Couple of things here.

-First of all, this is a very, very cute little fic. Nice and WAFFy,
and the flow makes perfect sense, although I'm not entirely sure I
can picture Misty as a skinnydipper (not from lack of trying I assure
you  n.n;;)

-However, you seriously need to work on your grammar. You need to
learn how to construct proper sentences, as well as how to stick to a
single verb tense. Your narrative style is extremely weak, and
indicates that you were either in too great of a hurry to finish this
and be done with it, or were trying to write in the same way you
might act something out in a chat room.

-You also need to learn about little things such as paragraphs and
line-wrapping. The line wrap problems are semi-excusable, though
annoying. The paragraphing, though, you need to work on, seriously.
It's a lot easier on the reader if the text is broken up into nice,
neat paragraphs.

-Also, and this may possibly be a problem with your mailer software,
it seems that words at the ends of paragraphs get cut off somewhere
in the middle. You might want to pay close attention to this, as it
looks messy, to say the least.

Suggestions:

-Examine a few fanfics written by well-established authors. Also
examine a few published novels, of any type. You will get a sense of
proper sentence structure and narrative style. Every author's
narrative style varies, but they all have one thing in common: they
DON'T RUSH THE STORY. Narrative details are fully explained, as
opposed to reading like glorified stage directions. 

-Brush up on your grammar. Judging by your e-mail address, I assume
you are a native English speaker; I may be wrong. I also don't know
anything about the education system where you live. I do assume,
however, that you have at some point been schooled on how to convey
the English language properly in writing. These are important
lessons, and you should try to recall them, or give yourself a
refresher course. 

People, English grammar is NOT THAT DIFFICULT. It may *seem* like it
is, but it isn't. If you can remember to watch your verb tenses, and
remember what punctuation is supposed to go where, and learn when two
or more ideas should be crammed into the same sentence and when they
should not, you'll be fine. At the very least, you'll produce
something people can read without twitching.


(By the way, I am *not* going to fully C&C the other fic you posted,
'By the river side'. I only have two comments about that: see above
notes on grammar, sentence structure, and narrative; and you really
should have included a [lemon] tag with that. >_<)

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o/~Sometimes I fart, sometimes I belch;
sometimes I scratch my nads...o/~

-The Eternal Lost Lurker
(the 666th Pokemon)

"Chikushou...omae wa...bakemono...."
"Bakemono? Che....ore wa akuma da,"
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