Ranma Nikkai Norowaretta

lawyers, read this one:

houritsujou no mensekijoukou wa koko surikome kudasai:
takahashi sama wa ichiban sugoi desu na. kono sutori wa shitsurei
shimasu kesshin de imasen. sotsui wa shinaide kudasai. okane arimasen n
da.

I posted this a long time ago, but just sanity checked it for reality
and continuity. Comments welcome.

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Ranma Nikai Norowaretta (Ranma cursed twice)

  Once upon a time there was a man, Genma Saotome, and his son, Ranma
Saotome. This is his story.

  Our curtain rises on sunny downtown Nerima, to a scene that will soon
become familiar to the residents...

  "My turn oyaji!" I shouted at the panda. We were both were breathing
heavily from exertion; after all we had been fighting for some time. I
took a flying leap at the panda; kicking him in the shoulder, and
knocking him slightly off-balance.

  "Growf," the panda grunted, then fell backwards.

  "I'm going back to China. There has to be a cure for this thing
somewhere. I don't like the fact that you arranged a fiancee for me, and
I think I'd like it even less if she has to see me like this!
Sayounara." I grabbed my pack off from the street and walked off from
the fight, leaving the panda on the ground.

  The next thing I knew, I had been grabbed round the waist by the
panda, arms pinned to my sides. Some of the passers-by approached the
panda, obviously concerned for my safety. He snarled angrily and growled
at the passers-by - they quickly retreated as fast as they approached.

  "Leggo of me!" I shouted. But it was no use. The panda had me held
tight. I slowly started working my way loose. The panda seemed to
realise this; he started to pick up his pace. Just as I managed to work
my way free, the panda charged through a doorway. I tumbled out of his
grip, landing ready to fight again.

  "We have visitors," said a female voice in the next room.

  "My old friend Saotome has arrived!" a more masculine voice called
out. He ran to the door and opened it wide.

  Looking through the door I saw a man, about oyaji's age. Sitting
around a low table were three girls, who I assumed were his daughters.

  "Oh my," one of them said.

  "Hey pops, you're scaring them. Go hide or something." He pushed me in
front of himself. Was he trying to hide behind me? Sure, this cursed
body of mine is well built, but it is small, and he's a PANDA for crying
out loud.

  I looked the man in the eye. He looked back at me. "You... are you...
?"

  "Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

  "I'm glad you've come, I am Soun Tendo." Soun reached out and gave me
a big hug. He paused in mid-hug, suddenly unsure of himself. He abruptly
ended the hug and jumped back. One of the girls, the one with short
hair, stepped forward and poked me in the uh, chest.

  "HE is a girl," she said dryly.

  "I wish you wouldn't do that," I said. Soun's mouth worked overtime
for a minute before he collapsed down on the floor where he was and
started crying.

  "He said he had a son in his letter..."

  "Do you see a son here?" said the first, poking me in the chest. But
Soun was beyond talking to. He carried on crying. I was getting
increasingly annoyed with this girl.

  "Hi, I'm Akane. Do you want to be friends?" Akane smiled at me. I
smiled back. It was the first friendly face I had seen since I could
remember. "I practice karate. I noticed you fighting that panda, would
you like a little match?"

  "Sure."

  "Just for fun. Don't worry, I'll go easy on you." Boy was she
over-confident.

  "If you insist."

  I dodged all of her kicks with ease, wearing her down. This showed in
her style. She was getting more aggressive and leaving herself open. I
was beginning to enjoy myself and decided to see how long I could hold
back. I jumped over her roundhouse punch again and looked down as she
telegraphed her next move. She sunk her fist into the wall seconds after
I moved out of the way. That ended the match. By the time she got her
arm free I could easily have beaten her if I wanted to.

  "You're pretty good Ranma. I'm glad you're a girl though, I'd hate to
lose to a boy." I decided there would be better times to tell her about
my life story. Things were gonna get tricky soon.

  After the workout, I decided to take a bath to wash off the sweat.
'And this cursed form too' I added under my breath. I leant against the
wall and doused myself with warm water. Instant I grew a few inches
taller and lost certain female bits, and gained certain male bits.
'Please, this time, just one step will be enough,' I thought to myself.
I put my weight on my legs. So far so good. I raised my left leg to take
a step.

