*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON THREE)
EPISODE 21: A WET DREAM COME TRUE
(A Ranma 1/2 Lemon MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Ranma 1/2" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the
distributors of her work.
"A Wet Dream Come True" is the property of Mike Rhea and he's
welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his
work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does.
Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)
Warning: This fic contains mature content. Not enough to warrant an
XXX rating, probably more like an R or NC-17. If you are offended
by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy!
(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....)
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!
Joel:
(OH....MY....GODDESS!!!)
Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)
(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT:
'Text only'?
Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'
Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'
CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'
If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!
* * *
EARTH
LOCATION UNKNOWN....
EXACT TIME UNKNOWN....
The sun shone brightly over the horizon, casting its harsh glare
down upon the surface of the beach. Fortunately, Joel was protected from
the ultraviolet rays, thanks to a makeshift umbrella salvaged from the
wreckage of the Satellite of Love, as he sat underneath it and began writing
the first entry of what he hoped would be a short-lived hobby. A diary.
*July 1, 1999
Hello Diary, it's me, Joel.
Well, its been one week since the Satellite of Love dropped out of orbit
and crash-landed here on Earth. We never thought Frank would be
stupid enough to fall for our little ploy.
You see, Crow had the brilliant idea of pretending that our toilet was
backed up on the Satellite and asking Frank if he could bring us down to
earth for a few minutes so we could use the facilities. Next thing we know,
the Satellite's smashing through the ionosphere and when I regained
consciousness, here we were, back on earth and marooned on a deserted
island....*
A loud cry distracted Joel as he glanced up from his diary for a
moment to watch a seagull slowly glide over the ocean's surface. He then
caught sight of Crow windsurfing along the bay, not a care in the world.
Smiling to himself, Joel resumed his writing.
*The satellite was too heavily damaged to even consider trying to repair so
we concentrated on salvaging whatever we could and trying to survive until
help arrived. We were kind of hoping that someone had noticed the satellite
crashing from NASA or something but its been several days and no one's
come to rescue us. Come to think of it, we haven't seen any sign that
humans have come by this way at all. No planes, no ships, no pollution....*
"Hey Joel? Can you hand us a bottle of lotion?"
Joel looked up from his diary to see Tom and Gypsy lying down on
folding chairs nearby. "Again? You guys are going to get a nasty burn mark
if you keep this up...."
"Yeah, yeah, just hand us the lotion, okay, Mom?" Tom muttered.
Joel shrugged. "It's your metal skin," he said as he reached into the
cooler beside him and brought out a bottle of SPF 300 lotion. He then tossed
it onto Gypsy's chair. "Thanks, Joel!" Gypsy nodded happily.
A moment later, the small holocabana generator they had managed
to salvage from the satellite begin humming and three holograms soon
materialized from it. The quality of the holograms were much worse than
what the holocabana could produce when fully intact, but they were still solid
enough to rub some oil on two robots.
"Hey, Tommy. Ready for another coating?" Anna Puma smiled
mischievously, clad in a black leather bikini that left little to the imagination.
"Hey, it's my turn to rub Tom first!" Uni Puma whined, her
outfit mirroring her sister's.
"Says who?!" Anna growled, her claws extending.
"Girls, please...." a masculine voice suddenly interrupted.
"There's a lady present who doesn't need to hear your pointless bickering...."
"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!!!" Anna and Uni both shouted.
Richard Baseheart, wearing blue speedos, sighed and returned
his attention to rubbing oil on Gypsy. "Sorry about that, now where did I leave
off?"
"I....I can't remember!" Gypsy stammered.
"Oh, I guess I'll have to start all over again then." Richard smiled.
"Homina homina homina...." Gypsy trembled with excitement as
Joel resumed writing in his diary.
*Tom, Gypsy, and Crow seem to be taking their situation in stride. I guess
I'm just worrying too much. I'm sure somebody will come and rescue us
soon. Yep, any day now, we'll see them on the horizon, I'll feel silly for
ever being afraid that I'd be spending the rest of my life on this island,
never again to see another human being for as long as I live....*
Joel looked up again at the sun for a moment and took a deep breath
before resuming.
*Then again, at least I'm back on Earth where I belong. And I don't have to
watch or read anymore bad movies and fanfics from Dr. Forrester. That's a
big plus, right? Yeah! This isn't so bad after all! And with any luck at
all, this entire scenario will actually be a reality and not some horribly
ironic....*
* * *
Joel suddenly opened his eyes to see Gypsy leaning over him.
"Joel, sorry to wake you, but Wayne and Shuster are calling."
"Dream," Joel muttered bitterly.
"Huh? Nah, I slept right through," Gypsy replied, confused.
Joel looked at the screen. "Thanks, Megane 6.7. Thanks a
whole bunch. Did you have a lot of fun playing with my fragile mind?"
"Uh, Joel...." Gypsy cautioned.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, fourth wall, don't break, blah blah...."
Joel muttered as he rose from his bed and walked towards his closet to
retrieve his bathrobe, only to find it missing. Frowning, he picked out a
red jumpsuit instead and put it on before leaving his room.
* * *
Tom Servo was already on the bridge when Joel finally arrived.
"Geez Joel, you look even more unkempt than usual...." he remarked.
"Good morning to you too," Joel muttered as he ran his fingers
through his hair with one hand while sipping coffee with the other.
"Where's Crow?"
"Right here," Crow murmured as he entered the bridge, scratching
his armpit. He too, had the appearance of not quite being awake. "You too,
Crow? What cat volunteered to drag your poor carcass in here?" Tom asked.
"I'm fine, Servo. I just had a nightmare, is all." Crow groaned.
"Really? What about?" Joel asked, suddenly interested.
"Ah, it was pretty out there. I dreamt that Dr. Forrester was in
control of my body and whenever I talked, it was in his voice. Just creeped
me out a little. I'll live," Crow muttered as he yawned.
"Well, I slept great!" Tom exclaimed. "A baby couldn't even
come close to sleeping as well as I did last night! Man, what a great night
of rest! I'm....."
"Bite me, Servo." Crow growled.
Joel activated the viewscreen. "Let's see what his high evilness
wants this time," he muttered.
The viewscreen revealed the interior of Deep 13, but no sign of
the Mads. A rumbling sound could be heard off-screen and then T.V's
Frank suddenly stumbled in front of the screen, a pile of papers in his hand.
"Hey guys!" Frank exclaimed cheerfully. "Dr. F's taken the day
off and traveled to the surface to go buy a copy of the new Weird Al CD and
get it autographed. So he's left me in charge and told me not to bother with
an invention this week. So, uh, I guess that means you guys can go first."
"You don't have an invention of your own?" Tom asked.
"Nah, Dr. F hasn't let me invent my own stuff since the accident
with the nuclear waste depository. I tried to invent a self-cleaning option
like they have in ovens and well....let's just say there are parts of the floor
still glowing to this day."
"Isn't that a LITTLE dangerous, health wise?" Crow inquired.
Frank shrugged. "Damned if I know. I just work here."
