HEYO!!!!
You are correct, sir!
Me again! Here is Pt.3!!!!! *bows* Thanks again to my pre-reader. I
am dyslexic and my spelling is nprmally atroscious, see? Well, oh, go we
here!!!!!!!
Yoda we speak like...
Quote of the day: (Well, my real name is Faith. I found this very strange
quote in readers digest.) "Fear can keep one up at night, but faith makes
one fine pillow." (scary huh?)
Nyah. Spooky indeed.
Wordsmith Saturn
By Savere Hotaru
Music from: Unknown (99 Red Balloons), Billy Joel ( We didn't Start the
Fire), Dirty Dancing (Stand by Me)
Poetry from: Unknown
Pre-reader: Beky NeRichnead
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and Ranma characters are not mine. May Naoko
Takeuchi and Rumiko Takahashi live forever!
Err... what's [TM] doing in the header? Is Tenchi Muyo gonna get dragged into
this as well?
ALL the WordSmiths are mine (ok,
Beky NeRichnead owns Thogan. *blows a raspberry* But it was my idea
to......oops, spoilers are censored.)
Pt.3-Highschool
Twowords. ;>
Hotaru gathered her books together while listening to Haruka
and Michiru
played duet on violin and piano.
Keep tenses consistent in clauses. "Playing".
She looked over at the clock and ran
towards the door. "Ja ne Haruka-papa, Michiru-mama!"
They smiled and waved.
And stopped playing first, I hope.
Hotaru ran out the door, to the corner
where Brian
and Imani waited.
"Were waiting".
Hotaru jumped into
Imani's arms. "Hi!"
Wakaba/Utena flashbacks... "Sunlit Garden" invading brain... must... stop...
must...
[Core consciousness compromised. Restoring from backup.]
Imani grinned. "For a moment I thought you were going to late
like Usagi."
to _be_ late, prolly. And how does Imani know about Usagi's attendance habits?
For that matter, why the fsck hasn't anyone looked into these people after they
faced down youma, put on a one-act play, and disappeared in a flurry of special
effects?
Hotaru managed to look hurt before Brian pulled them off
towards school. "I
thought you weren't coming to High School, Imani." Hotaru said as they
neared the gates.
...I missed something, or else the last chapter got cut off... have several
months passed somehow? Did they decide to let Hotaru skip a grade? What?
Imani shrugged. "Nyale and Mark can handle it.
...handle _what_, exactly?
Besides, they
are more of
age for Middle School."
Suggest perhaps "they aren't yet old enough for high school". And don't
capitalize high school and middle school; they're just common nounds, after all.
Hotaru grinned, "I'm glad you're with me."
Noisy grin. Suggest a period instead of a comma.
They passed the gates to find chaos awaiting them. A blue
haired girl was
beating up a large number of male students.
Oh no...
A black haired boy was watching
from atop a wall.
Oh yes... *sigh*...
This is the first ep of Ranma in series continuity? That's the only one Ranma
watches, and Akane's admirers admit defeat around the third or fourth ep...
Correct me if I'm wrong, someone.
As the last student fell, another student stepped out. He had
dark short
hair and wore old style samurai garb.
Whatever Kuno may be wearing, it's not o-yori, samurai banded mail. Call it a
kendoist's practice uniform.
Imani and Brian froze. Hotaru looked
at them in confusion. "What's wrong?"
"We're in a terrible, terrible crossover. Save yourself!"
The student noticed the three standing by the gates. He focused
on Imani
and smiled.
Ah, CRUD. Kuno, the human remora...
He walked over to her. "Oh, my flame haired goddess. I would
date thee! Art thou a combatant that I should challenge?"
Suggest "Might I have the honor of a challenge at thy fair hand?"
Or "...,that I may challenge thee?"
As it is, it sounds like Kuno's trying to find out if she's a threat, not asking
her out in his own peculiar way.
Imani looked stricken then turned and fled. Brian looked
around, "I need
someone to take care of Hotaru and get her to class on time."
Noisy look. Period instead of comma, or "Brian looked around and said,"
A boy with long hair stepped forward. "I'll take her. My name is Ukyo."
::blinkblink:: WITW is going on? The morning fights were things of the past when
Ukyo entered the series... I think...
Brian nodded. "Thank you, I must help my sister." He turned to
Hotaru. "I
promise I'll explain later. Go to class."
Hotaru nodded. "Ok, I'll meet you at me house later if I don't see you
before."
Gone Cockney on us, 'as she? "my house"
Brian nodded and ran after Imani.
