Disclaimer:  The characters and situations in this story are 
the creation of Rumiko Takahashi.  No offense intended.

David Johnston, rgorman@telusplanet.net

The Contest



"I suppose you are wondering why I called you all here," 
Nodoka Saotome said, gently cradling her teacup.

"We are of course eager to hear anything you wish to say," 
Kodachi answered smugly.  Naturally she'd shown to the 
greatest advantage during the tea ceremony.  Shampoo and 
Ukyo hadn't had any idea what to do and Akane had been 
pathetically clumsy.

Ukyo commented, "Actually I was wondering what Kodachi is 
doing here.  She isn't a fiancee, after all," and got a 
glare from Kodachi in response.

Nodoka smiled calmly, and raised a hand. "None of that, 
please.  As a matter of fact, this week my son agreed to 
become engaged to Kodachi-kun."

"What!?"

Everyone else winced at Kodachi's grating laugh.  "Oh my 
dears, did you think the passion Ranma and I share could be 
denied forever?" 

Nodoka broke the stunned silence.  "The precise details of 
how Ranma came to make such a...choice, no longer matter.  
Given that the males of this household, Ranma included, have 
made such gordian knot out of this situation that it falls 
to us to cut through it.  Regrettably, under present-day law 
Ranma can not legally marry all of you, manly though such a 
solution might be."

They all glared at Nodoka.  She kept smiling, unmoved by 
their anger, and continued, "As his mother, it is my 
responsibility to ensure his greatest possible happiness.  
Is there anyone among you who feels that their love for 
Ranma is exceeded by any other?"

The other three looked at Akane who defensively snapped, 
"What?"

"Go on, Akane," Shampoo urged.  "You say you not love Ranma 
many, many time."

"Oh and you do?  You just want to own him!"

"Well now, Akane makes a good point," Nodoka interrupted.  
"Love is more than your personal needs.  It's caring about 
another's happiness more than your own.  Do the four of you 
care about Ranma's happiness?"

"Yes!"

"More than life itself!"

"Is for sure!"

"Well...I guess..."

"You must realise that your competition for Ranma, the 
constant pressure, and the physical abuse he gets does not 
make him happy."

"Well that's Akane's fault!" 

"You do it too!"

"That Akane is the most frequent offender does not make her 
the only one.  You have used your spatula to reprimand him 
repeatedly, and humiliating him via his fear of cats or the 
use of paralytic chemicals is hardly any better," Nodoka 
scolded.  "I will not allow this to go on.  I will set a 
test for you to establish which of you is worthy to marry my 
son.  Those who fail shall be considered to have no further 
claim."

Shampoo crossed her arms, radiating confidence. "Shampoo 
better at everything.  Shampoo easy win no matter what."

Kodachi giggled. "Unless of course it's a test of the 
ability to speak intelligibly."

"Hah!  Shampoo like to hear crazy-girl speak Chinese 
interri-telli...so good after six month!"

"It won't be that kind of contest," Nodoka assured them.  
"The true measure of devotion is self-sacrifice and so my 
test will be of your willingness to give something up for 
the man you love."

"Like what?" Ukyo asked.

"You must give up the thing you love most apart from Ranma.
Okonomiyaki."

"But that's not fair!  None of the others will care about 
that!"

"But Shampoo does care about the Amazons."

Shampoo started, and asked, "What Mother mean?"

"You must give up your membership in the Amazons, their 
laws, and any intention you had of taking Ranma back to 
China.  You will become a Japanese wife, or you will not 
marry Ranma.  Only thus may I be assured that your love is 
for Ranma rather than for yourself and your law."

"But, Shampoo..."  

"And what terms would you dictate to me?  Willingly would I 
give up my luxuries for the ultimate joy of being with my 
Ranma-sama!  Ohohoho-"

"Get treatment."

"What did you say?"

"What you must do to prove yourself worthy, is go to 
psychiatrist of my choosing, let yourself be diagnosed and 
follow whatever course of treatment he prescribes."

"How dare you!" Kodachi gasped.  "To impute such a thing of 
someone of my-"

"I believe that this is necessary for my son to have any 
hope of happiness with you, and it sacrifices the thing you 
hold most dear.  Your pride."

Akane remained silent, gritting her teeth in anticipation.

"And what of the Tendo-girl?  What has she to offer that 
matches what you demand from us?"