"Uh, okay. Say, Frank...." A thoughtful look came over Joel's
features. "Our toilet on the Satellite of Love has been having some problems
lately. Would you mind bringing us down to earth to use the bathroom? It'll
only take a few minutes."
"Oh, sure." Frank reached for the console when he abruptly
caught himself at the last second. "Heyyy....What are you trying to
do? Get me killed by Dr. F?
"No, we just have to go. Honest." Tom replied innocently.
"Oh, okay." Frank reached for the console again. "NO! I mean,
quit teasing me and get on with the invention exchange before I tell Dr. F
what you almost made me do!" Frank muttered angrily.
"Do what?" Crow replied.
"Well, this." Frank reached for the console but again managed
to avoid disaster by slamming his other fist into his forearm. "Owwie...."
Frank grimaced in pain. "Aw, come on guys, give me a break...." he
pleaded.
* * *
DEEP 13
"Oh well, it was worth a try." Joel sighed as he reached under
the counter and pulled out a machine with a VR helmet attached to it by
several long wires. He placed it on the counter.
"Are you sick of shelling out for monthly payments for a comedy
channel that often features comedians that aren't even....you know....funny?"
"You mean like Gallagher?" Frank asked.
"Well.....yeah....but also regular stand up comedians that just don't
tickle your funny bone like they should for the price you're paying? Well now
you can get all the laughs you'll ever need from this! The Colorful Operating
Multitasking Innovative Comedian or C.O.M.I.C. for short!
All you have to do is put on this VR helmet...." Joel gestured at
the counter. "And it'll scan your brain for what YOU specifically find the
most humorous about yourself and about life. Then it will record this
information, travel back through these wires...." Joel ran his fingers along
the wires connected from the VR headset to the machine. "And is
processed by this machine. Once the machine is finished processing,
it travels back through the wires to the headset and creates a VR rendition of
your favorite comedian, who proceeds to perform a stand-up routine that'll
have you laughing well after the cows have come home!"
"What'd think, Frank?" Joel asked.
"Sounds great! Mind if I borrow it while I send you this week's
experiment?" Frank inquired.
"Ah, Frank, do you really have to? Can you, like, send us a good
fanfic and just enter into the computer that you send us a bad one or
something?"
Frank shook his head. "It's nothing personal, guys. I am but a
chewtoy for the rottweiler of evil. I am but the spittoon that endures mouthful
after mouthful of disgusting chewed up tobacco. I am but...."
"Okay, okay, sorry we asked!" Joel grimaced. "So, what's Dr. F sending
us this week?"
Frank glanced at the papers he was still holding. "Well, seeing how it's
the beginning of another season. He's decided to send you a lemon by a Mike
Rhea. It's set in the Ranma 1/2 universe and it's titled 'A Wet Dream Come
True'...." Frank started inserting the papers into the console. "Uh, I guess this
is the part where I insult you and then start laughing like Jinnai from El Hazard,
right?"
"Pretty much, yeah." Joel and the bots nodded.
"Okay then." Frank took a deep breath. "*ahem* Read this fic or die!
Can you do any less?!? Ahahahahahahahahaha....ha..ha....yeah."
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
The screen winked out as Joel and Co. looked at each other.
"We have to remember to pray for him," Joel remarked.
Suddenly, alarms wailed and multicolored lights flashed.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
The endless deluge of "Ranma and Akane admit their true romantic
feelings for one another" fanfics is bad enough.Even more disturbing,
it seems that whenever I look for Ranma fanfics,I always seem to run
into at least one anti-Ukyou fanfic.
Crow: Exactly what counts as an anti-Ukyou fic?
Joel: I think it's anything that shows her as less than perfect.
Tom: Where's Saint Ukyou when you really need her?
As a knight of the spatula girl's engagement to Ranma Saotome,
Crow: I wonder how much it costs to get that printed on stationary?
Tom: Not to be confused with the knights of the psychotic gymnast's
obsession of Ranma Saotome.
Joel: Nor the knights of the egotistical kendoist's fixation of Akane and
the Pig Tailed Girl....
not only have I run into too many of these anti-Ukyou fics
Crow: I've lost a fortune getting my nose straightened!
(Sean Gaffney's "Sour Times" takes the cake,
Tom: And eats it too!
as does a certain rape fic by Jeffrey "One Shot" Wong in which I've
not only managed to avoid reading after reading the description on
his fanfic page without ever clicking the link to his fic,
Crow: Too bad he didn't manage to avoid complaining about it.
Tom: <Mike Rhea> Remember folks! Always judge a story by its
description! Mike Rhea says! (giggles)
but I've also managed to avoid his page.
Joel: The same exact page where he initially read the description!
Crow: Oh, well that makes sens....huh?!?
Tom: Sadly, Mike Rhea left Jeff Wong's page in such a hurry, he totally
missed out on a great story called 'Sentenced to Life' that had Ranma and
Ukyou fall in love with each other! Man, is that kooky or what?
Crow: You snooze, you lose.
And I don't ever want to read that fic,in which fortunately I don't
know the title of.),
Tom: <Mike Rhea> Cause it's just SO bad...I....I....I can't bring myself
to even *glance* at the title of the fic I'm flaming!
Joel: Hearsay. Don't play that game.
these such fics(nearly all in which Ranma chooses Akane)ARE
TURNING MY STOMACH.
Crow: Wait a minute. Is he still talking about Jeff's fic?
Tom: <Mike Rhea> These rapefics that have Akane and Ranma choosing
each other must be stopped!
Thus,I've written my first lemon fanfic as an EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE
ME!
Joel: For living?
Crow: Excuses, excuses....
Disclaimer:
Tom: The preceding rant was a paid announcement and doesn't necessarily
reflect the opinions and views of one Mike Rhea....Then again, maybe it does.
Crow: Terrific. What we've got here is another Umino....
Joel: Or the Anti Kun-Chan.
None of these characters are mine,
Joel: They are the slaves and sole property of Rumiko Takahashi. I
liberated them without permission.
and no copyright infringement is intended.
Tom: But hey, shit happens.
This fic is not intended to offend people
Crow: It's intended to kill them slowly through inept characterization,
horrible grammar and oh-so-shitty dialogue!
Tom: Kinda jumping the gun there, aren't you, Crow?
Crow: <sheepish> Uh, sorry. I peeked a little at the script.
who pair Ukyou with Ryouga(a pairing that would be OK if I was pairing
Ranma with Shampoo,Nabiki,Kasumi,or Kodachi;all of whom are better
bridal choices for Ranma than Akane).
Joel: <Mike Rhea> And that's that! If *I* say it's better, then it's better!
Period!
Crow: <Mike Rhea> That silly Takahashi! She just doesn't understand
these characters as well as I do!
Tom: Wow, he even put Kodachi before Akane. Mike must *really* hate
Akane.
LEMON WARNING:
Tom: This fic will evoke a response not unlike sucking hard on a raw lemon.
Yes,there are strong sex scenes in this fic.
Joel: Yes, there are many sentences that don't have a space between
commas in this fic.
Crow: Yes, the sex scenes use steroids quite frequently in this fic.
Tom: Yes, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus whatsoever in this fic.
If you are underage and/or
Crow: ....horny, then this fic's for you!