*
Imani ran swiftly, trying not to think. She didn't know how far
or how fast
she went. She eventually stopped, exhausted. She sat and found herself in a
forest and tried to clear her thoughts.
Three sentences, all starting with the same word...
"She didn't know how fast she was going or how far she'd managed to run before
she stopped, exhausted. Looking around briefly, she picked a likely tree to
collapse against, one of many in what was apparently a forest. She began the
slow process of catching her breath and trying to clear her mind."
Well, something like that.
That boy at the school had looked
just like....
She sang softly to herself to calm herself down.
Suggest "herself, to calm down." Don't need to refer back to yourself twice in
one sentence, I don't think.
"You and I in a little toy shop
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got.
Set them free at the break of dawn
Till one by one, they were gone.
Back at base, bugs in the software
Flashed the message `Something's out there.'
Floating in the summer sky
99 Red Balloons go by.
99 Red balloons, floating in the summer sky
Captain Kirk its red alert
There's something here from somewhere else.
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky
While 99 red balloons go by.
99 decisions treat
99 ministers weep.
To worry, worry, super scurry
Call the troops out any how-y
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
The President has signed the line
As 99 red balloons go by.
99 nights of the year
In super high tech jet fighters
Everyone's a superhero
Everyone's a Captain Kirk
With orders to identify
To clarify and classify
Scramble in the summer sky
99 red balloons go by.
99 red balloons go by.
99 Dreams I have had
And every one a red balloon.
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city.
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a red balloon...
I think of you and let it go."
"Excuse me?" she heard and jumped.
Suggest "She heard someone ask 'Excuse me?' and jumped."
She turned to see a dark haired boy wearing a bandana. He
grimaced, "Sorry
I scared you, but I heard you singing and was wondering if you coul tell me
where Nerima was from here."
Noisy grimace. And isn't something like that a bit more menacing than
embarrassed? I could be wrong.
Imani blinked as she thought about it. "Actually, I'm not sure.
I just came
from there and really should be getting back. My nerves are a little on end,
it's not your fault."
Hmm. I think you could do with a period instead of a comma there. Or perhaps a
semicolon.
He awkwardly bowed. "I'm Hibiki Ryouga."
She smiled. "I'm Savere Imani."
She looked around. "I think it's that way." She pointed south.
He shrugged. "Let's try it."
Awfully clipped sentences. Suggest combining and expanding them.
They headed south and idly chatted. Imani was happy for a
respite from her
thoughts.
*
Brian stopped to catch his breath. He was bent over breathing hard. It
couldn't be Thogan, Thogan was dead. It wasn't possible.
This is anime. People come back from the dead with alarming regularity...
Oh, and a semicolon instead of that comma and a comma before "breathing hard".
Besides Thogan
would never hit on his- His thought was cut off
Suggest an ellipsis instead of that dash.
by a soft voice asking.
"Would you like a drink?"
Comma instead of period.
He looked up to see a brown haired girl.
A hyphenated brown-haired girl.
She smiled gently and
he nodded.
"Thanks, [pant] that would be [pant] great."
A pair of pants!
"Come in," she said and he followed her into the house.
Comma after "she said".
He sat down at a table in the kitchen. "Thank you, very much ms...."
Capital Ms.
"Tendo Kasumi," she answered, as she poured him some tea. "What
were you
doing to get yourself so out of breath? Are you a martial artist?"
He shook his head and took a sip. "No, there was trouble at the
highschool
Again, twowords.
and my sister ran off. I had to make sure our friend was taken care of
before I followed her and now I can't find her anywhere."
Comma after "followed her".
Kasumi smiled. "I'm sure you'll find her. Ranma, Akane, and
Nabiki should
be home soon. I'm sure they'll help you search."
Suggest combining the last two into one sentence. Oh, and Ranma and Akane might
help, but Nabsy isn't too likely to do charity work...
Brian was surprised. "Has it been THAT long since I followed her? Where
could she be?"
He heard voices at the front door. "It seems they are here now."
Who says that, exactly?
A short female redhead stomped into the room without seeing Brian. She
dumped the still warm teakettle over her head and turned into a taller dark
haired male. The one he had seen at school.
Suggest ", who looked remarkably like the one he had seen at school.
"Naanichuan," Brian commented.
Nyan-nii-chuan. Without the hyphens; they're just in there to break up the word
into its elements. Nyan - girl, nii - young, chuan - drowned. Roughly.
"I knew a few people who fell into that
one."
Really? Dang, but that boy is well-traveled. Only other person I know of who
fell in is Herb, and she's not going to brook much in the way of observers.