  *Crash*

  That hurt. I might not be able to walk like this again, I thought
glumly. Slowly I dragged myself to the bath and pulled myself in, the
dead weight of my now useless legs a painful reminder of China. Sure, I
could move my legs, but there was no real strength there anymore. Not
unless...

  *Zipp*

  The bathroom door slid open and Akane, naked except for a towel,
stepped in. 'Oh great!' I thought, 'Of all the ways she could have
discovered I'm a guy, this has to be the worst.' She facefaulted. I
sweatdropped. I thought she was going to hit me or something, but she
simply turned round and stepped out again. I sighed with relief.

  "THERE'S A PERVERT IN THE BATHROOM!" I heard Akane shout. Well, looks
like everyone knows now. I hauled myself out of the bath with my arms
(luckily those weren't also crippled) and reached for the cold tap.
DAMN. It was too high and I couldn't pull myself up to reach. I lay
there on the floor waiting for the inevitable.

  A few minutes later, a small party trooped into the bathroom. Dad, now
back human again (he must have already had a hot bath), Soun Tendo,
Akane (now armed with a bamboo fencing sword), Nabiki and Kasumi were
present.

  "Hello. I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." I smiled up at them
weakly.
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Ranma Nikai Norowaretta (Part the second)

  So there I was, lying on the floor of the bathroom, smiling stupidly
up at oyaji, Soun Tendo and his daughter Akane, with nothing more than a
towel to cover myself. It was embarrassing to say the least, but
fortunately oyaji stepped in to save me from being branded an intruder.

  "My own son, how humiliating that you should be cursed like this!" he
cried.

  "Would someone mind explaining what is going on?" asked Akane.

  "Oyaji, turn the tap on please, I can't quite reach it."

  "Yes, that would help explain things better." He reached over and
turned on the hot water, freeing me from one curse, activating another.
I was about to stand up, then thought better of it.

  "Now he's a girl," said Kasumi.

  "Uh, could you turn around please," I said, slightly embarrassed. A
little bit of confusion reigned before Soun and dad realised what I
meant. Kasumi was quicker than everyone else and bundled them all out,
allowing me to cover myself up with some clothes.

  When I got downstairs, they were all waiting for me. "Ranma Saotome,
explain yourself." Soun's simple request sounded like an order. I looked
up at him and his head suddenly appeared to fill the room.

  'Yaah!' I screamed inside my head. I wanted to shout that out loud but
this wasn't the time. I blinked again, and Soun's head was back to
normal. But was that my imagination or some secret technique of his?

  Anyways, I started explaining the story. It all began when oyaji
decide to drag me around all these legendary training grounds...
Daszagundo in Mongolia was an interesting one, just a series of ropes
tied on opposite sides of a deep gorge. Right after that we went to
Jusenkyo, that cursed place.

  "Ah, kyaku-san, it is a beautiful sight, no? These are legendary
training grounds of Jusenkyo. They have not been used for many year.
Wait sir, you must not go there. It is very dangerous."

  But what kind of a man is afraid of a little water? I leapt up onto
one of the bamboo poles, following father, and took a combat pose ready
to strike.

  I leapt from pole to pole, careful to avoid falling, slowly circling
my old man. I was waiting for him to get impatient and launch the first
attack. I guessed that the poles weren't strong enough to hold together
if someone put too much weight on them.

  I guessed right. Oyaji launched a flying kick at me. At the last
moment I leapt off my pole, pushing it aside with my foot and landing on
another pole.

  *Splash*

  Oyaji hadn't been so lucky. I looked back and saw nothing but ripples
in the pool. I waited for him to re-surface to continue our fight. Just
as I was about to jump down and drag him out, a giant panda leapt out.

  "Yaaaaah!" I screamed intelligently, then fell backwards into the
water.

  *Splash*

  I was underwater, lungs half full of water, desperately trying to find
the surface. My sense of balance seemed altered somehow, and the water
was moving as if it had a mind of its own, pulling me this way and that.
The last thing I remembered was grabbing hold of a pole and being
dragged to the edge of the pool.