Joel: Crow....
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR SLASHING!
are offended by such material,please hit the BACK button on your web
browser
Tom: Then kiss yourself. <singing> HEYYYYYY!!!
Joel: Hey, this was on RAAC, not the web! Was he too lazy to change this?
(you have been warned). Otherwise,read on.
Crow: <cheerful> And with that somber thought, enjoy the show!
A Wet Dream Come True
Joel: <singing> Wet dreams are made of these....
Crow: I'm Crow and I disagree!
(A Ranma 1/2 Lemon Fanfic)
Tom: <bigsweats> Thank goodness Sheep isn't writing this....
by Mike Rhea
Crow: <singing> Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike
Miiiiiiiiiiiike Rhea!
Joel: <sighing> Crow, that's a song from the Mike era, you're not supposed
to know about it, yet....
Crow: What? You're saying I can't have an awareness of Mike movies
once in a while?
Joel: Oh, forget it! Just smash the fourth wall with reckless abandon, why
don't ya?
Tom: Yeah! What do you think this is? #Nexus?
Crow: Okay, okay! I'll knock it off! Geez, touchy bunch, aren't you?
*********************************************************
Tom: If all the snowflakes in the world fell at once....
Joel: And in a straight line, no less.
Crow: Must be anal-retentive snowflakes.
Ranma walked through the door
Tom and Crow: <start humming the Munster's theme>
Joel: Ranma Saotome *IS* Herman Munster!
of Ucchan's Okonomiyaki.
Tom: So Ukyou's food have little doors built into them?
Joel: I think he means her restaurant.
Tom: Oh.
The bathtub at the Tendou residence was broken again, but Ranma
didn't want to go to the public baths with Happousai,
Joel: So instead they caught a movie at the local theater.
Tom: <looks around> Happousai? Did he come in with Ranma then?
as he didn't want a repeat of that one time in which the old lech
embarrassed him and got away with it.
Crow: <Ranma> Last time I ever bend over to get the soap in my female
form....
Joel: Yes, the author is proving that he *has* read at least some of
Ranma 1/2 even if he has no understanding of the characters whatsoever.
Once he walked in,he sat at the counter where his best friend Ukyou,a
bit discouraged by lack of customers,greeted him.
Tom: <Ranma> Hey, Ucchan, why no customers around?
Joel: <Ukyou> Isn't it obvious? The author's going to put us in a lemon
scene and having customers around will only complicate things.
Tom: <Ranma> Ahh. Okay then.
"Hungry,Ran-chan?" she inquired.
Crow: <Ranma> Starving.
Tom: <Ukyou> Got Okonomiyaki?
Crow: <Ranma> Sure! That sounds great!
Tom: <Ukyou> Actually, I was asking YOU. I'm fresh out of ingredients.
"Do you have beef okonomiyaki,Ucchan?" he returned.
Joel: <Ukyou> Sure thing! Now where's the beef? Where is the beef?
"It'll be just a couple of minutes,Ran-chan."
Crow: <Ranma> Yeah, that's usually how long it takes me too.
Joel: What are you talking about?
Crow: Oh, nothing.
Joel: ....
About 2 minutes later,
Tom: <Ukyou> How about that, huh! A couple of minutes, just like I said!
Damn, I'm good!
Ukyou placed a dish with a heart-shaped okonomiyaki in front of her fiance.
Crow: It's so....<sniff>....sweet and touching....
Joel: <Ranma> Cool! Can I have my next one shaped like a star?
She then walked around the counter, placed another plate next to
him,and sat down.
Crow: Gee....this is.....exciting....sort of....kind of.....
Tom: *THRILL* as Ukyou cooks Okonomiyaki for her *RAN-CHAN!*
Joel: Come on guys, you're condemning it way too soon....
They engulfed their plates and were done within 4 minutes.
Joel: Wow. They WERE hungry.
Tom: <Ukyou> Mmmmm. Porcelain.
"Ucchan,the bathtub at the Tendou Doujou is broken,and I don't want to
deal with Happousai at the public bathhouse.
Crow: Yes, Happousai stalks Ranma at any time or place in the day or night!
Can I please use your bathtub?" inquired Ranma.
Joel: This is when you find out who your friends really are....
Crow: <Ukyou> Sure thing! I'll even wash your back for you!
Tom: <Ranma> Umm, okay....but I didn't bring a scrub brush!
Crow: <Ukyou> Who said anything about using a scrub brush?
Tom: <Ranma> Ulp!
"Help yourself,Ran-chan" replied Ukyou.
Tom: <Ukyou> But hands off my rubber ducky!
Crow: Wait a minute. Is Ranma in his female form right now?
Joel: Umm, I don't think so.
Crow: Then why does he need to take a bath?
Joel: Maybe he just feels grimy and needs to wash up?
Crow: Hmm. I guess that's possible....
Unaware that Ukyou would finally have him right where she wants him,
Crow: Yeah, girls are ALWAYS tricking guys into taking a bath in order
to get into their pants....
Tom: <Ukyou> I'll wait till he's settled and then throw open the door! He'll
be too embarrassed to stand up and then he'll be mine! ALL MINE!!!
Ranma walked upstairs to the bathroom,undressed,and walked straight
into the bathtub.
Joel: <Ranma> Owwww! My shin!
Meanwhile,two minutes later,
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR COMMA STICKING AND A 10 MINUTE MISCONDUCT
FOR SELF-CONTRADICTION!
Ukyou closed the restaurant early;then walked upstairs to her room,where
she undressed before walking into the bathroom where her fiance was
taking a bath.
Crow: Man, she's not wasting any time, is she?
Joel: And here I thought he'd be taking a bath on the roof! Silly me!
Tom: <Ukyou> Heh heh heh....so far, I kinda like this author.
While taking a bath,Ranma realized that
Crow: ....the fanfic had abruptly changed perspectives.
Tom: You expect this guy to understand narrative point of view when he
hasn't even mastered the use of the space bar?
the soap was just outside the bathtub.Unaware that Ukyou had just walked
into the bathroom stark nude,
Joel: Well, at least she isn't raving mad.
Crow: Stark Nude? Is that anything like Buck Bare?
Tom: Ranma should really be training more if he can't sense Ukyou
sneaking up on him....
Ranma walked out of the bathtub.At that moment,Ukyou blushed
profusely,then took an excellent look at her fiance.
Joel: What was she blushing at before?
Tom: <Ukyou> Rrrrowl....
Crow: <Ukyou, ala, Mike Myers> Excellent....
She remembered when Ranma was weakened by that moxibustion
Crow: Weakened by WHAT?
Joel: Moxibustion? Sounds like something girls do to their boobs.
Tom: He's talking about the story in Ranma 1/2 volume thirteen where
Happousai used that technique that made Ranma weak.
Crow: Oh yeah! You mean the story where dear sweet Ukyou found
Ranma in the trash can, and didn't even think about trying to find a cure
for him?
Joel: Uh, yeah.
and when Genma showed her revealing pictures of her fiance(In fact,on
the second picture,she told Genma "Move your fingers!").
Crow: And while you're at it, move the commas over a space!