The boy turned and unconsciously fell into a ready stance.
Seeing Brian as
no threat, he relaxed. "You know of Jusenkyo?"
Suggest "You know about Jusenkyo?" to keep with Ranma's speech patterns.
Brian nodded. "I avoid the place on general principle, but I
was there a
few times." He stood and bowed. "Savere Brian,"
"Saotome Ranma," the other boy answered. "Why are you here?"
Brian sighed. "Remember what happened this morning with......that boy?"
Ranma nodded. "You mean, Kuno?
No comma...
Yeah, I saw that girl run off. Kuno does
that kinda stuff all the time."
"She is my sister." Brain said.
"Together we would have been able to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"
"Brian", ne?
"I haven't been able find her."
able _to_ find her.
"Want some help?" Ranma asked.
Brian nodded, "I would appreciate it."
Noisy nod. Period instead of comma.
The blue haired girl strode in. "Who are you flirting
with....." She saw
Brian.
"Ranma no YAOI!" *whammo*
"Oh, hello."
Brian nodded and introduced himself.
"Tendo Akane," the girl answered.
Brian held in his impulse to quote some instantly created
poetry. Not now.
He should be thinking this, ne?
"We're going to find his sister." Ranma said.
"Oh," Akane said. "She looked horrified before she disappeared this
moring."
Brian nodded. "May I use your phone?"
"Of course, Brian-sempai." Akane answered.
Why's he her upperclassman when he was in junior high a few parts back? Or did I
miss something?
Brian called Mark and Nyale. He explained as much as he could over the
phone. Then he told them to come over to the dojo with Rei and Michiru.
Suggest combining these three sentences into two or even one...
*
Rei sat in front of the sacred fire. She had just seen a vision
of a man
with two hearts. He also seemed to have a strange aura about him.
Suggest "a man with two hearts, who seemed to have a strange aura about him".
Possibly because he was _eating_ the second one... nah, too gruesome.
"Rei?" she heard Yuchiro call.
I think it's spelled "Yuuichiro".
"Hai?" she asked wearily.
I'd suggest just "Yes?"
"Mark asked you to meet him at this address. He says Imani is missing.
Hotaru is frantic," Yuchiro said.
Rei took the paper from his hand. "I will go. Tell grandfather I will
return later."
Just "grandpa". Rei isn't so formal around the other two inhabitants of the
shrine.
*
A mysterious figure rested above a black ball. "This boy is in
the perfect
position to kill Sailor Saturn. Nasha, turn him and give him his orders."
::clatter:: "I'm sorry, Master, but the d20 wasn't high enough. Shall I try
again in ten rounds?"
Bit of D&D humor there, folks.
A woman bowed and vanished, glad to escape the black ball that
was bouncing
up and down distractingly.
Somehow, bouncing doesn't seem quite so menacing as all that. Suggest perhaps
"oscillating" or "undulating". They sound more sinister, at least.
*****
Mark, Nyale, Rei, Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru, Brian, Ranma, and Akane
"Chief?"
"McCloud?"
met
outside Akane's house.
Technically, it's the Tendo Dojo... And they'd probably meet outside its gates,
such as they are.
Introductions were quick.
Stuff happened. It was cool.
I dunno, the sentence just strikes me wrong. Perhaps lead into the next
paragraph with "After a brief flurry of introductions,"
Brian turned to Michiru. "See if you can find her in your
mirror." Then he
turned to Rei. "See if you can find her."
Uhh... Rei kinda _needs_ the fire to do anything psychic-like, other than your
basic Detect Evil.
Both nodded and tried to inconspicuously use their supernatural
methods of
detection.
If they wanted to be inconspicuous about things, why not just do them _away_
from the Tendo Dojo?
And again, how does Brian _know_ they have these abilities?
Michiru shook her head. "Wherever she is, her location is shielded."
Rei agreed. "I didn't find anything."
"But I did catch a glimpse of a dark haired boy wearing a
bandana." Michiru
added.
::mutter:: Alright. You want this to happen, maybe have Brian relay a message to
Rei to try and do a fire reading on his sister, complete with description, and
have _her_ show up with the message that all she could catch was a glimpse of a
tiger-striped bandanna...
"No wonder we can't find her! She's with Ryoga! He couldn't
find a hat on
his head!" Ranma exclaimed.
Suggest "He'd get lost falling down!" or "He couldn't find his way out of a
broom closet!" It sounds a bit childish as is, even for Ranma.
Akane pulled out her mallet and brought it with frightning
speed towards
Ranma's head. "BE NICE TO RYOGA!"