  When I woke up I was in the guide's home. And I had breasts.

  "Aah, kyaku-san is awake I see. You fall in Nyannichuan, cursed pool
of drowned girl. Is Very Tragic tale of young girl who fall in pool 1500
years ago.  Your father," he pointed to a giant panda sitting on a
bench, "he fell in pool of drowned panda. Now he turn into giant panda."
He went on to explain how hot water would reverse this curse, but only
until the next time I got wet.

  "Ah, hot water is ready now, kyaku-san. You like change back now?" I
nodded dumbly and sat back, the hot water leaving red marks on my
shoulders. The guide then turned to the panda and poured water on it,
restoring oyaji to humanity.

  "So if there is a pool of drowned girl here, somewhere here there must
also be a pool of drowned boy?" I asked.

  "Hai. It is here," the guide said, pointing to a map on the wall,
"pool of drowned boy, in the exact centre of the Jusenkyo springs." I
stepped up to the map, examining it carefully, then rushed off out of
the hut. The guide must have realised what I was thinking, for a second
later he chased after me.

  "Wait sir, you must not run. Is very dangerous." Feh. I already had
one curse. This spring ought to undo the effects. I arrived at the pool
and stepped in.

  And then I fell to my knees, happy. I was still male in this cold
water. 'Yes!' The curse has vanished.

  The Jusenkyo Guide caught up with me, waving a sign written in
Chinese. "Honoured guest sir, you walked in cursed pool of CRIPPLED boy.
Now you have fallen in two pools. I know not how the curse will work.
Very tragic story this one. Young boy from village who never walked fell
into pool. Alas! He never came out again. You come back to hut now?"

  I got up. That is, I tried to get up. It took a moment for his words
to sink in. 'CRIPPLED drowned boy. Then I can't get up because...
Shimatta... still, at least that girl curse is gone. I just need to go
back and get some hot water and avoid rain. Yes, problem solved. This
curse isn't so bad, at least I still have my manhood.' I smiled inside,
then remembered I was still sitting down in the pool. I dragged myself
to the edge of the pool and pulled myself out.

  "Young sir, you wait here, I go back now and fetch kettle." He left
just as quickly as he said that, leaving me behind. It was probably for
the best. I wouldn't have let him carry me even if he had offered, and
there was no way I could keep up with him - he is a surprisingly fast
walker considering that he is, well, fat. He returned twenty minutes
later.

  He poured out some hot water over me. It was at that moment my world
shattered. I was a girl again.

  I walked over to the guide. "No! Not a woman. Where is the cold water?
I am a man!" He pointed to another pool, evidently almost as surprised
as I was, explaining that that pool was just water, it had not yet been
cursed. I ran into it gleefully, changing back into a man as I did so.

  Changing back into a cripple as I did so.

  I collapsed to my knees again, this time not through choice. I had
lost... what had I lost? As long as I avoided water, I could choose...
do I lose my manhood? Or do I lose my legs?

  Oyaji told me what happened next. The guide returned back to the hut
carrying me. Apparently I was too depressed to notice, or care. If I
could have done so, I would have destroyed Jusenkyo for the evil it had
done to me. That place has ruined my life.

  "So you see, Soun, that is why things are the way they are. I didn't
mean to deceive you, but I couldn't have arrived as a man even though I
wanted to.

  "Hehe, Ranma kun, thats no problem, no problem at all!" He turned me
round, facing his daughters. "Kasumi, my eldest, nineteen. Nabiki,
seventeen. But I saw the why you were sparring with Akane. She's the one
you really want isn't she?"

  "Oh yes definitely!" chimed in Kasumi.

  "..." said Akane, mouth working overtime.

  "Well, you hate boys don't you?" said Nabiki.

  "..." said Akane.

  "Well, he's half girl! He's perfect for you!" Both Nabiki and Kasumi
spoke in unison.

  "Its decided then. Ranma, meet your iinazuke, Akane. Akane, this is
your future husband."