Tom: Sooooo, Genma's showing racy photos of his son to Ukyou?
Joel: Wow! He's got guts to cut into Nabiki's turf.
However,her excellent look at her nude fiance didn't go unreturned:
Joel: <Ranma> GYAHHHHH!!! UCCHAN!!! W....WHAT THE HECK
ARE YOU DOING?!?
Tom and Crow: <Bill and Ted> Excellent!!!
Ranma,too,took an an excellent at how beautiful and desirable her body
looked.
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR TRIPPING!
Joel: One more *excellent* and George Carlin's gonna show up in a phone
booth.
Her breasts,normally covered in breast bindings,were very
pleasant to look at.
Tom: Pleasant to look at, pleasant to hold, Ranma's damn lucky, that
Ukyou's so bold.
Joel: Lovely to stare at, lovely to hold, and characterization? Consider
it sold!
Crow: Enticing to leer at, wonderful to hold, and should they get kinky,
the bath may get cold....
He had accidentally seen Akane and Shampoo au naturel,but it obviously
couldn't top what he was seeing in his cute fiancee right before him.
Tom: And of course everyone knows that bust size is the most important
consideration Ranma has when deciding whom to marry.
Joel: <Ranma> Gee, Ucchan, have you always had that much excess
body hair?
Crow: UGGGGH!!! JOEL!!!
Joel: Heh heh heh. Take that, hentai....
Ukyou then notiiced that Ranma was steadily looking at her,too.
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR CHECKING! TWO MINUTES FOR
NO SPELLCHECKING!
*Kawaii,*thought Ranma to himself as he felt a twitch in front of
where his legs meet.
Joel: Also known as the crotch, the groin, the *area*, for lack for a better
term....
Crow: <Ranma> Huh? What the.....YAHHHHHH!! IT'S A SPIDER!!!
GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!!
Tom: There's your *twitch*, Mike....
Suddenly,his looks began to make Ukyou feel a bit uncomfortable as her
already profuse blush deepened.Unable to take it anymore,she grabbed
a spare giant spatula that she kept in the bathroom and
Joel: ....used it to drive a wedge between the periods and the beginning of
the next sentence....
Crow: *profuse* blush? Who gave C&C for this? Gorilla Monsoon?
Tom: <Gorilla Monsoon> Ucchan's been busted wide open! She's
blushing profusely! Ref might have to stop this thing if it gets any worse....
whacked Ranma on the head with it.
Tom: Wack em! Wack em good!
Joel: Just a minute here... she snuck into the bath for the purpose of
being naked with Ranma, and now that she is, she's embarrassed?
Crow: What whack wrote this scene anyway?
For a brief moment,Ranma was unconscious from the blow.
Joel: <clears his throat>
Crow: What? I didn't say anything!
Tom: <imitating Moe Howard> Well, that was in case you do....
Then,as Ukyou was still looking at him,Ranma suddenly
felt very lusty.He then started walking slowly towards Ukyou.
Joel: <rolling his eyes> Oh brother....
Crow: <starts imitating sleazy porno music>
Tom: <deep voice> Oh baby....I wanna feel your love, baby....
Joel: Barry White!
**Music:"I Want Your Sex,"by George Michael**
Tom: Shouldn't that piece be saved for lemons in men's public washrooms?
Joel: Tom....
Crow: Yes, you too can own a copy of the 'A Wet Dream Come True'
soundtrack! Featuring top-notch artists like Yanni, Bad News, Bob
Dylan, Sinead O' Connor, Danny Elfman, Hanson, and the Brothers Gibb!
Tom: Order now and receive absolutely free, the exclusive 'acoustic'
version of John Williams 'Duel of the Fates'!
Joel: Order your copy today, cause they're going....well....okay, actually
they're just sitting here....you can just take them if you want....please?
Suddenly,Ukyou started feeling a bit uneasy and pale.Then,suddenly,her
conscience and anti-conscience appeared on each side of her head.
The anti-conscience told her *Run for your life!He's gonna rape you*.
Tom: <shaking his head> So being fearful of rape is not being conscientious?
Joel: <Ukyou> Uhhhh, Maybe it was a *bad* idea to trick Ranma into
taking a bath and then strip naked and sneak into the bathroom with him....
On the other hand,her conscience told her
Tom: <conscience> *Who cares? Be his sex slave!*.
Crow: <conscience> Let me guide you the HELL out of here!
*Get a grip!This is your own fiance!Not only is he supposed to do
this,you been dreaming of him doing this to you for at least a decade!*.
Crow: A decade? So Ukyou wanted to have sex with Ranma when they
were just little kids?
Joel: <wincing> Crow, no....
Tom: Wait a minute! Ukyou *HATED* Ranma for almost 10 years after
he and Genma left her behind before she decided there was still a chance
Ranma would marry her! Why would she be dreaming of him having
sex with her all those years?
Joel: Maybe the dreams were nightmares?
Then,Ranma suddenly interrupted his fiancee's uneasiness with these
words:
Joel: <Ranma, singing> I CAN'T STOP THIS FEEEEELIN.....DEEP
INSIDE OF ME....GIRL, YOU JUST DON'T REALLLLIZE.....WHAT
YOU DO TO MEEEE....
Crow: <Ranma> It's just a lemon. You just really just relax.
"Ucchan,this may hurt at first;but if my stupid old man had told me in
the first place that you were truly a girl,I wouldn't have chosen
okonomiyaki.I'm not making that same mistake again."
Joel: <Ranma> Instead, I'm going on a journey, down the long and
winding road, making one good turn after another, through the white
darkness, and cruise around in a stellarcraft. I'm not saying I don't want
to be sentenced to life or forced into making the right choice. Maybe you
and Ryouga could date for a short while or maybe a purple haired destiny
is meant for me. All I know is before you and Shampoo get down on me
or you lose yourself in some okonomiyaki orgy or other affairs of the heart,
you should know who really loves you and I don't want this to be the
last farewell. This isn't a final attempt to keep you from crying tears of
okonomiyaki. You're the winner by default, Ucchan, and my dying wish
is for us both to wish upon the same star and live life to the fullest.
(Tom and Crow are silent for a moment)
Tom: Joel, I think you set a new record for the most fanfic plugs ever.
Crow: Hang your head in shame, Joel....
Joel: Eh, someone else would have done it if I hadn't.
Ukyou blushed profusely after hearing what Ranma had just said.At
the same time,her nipples hardened
Joel: <Ukyou> Ack! My nipples have turned to stone!
and her love petals began to stir in arousal
Crow: Oh yeah! Stir them love petals! Stir em real good!
Tom: She's good with her petals. She should be on Howard Stern.
as Ranma finally cornered her.
Joel: Cornered her? So Ukyou's been edging away from Ranma?
Crow: Geez, did he slip into cat fist mode or what?
For a long time,Ranma had treated Ukyou no more than a mere old
friend.That,suddenly would change immediately:
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> PENALTY TO MIKE RHEA, TWO
MINUTES FOR ILLEGAL COMMA STICKING, TWO MINUTES
FOR INTERFERENCE WITH THE RANMA AND AKANE CANON
RELATIONSHIP AND *ANOTHER* 10 MINUTE MISCONDUCT
FOR SELF-CONTRADICTION!