"The engagement to Akane is severed unless she is prepared 
to give up all practise of martial arts and her position as 
heir to the Tendo school.  She must devote herself to the 
lady-like arts."

"But aren't we supposed to unite the schools?" Akane argued.

"You will unite the schools with your children."

Ukyo spoke up again.  "I can see why the other sacrifices, 
but why okonomiyaki?  Ranma _likes_ okonomiyaki."

"I know, but like the others you have been looking for a way 
to fit Ranma into your life instead of learning to fit your 
life to Ranma as a proper wife should."

"But I..."

"Shampoo..."

"My family..."

"This isn't..."

____________________________________________________________

The vase of black roses shattered against the wall.  "But 
I'm NOT crazy!  That disrespectful hag, how dare she!  
Insisting that I lower myself, me, Kodachi Kuno of one of 
the most respected families in all Japan!"  A ribbon slashed 
out, cutting through black silk curtains, and wrapping 
around a lamp to send it flying.  

"Just because I have a bit of a sense of humour, people 
insist on telling such cruel lies.  I credited her as having 
more perception than to believe their tales.  It appears I 
overestimated her," Kodachi mused, beginning to calm down.

Of course there was no particular reason why she had to pay 
attention to the fool.  She'd schemed for weeks and spent a 
small fortune to get Ranma to agree to an official 
engagement, and her success was probably what had sparked 
this absurd contest.

It was all a plot to get rid of her, of course.  The other 
girls were in it as well.  Since they had no pride, they'd 
give up their trivial avocations and only Kodachi would be 
the loser, back where she started.  Well...so be it.  It was 
only money, after all, and not being "officially" engaged 
had never stopped her before. 

Too bad though.  After all, she wasn't really insane.  She 
just like to play with people a little.  Hmmm.  Wait a 
second.  She really wasn't insane.  Wouldn't it be nice to 
have official proof of that, and to have her status as a 
fiancee confirmed by the old bag's inane "contest"?  

Kodachi took out the business card that Nodoka had given to 
her.  It would be wise to check her psychiatrist's 
credentials.  After all, only the most reputable 
practitioner would be worthy of her social status.  

___________________________________________________________

Ukyo gazed blankly at her grill.  All her life.  Generations
before her, selling okonomiaki.  Her father used to tell her
that it was an ancestor of theirs who had invented it.  Give 
it up?  It would be like...

Like deciding to give up her womanhood.  Like giving up 
everything for just one thing.  She'd done it once...twice. 
Could she do it again?  Did she even want to?  Was Ranma 
worth it?  Let's face it, he was dumb as a stump.  Of course 
that could be kind of cute.  

His father.  To have Genma Saotome for a father-in-law.  
Heck, to have Nodoka Saotome for a mother-in-law.  She 
obviously a total idiot.  She married Genma, after all.  
Then there was this stupid test.  Akane give up martial 
arts?  Kodachi?  Admit she was nuts?  Shampoo, give up the 
whole Amazon thing?  Never happen.  They wouldn't have the 
guts.  All of them were takers, not givers.  They'd fail the 
test.

And then Ranma would be alone with his crazy mother and his 
thieving father.

Konatsu awoke when he heard the clattering downstairs.  He
wafted silently downstairs.  If someone had dared to break
in, he'd make sure they regretted their trespass.  He 
stopped, confused.  Ukyo-sama was dismantling the grill.

Ukyo turned when she heard the gasp from the stair.  "Oh, hi
'Natsu-chan.  Give me a hand will you?"

"Of course.  Uh...what are we doing?"

"Something different."
____________________________________________________________
Shampoo stormed into the Nekohanten's kitchen, her face 
glowing with fury.

Cologne took one look at her and dryly commented, "I take it 
that things did not go as hoped?"

Shampoo didn't bother to speak Japanese.  Not worth the 
effort, and no need to tell the customers about her 
business.  "Great-Grandmother, that horrible woman is going 
to stop me from marrying Ranma unless I swear never to go 
back to home and to live as a Japanese wife for the rest 
of my life.  That insulting barbarian wants to turn me into 
another her!  That excretion of a diseased-"

"Shampoo!  I'll have none of that language!"

"I'm sorry, Great-Grandmother.  I won't do it again, but...
I don't want to lose Ranma.  I've never known anyone so 
wonderful, and now she's taking him away from me!  She just 
makes me so damn mad!"

"There's an old Amazon saying that you would do well to 
remember at times like this," Cologne commented.  "Don't get
mad, get even."