  "Whaddya mean, problem solved?" I screamed back. "I'm off back to
China, there has to be a cure somewhere. This is no time to think about
marriage. Its bad enough having two curses, I don't need a third!"

  "How dare you call me a curse?!" It was Akane. Me and my big mouth. I
opened wide and put the other foot in.

  "At least when I'm a girl I'm cute, ya psycho chick! Sayounara." I
turned around and headed out the door.

  Do you know what it feels like when you get hit on the head and fall
to the floor and your head lands first? That was the day I learned how
much it hurts. That tomboy sure has a temper. Just a shame she had to
wreck the table too.

  I've gotten over the worst of that, but it still hurts having to make
the choice of what part of me I should lose each day. I know I can only
leave the house as a girl, but its not exactly the best way to meet a
girlfriend. Maybe its for the best that Oyaji engaged me to Akane,
although it would still have been nice to choose. Its also the only body
I can fight in, and fighting is what I have given my life for. And my
manhood now, too. Most of the time anyway.

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Our story so far: Ranma has returned from China with not one, but two
Jusenkyou curses. As a result of the interaction of the magic, cold
water
now turns him into a crippled boy, and hot water turns him into a whole,
but female, version of himself.


Ranma Nikai Norowaretta (Part the third)

  "School???"

  "Well, now that we are going to be staying here a while, I thought it
best that you go to school like everyone else."

  "But I can't enrol looking like a girl!"

  "I could arrange for Tofu-sensei to get a wheelchair for you," offered
Kasumi.

  I tried to picture myself in a wheelchair. But the idea of going in
public like that made me cringe.  Looking at the determination in Soun
and oyaji's face, I realised there was no way I was going to get out of
this one. I reached forward and grabbed the orange juice, emptying it
out over my head.

  "That better?" I asked, an octave higher. "But there is no way I'm
gonna wear a seifuku." On that point I got my way. I wore my favourite
red shirt and black pants.

  Eventually, we set of for school. Nabiki had already left ten minutes
earlier. I guess it was to get me and Akane to talk on the way in, as I
saw her having a whispered argument after breakfast. In a way it worked.
We *did* talk.

  "You know Ranma, it's just as well you aren't wearing a dress, walking
on that railing."

  "Ah shut up Akane. Its a guy thing. I do it because I can."

  "You don't look much lkie a guy right now. I bet you look at that girl
body all the time. Pervert!" She grinned.

  "Kawaikunee!"

  "Uncute tomboy!"

  "Iroke ga nai!"

  She glared at me. I glared back at her. Then she smiled. 'Hey, she
really is cute!' I thought. Next thing I knew she gave the wire fence
a hefty kick, knocking me into the canal below.

  Wet. Male. Crippled. Floating slowly downstream. Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

  "Help! Akane! I can't swim!"

  That must have snapped something inside of her. She suddenly realised
what she had done and climbed over the fence and splash landed into the
stream.

  "Hey, it's not so deep, Ranma!" she said as she quickly waded
downstream to my position.

  "It is when you can't swim."

  "I'm going home. I need to get some dry clothes on."

  "But you can't, not in your condition. I'll tell you what. I'll take
you past Yuki's house on the way in and borrow some of her clothes. Its
only for a day."

  "..." I was about to complain, then thought better of it. She was only
trying to help, after all, and it wasn't as if anyone else would come
along.
I guess I could live with wearing a girl's clothes for a day. Soon, the
three
of us (Akane, Yuki, and myself) were walking to school. I felt uneasy,
especially considering that they were discussing boys. Actually, Yuki
was
discussing boys. Akane was complaining about them, and I was trying to
be
somewhere else.

* * * * * * * * * *

  I arrived at the school just in time to see Akane finishing off the
last
of a gang of boys. As I walked up to her, I overhead her talking
(ranting?)
to herself.

  "What a drag. Every day they try it on. Just once I'd like..." Just
then,
she was interrupted by a tall stranger.

  "Aah, such a vision of loveliness I see before me. It is the fair
Akane, shining like the morning star. But wait! Today this Venus brings
a companion. Oh, fair maiden, thou art as beautiful as the day is long.
Permit me the honour of dating thee..."

  "You talking to me, pal?" I put my guard up, ready.