Joel: Actually, there's a fair number of authors guilty of the second
penalty.
Crow: The one writing this MSTing included.
Ukyou bit her lip to stifle a cry of pain as she felt Ranma's hardness
break her virgin barrier.
Joel: <Ukyou> OWWWW!!! You jackass! Do the words 'foreplay',
'gently' and 'virgin' mean anything to you?!?
Tom: <Ranma> Duhhhhh.....nope!
Crow: Moments later, Ranma swallowed his tongue to stifle a scream
of agony as he felt Ukyou's soft hands snap his little soldier.
Joel: <winces> That's going to leave a mark....
"Gomen nasai,Ucchan,"said a somewhat worried Ranma.
Crow: Somewhat worried now that's he's scored and he's no longer a
virgin....
Tom: <Ranma> Uh, would this a bad time to mention I have to pee?
"It's OK,Ran-chan.I was hoping you'd do that.Please continue." replied
Ukyou.
Crow: <Ranma> You're sure it's all right? I really don't want to cause
you any inconvenience or anything.
Joel: <Ukyou> Oh, no bother at all. I've thought this thing over, given
it quite a lot of consideration, and I really see no problem in you
going straight ahead.
Tom: <Ukyou> That's right! Use me like a piece of meat while my other
erogenous zones go entirely unfulfilled!
Ranma then continued thrusting repeatedly.
Joel: <Ranma a la Sable> This is for all the men who wish they were me
and for the all the women that came to see me!
Crow: Now THERE'S a mental image for ya....
Tom: <Ranma> Did I mention I'm also a master of Anything Goes
Martial Arts Pelvis Thrusting?
Though he had felt guilty about doing this to his one true friend.,he
understood that Ukyou had been dreaming of this and that it didn't
hurt her even a fraction of how much Genma's dirty trick did at least
a decade earlier.
Joel: And Ranma, having used his little known psychic powers, tapped
into Ukyou's mind and read her thoughts so he knew that was EXACTLY
what she was dreaming!
Tom: More like what the *author* was dreaming....
Besides, pleasure had begun to erase the pain in Ukyou's nether regions.
Tom: So it is written, so shall it be done.
She and Ranma began moaning in pleasure and unison.Their hips
pulsed together in hard rhythmic understanding.
Tom: Maybe this lemon should be set to techno music?
Crow: <snorts> Right. The only thing around here that's getting any
'hard rhythmic understanding' is my *skullplate* from being force to
read this crap....
As they pumped,their breathing became ragged,
Crow: <Lloyd Bridges> By this time my lungs were aching from being
ripped from my chest and stretched out like a Fruit Roll Up by Hannibal
Lector!
and there was a slight squelching sound as they kept
pumping while Ranma began to fondle Ukyou's breasts.
Tom: <Ukyou> About DAMN time, Ranchan....
Joel: <Godfather> Pumping ain't easy.
Ukyou then wrapped her legs around Ranma's as he lifted her into the
air as the climax approached.
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> LAST MINUTE OF PLAY IN THIS
LEMON! LAST MINUTE OF PLAY IN THIS LEMON!
Crow: Boy, I sure hope our readers are big hockey fans, eh?
Joel: Or have at least 'Strange Brew', once or twice....
Her moans only got louder as Ranma continued pumping.
Tom: <singing> He pumps! He pumps! He pumps! He's bad in bed!
Na Na Na....
Crow: Pump up the volume! Pump that baby!
With one final thrust from Ranma,Ukyou came.
Tom: ....close, but no cigar! Better luck next time, Ranma!
"RAN-CHAAAAAAAAAAAN,I LOVE YOU!,"
Tom: <glancing at some papers> Let's see....11 letters, nope, you can
only have one drink....
Joel: What're you looking at?
Tom: The Ranma 1/2 Fanfic Drinking Game V 2.0. So far, those
playing at home should have had.....aw, who am I kidding? Reading
this fic alone is enough of an excuse to chug away....
Crow: And remember kids! Don't read and drive or you might puke
all over the dashboard! Actually, drinking can do that, too!
she shouted as the ecstasy of an orgasm overcome her body,her love
juices dribbling out of her sex.
Tom: <Leslie Nielsen> I like my sex like my basketball. One and one
and with as little dribbling as possible....
Just after his fiancee came,Ranma wouldn't last long himself.As soon
as he felt her fluid touch his balls,he too climaxed.
Joel: <grimaces> Ahhh, okay, I could have done without that description....
"UCCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN,I love you too!" he shouted
as he squirted his load all the way inside of her.
Joel and Tom: <singing> AND CANNNN....YOU FEELLLLL....THE
LOADDDDD....TONNNIGHT....(Tonight)....
Crow: The concept of romanticizing a sex scene seems to be lost on Mike Rhea....
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..."
Joel: Geez, are they falling down a mine shaft or what?
they both said as Ukyou felt Ranma's fluid spray inside of her,
Tom: <Ranma> I think it's semen....at least, I'm pretty sure....
Crow: This entire lemon scene is just FLUIDS and PUMPING!
Joel: Hey, at least Mike didn't use the word 'throbbing' yet....
as about the same time the sound of an alarm clock awakened Ukyou
>from her dream.
All: What?!?
Crow: Oh, what is this? A episode of 'Dallas' now?
Joel: Terrific....Deja Vu....
Tom: Man, she must have eaten one hell of a bad okonomiyaki to come
up with a wet dream like that!
Crow: <shaking his head> Sheesh....
Joel: Oh well, at least everything that happened before never did so
Ukyou still hasn't and neither has Ranma so they haven't and they can't
or at least they shouldn't unless they really want it but they won't, I think....
Tom: Uh, right....
*********************************************************
Tom: Oh no! It's a mob of evolved hexagons!
Crow: You mean like 'Pokemon' evolved?
Tom: Yeah! Look at them all!
Joel: Uh, sure, whatever....
Ukyou awakened from the dream
Crow: <Rocky J. Squirrel> Again?!?
Tom: So she dreamed the scene change too?
to find something warm on top of her.
Crow: <Ukyou> P-Chan! What's a cute piggy like you doing here!
What's that? You want to crawl in bed with me? Welllll, I guess it's
okay....
Joel: Cute, Crow, real cute.
That something was her own husband,Ranma Saotome.
All: WHAT?!?
Crow: <exasperated> Oh, brother! I don't believe this! The lemon's
toying with us! It's *TOYING* with us!
Tom: <sigh> So the last scene *did* happen then? Or was it a dream?
Was it supposed to be a flashback? Was it a nightmare?
Joel: Oh, who the hell knows! Crow, you going to be okay, buddy?
Crow: <tightly> I'm not speaking to the fanfic anymore.
Both were stark naked and "joined" at the pelvis.
All: <singing> We are Siamese if you please....
It was their first wedding anniversary,and it has also been that long
since they abandoned Nerima for their current home in western Kyoto.
Tom: Unfortunately, Ryouga still managed to bump into them every
couple of weeks or so....