"I don't really want to kill Ranma's mother.  I think it 
would put a strain on our relationship."

"That wasn't what I meant in this case."  

Before Cologne could continue, a white clad form lunged 
through the swinging door which separated the kitchen from 
the tables.  "Shampoo!  Is it true?  Are you finally going 
to go back to China with me?"  Mousse lunged forward, as 
she absently stepped aside, tripped him flat onto his
face and planted a foot on his back as she grabbed a cold 
drink to hold over him.  

"I'm not in the mood to play right now, Mousse.  Behave."  
He remained still as she turned her attention back to her 
mentor.  "You were saying, Great-Grandmother?"

"At the moment Nodoka has the upper hand.  That will change 
after the wedding.  You have been studying marital arts, 
after all."

"Ye-es, but I'd still have to swear an oath not to return to 
China, and to live as a Japanese housewife."

"Has your association with Son-In-Law taught you nothing 
about the room for manuever that can be found in oaths?"

Shampoo looked at the old woman, stunned.  "You want me to 
do it?"

"I didn't say that.  It will be an awkward situation.  You 
wouldn't be free to return home as long as Ranma remained 
alive.  That is particularly awkward since in return for 
releasing you from Amazon law, I would insist that your 
children be returned to the Amazons through adoption or 
marriage.  It is up to you to decide whether that talented 
lout is worth the sacrifice."

"Ranma's mother wouldn't like that."

"No need to tell her until the occasion arises."

"But a Japanese wife..."

"What?"

"Once I am a Japanese wife, how I act is how a Japanese wife 
acts, right?  After all, there's no book of Housewife Law."

"Now you are getting it."

"But, Sham-quack!" briefly protested Mousse.

____________________________________________________________

Akane fumed as she stormed upstairs.  How could Ranma have 
put his mother up to this stupid scheme?  Well she didn't 
need either of them.  There was no way she was giving up the 
skills she'd spent ten years learning, the thing she did 
best, not for that jerk.  If the marriage was off she could 
just find someone else to marry.  She didn't need him. She 
didn't even want him!

She sniffled absently and wiped at her face.  She'd do just 
fine without him.  She didn't even need to marry.  You 
didn't need a man to be a martial arts sensei.  When she was 
older she could teach women's self-defense classes.  That 
sort of thing was getting bigger and bigger and they _liked_ 
getting taught by another woman.  

It would serve Ranma right when he was left all alone.  She 
punched her pillow and it exploded.  Damn.  Feathers 
everywhere that she'd have to clean up.  It was all Ranma's 
fault.  She went to get the vacuum.

"Akane?"  Kasumi was looking at her with concern.  

Busted.  "Oh...hi, Kasumi.  I was going to clean up a little
accident.  Nothing to...worry about," Akane choked out.

"Oh Akane, what happened?"

"Just one of my pillows..."

Without really knowing how it had happened Akane found 
herself being hugged by Kasumi.  Well, she couldn't very 
well upset Kasumi more by pulling back.  She hugged her 
back, so Kasumi would feel better.

Kasumi held her close and said, "That's not what I'm asking 
you."  

Akane looked up at her sister, answering "Mrs Saotome told 
me I had to give up martial arts."

"What!  Why?"

"It's a c-contest.  Any one of us who isn't willing to give 
up what Auntie Nodoka thinks we care about most, loses their 
engagement to Ranma.  She thinks that'll solve his 
problems."

They let go of each other after a moment and Kasumi smoothly 
took over the job of cleaning up the feathers.  "If it's a 
contest, who do you think will win?"

"Nobody, I guess.  Ukyo wouldn't give up okonomiyaki any 
more than I'd give up martial arts and Shampoo wouldn't give 
up her people.  I guess maybe Kodachi's a long shot but 
putting herself under a psychiatrist's care with her 
pride...  Huhn.  Now there'd be a match made in hell.  It 
would serve Ranma right if Kodachi did win the contest."

Kasumi gave Akane a reproachful look, but didn't comment.

"Well it would!  He's the idiot who let himself get engaged 
to her."

"You might want to ask him about that."

"The last thing I want is to hear the gruesome details," 
Akane snapped, then said more quietly, "Thanks, Kasumi."

"That's all right.  I'll get you another pillow."

Akane lay back on her bed and sighed.  After a moment she 
leaned over and looked at her clock.  Time to get in her 
workout.  After all, she wouldn't want to let her martial 
arts skills slide.   