  "Stay out of this," Akane hissed at me. "Kunou sempai, I am not
interested in dating you, and my friend... isn't either." I was a little
relieved; she hadn't spoken my name.

  "Pigtailed girl, I challenge you. Should you win, I shall allow you to
date with me. Do you accept?"

  "A Saotome never rejects a challenge. Fight!"

  The baka drew his boku-toh and charged. "I shall go easy on you. It is
not right that such beauty should be crushed by this blade. Let..."

  A well-placed kick sent him spinning into orbit. Well, I couldn't let
him continue, could I? I mean, he was trying to hit on me wasn't he?
Yeurgh. Memo to self: find a way to go to school as a boy. Even if it
means a wheelchair.

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Ranma Nikai Norowaretta (Part the fourth)

  So there I was, alone in the dojo, planning what to say to Kasumi. A
quiet place alone with my thoughts always helped when I needed to think
things through. What with a curse or two, I needed to do far more
thinking than before, and it showed in my frayed nerves.

  "Kasumi, what was the name of that doctor you mentioned...?" No,
that's not the way to approach the problem.

  "Kasumi, about that wheelchair..." Shimatta, there has to be an easier
way than this. Maybe I should take the direct approach.

  "Kasumi, umm..."

  "Kasumi, can you take me to Tofu sensei please?"

  "Why, certainly Ranma," she said.

  "Yaaa!"

  *THUD*

  "Oh my. Ranma seems to have fainted. Well, he *did* ask me to take him
to Tofu sensei I suppose. But I can't take him by myself. I had better
ask Akane to carry him there..."

  Oooh, where am I? Gender: female. Check. Limbs: all present. Check.
OK. Hmm, I seem to be in a doctor's surgery. Hmm, strange man sitting
there with Akane drinking tea. Surreal.

  "Aah, our patient is awake I see."

  "Don't forget sensei, our little Ranma needs a *full* examination. She
hasn't seen a doctor all the time she was travelling in China. Oh! Is
that the time? I must go now - Kasumi said she would show me how to make
yakisoba noodles."

  And then the door slammed shut behind her.

  "OK Ranma chan, you will need to take your shirt off..."

  "Uh, sensei, there's..."

  "Don't worry, its nothing I haven't seen before..."

  "Sensei..."

  "Please, this is all routine. Modern medicine is nothing to be afraid
of..."

  "SENSEI!"

  "Oh? Is there something troubling you that badly? Please, do tell me."

  "I'm a guy."

  "Oh. Concussion and amnesia. Akane did say you hit your head on the
floor, but I didn't think it would be this serious. Oh dear. Tofu sensei
paused and had another sip of his tea.

  Tea! That's it! "Sensei, could you let me have some of your tea
please?" I forced myself to smile cutely.

  "Why certainly dear. Here you are."

  *Splash*

  "As I said sensei, I'm a guy."

  I have this to say for Tofu sensei; he is one of the most unshockable
people I have ever met. Perhaps he wasn't joking; maybe there really
*isn't* anything he hasn't seen before. Whatever. I explained the nature
of my curses and that I didn't particularly want a wheelchair. "No
problem," he countered, and produced a pair of crutches from nowhere. A
little practise and soon I was up to speed.

  I set off home happy, practising with my new crutches. At least I
wouldn't have to go to school as a girl, although I was going to have to
re-enrol - no sense provoking awkward questions. Maybe I could make a
martial arts style with these crutches too. Actually, I'd have to do
that or else I won't be able to fight like this. Oh well. On step at a
time to fix this curse...

  "Ranma! Die!"


To be continued...

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seifuku = girl's school uniform [lit: sailor clothes]
kawaikunai = uncute
iroke ga nai = no sex appeal
senpai = upper classman
bokutou = a wooden training sword. Kuno has never called it a bokken in
Japanese.

these here are the proper(?) romaji spellings for these words. I tend to
use more anglicised forms in the actual text but (ie boku-toh for
bokutou).
----------==========----------==========----------==========----------==

Special thanks to the following for pre-reading

Harper (especially for putting words into my keyboard for certain
scenes)
David Johnston