Joel: Maybe now the rest of this fanfic will pick up?
Crow: <darkly> The rest of this fanfic could contain BOTH scripts of
Star Wars Episodes 2 and 3 and I would still say it SUCKS.
Joel: Worse than 'A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic'?
Crow: <bigsweats> I didn't say that.
"So it wasn't a dream after all,Ran-chan,"said Ukyou.
Tom: Well, there's one mystery solved.
Joel: Whoopee.
Crow: <Ukyou> You know, now that I've had a year to reflect on it, our
first time, really, really sucked! I mean, what were you thinking?!?
"Of course it wasn't,Ucchan.
Tom: <Ranma> Oops! Did I forget to mention I was peering into your
mind while you dreamt?
Joel: Ranma been reading Ukyou's mind the entire fic! He should consider
joining the Psychic Friends Network...
Crow: Why? So he can wear a muumuu and pay people to lie their asses
off on TV?
When I told you in the bath that a truly loved you more than
okonomiyaki,it was no lie.
Tom: <Ranma> You asked me no questions so I told you no lies!
Joel: <rolling his eyes> Suddenly, Ranma's writing country song lyrics....
You are the only true friend that I've ever had.You've never made me
feel uncomfortable.
Joel: <singing> You're sorta everything I've always wanted....
Crow: <Ranma> Well, not counting all those times you bashed me over
the head with your spatula....
Tom: <Ranma> ... or that time you and Kodachi attacked me to try to
steal the box I was giving to Akane... the bombs at the wedding... the
whole Secret Sauce thing... oh yeah, the Cave of Lost Love too, and....
Joel: Uh, I think they get the point there, buddy.
Akane always made me feel uneasy.That fateful day in the bathroom
was truly a wake up call.You are truly kawaii from the inside out,no
matter what you wear." replied Ranma.
All: ....
Crow: What the....(censored beep)?!?
**Music:"Feel Like Makin' Love" by Bad Company**
Tom: Just one of the seventy songs you'll find on 'Seventy 70's!', the
ultimate collection of 70's music! We've got 70 of the bes....er.....70
songs that were created DURING the 70's! That's right! We've got titles
so rare, you've never even HEARD of them! And they're ALL available
now on 'Seventy 70's!' Buy ten copies and get another one for 1/2 PRICE!
You won't find another deal like that anywhere! 'Seventy 70's', available
in music stor....er.....garage sales near YOU!
Realizing that today was the slowest day of the week business-wise,
Joel: Which day was it you ask? We may never know.
Ukyou told her husband "Ran-chan,my legs are weak.Why don't we
not worry about the restaurant today and spend our anniversary in the
bedroom making passionate love to each other instead?"
Joel: <Ranma a la Ace Ventura> Gee, let me think....uhhhh....sure!
"Anything for you,Ucchan my love,"replied Ranma.
Tom: Suddenly the alarm blared again! It was *another* dream!
Joel: Ha ha. Very funny, Tom.
Together,Ranma and Ukyou got down to business..with each other.
Crow: Poop, here it is.
Since that fateful nude encounter,
Tom: NUDE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND!!!
Joel: <singing> Da Da da da.....
Crow: Bleah!
cooking okonomiyaki hasn't been Ukyou Saotome's lone livelyhood.The
other livelyhood is that she's been living a decade long dream,on that
has become...a wet dream come true.
Tom: This is your brain. This is your brain after listening to
Soundgarden one too many times. Any questions?
Overhearing yet another romantic moment between his daughter and
son-in-law,Mr.Kuonji,who reunited with his daughter as soon as
Ranma finally chose her as his bride,thought to himself *Ranma
Saotome,you have made me and my daughter proud of you once again.*
Crow: And while most fathers would be extremely uncomfortable with
overhearing their precious little girl having sex, Mr. Kuonji took great
pride in eavesdropping on his daughter's cries of passion....
Joel: Well, at least we know ONE person who didn't look into Ukyou's
dream.....
*********************************************************
Tom: <Jean Luc Picard> The line must be drawn HERE! THIS far, NO
further! And *I*....will make them PAY for what they've done!
Crow: <Ozzy Ozzbourne> That's a cool movie, man.
Joel: <Weird Al Yankovic> I could get a projector and show it on my butt!
Crow: <Ozzy Ozzbourne> I want to see it there.
Meanwhile,at Tokyo's Ueno Zoo;
Tom: Giant marauding sumo pig wrecks havoc! Female trainer in custody!
Film at eleven!
Crow: <Ed Sullivan> And now, ladies and gentlemen, right up here on
our stage, Tokyo Ueno! Right here, ladies and gentlemen, right here!
Ataru Moroboshi,Lum,and Ten were at the panda exhibit.
Joel: ....still trying to shrug off the mental scars of 'The Kidnapping'
Crow: <Ten> HEY LUM!!!!! CHECK OUT THIS COOL MEGAPHONE
I FOUND LYING AROUND!?!??!
There they noticed a panda from the Bayankala mountain
range in China's Qinghai province.It often held up wooden signs.
Crow: <Genma-Panda's sign> ANYONE UP FOR A GAME OF SHOGI?
Tom: <chuckles> Ah, so that's what happened to Genma, this fic's starting
to look up for a change....
"Lum,do pandas normally hold up wooden signs?" inquired Ten.
Joel: <Lum> No, they normally use semaphore flags.
"No,Ten.However it may be a rare species of panda,"said Lum."Darling,
do you know of any species of panda that hold up wooden signs on a
regular basis?" she asked Ataru.
Crow: <Lum> Darling? DARLING!!
Tom: <Ataru> Huh? Oh, sorry! I was just watching that cute zookeeper
babe feed the alligators and her shirt was loose....
Crow: <Lum> DARLING NO BAKA!!! *ZAP!!!*
Joel: <Ten> Idiot....
"No,but I must admit that this particular panda does seem kinda
amusing,even if he does look kinda depressed,"replied Ataru.
Crow: Ataru talks kinda funny in this fanfic....
The sign that the panda was holding up read this:
Joel: 'HELP ME, HENRY J. COBB!!! YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!'
Tom: 'I'LL DO TRICKS IF YOU BOIL ME SOME WATER!'
Crow: 'PLEASE, PLEASE, *PLEASE*, FEED THE PANDA!'
"Has anybody seen my son?"
Joel: <Genma> Or my daughter, either one is fine.
THE END
Crow: Whew! Well, that was pretty bad. Not as bad as Sheep's
fanfic but still....BAD.
Tom: Ah, it could have been worse. At least Genma got what was
coming to him.
*********************************************************
Joel: This lemon brought to you by 'The Thin Red Line', now available
in video stores near you!
Tom: <Hockey Rink Announcer> AND NOW, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, OUR THREE MOLSON HOCKEY STARS OF THE
NIGHT ARE.....#23 UKYOU KUONJI FOR BEING A GOOD SPORT
BY SELLING A LOUSY LEMON SCENE....#45 TOM SERVO FOR
MANAGING TO GET THROUGH A FANFIC WITHOUT HIS HEAD
EXPLODING....AND FINALLY....YOU! FOR ACTUALLY READING
THIS FAR AND SURVIVING!!! YOU DESERVE IT!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
The hentai fanfic you've just read
Crow: ....was a test. Had this been an enjoyable lemon, instead of a
poorly conceived mess, there might have been a valid point somewhere....
is my non-violent alternative to going postal and blowing the heads off
of known authors of anti-Ukyou fanfics
Tom: It's also a cry for help. Any takers? Anyone?