Nyale's hand snaked out and the mallet exploded before it hit Ranma.
Uhh... the mallets are comedy relief. Nobody messes with the mallets unless it's
_for_ comedy relief. Suggest just Akane winding up for a Megaton Punch and Nyale
managing to grab her arm.
Ranma, Akane, Rei, Haruka, and Michiru looked at Nyale in
surprise. Nyale
answered their unspoken question. "I developed a breaking point technique
for chi weapons. It is relatively easy to learn."
Look, you can't treat the mallet seriously. That way lies much fic badness.
"Relative to what?" Haruka asked, pushing her blonde hair back.
Brian smiled. "Relative to verbal paralysis, scry blocking,
help summoning,
transdimensional warfare......"
Ranma blinked. "You know all those?"
How could Ranma get his brain around something like "transdimensional warfare"?
Brian shrugged. "I know some. Imani knows some. Mark, Nyale, and Hotaru
know some."
Mark spoke up. He pointed west. "We need to go that way."
"Imani is in that direction?" asked Akane.
Mark shrugged. "I never said that. We need to go west. I know it."
Brian nodded. "The only time he was ever wrong was in in
another dimension.
That doesn't really count."
Uh... what? Another dimension? And people just _accept_ this?
Aura of Smooth kicking in...
They all trooped off west.
***
Imani sighed and sat. "So you've had this sense of direction
all your life?
You must be quite the traveler."
Ryoga nodded. "It has caused no end of trouble. Damn Ranma for taking
advantage of it!"
Damn Ranma for the law of gravity and the Mideast conflict too. You know you
want to.
Imani raised an eyebrow, having heard the whole tale by now, but not
commenting. "We've been walking for awhile now. With my travel skills and
yours, we could be in America."
Suggest "Between my travel skills and yours, we could have crossed an ocean and
not realized it."
Though Ryoga really only goes as far as Russia in the canon.
The woods looked the same and Imani was very lost. Or so it seemed.
How are being lost and seeming to be lost different? Lost is a state of mind...
Imani noticed a bush moving and watched a small brown creature
coming out
of it.
"Raichu!" ::ZORCH::
She walked over and picked it up. It looked like a mix of a cat and a
rabbit. "How odd, this seems familiar."
They heard voices calling. "Ryo-ohki! Where did you go?"
Ah. Here we are, near the Masaki Shrine. Credit Tenchi Muyo in the disclaimer,
then...
A small blue haired girl and a dark haired boy came into the clearing.
Again, hyphenate the hair.
And all Sasami and Tenchi were doing in the woods was looking for Ryo-oh-ki,
right? RIGHT? BY ALL THAT IS GOOD AND DECENT, SAY I'M RIGHT!!!
Imani put the animal down and bowed. "Hello, I am Savere Imani
and this is
my companion Hibiki Ryoga."
The boy bowed back. "I am Masaki Tenchi and this is my friend Sasami."
He'd be more likely introduce Sasami as a houseguest, I think.
"Hi!" the little girl answered cheerily. Her long blue pigtails
swung in
the air.
Imani smiled. "We are lost. Could you help us? We are trying to
get back to
Nerima."
Nerima _ward_, probably. It's in Tokyo, just like Juuban, so she'd refer to it
as a ward. Probably.
Tenchi whistled. "That's pretty far from here. Maybe you should
come back
to my house and rest. I have a cousin in Nerima I can talk to."
Oh no. Not the Tenchi and Ranma Are Related bit again! Or is it someone else
this time?
And what good is talking to anyone going to do?
"I have a cousin in Nerima; I'll call and let him (her) know you're here."
Imani nodded and looked back to Ryoga, who also nodded. "We'd
be happy to
come."
****
Rei, Akane, and Mark searched their sector
Sector? Nan da yo? Did I miss something again? When did they decide to split up?
and chatted.
"A shinto priestess? That's cool. Was it hard to learn?" Akane asked.
Ano... I don't think you really _learn_ to be a priestess. You learn discipline
and lore and the like, but you've got to _become_ one on your own. Perhaps "Is
that hard work?" would work a bit better.
Rei shrugged. "I've done it all my life. My grandfather still
has much to
teach me." She turned to Mark. "What about you? What's your life like?"
He smiled. "I was born once,
Well, that goes without saying.
but that was long ago. I became a
wordsmith
and I truly lived.
"And then I truly died. So now I'm truly undead. Blah! Blah! I vant to bite your
neck!"
And "wordsmith" isn't exactly in the dictionary. How are people going to know
what he means?
Suggest "It was only when I started writing (or whatever) that I truly felt
alive."
