the hour, at least in certain parts of 
Asia 

*but not before wondering what Octarine really tasted like, and why she 
craved it so -A reference to the Eighth Color of Terry Pratchett's Discworld 
novels as well as the cyber-punk clich� of craving for the taste of a color

*"I have chores, and homework, and lusting after Usagi to attend to . . . Did 
I just say the last one out loud or in my head?" -A reference to both the 
widely held theory that Rei is in love with Usagi and the old joke of someone 
saying something aloud rather than just thinking it

*Minako asked, getting into her Warrior Princess mode -A reference to both 
Minako's seeming split personality from utter airhead to rock-steady warrior 
and to the work of fan-fiction "Minako: Warrior, Princess, Sidekick" by 
Nightman

*"It's heading towards this world at a rapid rate, and should arrive at 
around midnight." -A reference to the clich� that everything dramatic happens 
at midnight or high noon

*"Umm . . . Tokyo Tower," -A reference to the anime clich� that almost 
everything in Tokyo happens at the Tokyo Tower (e.g.: Magic Knight Rayearth)

*"Shouldn't Pluto had come here and made some sort of vague mention of this?" 
-A reference to the notion that Pluto never really tells anyone anything, but 
rather hints at it, to the frustration of others

*"We were supposed to talk to them about it?" -A reference to the fact that 
the Inner and Outer Senshi don't really communicate all that much about each 
others' plans

*"It's a train," -A reference to the train used in Marvel Comic's Excalibur 
during the "Cross-Time Caper" wherein they traveled to different alternate 
realities (including one in which they met with versions of the Dirty Pair)

*"Bloody Snowflake" -A reference to Warren Ellis' conception of the 
multiverse as a snowflake, with the "artery walls" between universes called 
"The Bleed" in both his "The Authority" and "Planetary" comics by WildStorm 

*"But that's Tokyo for you.  Everyone is in major denial." -A reference to 
the fan-fiction notion that everyone in the Sailor Moon world regard the 
Senshi as either an urban myth or as a marketing tactic

*Shoujo-ai-angst -A reference to the clich� that unrequited love, especially 
the "love that dare not speak its name" demands excruciatingly depressing 
introspective inner-monologues 

*"My name is Gwendolyn," he said, as he pushed his glasses up to the bridge 
of his nose, "Queen of the Universe.  And this is my theatre troupe. 
-Obviously, this is Ikari Gendo of Neon Genesis Evangelion fame in drag a la 
"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"

*"Karol!  Rylie!  Sharon!  Set up the stage, we have a show to give!  
Macayle, Shirley, get the props!" -Fuyutsuki Kozo, Kaji Ryoji, Ikari Shinji, 
Hyuga Makoto, and Aoba Shigeru respectively; it's a very scary image, isn't it

*"The horror, the horror." -The famous line from Joseph Conrad's "Heart of 
Darkness"

*"I think that you're Rosencrantz and I'm Guildenstern," -A referential 
appearance by, of course, the two title characters of the movie "Rosencrantz 
and Guildenstern are dead"

*Roses were thrown at the stage, but unfortunately embedded themselves in 
front of the actors rather than hitting them -A reference to Tuxedo Mask's 
habit of using his roses mainly as a distraction

*"It's a wooden mallet!" -A reference, of course, to the fan-fiction conceit 
of "Hammer-space", i.e. where those Takahashi characters get those mallets 
from

*"Ah . . . Crescent Dome Rise!" -A reference to the fact that whenever they 
face a new type of crisis, the Sailor Senshi always pull a new trick out of 
their . . . hats

*I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do is make golden things and 
stuff. -A reference both to Marvel Comic's Wolverine's catch-phrase as well 
as Minako's utter inability to say a phrase correctly

*"Is that the Sphinx?" -A referential appearance by the so-called "Time 
Sphinx" from Marvel's "Avengers Forever" maxi-series 

*"Astro City Council of Schools awards this plaque to Samaritan for Providing 
a Moral Example to today's Youth." -A reference to the Closet Dimension of 
"Kurt Busiek's: Astro City" hero Samaritan

*"Police boxes -A reference, of course, to BBC's "Dr. Who" series

*Far off in the "distance" they saw a gigantic ship-like structure. -A 
referential appearance by Warren Ellis' "The Authority" Carrier

*"Bloody tourists!" -This was, of course, said by the irascible immortal 
Jenny Sparks of "The Authority"

*"Basically, it's the standard 'Give Usagi our power so that she can use the 
Silver Crystal safely' thing. -A reference to how every single Sailor Moon 
movie ended 

*In a Theme Restaurant -The theme restaurant is "Planet Krypton" from DC 
comics, which is in turn a reference to Superman's destroyed home planet, and 
which first appeared in the Elseworld series "Kingdom Come" and was 
subsequently revealed as a natural weak-point in the DC universe

*"Again?" -A reference to the fact that Planet Krypton had been nearly 
destroyed twice

* Michael "Booster" Carter -The DC superhero from the future who goes by the 
name of Booster Gold, created by Dan Jurgens

*"Hey, you're the one with the bright idea for this place," -A reference to 
the fact that superhero theme restaurants tend to be the site of superhero 
battles and get destroyed a lot

*Ripley "Rip" Hunter -The DC time-traveling hero created by Jack Miller and 
Ruben Moriera 

-Murmur the Fallen 

Am I insane or what?