Crow: You mean this was supposed to be a Pro-Ukyou fic?
Joel: Gee, I must have skipped over it when I plugged all those Pro-Ukyou
fics earlier....
(fics in which she either is paired with Konatsu,commits suicide,has
something terrible happen to her,or is lonely and depressed because she
doesn't have either Ranma or Ryouga to have and to hold).
Joel: <Mike Rhea> Thus I wrote a lemon that has Ukyou dreaming of
her first time with Ranma, still not entirely sure if Ranma raped her or
not that day with little foreplay and clinical descriptions of ejaculation
that wouldn't have been out of place in a sex ed film. Yeah! That'll
show them!
Crow: Well, at least he didn't complain about Viz Video ruining the
*purity* of the Ranma 1/2 anime with their dubbing and then write a
lemon with Ranma-Chan as a hermaphrodite seducing Happousai in a
foursome with Nabiki and Kasumi....
Tom: <shudders> A disciple of Umino, that's all we need....
SO TAKE THAT,SEAN "SOUR TIMES" GAFFNEY AND JEFF
WONG!
Crow: <Mike Rhea> Take my fic....Please! <sniff> Pretty Please? <sniff>
I....I'll be your b....best friend! <sobs> Aw, c....come on! <sniff> I need
my ego fed! DAMMIT, I NEED MY EGO FED! WAAAAAH!
Special thanks to the Philip Mak,Yoru-Hikage,and Nall(whose various
lemon fics that pair Ranma with Ukyou inspired my first lemon);as well
as Ryan Anderson,the author of the non-lemon "Parody of a Moment,"
Joel: Oh sure, suck up to the others now that you've practically ripped
Sean and Jeff a new one....
which not only was written in response to the endless deluge of "Ranma
and Akane admit their true romantic feelings for one another" fics on
the Internet,but also helped inspire my first ever lemon fic,which
I've not only written in response to the endless deluge
Crow: These author's notes are an endless deluge....
of "Ranma gets Akane" fics,but specifically the anti-Ukyou fics I've
described at least twice.
Tom: *Described* isn't the word I would have chosen....
BTW,that Jeff Wong rape fic ain't the only Ranma fic I've
refused to read after reading the description on a listing page(reading
the description,in fact,was all I needed to prejudge it.:P)
Joel: You know, I'm getting the strangest feeling he's trying to tell us
something but he can't seem to spit it out....
Crow: Judge a book by it's cover! Saves time on reading! Less learning
to worry about!
:Did you know that I haven't had(and won't ever have) the guts to read
a single chapter of "Daigakusei no Ranma/Daigakusei no Ukyou"(the
so-called continuation fanfic series)?
Crow: <Mike Rhea> I'm scared! All that text! All those sentences with
spaces after their periods and commas! IT'S....IT'S JUST TOO MUCH!!!
WAAAAAH!
What other fanfics do I have up my sleeve?
Tom: None! They're all up his as....
Joel: <covers Tom's mouth> Ah, let's just say he's full of Bullwinkle....
You never know.Remember,I'm the same fanfic author who's
Crow: <Mike Rhea>....just written this really lame lemon so who KNOWS
what I'm capable of once I get going!
written at least 2 fanfics that pair up Tsubasa and Konatsu as a
couple(which,IMHO,is the only right way to either character in a
Ranma fanfic).
Crow: <Mike Rhea> It's my right way or the highway!
Before you even think about flaming me,this is all I have to say:
Joel: <Mike Rhea> Please don't! I can't handle the truth!
If you've read this far,why are you complaining?
Joel: Cause we're masochists. Deal with it.
Tom: Two words. The MADS.
Other than the anti-flame warning,C&C are welcome.
Crow: Take it away, Joel....
Joel: Well, you could put some spaces between the commas and periods
for starters....and you could make the lemon scene a little more interesting
and romantic, rather than going about it mechanically....and maybe work
on making the characters more IC and work a little more on the story
elements. Ummmm....Anything else you guys want to add?
Tom: Nah, that's pretty much what I was going to say.
You can find more Ranma and Ukyou fanfics (by myself and other
authors) on my page(the champagne of Ranma romance sites),
Crow: <Robin Leech> With champagne wishes and caviar wet dreams
come true....
devoted to the true eternal couple of Ranma 1/2.
Tom: Gosunkugi and Shampoo?
Joel: Ack!
Crow: Aiya!
Mike Rhea
Webmaster of The Ranma and Ukyou Pages!
http://rei.animenetwork.com/ranchan/
Crow: Ask for him by flame!
Joel: Crow....
Crow: Sorry.
"Akane,when you get so heavy?"-Shampoo,"Team Ranma vs. the
Legendary Phoenix"
Tom: We'll save our quote for the stinger....
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Share what you know. Learn what you don't.
Tom: <Yoda> Mind what have you learned.
Crow: Flee while you can. Let's go, Joel!
(Joel picks Tom up and follows Crow out of the theater.)
* * *
THE HOLOCABANA
Joel stood in front of a red stage curtain, a spotlight illuminating him.
"And now, gentle readers, here is our version of the lemon
scene in today's experiment. 'A Wet Dream Come True." Starring Tom,
Crow and Gypsy. Enjoy."
Joel walked off and the curtain rose to reveal the interior of a large
bathroom. Ran Servo, wearing a black wig tied into a pigtail, had just settled
down into the bathtub when he suddenly remembered he had left the soap
outside. Cursing inwardly, he rose from the bath to get it....and found himself
face to face in front of a naked Ukcrow.
For a brief moment, Ran Servo was frozen in place. Then with a
terrified yelp, he launched himself back into the nearest corner, trying to
cover himself up and shield his eyes at the same time. Since his arms failed
to perform either task, Servo had to settle for looking away.
"U....U...Ukcrow! W....What do you think you're doing?!?" Ran
Servo cried out.
"Don't you.....*want* me?" Ukcrow asked in a sexy voice.
"Wha...?!? Are you sick or something?!? I just wanted to take a
bath!" Ran Servo's voice was panicked as he searched the bathroom for
a way to escape. "If Gypkane sees us like this...."
"Ranchan, forget about Gypkane for a second and look at me!"
Ukcrow shouted.
"I can't! You're naked! Put on some clothes first!" Ran Servo
retorted, hovering near the ceiling now but continuing to look away.
There was a short pause. Then Ran Servo could hear a sigh of
resignation. "Okay, Ranchan. I'll get dressed again. Go sit over by the
tub and we'll talk."