I like to find friends to help the world act smoothly,
He helps the world act smoothly by finding friends? That's what it sounds like.
but it doesn't always work."
So he's admitting to relative strangers that he tries to shape the destiny of
the entire planet? Just checking.
Rei nodded, knowing Mark well enough not to expect a clear answer.
Akane did not know him at all. "How old are you?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I am of life. How old is life?"
Look, the boy's acting like a god here. Has he never heard of going incognito?
Akane frowned, but gave up the line of thought.
****
Ranma, Michiru, and Haruka searched their sector. Ranma had been
accidently splashed with water by Neptune, so he was in girl form.
"I hate this." he complained.
Michiru giggled. "Actually, it's kinda cute. Do you know if
there is a pool
of the drowned man we could go to? It would nice to have a baby someday."
And they admit this in front of Ranma? Michiru is a lot more circumspect than
this...
Suggest "kind of cute" and "It would clear up a few... minor inconveniences."
Haruka would get it, and Ranma'd be clueless as to their intent.
Haruka turned away, blushing a deep red.
Ranma sighed. "If I find it, I'll call you."
****
Nyale, Brian, and Hotaru were the first back at the rendevous point.
_What_ rendezvous point? I'm beginning to think I'm missing large chunks of fic
and I don't like that at all...
Brian sighed. "I'm getting the feeling that Imani is dragging this out."
Hotaru looked shocked. "Why would she do that?"
Nyale looked up from her carving of a boar.
In what? A tree? A piece of broken branch? A one-by-four-by-nine obsidian
monument? What?
And is she carving a boar or just carrying a finished carving?
"She has long been
missing a
soulmate. Perhaps she has found one. She can take care of herself most of
the time."
Brian understood that. Every time Hotaru died Imani passed out
for a month
in intense grief as she would any daughter.
Who what where when why WHASSUP WIT' DIS?! Talk about coming out of left field,
story! Oy! Hotaru died _one_ time, Silencing the earth at the close of the
Silver Millennium. And even then, she was sent forward with the rest of them.
Alright, maybe two times counting the close of S, but each time she never really
_left_ this mortal coil...
He was worried though. Could
thoughts of Thogan have effected her similarly?
And who on earth is Thogan? A small four-word descriptive phrase, maybe set off
by commas or dashes, is all I ask...
They would find out. Eventually Mark would lead them to her.
Mark and his group approached. "Imani is a few hours walk south."
"hours' walk"
Ranma's group arrived and heard Mark's comment. "Then why have we been
searching west?" Haruka asked.
Nyale smiled. "We'll find out I think."
::blinkblink:: You will? Ano... but you're _done_ searching west...
They all headed south.
****
It was dark. Ryoga and Imani sat on the roof of the Masaki
house. Ryoga was
staring at the sky. Then he felt weight on his shoulder. He slowly turned to
see Imani leaning on him. Her eyes were closed and she seemed peaceful.
Choppy sentence structure. Maybe combine a few of these.
It felt so..... right.
Just then, a head poked through the ceiling. "Hey, you two.
Tenchi says to
tell you dinner is ready."
I know this is Ryoko, but at least dignify her with a name or a brief
description.
Imani sat up. Ryoga missed the warmth, but jumped down to go
inside. Imani
followed.
Again, fold those last two sentences into one.
They sat at the table. Sasami smiled and passed out the food.
It was a typical evening at the Masaki household...
"Imani-san, where are you from?"
Imani considered as she ate. "I don't remember. I don't think it exists
anymore."
...eh? I _definitely_ missed something here. We need flashbacks or something...
Yosho nodded. "I thought so. You are the Wordsmith Song then?"
Ano... Yosho's only about nine hundred years old on Earth. The Silver Millennium
is considerably older than that... how's he know? Did the Wordsmiths visit Jurai
at some point?
Imani looked startled, then nodded. "Yes, I am the Wordsmith
Song. However,
ever since my brother died, I've been the Wordsmith Words."
Instead of the Wordsmith of Song? Or in addition to it?
And I suggest putting "of" into all the Wordsmith titles. It reads a bit better,
I think...
"Wordsmith?" Ryoga asked.
Imani nodded. "Many years ago my friends and I made a series of
wishes that
has blessed and cursed us. I only remember 100 years off the top if my head,
but I can remember at least a thousand. More than that is pushing it."
::megablink:: All right, I _strongly_ suggest putting in a flashback scene.
Heck, a flashback prologue. Who _are_ these people, and why are they acting the
way they are?
Yosho nodded. "Then you would remember the Jurai."