Well...maybe she'd put it off until tomorrow.  It had been a 
rough day.
____________________________________________________________

There was something going on.  Ranma was sure of it.  He 
couldn't put his finger on it, but he could just feel it.  
He'd seen Kodachi yesterday and she'd been...odd  She still 
called him "Ranma-sama", still came on to him, still was a 
snob, but she just seemed different.  Actually, come to 
think of it, she'd seemed relaxed, sort of pleasant.

Then there was the girl walking beside him.  She was angry 
about something and hadn't told him what it was.  Nothing 
unusual about that.  Happened all the time.  But there was 
something different.

"Say, Akane?"

"Yes, Ranma?"

"Why haven't you been working out for the last couple of 
days?  Is something wrong?"

She glared at him, snarling, "Why no, why would you think 
that?"

"Did you bust something when I wasn't looking?"

"I'm fine."  She muttered something else he didn't quite 
catch.  "Ungrateful" something or other.  

"Oh.  Well, that's good," he said lamely.  "Say, you want to 
grab a bite at the Ucchan?  Looks like it's open again."

"A bite of what?"

He followed her gaze.  Through the window instead of the 
grill and stools he could racks of magazines, newspapers, 
and manga.  "What the..?"

"Still want to go in?"

"Yeah."  Ranma felt weird as he went inside.  It was like 
he'd been zapped into a world full of not quite right 
copies of everyone he knew.  "What's goin' down, Ucchan?"

"Hi Ranchan!  Have a look around the new Ucchan's!"

"What was wrong with the old one?"  Ranma watched with 
confusion as his fiancees exchanged mysterious looks.

"It was just time to...try something different."

"Oh...well that's your business I guess."  Ranma idly 
flipped through one of the manga. "Say, what's this?"

"Oh, that's something called Dragonball Z.  I don't know 
much about it."

"Funny stance.  Well, good luck with your new business.  I 
bet you'll be a big success with it."

"Thanks, Ranchan.  Come back soon."

Well, things were different, but nothing really suspicious 
was going on.  Ranma shrugged as he went back out.  "Hey 
Akane, I'm still hungry.  Would it be OK if we went to the 
Nekohanten?"

"Why not.  After all, Shampoo isn't there."

"She isn't?"

"Nope.  She moved out and got a job as a hairdresser."

There was something weird going on.  Definitely.  Hey, 
doughnuts!  
____________________________________________________________

When the competitors gathered again, the judge for their 
contest was looking a bit less self-possessed.  In fact 
Nodoka was looking distinctly pale.  

"Yes, actually I was pleasantly surprised by the therapist 
you recommended; quite respectful and intelligent.  Of 
course he confirmed that I'm not at all delusory.  All he 
thinks I need is a mild mood stabiliser.  I've been on his 
prescription for last few days and feel fine."

"Big deal!  You had it easy.  I had to give up my life's 
work, but the magazine stand is doing good business at 
least."

"Hah!  Shampoo have to give up 3000 years of tradition."

"My family's been making okonomiaki for at least that long."

"In you dreams!"

"Girls, please!"  Nodoka looked like she was getting a 
headache.  

"Hey, what's going on?"  Ranma asked as he came in.  

"Ranma?  What are you doing here?"  Nodoka was definitely 
getting a headache.

"I just noticed everyone comin' over here.  Is this about 
why everyone's acting so weird?"

Akane nodded.  "Pretty much.  You see, your mother said 
that in order to keep our engagements Shampoo had to stop 
being an Amazon, Ukyo had to give up okonomiyaki, Kodachi
had to give up being...um...and I had to give up martial
arts."

Ranma wasn't looking particularly enlightened.  "And you 
went for it?  This is nuts!  I don't expect anyone to 
give up everything that's important to them for me.  
Why are you doing this?"

Nodoka looked about ready to cry.  "I was so sure that 
they'd all say no!  I mean I couldn't have possibly been 
more unreasonable in my demands!"

"All of them?  I guess I can see you wanting a few less 
engagements but why try to get rid of all of them unless...
Mom...what did you do?"

"Well-"

"Hello?  The door was open.  Is everything all right?"  

Everyone turned to the new arrival, a cute girl with two 
braids drawn into large loops and sparkling eyes.

"Mom, you didn't-"

"I'm Yohko Mano.  Are you my fiance?"

The End
____________________________________________________________