While my regular computer is down I can't work on Girl Days (Sorry!) 
so on this borrowed box I'll just play around with some spamfics for the heck 
of it... 

	This sort of grew out of my personal impression that Gourry is not 
stupid,  he's just not... bright.  There's a difference...


-- Listar MIME Decryption --------------
-- Name   : slayspam1.txt
-- Decoded: quoted-printable

	Just Another Slayers Short Spamfiction Thing

	By Robert Haynie

	(There should probably be some sort of disclaimer here.)

	####

	It could be said that there were certain things that Lina Inverse
was not fond of.

	Being neck deep in mud was one.  Being chased by hordes of hacked
off townspeople who were unreasonably upset about her having blown up
the town with what she considered a rather elegantly cast Dragon
Slave was another.  Being hungry really was not fun.  Being reminded
that she didn't have the most fabulous figure in the realms was one
that she REALLY didn't care for.

	But the one thing that Lina Inverse disliked the most was losing.

	Which at the moment she was doing with amazing regularity.

	Not this time, though.  She could see all her opponents plans
perfectly.  She could see through his devilishly subtle taunts and
plots.  She could--

	"Checkmate."

	Lina carefully restrained the impulse to indulge in a nice
cathartic Fireball and simply glared at he foe.  "Tell me, Gourry,
how is it a person who can't remember which side of his pants is the
front and who has been known to think a strawberry patch is a
cemetery for scarecrows plays chess so damn well?"

	Gourry, allowing the insults to pass over his head as though he
didn't notice them (Mainly because he didn't), shrugged.  "I always
played chess.  It's good training for a war, and I am a mercenary--
well, I was until I hooked up with you, so I'm an adventurer now, I
guess, but that's not important about playing chess, so I--"

	Gourry was interrupted by a sudden, somewhat nasal voice that
fairly rang out in awe.  "Gourry?  Gourry Gabriev?"

	"Um... yeah?  That's me."

	Before Gourry-- or for that matter, Lina-- could think to react,
a dozen people were clustered around the swordsman.  All enthusing
like maniacs.  (Which Lina thought was entirely possible.)

	"Gourry Gabriev!  This is SO cool!"

	"The Grandmaster here in our own town!  We are SO Honored!"

	"I read the entire transcript of your match with Harga Thonk!
Brilliant ending strategy!"

	"Can I be the mother of your child?"

	That last nearly floored Lina.  Gourry Groupies?  Grandmaster?
What was going ON?  Lina knew she wasn't an expert in chess-- and had
assumed that Gourry just played a bit better, which couldn't last for
long.  But this--

	"All Right.  Just what in the name of L-sama is going ON here,
Gourry?"

	"Chess fans?  You usually only find them in university towns-- is
this a university town?"

	Lina looked across the street at the huge sprawl of buildings
that were enclosed by a high, ornate wrought iron fence with the name
"Kaslist University" over it.  "It's a possibility."

	"Then I guess they're chess fans.  I suppose I'm supposed to
write my name in books now."

	Lina boggled.  "They ask for your AUTOGRAPH?!?"

	"Is that what they are doing?"  Gourry flushed, a bit
embarrassed.  "I thought they were just all really into handwriting
analysis or something.  My grandmother was, she would get everyone to
write their names down and look at them and say things about them. Of
course, she was usually wrong, unless they used a pink crayon, then
it worked out pretty accurate--"

	"Miss, you mean you don't know that Gabriev-sama here is the six
year All-Cities chess champion and a listed Grandmaster?"

	Jaws do not actually physically hit the floor from a sitting
position.  It's anatomically impossible.  The bone and muscular
structures just don't work that way.  And of course, Lina knew this.

	This didn't help with the slight shock of pain as her jaw fell to
the floor.  

	"He WHAT?"

	"I thought you knew, Lina," said Gourry in mild uncertainty.  "I
mean, you usually know everything else, so I thought you'd know that
too.  That's why I leave for two weeks every year, for the tourneys.
Didn't you know?"

	(I can't see how this could get any weirder... I just cannot see
HOW...)  Lina thought desperately.

	And then a familiar and disliked voice from behind her said,
"Which are a week away.  And this time, Gourry, I'll win the trophy."

	And Gourry smiled, and in almost Lina-like tones, replied, "Well,
Xelloss, you can try..."

	"Try?  You've played against him before?" squeaked Lina.

	"Sure.  I've beaten him six years running."

	"Wait-- we only ran into Xelloss for the first time a couple of
years ago-- you mean, you KNEW him already and you didn't tell me?
And YOU knew GOURRY and you didn't tell me?" spluttered the
red-haired sorceress.

	"Why, certainly, Lina-chan," smirked the Mazoku.  "Alhough
actually it's been nine years-- although I haven't beat him yet, he's
only been winning the tourney for six."

	"But...	Gourry, why didn't you tell me?!?"

	"I thought you knew that too.  You never asked, anyway.  Gee,
this is strange.  I mean, it's usually me that doesn't know things
and you that does know things, and it's kind of wierd."

	"I... see.  And, Xelloss, why didn't YOU mention it?"

	"That... is a secret.  Now, Lina-chan, you might as well put that
chair down."

	Lina snarled at the Mazoku, but complied-- it wouldn't have domw
any good.  She then sat heavily, confused, thinking, (this HAS to be
a dream, this HAS to...)

	And then Lina woke up.

	To the annoying sight of Amelia chirping, "Come on, Lina-san,
it's the finals today and Gourry and Xelloss made it again!  I still
can't believe you didn't know that Gourry was the leading Grandmaster
of chess in the world!"

	Yes, a dream-- replaying the events of three weeks ago as they
had for the last, well, three weeks.  She STILL couldn't believe it.

	As she trod her way to the reserved booths for guests of the
players, a boy looked at her special "Special Guest" badge, and
asked, "You know one of the players?"

	"yah."

	"Really?  Who?"

	"grry gbrv."

	"Who?"

	"Gourry Gabriev," she repeated coherently.

	"Wow-- you know Gourry?  Are you a chess master too?  What's your
name?"

	"Lina Inverse."

	"Who?"

	At the moment Xelloss finally figured out an unbeatable move, he
was distracted by a feminine scream of rage.  Gourry took advantage
to note three holes in the Mazoku's defense and went on to his
seventh championship...

	####

	Don't ask ME where this came from, although a quote from the old
"Rocky and Bullwinkle" show leaps to mind--

	"Everybody can do SOMETHING."  -- The Narrator.