Imani paused and then said, "I remember the planet's existance,
but nothing
specific."
Ano... the planet still exists. And the only reason they might know is that
Yosho and Ryoko scrapped across time and space to land on Earth...
Or is this TV continuity Tenchi?
Ryoga cleared his throat. "Planet Jurai?"
Uhh, yes. I thought the Masakis and company wanted to keep their
extraterrestrial nature a _secret_ from the outside world...
Imani smiled. "The planet Jurai has quite an advanced
civilization. They
have been to earth a few times. If I am correct, Yosho-san is of Jurain
royalty."
He nodded. "Aeka, Tenchi, and Sasami are also of Jurain royalty."
The purple haired princess nodded. "I believe I may have heard of the
Wordsmiths before I was put into cryogenic stasis."
Look, this scene just _screams_ backstory. Namely, the need for some...
****
Brian was the first to notice Hotaru's failing strength. He had
learned the
signs over the many lifetimes the Wordsmiths had lived. Because of the
wishes each had made, Hotaru would die and be reborn elsewhere.
Uh... what? Hotaru was a weapon of last resort, I seem to remember...
Gad, you need to write the backstory out and put it _before_ the story starts.
This is _confusing_...
They would
find her when she was ready to awaken.
He noticed that she was very quiet. She always did regain more
memory in
the ending times.
He thought over why it was happening so soon. They usually had
at least 10
years together. Perhaps it was because of her advanced aging in this
lifetime as a child. He picked her up and she snuggled close, now having
memories of her years spent
married to Brian.
...
...
...
I'm not even going to bother...
The others could see Hotaru aging before their eyes.
*****
Ranma looked around. "We're only a few minutes from my cousin's
house.
Oh lord, they _are_ cousins...
We
should stop for a rest." He avoided looking at Hotaru.
Brian nodded. "I agree. Mark?"
Mark nodded. "We must hurry. The pattern shifts around us."
The doubled their pace.
"They", instead of "the"...
****
There was a knock at the door and Sasami answered it. She
bounced back into
the dining room. "Imani, your friends are here!"
Sasami skips, perhaps. Bouncing is reserved for her pet-come-headpiece...
Imani stood as Brian holding Hotaru, led the others in.
"Ranma!" Tenchi exclaimed and ran to hug his cousin.
"How ya been?" Ranma asked.
Ranma turned to Akane. "This is my cousin Masaki Tenchi." He turned to
Tenchi. "This is my fiance Tendo Akane. Our dad's set us up."
It's not possessive...
Tenchi nodded. "Hello Akane. Ranma always was a lucky one."
"the lucky one". Unless he's Usagi's cousin too...
Akane blushed.
Ryoko wondered why he was never that charming around her.
Because if he shows even the slightest shred of charm to you, you'll strip and
fling yourself into his arms and he's not ready to deal with that or the
explosion of outrage that would follow?
Just a guess.
Ranma balked. "Umm, well, you see, I can explain..."
Thankfully, Ranma said nothing especially stupid, because the
Wordsmiths
and Yosho were examining Hotaru.
Err... why would that keep him from saying something stupid?
Imani was deathly quiet. "Can we make her comfortable?"
Yosho nodded. "We can put her in Sasami's bed for now."
They carried her upstairs. Ryouga watched, but didn't follow.
Is Washuu around yet? Something tells me she'd at least want to see this...
Rei turned to Michiru. "What's going on?"
Both Haruka and Michiru seemed on edge now. They vaguely
remembered what
was going on.
Ranma poked Ryoga. "Hey, pig-boy, good work getting Imani lost
like that."
Why's Ranma so protective of Imani all over sudden? It should be more like "Good
work. Didn't think you could find civilization so quickly..." Ranma tends toward
the backhanded compliment.
Ryoga immediately turned to fight, but stopped as he heard
someone on the
stairs. It was Imani. She gestured for Michiru and Haruka to come up. Both
ran up the stairs.
Again, this bit is choppy.
Ryoko sat next to Tenchi on the couch. Aeka sat on the floor suddenly,
realizing what exactly was happening.
She has psychic sensing abilities or wossname?
Imani finally said the words. "My daughter is dying. Please be quiet."
Suggest "finally gathered the courage to speak."
And this is something else that just comes out of left field...
They all nodded. Rei sat with Ayeka. Akane joined Rei.
"Rei sat with Ayeka, as did Akane."
The
three chatted
quietly to avoid thinking about what was happening upstairs.
Tenchi, Ryoko, and Ranma talked of family. Sasami sat with
Ryo-ohki off to
the side, wishing in her heart that she could help.