Ran Servo remained frozen in place, his sense of danger ringing
like a fire alarm. "Where the hell was my sense of danger when Ukcrow
snuck up on me?!?" Ran Servo thought to himself as he finally forced
himself to hover back down and over to the bathtub and carefully rested
on the edge near the faucets. He then tried to nudge the cold water faucet
with his head but was unable to turn it. A moment later, Joel rushed onto
the stage, and turned the cold water nozzle. Tom stuck his head under it
for a moment and then Joel replaced Tom's black pigtail wig with a red
pigtail wig before rushing off-stage again.
"There. She won't come after me as a girl." Ran-Chan Servo
thought to herself triumphantly. Then she felt someone sit beside her.
"Okay, Ranchan, you can open your eyes now."
"Good, now Ukcrow, what's the deal with....ack!!!" Ran-Chan
Servo involuntarily reeled backwards in shock and Ukcrow gently pushed
her back into the bathtub. The hot water in the tub proceeded to do absolutely
nothing as Ran Servo's wig fell off and he cried out in shock, "CROW!!! WHAT
THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?"
"Ummm, trying to change you back into a guy?" Ukcrow replied
sheepishly. "Besides, you're breaking character!" he hissed.
"I CAN'T HOVER WHEN I'M WET, YOU IDIO....blub blub
blub...?!?" Ukcrow had pushed Ran Servo's head underwater and frantically
gestured for Joel to come on stage. "What's going on?" Joel asked.
"Shhhhh! You're Ranma now!" Crow whispered under his breath.
"Say the next line, quick!"
"Uh....er....Oh, yeah! I mean, Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease
don'tletakaneseeme...." Joel whimpered in his best Ranma imitation as
Ukcrow giggled. "Ranchan, you're so cute when you tremble like that."
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAANNNN SERRRRRRRRVOOOO!!!"
a familiar voice screeched. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING
WITH HER?!?"
"A....A....Akane!!!" Joel yelped as he did his best to look mortified
on the spot. "I....It's not what it looks like, I swear! Ukcrow tricked me!"
"It's Gypkane!" Crow corrected him.
"Gypkane, Ukcrow tricked me! You gotta believe me!"
Gypkane stood in the doorway, a Furinkan school uniform
hanging loosely on her cylinder body, and a short hair wig resting on
her head. "Just how stupid do you think I am, Ran Servo!" she screeched.
"Go away! Can't you see Ran Ser....uh....Joel-o-rama Saotome
and I want to be alone!" Ukcrow retorted. "Besides, what could he
possibly see in a flatchested tomboy like you!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FLATCHEST...oops!" Gypkane
screeched as her wig suddenly fell off from the vibration of her mouth
movements. Joel hurried over to her to replace the wig, trying not to break
up laughing, as a panicked voice made itself heard.
"Uh, hello! Robot without arms or hoverjets drowning in bathtub here!
Could somebody help me, PLEASE!" Tom sputtered as he desperately tried to
keep his head above the surface of the bathwater.
"Time out." Joel announced as he reached into the bathtub and gingerly
helped Tom of the bathtub, cradling him in his arms. "You okay, Tom?"
Tom spat some water out. "Just because I look like a buoy doesn't
mean I can float, you know!" he muttered.
"Sorry about that, Tom. Just throwing myself into the part," Crow
said as he walked up to Joel. Tom immediately began struggling. "Let me
at him! Let me at him!" Tom snarled as he struggled to attack Crow.
"Woah, Servo, I said I was sorry!" Crow exclaimed.
"Come on, Tom, let's get those hoverjets dry." Joel said as he walked
out of the Holocabana, leaving Crow and Gypsy behind. They looked at each other
for a moment before Gypsy spoke.
"Ummm, am I supposed to mallet you now or something?"
* * *
DEEP 13
Frank processed the information gathered from the experiment
and filed it away, neat and tidy. Then he walked back over to the console
and send a call to the Satellite of Love. A few moments later, Joel appeared
on the screen.
"What's up, Frank?" Joel inquired.
"Uhhh, well....Isn't this where you and Dr. F usually have a final
exchange of words before I push the button?"
"But Dr. F isn't here. Why not just push the button and knock off early?"
Joel replied.
"Yeah. I guess I could knock off early. The experiments done and there's
no chores that can't wait till tomorrow. Yeah, I think I will knock off early!
Thanks, Joel!"
"No problem! Oh, and before you go, can you send us down to earth
so we can use the bathroom? Our toilets are backed up here and it'll only take
a min...."
Frank interrupted the transmission by turning off the viewscreen. He
gave the button a press before heading down towards his room and collapsing
into his bed. Then his eyes grew wide and he leapt to his feet, bolting back into
the laboratory and frantically smashed his hand on another button on the console
with the caption 'PRESS IN CASE OF STUPIDITY' Once he was certain the
command to bring the Satellite of Love down to earth had been canceled, a
sigh of relief escaped from his lips.
"That was too close." he gasped as he carefully pushed the correct
button this time and then stumbled back to his room.
...AND THE MSTINGS
CONTINUE...
I hope you enjoyed this and C&C is very welcome. (fcasper@yesic.com)
Author's Notes: And so the third season begins! I hope you've enjoyed this
as much as I have writing it. I've been MSTing for over 2 years now and
I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every person who's send
me words of support and encouragement and who have helped me throughout
these last two years. I treasure every piece of fan mail I receive and I consider
it a great honor that some people have dedicated their MSTings to me and tell
me that I helped encourage them to start MSTing. To all of you, thank you
from the bottom of my heart and I hope I can continue to inspire and make you
laugh for a long time to come. :)
Also, I'd like to give personal thanks, once again, to Gary Kleppe, whose
C&C and suggestions are always appreciated. I can't say enough nice things
about this guy! :) If you haven't had a chance to check out his latest work
'I Dream of Ranma', you can reach him at kleppe@execpc.com or his webpage
at http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics and I'm sure he'll be happy to send
the story along to you. Also, I'd like to thank Alicia Ashby, who also gave
me some valuable C&C before I started posting this around. ;)
Finally I'd like to thank Mike Rhea for writing "A Wet Dream Come True"
and giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended.
It's all meant in good fun.
Megane 6.7 Tribute Page
http://freehosting1.at.webjump.com/sv/svhp-webjump/megane.html
Megane 6.7 Fanfiction
http://freehosting1.at.webjump.com/sv/svhp-webjump/megfics.html
Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0
http://svhp.webjump.com/
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)
SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM Fanfic)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon)
210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon)
SEASON THREE
----------------------
301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon)
SHORTY!
-------------
101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY!
102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET!
103- PHEROMONES!
104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!!
OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO
---------------------------------------------------------
"DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
"MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover)
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
"THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon)
"9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon)
Lefty's MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm
'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE!
(Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle)
Mystery Wrestling Theater!
http://members.aol.com/mrnoun/MWT3K.htm
"THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee (Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover)
Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics
OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING
The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong
http://www.li.net/~jeffwong/index.htm
Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/
Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml
Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page!
http://members.tripod.com/~CarnageBooga/index.html
A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/
Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html
Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/
Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive
http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html
Sean Gaffney's Webpage
http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html
"For a brief moment,Ranma was unconscious from the blow.Then,as
Ukyou was still looking at him,Ranma suddenly felt very lusty."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1999 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics....