Your Average Girl
by Caine


       Some people referred to Nabiki Tendo as an Ice Queen.  They saw her as
manipulative, greedy, and downright cold.  These people would be
surprised to learn what she was doing at a kissaten.  She was not having
a business meeting.  She was not counting her profits for the week.

       She was on a date.

Fun stuff.  :)

       Kensuke struggled to provide an answer, suddenly nervous under Nabiki's
stern gaze.  His nervously only increased as Nabiki seemed to be losing
more of her patience by the second.

His nervousness only increased...

       "No.  I mean, I didn't really believe them.  How could a cute girl like
you, do things like that?"

You don't need the comma after 'girl like you'.

       "Yeah right, like Dad would really let me go on a date with anyone but
Ranma."

       "So go on a date with Ranma then."

She's gone out with Ryoga before...  Course, she was trying to make
Ranma jealous, but the date did occur... sorta.  ;>

       "That's because she likes Dr. Tofu.  It's not like your one to talk.

not like you're one

       "I guess their just hopeless."

they're

       "That's good because I was wondering if you would like to go out again
sometime."

I'm thinking you need a comma after "That's good" but I might be mistaken.


Nice story so far.  Has potential to flesh out Nabiki in ways we havn't seen
to often, so that will be nice.


Keep up the good work,
Warr

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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
 - Winston Churchill