The phone rang and Sasami ran off to get it. "Moshi-moshi?"
"This is the goddess relief hotline. Please standby while we send your
consultant," a voice said.
And stick Aa! Megami-sama! in the disclaimer section as well...
But it only works if you call _out_, I thought...
******
Imani leaned over her daughter, who was in the body of a
fifyteen year old.
"fifyteen"? That goes on the List of Imaginary Numbers along with eleventeen and
thirty-twelve.
"fifteen-year-old".
She lightly brushed her hair with her fingers. Hotaru sang softly to the
entire group assembled with her.
"When the night has come,
And the land is dark.
I think it's "and the wind is cold".
And the moon is the only light we'll see.
No I won't... be afraid, no I won't be afraid,
Just as long as you stand - stand by me.
So darling, darling stand... by me.
Won't you stand by me? Stand by me.
So darling, darling,
Stand... by me,
Whoa, stand... by me.
Yeah, stand... stand by me. Stand by me...
If the sky, that we look upon, should crumble and fall,
Or the mountains, fall into the sea.
If the sky above... should tumble and fall,
Or the mountains should crumble... to the sea...
I won't cry... I won't cry... No, I won't shed a tear.
Just as long as you stand - stand by me."
Brian put his hands on her shoulders. "Yes. I will."
******
There was a pop. Sasami turned to see a woman with long brown hair and
marks on her forehead smiling at her. "I am the goddess Belldandy."
She walks through mirrors. She doesn't teleport, and certainly doesn't go pop
doing it.
Sasami hung up the phone and asked awkwardly. "Can I help you?"
Belldandy smiled wider. "I have come to grant you any wish of your
choosing. I can only grant you ONE wish though."
Sasami's got a goddess inside her. Why's she need another one.
Sasami thought she was dreaming. What would she wish for? Then she saw
Imani's face filled with dread. Brian's tender embrace. Mark's eyes. Nyale's
stance.
"I wish that I could help Imani's daughter not to die." Sasami said.
This is insane! a voice inside her cried. You don't even know
the girl's
name! You could have anything! You could go home!
Ano... Sasami doesn't _want_ to go home. She _likes_ it on Earth, with Tenchi
and Ryo-oh-ki...
She squashed the voice.
Quashed, not squashed.
The goddess began to glow and said, "Granted."
No symbol flare? No divine torrent of energy and whirlwind? What do you mean the
special effects budget got cut?
****
Sasami and the goddess appeared upstairs. Everyone turned to
look at the
goddess.
Tenchi: Tsunami? But I thought...
Suggest ", and everyone turned to look at them."
The Wordsmith's recognized the mark on her face and were filled
with hope.
Again, the word isn't possessive.
"According to the wish made by Sasami, I say this.
Kami-sama usually does interpretations...
Hotaru and
Sasami are
now soul-bound. As long as Sasami lives, so shall Hotaru. Also, Hotaru is by
blood and soul Imani's daughter.
Where'd that come from?
Sasami is now the Wordsmith Fusion.
Where'd _that_ come from?
Together must be Silence and Fusion, for they are as one."
Where'd _THAT_ come... ah, skip it.
I _REALLY_ need a backstory...
Then the goddess vanished.
She has a name, you know.
Brian broke the silence. He turned to Sasami.
Two sentences into one again.
"Do you realize
what you have
done?"
Sasami nodded. "I cured her."
Imani found her voice. "I think we need to conference with everyone. I
don't want to explain this more than once."
The Wordsmiths, Yosho, and the two Outer Senshi nodded.
Yosho looked over Hotaru. "She will sleep for a few hours. Those of you
with parents should call."
"call them." I suppose...
They all headed downstairs. Imani looked over her child, who
was now in a
sixteen year old body. She caressed her face.
Again, two sentences into one.
And why the age? Sasami was _younger_ than fifteen...
Then she headed down after the
others.
Okay, maybe three sentences into one...
****
Because Sasami's encounter had been in the kitchen, the others
didn't know
what had happened.
Not with the Industrial Light and Magic special effects from A!MS!
So when they saw everyone coming down, they assumed the
worst.
Then Imani came down the stairs. She surveyed the group. Her eyes were
impassive and she was very tense.
All eyes watched her every move. Then she smiled.
They all began to smile before they even knew it. She sat next
to Ryoga,
who instinctively put his arms around her.
"I will explain." Imani said. "Brian, Nyale, Hotaru, Mark, and I are
wordsmiths. We were born many many years ago in nations that are not even
known of anymore. Brian, my eldest brother, and I were sheep herders. Hotaru
was a bard. Nyale was a dancer. Mark was just there."
Suggest "just... there."
And this is _begging_ for its own prologue-slash-backstory!
For Mark, the comment
was fitting. "We came together and shared our talents.
One day we found an old oil lamp. We made wishes on it as a
joke. Hotaru
wished that she would never grow old. I wished that we would see every major
historical happening. Brian wished we would never stop playing and
versifying. Mark wished that we woud stay together forever. Nyale wished
that we would have many happy times." She paused. "Because of her wish,
every time Hotaru reaches age 20 she becomes a baby again.
So she doesn't _die_, does she?
In one of these
lifetimes she became Sailor Saturn.
And died silencing the Earth, and was sent forward along with the other spirits
of Senshi...
But tonight, Sasami has changed that. She has made it so that
Hotaru will
not die. She has become a wordsmith also. We wordsmiths owe her a great
debt."
Is the word supposed to be capitalized, or not?
Sasami looked awestruck. "I did that?"
Mark nodded. "A new thread has entered the tapestry."
"Have you ever really affected history?" Aeka asked.
Brian grinned.
'49 "Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China,
Johnny Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe
DiMaggio.
'50 Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon,
Studebaker, Television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn
Monroe
'51 Rosenbergs, H-bomb, Sugar Ray,
Panmunjom
Brando, The King and I and The
Catcher In The Rye.
'52 Einsenhower, Vaccine, England's got a
new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana
goodbye.
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it.
'53 Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and
Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist
Bloc.
'54 Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini,
Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around
The Clock.
'55 Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got
a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis
Presley, Disneyland.
'56 Bardot, Budapest, Alabama,
Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place,
Trouble in the Suez.
**Chorus**
'57 Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey
Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge On The
River Kwai.
'58 Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle,
California baseball
Starkweather, Homicide, Children of
Thalidomide.
'59 Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space
Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a
no-go.
'60 U-2, Syngman Rhee, payola and
Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians
in the Congo.
**chorus**
'61 Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger In A
Strange Land
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs Invasion.
'62 Lawerence Of Arabia, British
Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats
Patterson.
'63 Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British
Politician Sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I
have to say.
**chorus**
'64 - '89
Birth Control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard
Nixon back again
Moonshot, Wookstock, Watergate,
Punk Rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on
the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in
Afghanistan.
Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, Heavy
Metal, Suicide
Foreign debts, Homeless Vets, AIDS,
Crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shore, China's
under martial law
Rock and Roller Cola Wars, I can't
take it anymore.
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning on us
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on,
and on..."
Brian's voice trailed off as he yawned.
So... they _did_ all that? Or what? Words Mean Things...
Imani looked over at the clock. "It's really late."
Nyale stood. "I'll watch over Hotaru tonight. You all should get some
rest." She gazed sternly at Imani, Brian, Haruka, and Michiru. "If you don't
sleep I swear I will knock unconscious myself."
So saying, she slammed her head against a wall and slumped to the ground.
"Knock _you_ unconscious myself."
They all surrendered and slept.
*****^******
In the morning Imani worked out the details. Both Hotaru and
Sasami would
move in with her.
Sasami abandoning her big sister, a cute boy, and her pet-slash-companion for no
readily discernible reason...
Sasami would train under Nyale. In a day or so would be
school again
After they somehow managed to walk back to Tokyo...
and the Wordsmiths would have to deal with Thogan, who was now
called Kuno.
Perhaps "who had been reborn as Kuno".
Some final comments.
I'm sorry if I missed any prologue you may have posted, but in this part the
story just hung a hard right from reality and into... The Inexplicable Zone. It
crosses over with three other animes (a maneuver which has historically only
worked in the hands of Chris Davies and John Walter Biles, and perhaps others I
haven't yet read) and yet, I see no rhyme or reason in _any_ of the crossovers.
There's nothing, at least to my limited understanding, that couldn't have been
done with other characters. New characters, perhaps, but other characters which
don't come from _any_ anime series. Add to this the million and one references
to past events that seem to come from nowhere, rewriting of canon in most if not
all of the series used, and a motley crew of characters who are godly and don't
even bother to be remotely evasive about it and...
I liked the concept you had put down in the first chapter. Really, I did. But
it's gotten all weird and confusing and stuff.... Too much happens too fast and
with little or no rationale as to _why_. You need to _seriously_ rethink this
part. At least that's how things stand for me, but it's 2 in the morning and
what do I know anyway?
--G. Falconar
<Yoda> My opinion this is. Take it with a grain of salt you must. </Yoda>